


Abaffiato

by thebiinbitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 6th year marauders, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Band AU Marauders, Band Marauders, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gay Sirius Black, Guitarist James Potter, Heavily Based On Lyrics and Songs, Identity Issues, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, James Potter and Lily Evans are the token straight friends, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, M/M, Marauders are a Band (Harry Potter), Mary MacDonald is bisexual, Modern Lyrics and Songs, Mutual Pining, POV Multiple, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin is a songwriter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon Friendship, Sirius Black Being an Idiot, Sirius Black thinks he's a rockstar, Sirius Black writes songs, Slow Burn, bassist marlene mckinnon, but he doesn't know yet, drummer peter pettigrew, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 107,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28402908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiinbitch/pseuds/thebiinbitch
Summary: After a couple-too-many cups of Firewhisky, Sirius comes up with a brilliant idea: form a band. At first, they all thought he was joking, but his charming smile was too convincing.And that’s how Abaffiato was born, bringing with it heartbreaks, love, self-discovery and even more friendship. And not to mention even more fame to the popular Hogwarts pranksters (and Marlene, their bassist), being known now around the castle as also rockstars. What else could these sixth years want?"What they all didn't know was that Sirius was right. Things were going to change from that point on, and in the future they would all thank Sirius’ stupid band idea for it. It really was the start on era."(Basically a Band AU but not really since they are still in Hogwarts)I DO NOT AGREE WITH AND/OR SUPPORT ANY OF JK ROWLING'S DISGUSTING VIEWS!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 205
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1: Firewhisky and Black Dog

**-SIRIUS-**

They were all sitting by the fire, the Gryffindor common room almost empty except for some seventh years revising for their NEWTs, listening to “Led Zeppelin IV” on James’ record player, nodding their heads to the beat of the songs. These were Sirius’ favorite moments.

It was Saturday, past midnight, but none of them felt tired at all due to one of the Firewhiskys Marlene had nicked from her parents’ liquor cabinet over summer. The marauders would usually use James’ invisibility cloak to sneak their way into Three Broomsticks and steal some of Madam Rosmerta’s liquors, but Marlene took one for the team and saved them the trip.

They were chatting casually over the songs, but once Sirius’ anthem, “Black Dog”, came on, everyone knew they had to shut up -- it was his moment.

_Hey hey mama said the way you move_  
_Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove_

He immediately stood up and started jumping and dancing around, pulling Mary to her feet and making her dance with him. James, following Sirius’ lead, also stood up and took Lily’s hand so she could accompany him. Remus and Marlene were sitting in the couch grinning drunkenly at the pairs while also banging their hands to the song, while Peter was sitting in the carpet playing air drums. Once Lily got tired of the jumping, she sat down next to Remus and James jumped on the coffee table and started playing an air guitar as if he was a rockstar.

Sirius, holding Mary’s hand and twirling her around, still managed to pull his usual performance to his favorite song from his favorite band, screaming the lyrics and, to everyone's surprise, he would always hit every note, every single time.

“Come on, Moony, come dance!”, Sirius said to a laughing Remus who was looking at James’ performance as Jimmy Page.  
“Nah, I’m good Pads, thank you very much”, he said, drunkenly.

But Sirius would never take no for an answer. He grabbed Remus’ hand, making him stand up at once, and started jumping and singing the lyrics. Remus laughed as he lost the battle and danced to his friends’ favorite song. At that, Marlene and Lily also stood up and joined the group as they all danced around their favorite spot in the common room.

_All I ask for when I pray_  
_A steady rollin' woman won't come my way_  
_Need a woman gonna hold my hand_  
_Tell me no lies, make me a happy man_  
_Ah ah, ah ah, ah ah, ah ah, ah ah, ah ah, ahhh._  
_Ah, yeah!_

As the song came to an end, they all returned to their seats, panting due to the performance they had all just pulled.

“No sympathy at all, huh?”, said Frank Longbottom, a seventh year, to the group as he stood up from his study table and started to make his way to the stairs leading up to the dorms.  
“Sorry, Frank, my friend, but the show must go on!”, James returned to the boy who snorted at the response.  
“You say that! I wish I could still be here next year to see if you lot will still pull your little gigs while having to study your arses off to _try_ to become something in life”, Frank said in a serious tone as he turned and headed to his dorm, though they could all see he wasn't really angry.

They all giggled at that, and were quiet for a moment trying to slow down their breaths.

“Ah, that was beautiful, lads!”, James said with a grin.  
“D’you know what? We should form a band!”, Sirius said excitingly, as if he had just had the most brilliant idea of his life.  
“Ha, you can’t be serious”, Remus half laughed.  
“I’m always Sirius, dear Moony”, he returned with a smirk. “No, really, imagine how amazing we would be! We could be rockstars! Legends! Led Zeppelin’s got nothing on us!”  
“You’re too drunk”, Lily laughed.  
“Am not! And just so you know, Evans, my most brilliant ideas come under the influence”, he protested and looked over at James sitting in the armchair opposite to his. “Prongs, what do you say, mate?”

James looked at him thoughtfully for a brief moment and grinned from ear to ear, “Padfoot, my friend, I think that’s one of the best ideas you’ve ever had”.  
Sirius punched the air in victory, “Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! That's why we’re best mates!”, he said and James laughed in response. “So, who’s in?”

They all looked at each other, trying to tell if the raven haired boy was actually being serious about this whole thing.  
“Well, I’m definitely out”, Remus said first, “can’t play an instrument to save my life and don't even get me started at my rockstar-like stage presence”  
Mary giggled, “Yeah, I’m out as well. But don't worry, Black, I’ll bring the posters and scream when you touch my hand from the stage”

Sirius gave her a little wink and looked over to the rest of the group who had not spoken yet. They were all quiet for a brief second, but Marlene broke the silence.

“Ok, I’m in!”, she said as she lifted her hands from her lap as to gesture to finally giving in to their crazy idea.  
“Really?”, Lily looked at her in shock.  
“Yeah! I mean, I don't know if you lot would believe, but I did learn how to play bass as a kid, my brother was rather good and taught me some... so yeah, I’m in. And plus, Dorcas would definitely find that very hot”, she said with a smirk as she mentioned her girlfriend of almost two years.  
“Always knew I liked you, McKinnon”, Sirius said and she poked her tongue out at him. “Ok, so I’m obviously the frontman, James can be the guitarist and McKinnon is the bassist”, he said more to himself than to the group, organizing his thoughts. “I reckon we just need a drummer. Anyone?”

They all looked around at each other. “Well, I’m definitely not a drummer”, Lily said, “but, if you need a manager or anything...”  
“Wow, so this really is serious, huh? Management and everything!”, James said grinning at Lily and she rolled her eyes at that, though Sirius could see she fought to hold a smile.

After that, they were all quiet, and Peter was the only one who hadn't said anything yet. “Wormy, what about you?”, James said to the boy laying on his back in front of the fireplace.

He sat up at once, clearly surprised at his fail at being left out of this whole band thing. “Me? I- I don't know, lads...”, he said hesitantly.  
“Come on, Pete, I saw you playing air drums as if you were fucking John Bonham himself! I bet there’s a rockstar inside of this body of yours!”, James said encouragingly.  
Peter looked at the group for a moment, looking for someone to save him from the situation, but no one said a thing. He sighed, “Ugh, okay, fine! But really, I’m not a drummer! It’ll be a disaster”  
“I have faith in you, Pete”, Marlene said to comfort the boy, “I'm sure you’ll be brilliant”.

Peter blushed and gave the blonde girl a half smile as a ‘thank you’, and returned to his laying position.

“Okay! We have a frontman, guitarist, bassist, drummer and even manager! This is gonna be a success, lads, I can feel it!”, Sirius said with such excitement that his band mates couldn't help but mirror it.  
“What are you going to sing, though?”, Remus said in a slightly concerned tone.  
“Well, we could sing some Muggle band songs to start”, James suggested, “Led Zeppelin, of course, some Rolling Stones, The Beatles, David Bowie, whatever you lot feel like. And if we ever come to write some originals, we could also do that”.  
“Originals? Do you guys really think any of us could pull writing a decent song?”, Mary said.  
“I wouldn't say that”, Lily said looking over at Remus who was sitting beside her, “Mr. Lupin here writes some damn good poetry!”

They all stared at him in shock. “ _Poetry?_ Moony, you write poetry?”, Sirius said to his friend, surprised by the news.  
Remus was looking at Lily as if he was going to rip her head off, “Lily! That was personal!”, he whispered loudly to her, “I- Look, poetry is one thing, but writing music is a whole different one. And my poetry is not even good. I just write for fun...”  
“Oh, don’t say that! I’ve read some of your work, it’s beautiful! I’m sure you could write some good songs! Just give it a try!”, Lily encouraged.

He looked around nervously to the group, who were all looking at him waiting for his response. “Ugh, fine I guess I can try... and no, Sirius, I’m not letting you read my poetry”, he said as Sirius opened his mouth to speak and closed it as the brown haired boy said the last sentence.

“We still need a name, though”, Marlene said.  
Sirius waved a hand, “Ah, don't worry about that, we’ll figure it out”.

Mary stood up and yawned, “Well, since that’s all done, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. You coming, Marls?”  
“Yeah, sure. Lily?”, she said looking at her redhead friend as she stood up.  
Lily looked briefly at James, who had now crossed their little spot to speak to Sirius about their first rehearsal. She sighed and got up, “Uhm, yeah, coming”.

At that, the boys also stood up to head their designated dorm rooms. Before everyone disappeared under the darkness of the stairs, Sirius said, “Lads, this is the start of an era! I can feel it!”

They all snorted at that, waved their goodnights and nodded as Mary reminded them all to drink water before going to bed. What they all didn't know was that Sirius was right. Things were going to change from that point on, and in the future they would all thank Sirius’ stupid band idea for it. It really was _the start on era_.


	2. Chapter 2: Flirting and First Rehearsal

**-LILY-**

Lily woke up to an almost non-hungover state. Free of nausea due to Mary’s constant reminder of staying hydrated specially after a night of drinking and only a light headache, which could be solved with some breakfast. She got up and noticed her friends’ curtains were still drawn in, and made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror. Lily liked herself. Of course, she wasn't as pretty as Mary or as charming as Marlene, but she had grown to find herself rather beautiful. James found her beautiful. God, what was happening to her? She sighed at the thought of the messy haired boy and pushed him to the back of her brain. She had been trying to fight back this strange feeling for quite a while now, and Black’s stupid band idea was definitely not going to help.

She remembered the previous night and how she agreed to be their manager. _Manager_. Why did she ever suggest that? She could convince herself it was because she didn't want to leave Marlene alone with the other three boys, but deep down she knew that wasn't the reason. At least not the only reason.

As she exited the bathroom, she bumped into Mary who was now awake and heading their little shared lavatory. “Oops, sorry! How’re you feeling, love?”, Mary asked. Mary was always so sweet. Always so nice, kind. Everyone loved her. And to top it all off, she was bloody gorgeous. No wonder why everyone always chased her around, male or female. And her friend was well deserving of all the attention she got.

“Surprisingly, fine,” she answered with a little smile. “Just need some breakfast”.

“See! I always tell you how water can help with hangovers!” Mary grinned. “Well, I’ll go down with you if you just wait a bit. And wake up Marls, will you? She’ll be mad if we don’t wait for her,” and she turned to enter the bathroom and closed to door after her.

Lily went over to her other friend’s bed and opened the curtains, “Wake up, sunshine!”

Marlene squinted her eyes at the light coming from their dorm and threw her arm over her face, “Ugh, bugger off, Lily! It’s Sunday!”

Lily laughed, “C’mon, Marls, it’s not even that early. And Mary and I are going down for breakfast once she’s ready, care to join?”

Marlene drew her arm off her face and looked up at Lily for a brief moment before sitting up at her bed, “Okay, okay, fine I'll go.”

“Good girl,” Lily smiled as she headed to her dresser to pick an outfit. She settled for some jeans and a jumper. ‘That’ll do,’ she thought.

“So, band, huh?” Marlene asked, recalling the night before. “Excited?”

“I should be the one asking! _You’re_ the rockstar between us!” Lily returned.

“I think you know why I’m asking if you’re excited,” her friend smirked and wiggled her eyebrows, making Lily blush at the comment but turned her face away so the blonde haired girl wouldn’t see her reaction, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Uhum, I see. Cluelessness doesn’t suit you, sweetheart. I do recall some dancing last night,” Marlene said as she stood up to wait by the bathroom door. “Finally giving into Potter’s charms?”

Lily flicked her finger at her and Marlene snorted. Was it really so obvious? Did anyone else notice they were dancing together?

Mary got out of the bathroom and Marlene entered, and ten minutes later the three friends headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

As they arrived they noticed the Marauders were already at the table, accompanied by Dorcas who was chatting with Peter, though obviously waiting for Marlene. Lily sat down next to Remus, her closest friend out of the group of boys. Lily adored him. He was incredibly smart and hardworking, but was always so kind to help everyone who needed assistance with their studies. He was also an incredible friend, and gave amazing advice, though sometimes harsh ones, since the boy is extremely logical. But he was just what she needed, they kept each other balanced.

“Hiya!” they boy grinned at her when she approached her seat beside him.

“Morning! You don’t seem hungover,” Lily said.

“Well, decided to give Mary’s water theory a try,” he said gesturing towards Mary, who was sitting in front of them next to Sirius, “and apparently it works.” He half laughed.

“Ah, when will you lot learn? Mary MacDonald is _never_ wrong! I should feel offended it took you this long to take my advice on _drinking water,_ ” Mary said trying to sound outraged, making Remus laugh.

Lily poured herself a cup of tea and grabbed a blueberry muffin as she started to chat with Remus about their Transfiguration assignment due the following week.

“Ok, lads, since we’re all here,” James said, drawing the attention to him, “we need to start rehearsing if we want this band thing to work. Does anyone have any ideas on a spot?”

“Band?” Dorcas asked, looking confused at Marlene.

“Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you,” Marlene said genuinely, “we, uhm, we’re forming a band. I’m the bassist.”

Dorcas smirked, “Bassist? I could grow to enjoy that sight,” she said flirtatiously to her girlfriend and squeezed her hand over the table.

“Ok, ok, enough of the romance before I throw up,” Sirius said mockingly, “does anyone know where we could rehearsal?”

“What about you guys’ dorm?” Mary suggested.

“Nah, it’ll be too crowded, I reckon,” Sirius answered.

They all went quiet for a moment, everyone trying to think of a good place for a band rehearsal.

“What about an empty classroom?” Lily asked, “I could talk to Flitwick, I’m sure he won't mind.”

“Yeah, but we’d have to get rid of the desks,” Marlene said.

“What about the Room of Requirement?” Dorcas said after a brief silence from the group.

“The what?” James asked.

“You lot’ve never heard of it? Merlin, and us Hufflepuffs are supposed to be the dumb ones!” she said indignantly.

“Wait, I think I’ve read about it in Hogwarts: A History," Sirius said, “isn’t it that room the appears when you need it?”

“Yup! It’s on the seventh floor, apparently its entrance is opposite to that Barnabas the Barmy tapestry”, Dorcas explained, “And it should have anything you need, so you shouldn’t worry about the instruments.”

“That’s perfect!” James said excitingly, clapping his hands at the Hufflepuff girl’s idea. Lily couldn’t help but smile at his reaction, hoping no one would notice. “So, what do you lot say, meet in front of the tapestry after dinner?”

“Sounds good," Marlene said.

“What about us?” Remus asked, referring to the rest of the group who weren't part of the band.

“You will all come, obviously,” Sirius answered. “And plus, we still need help with the name, so all the help will be appreciated.”

“Brilliant! Well, see you all later, gonna go for a swoop around the pitch,” James announced as he stood up from the table, “Care to join me, Padfoot?”

Sirius looked up at him and stood up as well, “Yeah, go on then,” and the two dark haired boys waved their goodbyes and headed out of the Great Hall.

The rest of the group finished their breakfast chatting casually, and once Dorcas and Marlene left, Mary said, “Hey, Lils, I think I’ll go watch them on the pitch, wanna come?”

“Why would you want to go watch them?” Remus interfered, asking curiously.

“Well, let’s just say it’s not to watch Potter," She answered, winking at him, “So, Lils?”

She sighed, trying to sound uninterested, “If you need company, I guess,” and the two friends headed to the Quidditch pitch.

**-REMUS-**

Shortly after the two girls left, Peter announced he would join them and headed out of the Great Hall as well, so Remus decided to go to the library to work on his Transfiguration assignment. He figured Lily wouldn't be too mad if he started without her. Lily. Lily and Mary. Mary. Did Mary fancy Sirius now? That was new. ‘I mean, it doesn’t bother me or anything, I’m just wondering, obviously’, he thought. Because, why would it bother him?

He did get surprised at his own reaction when Mary said she wanted to go watch Sirius on the pitch. If they started going out, would it affect the group’s dynamic? He figured it wouldn’t, since they were already a group before Marlene and Dorcas started dating and it didn’t change a thing, and he also had a feeling Lily and James was not so far from happening, so obviously nothing would be affected. He wondered why he was even thinking about it. Maybe because Mary was his first kiss?

‘Nah, that doesn’t make sense,’ he thought. They were thirteen at the time and neither of them fancied each other. Maybe he was just bored, so he decided to forget about it and focus on his work.

After two hours, he decided he had had enough and started heading to the Gryffindor tower, perhaps he could take a nap, he hadn't slept that well, after all. On his way, he ran into Caradoc Dearborn, a Hufflepuff sixth year who would often join him on his study sessions.

“Hiya, Lupin, mate!” the boy greeted him smiling.

“Hey, Caradoc! How’re you?”

“Good, yeah! So, rumor has it you lads are forming a band, huh?” Caradoc said curiously.

Remus couldn’t help but snort at that. Of course James and Sirius were already spreading the word.

“Oh, some of us are, yeah. Not me, though, don't have that much of a talent as a musician,” he answered with a half smile.

“Ah, I doubt it, you do look like you'd be a bloody cool rockstar,” Caradoc said with a smirk.

“Ha, me? Sorry to break it to you, but not at all, mate.”

Caradoc laughed, “I see... well, it’s a pity really, it really would be quite a sight to see you on a stage”, he winked at Remus and left.

 _‘Ok, that was weird,’_ Remus thought. _‘Quite a sight? Why did he wink at me?’_

Remus stared for a moment at the boy’s back as he left and continued his way to wherever he was heading, then turned to continue his own path. Throughout the entire journey to Gryffindor tower, he thought about that interaction. Had it really been weird or was he just imagining things?

As he entered the common room through the portrait hole, he saw Marlene and Dorcas cuddling on the couch, and they both looked up at the sight of him.

“What happened, Rem? You seem a bit off,” Dorcas asked, furrowing her eyebrows with concern.

“What? Me? No, uhm...” He mumbled, “It’s just, uh, I just had this weird talk- well, I wouldn't say talk... _interaction_ with Dearborn on the way here.”

The couple looked at each other knowingly and Marlene pressed her lips together, looking as she was trying to hold in a smile.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Well, it’s just... I’m quite close to Caradoc myself, uhm... how was this interaction like?” Dorcas asked, looking at the boy with an expectant look.

“I don’t know, he, uhm, said I would be quite a sight on stage, for some reason,” he said as he sat down at the nearest armchair. “And then winked at me. And left. Don’t you think that was weird?”

Marlene snorted, “Oh, so he flirted with you!”

What? No, that couldn't have been it. Remus knew what flirting was. Well, actually not that much, but he had quite a good idea of how it was like. ‘No, I would’ve known if he was flirting with me... or would I?’ He thought rather desperately.

“Rem, Caradoc is gay, if you hadn't known yet. And a couple weeks ago I briefly mentioned you in a conversation and he said you were pretty cute. I guess he just has a crush and tried to be a little flirtatious, nothing wrong with that,” Dorcas said in a sweet voice as if she was his kindergarten teacher explaining two plus two.

Oh, so it _was_ flirting. In a way, Remus felt flattered. It was nice to be fancied. He knew there were some girls around the castle who had a crush on him, some of them even from his little study group he had formed over the years. Once, Izzy Williams, a Slytherin seventh year, even told him he was ‘nerdy hot’. And he would catch himself from time to time being dragged into a broom cupboard during parties by girls who had more attitude than him. But a guy? He never had a guy flirt with him before, or fancy him. Not that he had known.

And Remus Lupin didn’t fancy guys. Yes, Caradoc was a nice looking bloke, he had to admit, but he wouldn’t snog him or anything. Remus was quite liberal and would usually be open to experience new things, but snogging a guy?

“Remus?” Marlene called, bringing him back to reality. “You look pale.”

“Oh, uhm,” he cleared his throat and got up. “No, I- I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Marlene raised her eyebrow at that, not buying any word of it. “Think I’ll just go have a nap. See you later!” And he quickly made his way to his dorm.

**-SIRIUS-**

Sirius and James were heading to the seventh floor together, earlier than the rest of the group. They both had had an early dinner, and were too excited for this rehearsal to just wait around, so they decided to already put to test this magic door thing.

They didn’t have to wait too long. “Reckon you just have to want it to appear and it’ll appear,” James said.

Sirius shut his eyes and concentrated on his desire and, ‘as if by magic’ (he giggled to himself at that thought), a door appeared. When they entered, there was a full set of instruments they would need and poufs around for all of them to sit.

“Fuck yes!” Sirius exclaimed, “Meadowes is a genius!”

He and James went to sit on the comfortable seats as they waited for the rest of their friends.

“So, MacDonald...” James started after they were quiet for a while.

“What about ‘er?”

“I don’t know, I’ve just been noticing you two lately... growing really close, yeh?” James raised his eyebrow.

Sirius smirked, “Well, if you have to point it out... I mean, she’s hot, isn’t she? And she flirts with me so I just... flirt back, I guess,” he explained.

“Planning on snogging?”

“Planning on shagging, that is,” Sirius returned with a malicious grin. James snorted.

Of course Sirius had noticed Mary had been flirting with him for some weeks now, and obviously he returned. He always noticed when people fancied him, although he always acted careless about it. And why wouldn't he flirt back with Mary? She was gorgeous, and wasn't obnoxious as most of the girls who chased him around were.

Maybe he could fancy Mary. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Having a girlfriend, being in a relationship... He hadn't had a girlfriend since fourth year, when he dated Gryffindor’s Mia Lopes for three weeks before she told him she was a lesbian.

So, that was decided -- he was going to fancy Mary. He wondered if it was wrong to force himself to fancy her, but everyone needs a little hand sometimes, right? Nothing just falls from the sky.

“Heard there’s this Ravenclaw party next weekend,” James announced, interrupting his thoughts. “Fancy going?”

“Prongs, when have I ever turned down a party?” Sirius responded to his friend exaggerating on the shock in his voice. “Of course I’m going. We’re all going.”

James smiled.

Soon after, the rest of the group started to arrive, all having the same reaction as Sirius and James’ when they entered the room.

“Holy shit!”

“Merlin, there’s even an amplifier!”

“I wonder if it could provide some alcohol.”

Once they were all sitting in a circle, each one in their poufs, Sirius broke the silence. “Alright, lads, welcome all to our first rehearsal. Before we start, I really think we should get this name thing out of the way. Any ideas?”

They were all quiet for a good five minutes, all trying to think of a decent name.

“Why don’t we just use ‘Marauders’?” Peter suggested.

“Okay, sexist! Don’t forget there’s also a girl in the band! And in case you haven't noticed, I don't really plan on becoming a marauder,” said Marlene, in an indignant voice.

“What about ‘Marlene & The Marauders’, then?” Dorcas said, receiving a little wink from her girlfriend.

“No fucking way.” Sirius snorted. If someone was going to be the star of the band, that was him.

Marlene rolled her eyes and after another long moment of silence, they all gave up and started playing. They decided to practice “Jeepster” by T-Rex, obviously out of Sirius’ suggestion. They weren't _that bad_ , actually. Clearly needed some work to do, but there was potential.

James was fine with the guitar. Was no Jimi Hendrix, but they could settle. Marlene was great, and Sirius always knew he had a good singing voice, so that was all good.

But their biggest surprise was Peter. Despite Marlene’s encouragement to the boy the night before, no one really had a lot of faith he was an actual good drummer. Though once Peter sat on his stool, all his shyness was gone and the boy channeled his own John Bonham. He was a natural.

“Fucking Christ, Pete! You never told us you were a drum legend!” Remus gasped once they had finished their first round on the song.

Peter didn't say anything, but blushed and gave Remus a smile, clearly pleased with himself.

That’s what Remus did. Always made everyone feel better about themselves. Sirius could see his friend was looking at all of them as they practiced for the following two hours with an amazed look on his face. Every time Sirius looked at him, he would smile and give the long haired boy an encouraging thumbs up, and Sirius would wink at him.

Those wordless little interactions made his stomach twist for a moment. Maybe having people actually watch him and be approving of it made everything more real, and he couldn't help but beam at his little audience of four, especially at his supporting friend.

Eventually they got tired, and decided to call it a night.

“Ugh, thank Merlin you lot are actually good!” Mary exclaimed, “I was afraid I would have to make you use Abaffiato so we wouldn't have to hear the mess!”

They all laughed and started to head towards the door, but Sirius stopped. “That’s it.”

They all turned around to look at him. “Holy shit, that’s it!” He repeated louder now. They looked confused at him.

“What are you talking about?” Marlene said.

“Abaffiato! That’s our name!” He exclaimed.

The rest of the group looked at each other as if he was crazy.

“Black, you do know Abaffiato is used for when you _don’t want_ people to hear you, right? Lily said trying to hold in a snort, clearly thinking he was stupid. “Why would you want that?”

“That’s why it’s so brilliant -- it’s the opposite of what we want!”

They all stared at him in silence for brief moment before Remus smiled. “I fuck with it.”

Sirius grinned from ear to ear at his friend.

“It does have a nice ring to it,” James said. “Abaffiato it is!” Sirius punched the air in victory.

“Hey! I would really like some credit for the name! After all, if I wasn’t the comedy genius that I am you would’ve never thought of that!” Mary protested crossing her arms over her chest.

Sirius threw an arm around her neck, “Don’t worry, MacDonald, I’ll make sure of that.” She blushed.

As they reached the common room and waved their goodnights, they all agreed to meet up again at the same time on Thursday. Mary gave him a little kiss on the cheek and headed towards her own dorm room.

Remus and Sirius were the last ones to use the bathroom, while James and Peter were already in bed. As Remus exited the lavatory, Sirius wished him a good night.

“Good night, rockstar,” Remus said with a little smile as he closed his curtains.

Sirius smiled dumbly.


	3. Chapter 3: Snogging and Thick Rings

**-MARLENE-**

The group rehearsed another four times that week, and they were starting to get pretty decent.

“You know, we should start working on a setlist and get a gig somewhere,” James said from the armchair he always sat on. It was surprising he still hadn't written _‘Property of James F. Potter’_ on it.

“I was thinking maybe we should start slow, see if people will even like it,” Marlene suggested while playing with her girlfriend’s hair, who was laying on her lap on the couch. “We could throw a party next week, here at the tower. If people like it, Lily can try to get us some gigs in Hogsmeade, I’m sure Madam Rosmerta would let us play at her pub.”

“Why not this weekend?” Remus asked.

“It’s already ‘this weekend’, Moony. We are for from ready. And also, there’s a Ravenclaw party tomorrow night,” explained Sirius. “I’m assuming we’re all going?”

They all nodded. Marlene started to feel sleepy with the warmth of the fireplace and looked down at Dorcas, who was snoring softly on her lap.

Merlin, she was beautiful. Marlene remembered how long it took them to actually get together -- they didn’t even like each other at first. Well, at least Marlene. They met through Mary during second year. Dorcas has always been a walking ray of sunshine, always going around with a smile on her face.

Marlene was always the opposite. Since she was a little girl, she remembers being called ‘rude’, ‘too opinionated’ and sometimes even ‘too masculine’. Marlene took no shit from anyone -- growing up being the only girl out of four children taught you that. So she learned to be intimidating, never open up too much, never smile too much, never cry because people would think she was weak. Marlene was never weak.

And then she met Dorcas. She will never forget how she felt when the hazel eyed girl smiled at her before even saying ‘hello’. Her stomach flipped and she found herself muted and just mumbled an awkward ‘hi’, which made Dorcas giggle. From that point on, she decided she hated her.

Stupid Dorcas and her little giggles.

Stupid Dorcas and her contagious smile.

Stupid Dorcas and her dark tanned, soft skin.

And her big eyes where you could lose yourself in.

And how she was always nice to everyone.

And how she was top of every single class but never bragged about it and always offered help to anyone who needed.

_Stupid Dorcas._

Marlene knows now that what she felt wasn’t hate. It was quite the opposite. She was so desperately in love with Dorcas that she couldn't even stand the sight of her. Couldn't think about her without feeling like throwing up, though it wasn't from disgust.

Marlene never really found boys interesting. She doesn't remember ever feeling any sort of attraction towards a boy. But at twelve, you wouldn't think much of it. Of course, her friends were already starting to talk about boys, some even had already had their first snog. But Marlene just figured she just hadn't found the right guy yet.

And then, when she was fourteen, a girl kissed her. Charlotte Kokkinos, Ravenclaw chaser, was one year older than Marlene. They met through Quidditch, Marlene being the Gryffindor beater. They got along easily and fast. Charlotte was funny, smart and, just like her, didn’t take shit from anyone. Charlotte was one of the most beautiful people Marlene had ever met. With pitch black, long wavy hair which contrasted with her fair skin and piercing green eyes. She had thick eyebrows that framed her face and long eyelashes. A natural beauty.

They were up at Charlie’s dorm one night, talking about life, family and stupid things.

“Have you ever kissed anyone, McKinnon?” Charlotte asked suddenly.

Marlene blushed, “No, you know that, Kokkinos. Why?”

Charlotte shrugged and leaned closer to put a strand of Marlene’s hair behind her ear, “I just think it doesn’t make any sense. You’re too much of a beauty.”

Marlene’s stomach dropped and she couldn’t say a word. She stared into the green eyes and before she knew, they were kissing, and everything made sense.

_‘So this is the feeling everyone talks about.’_

Later that night, when she returned to her dorm, the first thing she did was wake up her friends to tell them.

“Oh my God, Marls! I’m so happy for you!” Lily hugged her.

“Honestly, I’ve always known,” Mary said with a smile, “you two already acted like girlfriends, couldn't take your eyes off each other. Now Dorcas is really going to lose her shit.”

As she said that, Marlene looked at her friend with wide eyes as Mary slapped her hand over her mouth in a way of gesturing she had said too much. Apparently, Dorcas didn't also hate her and it was just something from her head. Dorcas fancied her, but since Marlene was always rude and mean, she never tried anything. After that discovery, Charlotte almost immediately left her mind, and that night Marlene dreamed of hazel eyes and the color yellow. For the first time after two years, she let herself smile at Dorcas. The girl firstly looked confused, as if Marlene was making fun of her, but then, she smiled back. And that was it.

Since that smile, Dorcas was everything Marlene could think about. She continued her friendship with Charlotte, but started to hang more around Dorcas so she could get closer to the girl. Mary obviously noticed, and invited Dorcas to their dorm to get ready with them for Sirius’ fifteenth birthday party. That night, the two girls didn’t leave each others side for a second, and when Dorcas asked if she could go up to use their dorm bathroom, Marlene accompanied her. Of course Dorcas didn't want to use the bathroom. Once Marlene closed the door, Dorcas wasted no time and pulled Marlene into the best kiss of her life.

Sparks flew and all the cheesy bullshit.

And from that point on, they became inseparable. Marlene was never afraid to show Dorcas off. Even though there was still some homophobia in the corridors when no one was around, no one dared to go too far. Firstly, because no one who wanted to live dared to try and hurt Marlene, and consequently Dorcas. And secondly, in a school where the headmaster was queer (although never really confirmed, but everyone always just took it as a fact), being homophobic was way off limits.

Marlene had supportive friends, who half were shocked and half said ‘am I supposed to be surprised?’ when she came out and announced her relationship, but all hugged her happily nonetheless. These people were her world, and the girl with her head on her lap had her entire heart, and she didn’t even want it back.

“Hey, Dorcas,” she whispered softly while gently touching the girl’s face. “Wake up, love, let’s go to bed.”

She mumbled without opening up her eyes, “Hmm, I’m sleeping at yours tonight. Not going back to my dorm.”

Marlene chuckled, “Whatever you want, your majesty.”

**-SIRIUS-**

It was Saturday night and the Marauders were arriving at Ravenclaw tower. The group had already done a little pre-game to get the party started, and the four boys were rather tipsy when Benjy Fenwick greeted them by the entrance of the common room to give the enigma so the rest of the non-Ravenclaw students could get in.

“Hello, lads!” The asian boy welcomed them with a smile. Benjy was first generation British, coming from a Japanese family. He had fairly long hair, though not as long as Sirius’, and usually kept it in a ponytail. Everyone loved Benjy, he was probably one of the most popular kids in the castle. Sirius and him were never the closest of friends, but he would always try to have a little chat with the boy whenever he could-- he was always a delight. They all said their hellos and Benjy announced the enigma and the door to the common room opened. “Enjoy the party!”

The Ravenclaw common room was crowded with kids from all houses from fifth year and above. Their girl friends hadn't arrived yet, so Sirius decided to go get his friends drinks by the improvised bar.

“Hey, Black!” Ahmed Farsi greeted him as Sirius approached the little table with drinks. Apparently Ahmed was being the barman of the party. “What can I get for ya?”

“Just some beer for me and my mates.”

Ahmed grabbed four bottles of Muggle beer and handed them to Sirius, who held two on each hand. As he gave Sirius the bottles, their hands brushed for a brief second. Sirius froze for a moment with the contact.

Ahmed had tanned skin and big honey eyes. He also had tons of piercings -- one on the lip, a hook on the nose and several on his ears. Sirius always thought he was _so bloody cool_.

“So, haven’t seen you around in a bit,” Ahmed said after letting go of the bottles, “what have you been up to?”

“Oh, uhm, you know, nothing much. The usual.”

Ahmed smiled with his perfect straight white teeth, “I’ll take that as ‘planning pranks on the Slytherins’, then.”

Sirius laughed, “Ha, you know me well.”

They held eye contact for a moment before Sirius started to feel uncomfortable and said he would see him around.

When he got to the little sitting area his friends had settled in, he noticed the girls had arrived. Mary was wearing a tight green dress and dark makeup. She was stunning. ‘She’s not escaping from me tonight,’ he thought.

Remus was nowhere to be seen. “Where's Moony?” He asked the group.

Marlene smirked subtly, “He’s over there chatting with Dearborn.” And nodded her head in the direction of the two boys. Dorcas gave muffled giggle.

Sirius looked over at the pair. They were both laughing at a joke one of them had said, apparently, and Caradoc was touching his arm. Why did the girls laugh? Did they know something he didn't? Remus usually told him everything. Well, almost everything. Was Caradoc going to take advantage of Moony?

He decided to go his friend’s rescue. He knew Remus was already drunk and didn't want him to do something he would regret.

“Hey,” he said approaching the boys.

“Oh, hey Sirius!” Caradoc said with a grin. Sirius felt annoyed.

“Moony, uhm, don’t you wanna come sit with us? You can’t even stand up straight.”

Remus looked at him rather puzzled, “I’m pretty good, Pads, actually. Thanks for the concern.”

Remus suddenly looked as if he hadn't had a drop of alcohol, and Sirius glanced at his cup. He was drinking water.

“Oh, uh, fine then. Tell me if you need anything.” And he left. Ok, so _at least_ Dearborn wasn't trying to get his friend plastered.

**-REMUS-**

“...So then, I told her ‘No’ and she literally slapped me across the face!” Caradoc continued his story, laughing.

Remus had to wipe a tear coming out of his eye. “Marlene?!”

“Yes! Didn’t even hesitate!”

They both bursted into hysterical laughs.

“She is kinda crazy, but I gotta say, I do like the girl,” Caradoc completed. “And she makes Dorcas happy, so I can’t complain.”

The two boys spent most of the party together, going around and talking to different groups of people. Caradoc even introduced Remus to his friends. Once it was past midnight, Remus needed to use the bathroom. “Hey, do you know where’s the loo?” He asked the freckled boy.

“Oh, yeah, this way,” he answered as he headed towards a door near the sitting area Remus’ friends were in.

Remus got inside the little room and went to close the door behind him, but Caradoc didn’t let him, and sneaked in.

“Hey, uh, I need to use the-”

But Caradoc interrupted him, crashing his lips on his. For a moment, Remus froze, in shock. But as the boy thrusted his tongue inside Remus’ mouth, he gave in, for reasons he couldn’t comprehend.

They snogged senselessly for minutes that felt like hours, days, years. Remus mind going a hundred per hour and at the same time completely frozen. Once they teared apart, they glared at each other for brief seconds, both with their cheeks flushed.

“Sorry, I- I don’t know what came up to me, I-” Caradoc started.

“No, no, don’t worry, it's fine.” Remus interrupted. The thing is that it actually _was_ fine. “I just... I still need to piss.”

Caradoc looked at him with wide, embarrassed eyes, “Oh, shit, yeah, sorry.” And the boy turned around and left the lavatory.

When Remus left the little room, he couldn’t spot Caradoc, but he did spot his friends. They were all looking at him half anxiously and half excitingly. He approached them.

“Quite an interesting loo, huh? Got lost in there?” Marlene said with a mocking smile. Remus rolled his eyes with a little smirk and sat on the available armchair.

“Pretty interesting, yeah. Plenty to do in there,” he responded cheekily.

They all giggled, but Sirius’ smile didn't quite meet his eyes. Remus wondered how drunk he was.

At that, Sirius stood up taking Mary’s hand and headed to the bathroom Remus had just left minutes ago. Before disappearing inside the room, he poked his head out. “Well, let's see what activities this loo has to provide.” And winked at his friends before closing the door.

**-JAMES-**

“We really need to figure out a setlist,” James said first thing in their rehearsal. It had been fifteen minutes since they had arrived in the Room of Requirement and they hadn't even touched any instruments yet. “If we want to perform next weekend, we have to start working.”

“Don’t you think we already have enough songs?” Marlene asked, “Don’t we have like, six songs?”

“That’s where you’re mistaken, McKinnon. We have _three_. We really need more.” James glanced over at Sirius, “If only the fucking _frontman_ could stop snogging for a _second_ to help.”

Sirius looked up at his friend, finally tearing himself away from Mary, who was sitting on his lap. Since their little snogging session at the Ravenclaw party, the couple had been glued together, and it hadn't even been twenty four hours ago. James was afraid his friend’s lips were going to fall off and he wouldn't be able to sing anymore.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m listening,” Sirius said with his lips swollen. “What songs do we have already?”

Marlene grabbed the piece of parchment on the floor. “Jeepster, of course; Rebel Rebel and Brown Sugar.”

They were all silent for a moment, trying to think of other songs they had enjoyed playing. And not only that, but they also had to be good.

“What about Lola? I liked that one.” Lily suggested. James blushed lightly at that comment. Lily had liked it. Did she like seeing him play? She seemed to. Actually, she said so. Well, maybe not _exactly_ that, but he was included in that statement, wasn't he?

“Okay, let’s do Lola,” Marlene said as she wrote down the song on the parchment. “Any other suggestions?”

They were quiet again.

“Ramble On, for sure,” Remus said. “That’s a good one.” Marlene wrote down the other song’s name.

They all stared at each other waiting to see if anyone had another suggestion. Maybe five songs would be fine. It was their first performance anyway, it didn't have to be a full concert.

Sirius untangled himself from Mary and stood up with grace, “Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy.”

The group stared at him.

“Queen?” Lily asked in an unbelieved tone.

“Why not? I do see a lot of myself in Freddie Mercury. Same kind of beauty.”

Marlene rolled her eyes and Peter snorted.

“We’ve never even tried playing Queen! That’s a recipe for disaster. We still have to perfect the other songs, we don't have time to start a whole other one.” Marlene protested.

“Better get to work, then,” Sirius winked at her.

\--------

It was finally Friday, the night of their little gig at Gryffindor tower. Lily had done a great job with spreading the word, and had even made flyers and distributed them during the week telling everyone to come ‘or else’. The band and Lily were all up in the boys’ dorm, and Sirius was getting dressed in the bathroom.

“This is gonna be a disaster,” Marlene blurted out, nervously.

Lily reached for her friend’s hand, “No, it won’t. I’m sure you’ll be great.” She glanced up at James and gave him a little comforting smile. He could feel his neck and cheeks heat up.

“Ok, I’m ready,” Sirius said coming out of the loo. They all stared at him in shock. James couldn't believe his eyes.

“What the _fuck_ are you wearing?” Marlene said trying to hold in a laugh.

“Like it, McKinnon?” The raven haired boy asked as he gave a little twirl to show the entire outfit from every angle. “You can borrow it if you want, just have to ask nicely.”

Sirius was wearing a velvet maroon jacket, a low-rise leather pair of pants and a glittery zebra print shirt. He was wearing an insane amount of jewelry, with thick rings in every finger and tons of necklaces, and even had his nails painted black. He looked mental.

“Where did you even get these clothes?” James asked.

“Asked Andie to get them and send me,” he answered carelessly, as if he was wearing the most casual outfit in the world. “She did hesitate a little, but she does anything for her darling little cousin.”

The rest of the group stared at each other and bursted into laughter. James sighed, “Ok, let’s get this over with.”

They got up and headed out of the door. James was about to leave after his band mates, but Lily briefly pulled his hand, squeezing it lightly, and gave him a little kiss on the cheek, “Good luck.” She gave him a soft smile and left. James now felt like he could do anything, and followed after his friends.


	4. Chapter 4: Revelations and Rumpled Up Parchments

**-REMUS-**

Remus, Mary and Dorcas were in the Gryffindor common room with the rest of the students. “Lily did a great job promoting this,” Mary told the trio. “The place is full!”

There were students from all houses, even Slytherins, though they were the minority. Lily could be really intimidating when she wanted to. Dorcas, Remus and Lily had helped with the set up. They had brought the instruments from the Room of Requirement, and even managed to conjure a little stage. It was rather professional. It had already passed a whole hour since the students had begun to arrive, and Remus could see most of them were already starting to get drunk.

“They need to come out soon, though,” Dorcas said. “Otherwise people are gonna be so pissed no one’s gonna remember anything.” As she said that, the door which leads to the stairs opened and the five friends appeared.

“Oh. My. God.” They said in unison. Sirius looked crazy. Dorcas bursted into laughter.

“What is he wearing?!” Remus said, in shock of the sight of his friend.

“I don’t know but he looks hot!” Mary said biting her lip, “Looks like Roger Taylor.”

Mary always talked about how she had the biggest crush on the Queen drummer and how she would ‘let him do anything he wanted to her’, and though he was blonde, Remus could see what she was talking about -- Sirius looked as if he had invaded Roger Taylor’s wardrobe.

The band stepped on stage and caught everyone’s attention, probably because of Sirius’ glittery patterned shirt.

“Good night everybody, we are Abaffiato!” Sirius announced into the microphone. “LET’S FUCK THIS SHIT UP!”

The crowd of students clapped and screamed in approval, and Peter started drumming the intro to Jeepster.

_You're so sweet_

_You're so fine_

_I want you all and everything_

_Just to be mine_

_'Cos you're my baby_

_'Cos you're my love_

_Girl I'm just a Jeepster_

_For your love_

Remus was surprised by how good his friends were. Even Peter didn't seem like his shy self and was doing amazing. James, who was the least advantaged with musical skills, seemed to have gained a whole new layer of confidence, the confidence he had when playing Quidditch. Marlene was great, as always, and was doing even better than in the rehearsals.

But Sirius was in a league of his own. He danced and walked around the little stage as if he was playing at the Wembley Stadium for millions of people. He had a beautiful singing voice, Remus had to admit, and his friend seemed to know it as well, because his confidence was blinding. Mary had said he looked like Roger Taylor, but the long haired boy had the stage presence of Freddie Mercury. It was magnetic.

The audience seemed to be loving it as well. Everyone was dancing, singing along and jumping, and when Ramble On (Remus’ personal favorite) started, they all went mental. Sirius tossed his hair back and forth, up and down, jumped around, touched people’s hands as if he was a famous rockstar. Remus could hear girls sigh behind him with desire for the boy on stage, and Mary seemed to be loving seeing so many people drooling over her new boyfriend.

“They can wish all they want, but the one getting inside his pants is me,” Mary said loudly into Remus’ ear so he could hear, with a malicious grin and a little wink.  After five songs, they finished with Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, and that was when Sirius’ inner Freddie Mercury came to life. Remus couldn't keep his eyes off of the boy. 

_Hey, boy, where do you get it from?_

_Hey, boy, where did you go?_

_I learned my passion_

_In the good old-fashioned_

_School of loverboys_

Sirius seemed to have noticed how Remus was staring at him, amazed, and held eye contact for a few seconds before giving him a little wink and turning to continue dancing.  Remus’ stomach gave a funny twist and he drank a sip of his Firewhiskey to wet his dry throat.

“Black is really good, huh?” A voice came from behind Remus. It was Caradoc, and he made his way to be next to the brown haired boy.  Remus still hadn't talked with any of his friends about what had happened at the Ravenclaw party the week before, he didn't even know if he wanted to talk about it.  But during the week, the boy found himself around six times in a broom cupboard with the Hufflepuff sixth year. He knew he still needed time to process what was going on with him, but every time Caradoc approached him, he decided he would deal with it later.

It did keep him up at night, though. Did he fancy boys now? Had he always fancied boys and just didn't know? Was he gay? He knew he liked girls, but was that a lie he was telling himself just to be convinced of his straightness?  He could be bisexual. Mary was bisexual and no one had ever said a thing about it. He knew his friends would also never say a word about it if it were about him, especially the girls. After all, Lily was the only straight one out of the group.  But he would be the only queer boy out of the Marauders. Would they find him weird? Would they be uncomfortable around him if he told them he also fancied boys? They didn't act any different after seeing him with Caradoc, but perhaps actually telling them would change things, and he didn't want that.

He gave Caradoc a smile and returned his gaze to his friends, who were now closing up the show.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Sirius said to the crowd who was applauding fiercely. “Can I get a round of applause for our guitarist, James Potter?!” The students cheered and James waved, “Our bassist, Marlene McKinnon!” The audience applauded once more, “Our drummer, Mr. Peter Pettigrew!” Peter waved shyly with a little smile, “And for me, your frontman, Sirius Black!” He said with a confident smirk as he bowed to the crowd as a thank you.

“Let’s continue this party, eh?” And the four friends left the stage and went to hug Lily, who was right by the side of the little platform, making sure nothing would go wrong during the show.  The trio approached them to give their congratulations.

“Ah, that was amazing!” Dorcas said as she hugged her girlfriend and smiled to the rest of the group.

“Truly, lads, I didn’t expect it to be this good!” Mary completed, giving Marlene ’s arm a little squeeze.

“Thank you, guys!” James said, “Well, now we need to get drunk!”

They all went to the little table where the alcohol was in and the band got their drinks, and Remus refilled his cup.

“What did you think, Moony?” Sirius asked once the rest of their friends had left to greet the rest of the party.

“It was really great. Ramble On was my favorite, you guys killed it.”

Sirius smiled and looked at him for a couple of seconds, “What do you think of this?” He said waving his hand down his body, referring to his outfit, “Too much?”

Remus chuckled. “Yeah, it’s a lot.” Sirius snorted. “But you pull it off.”

“Hey, rockstar! Have a minute or is your schedule too busy already?” Mary approached Sirius, wrapping her hands around his waist.

“My schedule is indeed a bit tight, MacDonald, but I can squeeze you in.” He smirked at the girl, and they started snogging right there on the spot.  Remus took that as his cue to leave.  He wandered around the party alone for a brief thirty seconds before Lily appeared by his side.

“It was a success, wasn't it? Ahmed from Ravenclaw was already telling me he wants them to play in their next party!” She said excitingly.

“Yeah, everyone seemed to love it!” Remus smiled at her.

She looked around the party and glanced back at him.

“I feel like we need to talk,” The redhead said in a serious yet soft tone, clearly trying not to sound intimidating.

Remus sighed. He knew exactly what she was referring to.  He nodded subtly, and leaded her to a little sitting area in the far corner of the room, where they could have more privacy. Once they sat down, Lily broke the silence.

“So... Caradoc?”

“Yeah...” He nodded, not looking her in the eyes.

“Tell me about it, then.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know, it’s just... I asked him if he knew where the loo was, he showed me, and then instead of waiting for me outside he entered... and next thing I knew he was kissing me. That’s all.”

“That’s _all_?” She raised an eyebrow, “Were your little cupboard meetings that irrelevant to you?”

Shit.

“How do you know about that?”

“I saw it. Twice. And even if I hadn't, you've just confirmed it.”

He didn't respond, and continued to look down at his cup.

“Remus, love, it’s okay if you like boys,” she said, taking his hand, “it’s not a problem at all! You know none of us would care.” She paused briefly, and sighed, “I just... I just expected you to tell me. I mean, I tell you everything.”

Remus finally looked up. “Do you? Is this the time you were planning to tell me you’ve been fancying James, then?”

She stared at him with wide eyes and her cheeks flushed immediately. Remus couldn't help but chuckle at the instant reaction of the girl.

“Hey, look, no,” she started, clearly struggling, “I- I don't fancy Potter. Really. I’m just... trying to be more friendly. That’s all.”

“I see,” he told her with a smirk, clearly not believing a word.

“And hey, don’t try to change the subject!” She slapped his arm lightly, “You’re bisexual, then? I mean, you don’t have to label yourself, obviously, but-”

“Yes, Lily,” he interrupted. “Guess I am.”

She stared at him, surprised by how quick it took him to say it, but then grinned from ear to ear and hugged him fiercely.

“But... let’s just keep this between us, ok?” He said once she had untangled herself from him, “I... I wanna take my time with telling the rest of our friends, especially the guys.”

“No, yeah, of course!” She said smiling and squeezing his hand, “I love you, you little shithead.”

He smiled at her and they got up to return to the party.

**-SIRIUS-**

As his seventeenth birthday approached, he received his biggest gift: the success of the band.

They were playing at every party, at all houses, even Slytherin (though it took him a lot of convincing from the rest of his friends, and he would only play if it was an interhouse party) since their first concert almost two months prior. Lily even managed to get them to play at Three Broomsticks a couple of times -- how she convinced McGonagall, no one knows.  The best part of it were the fans. They were considered celebrities now, and adding to their prankster fame, Sirius and James could barely walk with the size of their egos. Sirius would even occasionally give first years his autograph.  And plus, he had a girlfriend. For more than three weeks! He felt like he was dreaming.

“Do you lot plan on taking this band thing further? Like, after school?” Mary asked one night on his bed.

“Eh, I would like to.”

“But what about the war?”

He hadn’t thought of that. At least was trying not to. Of course he was thinking about the war, more than he wished to. Since he had left home and went to live with the Potters the prior summer, he worried about the war even more than he did when he still lived at 12 Grimmauld Place. Now, he had no clue of what was going on on the dark side. But he hadn't thought about that and the band together. He wanted to fight, of that he was sure. But Abaffiato had become his passion, he had finally found something that he truly loved doing -- he had even started writing some songs, though he hadn't showed them to anyone yet.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” he sighed, and turned around to sleep.

“Hey! Cuddle me,” Mary reminded.

He rolled his eyes and turned to the girl and did as she asked. Sirius hated cuddling. He never understood why someone would like to sleep like this. He always preferred having his own space, but figured that’s what comes with a relationship.  _'Hadn't she cuddled enough during the day?’_ He thought as he wrapped his arms around the girl.

**-MARY-**

“I don’t know, he's just been... weird. Like as if he’s avoiding me or something.”

“Maybe he’s just stressed, Mary. The NEWTs are next year, there’s the war and he also has the band going on. You shouldn't worry about it, I’m sure he’s fine,” Lily said sitting on her bed.

Mary sighed as she finished wrapping Sirius’ birthday gift. She had gotten him a beige fur coat (faux, of course. Mary’s vegetarianism would never allow her to buy a real one). She thought it was good gift, considering Sirius’ new style that came with being the frontman of a band. She could imagine him wearing it on stage.  Mary was appreciative of Lily’s attempt to comfort her, but she would never believe her friend’s words. After all, they all had the same things going on, but everyone else was normal -- there was definitely something going on with her boyfriend, and she was going to find out.

Mary was a good observer. She always picked up on the little details, and usually knew everything before anyone else even had the chance to guess, but she also kept most to herself -- she didn't want to seem intrusive or even a stalker, which she wasn't.  When she was ten, she knew Dad was cheating on Mum just by the way he acted, but never said a thing; to this day he still thinks she doesn't know about the main reason to why they divorced one year after. She also came to realize she liked girls just the same as boys relatively early, when she was seven, and came to peace with it with no problem. She never even felt the need to come out, and when she first fancied a girl by the age of nine, she told her parents as if it was nothing. They were startled at first, and as a little girl she never understood why, but eventually they just accepted it.

She also was very intuitive, and knew things just by the feeling. She knew Marlene was a lesbian the moment she met the girl, but she waited until her friend was comfortable to tell her herself. She also knew Remus was queer before even the whole thing with Caradoc, but if he had decided not to tell her yet, then she would respect it. And deep down, she knows Lily never really hated Potter, and this was getting more obvious by the second.

So, Mary knew there was something wrong with Sirius. But if he didn't want to tell her, then she would just have to figure it out herself. Perhaps it was his family, but since he had gone to live with James, he seemed more relaxed than Mary had ever seen him. If he wanted to break up, Mary would respect it, but avoiding her was just childish, and he was seventeen, for god’s sakes.

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

“Do you really think there’s a chance in heaven that Black won’t like a fur coat?” Marlene said sarcastically over her book.

Mary let out a laugh and put the box under her bed. “Everything alright for tomorrow?” She asked as she slid under the covers.

“Yep, everything alright. Just think Black performing at his own birthday party might be a recipe for disaster,” Lily answered.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.”

\--------

The Gryffindor tower was full, as to be expected, and the show was once again amazing, though Lily was right to be concerned -- Sirius might’ve been a little too drunk.

“That was great!” She said as her boyfriend approached her, “And I’ve got your gift!” She handed him the neatly wrapped box.

Sirius grinned, “Please, MacDonald, you didn't have to. Your arse is already the best gift I could ever receive.”

“Just open it, you dickhead.” She smirked, and he opened the box. She couldn't help but smile from ear to ear at his reaction.

“Holy shit, this is so cool!” He said, amazed.

“Do you like it?”

“Are you joking, I love it!” He gave her a brief kiss on the lips.

“Oi, Black, come here for a sec!” Someone called from across the room.

He glanced back at her, “Would you mind taking this upstairs for me?”

She tried to hold in a sigh, “Uh, yeah, sure.” She took the box and mentioned to turn, “Oh, do you have any fags, by any chance? I’m dying for one.”

“Yeah, top drawer.” And they both turned to opposite sides.

She dropped the box at his bed and went to they boy’s dresser to look for the packet of cigarettes. As she fumbled through the drawer, she spotted the little box, but underneath it she saw pieces of rumpled up parchment. It seemed like a letter. Maybe this would tell her what was wrong.  She felt bad for wanting to read it, it was none of her business anyway, but she was too tipsy to be sensible. She quickly realized it wasn't a letter, but what seemed to be a draft of a song. He never told her he had started writing.  None of it seemed to be full songs, but more of random verses the boy had come up with. Her stomach dropped when she realized she didn't fit into the description of any of them.  She felt pathetic for trying desperately to see if any word could be about her, reading each verse over and over. They were clearly not.

They talked about hazel eyes -- Mary had dark, almost black eyes.

Meeting someone on the train home -- Sirius and Mary met at second year, during a party after Gryffindor had won a match against Ravenclaw.

‘How can we be such opposites yet my heart still belongs to you’ -- Mary always joked about how Sirius was the male version of her.

She doesn't know how long she was up at the dorm room reading and reading the pieces of parchment, so when she heard steps coming from the stairs, she quickly put the papers back messily where she had found them, hoping he wouldn't notice they had been touched.

The door swung open. “What happened? You never came back, it’s been fifteen minutes. Thought you had gotten lost,” Sirius said by the doorway.

She doesn't know how, but she managed to smile, though it never met her eyes, “Yeah, uh, just needed a breather, that’s all.”

The couple held eye contact for what felt like minutes, both analyzing each others expressions, trying to see through them, “Oh, ok,” he said, finally. “Found the fags?”

She lifted the little box, “Yeah, they’re here.”

“Ok. Let’s go then,” Sirius said as he stretched out his arm so she could give him her hand.

She looked at it briefly, not knowing if she would be able to hold it. She went into his direction, still holding eye contact, and held his hand, and the couple went back to the party.


	5. Chapter 5: Brushing Knees

**-REMUS-**

“Remus, this is beautiful!”

“You think so?”

“Yes!” Lily said still running her eyes through his words. “I knew you would be a good songwriter, this is truly brilliant!”

He gave her an appreciative smile, which she returned and gave him back the piece of parchment. “So, are you gonna tell me what this is about? Or better, _who_ this is about?” She raised an eyebrow curiously. The truth is he didn't actually know. The song was a combination of random inspiration and a dream he’d had a couple nights before. He didn't remember the dream exactly, but had a foggy memory of a figure with piercing eyes, in a forest. He couldn't recognize who the person was.

“Oh, it just came to me, I guess. Was feeling inspired so I just started writing in a song format rather than poetry. Reckon was because of a book or something,” he answered as he folded the parchment and slid it in his back pocket.

“Hm, not hiding anything from me, are you? If I find out you’re keeping more secrets from me I swear-” She started, using her prefect, intimidating tone.

“I’m not, Lily. Truly. Or do you really think every single one of my poetry has a deep meaning behind it?” He interrupted, unfazed by her threat.

She glared at him, analyzing his expression and thinking about what she had just read, and then softened her eyes. “Good to know, then. How’s Caradoc, anyway? You never talked about him again.”

He sighed, “That’s because there’s nothing to talk about. It wasn't serious, Lily, you know that. It was just a little fling that lasted two weeks, almost two months ago.” He said as he stood up and grabbed his book bag, and she mirrored his action. They had been at the library for three hours now, already starting to revise for their NEWTs.

Lily had grown more attached to Caradoc than Remus himself, apparently, because after two weeks of hooking up, they decided to call it quits, which Remus had no problem with. Though the girls surely had, since they still kept asking about the Hufflepuff occasionally, even after he had already explained that there was nothing going on anymore. But Remus’ love life wasn't dry, at all. He was simply a more reserved person, and he didn't like sharing with his friends every single one of his romantic encounters. Perhaps that could fall into ‘hiding something from Lily’, but he wasn't exactly doing it on purpose, he just thought it was nobody’s business who he got inside of a broom cupboard with.

So, for the past two months, Remus had been discovering himself and exploring his sexuality. _Really_ exploring it. At this point, he was pretty sure of it: he was, indeed, bisexual. He enjoyed being with girls just the same as he enjoyed being with guys, and he was really having fun with it all. ‘ _The options are doubled now, it’s like a dream!_ ’ He would think, sillily.

He still hadn't told anyone about it except for Lily, though. He did feel like he wouldn't actually have to tell the rest of the girls, especially Marlene and Dorcas, but, knowing Mary, he was sure she would want a proper announcement from him.

The marauders were what made him anxious. He knew his friends, and they had been friends for so long they considered each other family, but family can still let you down -- of that Remus was sure. He has no memories of life before the attack, before the bite, before becoming who he is. _What_ he is. But he does know a lot changed between his parents after that. Once, he had found a family photo of the three from when Remus was younger, around three years old. The photo moved, so it surely belonged to his father. The people in the photo were not the people he knew -- they seemed happy. His parents had love in their eyes, which glanced at him and then back at each other. Remus hated to think his parents didn't love him, he felt as if he was being unfair, especially with his mum, but deep down, he knew his dad was disgusted by him, though he knew the man would never say it.

So, he knew the disappointment family could bring, and though he had gained a new one almost six years ago, he still never tried to get his expectations too high. ‘I still have the girls, if anything’, he would think in desperate moments. He knew that was also unfair with his friends. When they found out he was a werewolf, during their second year, they made it seem like Remus just simply had a funny allergy, as if it was nothing. ‘Don't worry, Lupin, your furry little problem is safe with us’, James told him as he embraced him in a mama bear hug, four years prior.

Out of the three boys, James was the one he was least worried about. James was one of the kindest, most selfless people Remus had ever met. He could be a tad thick sometimes, but Remus had grown so used to it at this point that he would catch himself cracking up at James’ cluelessness of his surroundings. Remus always wondered how the boy was so bright, gifted academically and yet still had the hardest time picking up on anything on his social environments. James never judged anyone, always saw the best in people and, even for Remus who hates too much physical contact, would hug like nothing else mattered in the world, a hug that told you that everything would be okay.

Peter wouldn't be too much of a problem either, Remus reckoned. The marauder was usually the quietest, more of a follower, especially of James -- so if James was okay with it, Peter would probably be as well; and if he wasn't, James would deal with it before Remus would even get the chance. Remus didn't have his expectations too high, though, and he would expect Peter to make some unpleasant comments from time to time, more out of habit than from actually trying to be hurtful.

But, for some reason he didn't know, Sirius was the one who he was most nervous about. Since the beginning of their friendship, Remus would always catch himself trying to impress Sirius, wanting Sirius to see him as an equal. He knew the boy always did. He never belittled him, made him feel inferior. In fact, he was always the one who made Remus feel better about himself. James was good with the speeches and words of comfort, but Sirius had a way to look at you that just told you whatever it was that you needed to hear. If Remus was feeling blue, Sirius would put a hand on his shoulder and just smile, and Remus would feel bright red, simple like that. So he never wanted to disappoint Sirius, or even worse; lose their proximity. He was afraid that, if he told him, the boy would maybe feel uncomfortable in his presence and shift away. He fiercely hoped that wouldn't be the case. Hoped more than he cared to admit.

“Remus?” Lily waved a hand in front of his face, bringing him back to reality. “Earth calling Remus!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Did you hear what I asked you?”

“Eh... not really.” He had no idea she had even said something.

She sighed, “I asked if you were planning on telling your friends about your recent discovery... you know, about yoursel,.” She said rather shyly, and Remus wondered if the girl had been studying Legilimency. “I’m obviously not trying to push you to do anything, I was just wondering...”

“Yeah, uhm, I have been thinking about that, actually,” he said, followed by a sigh, “I’m just... just waiting for the right moment, you know?”

“No, yes, of course,” she put a hand on his arm and gave him a little smile. “ _Virtus_ ” Lily announced, and the portrait hole opened so they could enter the common room.

“Hello, beautiful people!” Marlene greeted them from the couch she was sitting on next to Dorcas, Mary and Sirius on the armchair beside them.

Remus smiled, “Well, hello. Where’s James and Pete?”

“The _psycho_ went flying, in the rain!” Marlene answered in a sarcastic tone, making the rest of them giggle, “Honestly, that boy is crazy. Only crazier is Peter, who went just to watch.”

Remus put his book bag down on the coffee table and flopped on the couch next to the couple, Lily sitting on the carpet in front of him.

“So, Hogsmeade this weekend,” Dorcas started, “Any plans?”

“Eh,” Sirius said from the armchair, “We don’t have any gigs this weekend, I reckon,” He glanced at Lily, who nodded. “So I guess we can just enjoy ourselves as normal teenagers and not rockstars for once.”

Marlene scoffed, “Oh, cause you’re so famous, aren't you, Black?”

Sirius winked at the blonde girl, “Jealous, much?” He said with a raised eyebrow, which Marlene responded with giving him the finger.

Remus couldn't help but notice Mary hadn't said anything since they arrived. She seemed distant, looking at nowhere. Remus wondered if everything was alright with her and Sirius. Maybe he could ask him later.

“No gigs, then,” Dorcas said. “Do the singles have any dates?” She looked at Remus and Lily curiously.

“Oh, not me, that's for sure,” Lily answered almost immediately.

Marlene snorted exaggeratedly, “Ha.”

Lily turned her head quickly to the girl, with wide eyes. “What’s that about?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” she said with a smirk playing on her lips.

“And you, love?” Dorcas was looking at Remus now.

“Me? Oh, no. No date,” he answered with a tight smile. Dorcas raised an eyebrow, as if she didn't quite believe it, and Remus lightly shoved her in the ribs playfully. He noticed Sirius’ glare at him, and held the eye contact for a few seconds before the portrait hole opened, revealing a soaked Peter and an even more soaked James.

“Ello, lads!” James said grinning from ear to ear, the usual face he had on after coming back from flying at the pitch.

They all greeted the two boys. “So, I was just asking if the singles had any dates for this weekend. Hogsmeade. Do you two have?” Dorcas asked.

Peter shook his head.

“Uhm, no, not really,” James said, and then glanced down at Lily with a smile, “Oi, Evans-”

“Don’t even think about it, Potter,” Lily cut in sharply.

“Unbelievable,” Marlene said under her breath, standing up and marching to her dorm. Lily looked up at the girl with even wider eyes than before, and quickly got to her feet and followed after Marlene. Dorcs gave a muffled giggle and followed after the two.

“Worth the sho,.” James said as he took the place of Marlene on the couch.

Mary finally broke her silence, “Hey, I’m gonna, uhm, go,” she said quietly, more to Sirius than to the rest of the group.

“Yeah, go ahead,” he said as she stood up, “Kiss?”

She sighed and gave him a tight smile before leaning down and giving him a quick peck on the lips, then headed to the girls’ dorm.

They were all quiet for a while.

“Is everything alright with her?” Remus asked.

“MacDonald? Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”

“Just wondering,” Remus gave a light shrug.

\--------

It was Thursday, and Remus noticed his stomach was growling. He glanced at the big clock at the entrance of the library -- it marked seven o’clock. He got up and started to gather his books and put them in his book bag, and figured he would go straight to the Great Hall for dinner. Lily hadn't come down with him to work on their History of Magic homework, so he was alone. That was, until he noticed a boy coming closer to approach him.

“Hiya Remus!” It was Benjy Fenwick. The Ravenclaw boy gave him a smile.  
“Hey Benjy! Everything alright?” He said, returning the smile.

“Yeah!” He answered. Remus noticed he was blushing. “Uhm, I’ll just go straight to the point. Do you... Do you want to go to Hogsmeade? Uh... with me?”

“What?” Was all Remus could answer. He was not expecting this, at all.

“Sorry!” Benjy was blushing furiously now, and was clearly struggling to keep his cool. “Uhm, do you have a date to Hogsmeade this weekend?”

“Oh, uhm, no. I don’t,” Remus said awkwardly.

“I was wondering if you... If you would like to go with me?”

“Oh!” Remus exclaimed, feeling himself start to blush now. “Yeah, sure, I’d like that,” he gave Benjy a little comforting smile, trying to help the boy calm down his nerves.

“Great! Yeah, great!” Benjy gave a relieved grin, “So, I’ll meet you at the gates Saturday?”

“Sure, meet you there.”

Benjy gave him a little nod with a smile, and quickly turned away.

Well, that was a surprise. Remus doesn't remember exchanging more than ten words with Benjy in his entire life, and now the boy is asking him out? To Hogsmeade?

Remus had never really paid close attention to Benjy actually, but now thinking about it, the boy was quite fit. He liked his long hair, usually in a ponytail, it suited him well. He had a charming smile, that even though they had never really interacted much, Remus always liked when Benjy was around. He had high cheekbones, a sharp face structure, making him seem older and mature, and apparently he had acquired a new piecing in his septum, probably influence of one his closest mates, Ahmed Farsi. Maybe Remus would have a good time, and he found himself excited for the weekend now.

But then he realized: he would have to tell his friends about it. There was no other way around it, he knew he couldn't escape it now. So it was decided -- he would tell them tonight, after dinner back at the dorms. Perhaps there was no such thing as the perfect moment.

**-JAMES-**

“It really has been a while since we last pranked the Slytherins,” Sirius said melancholically as the three marauders sat at the Gryffindor table for dinner at the Great Hall, “I miss it.”

James chuckled, “It really has. But we have bigger priorities, Padfoot, don't we?”

“Yeah, but they can't think we just gave up! Snivellus is having too much of a relaxing life for my taste.”

“I guarantee you, once we find the time, they won't know what hit them,” James assured and Sirius gave him a wicked smile. He also missed the pranks, it had been a long time since they last pulled some mischief, but he was also enjoying spending his spare time with the band.

“That’s what I like to hear!”

“Oh no, I know that look,” Marlene said as she arrived at the table, the other girls in tow, “what are you lot planning?”

“Nothing you should be concerned about, McKinnon,” Sirius told the girl, who rolled her eyes.

“Where’s Moony?” Peter said looking around the Great Hall.

“Oh, he’s down at the library. Working on the History of Magic homework,” Lily answered as she took her seat next to James. James couldn't help but smile to himself at that. As she said that, it was like Remus was summoned, and he entered the hall.

“Hiya,” He greeted the group as he sat down across from James next to Peter, and immediately started to fill his plate.

“Hungry?” Sirius mocked, receiving an eye roll followed by snort.

“Hey, uhm, I need to talk to you guys,” Remus said in a low voice and leaned in so the other three boys could hear him, “later.”

The three boys glanced at each other with a worried look.

“Yes, of course,” James said with furrowed eyebrows. “Is everything alright, Moony?”

Remus nodded, “Yeah, everything’s fine. Don’t worry.”

But James worried, obviously. He noticed Remus was rather uneasy, looking pale. Was everything alright with his family? Did anyone find out about his friend’s ‘furry little problem’, as he liked to call it? He quickly glanced at Sirius, and they shared a concerned look. Remus saying ‘you shouldn't worry’ didn't mean a thing after all, since the boy always belittled his own problems not wanting his friends to worry. But James always did.

After dinner, they all went straight to their dorm, much more of the boys’ demand than Remus’. They all set in James’ bed, except for Remus, who kept wandering around the room. They all stared at him, waiting for him to talk, but he was silent.

“So?” Sirius said impatiently, breaking the quietness. James gave him a stern look, but deep down was thankful for Sirius’ forwardness.

Remus went to sit on his own bed, “I, uhm...” He was nervous, James noticed. Well, it was quite impossible not to.

“Moony, is everything alright? Did anything happen?” James was standing now, approaching him. He tried to find Remus’ eyes, but the boy kept his head down, “Did Snivellus do something?”

“No, no, this has nothing to do with him,” he waved a hand, “I, uh... I have a date. To Hogsmeade.”

The three boys shared confused looks, not quite understanding why Remus was so uneasy.

“That’s... that’s it?” James asked, “That’s brilliant, mate! So, what is it? Do you need help, advice? Trying to be romantic?” James wiggled his eyebrows at the boy, who had finally looked up, but still didn't meet his eyes. He gave him an anxious smile. “Who is she? Do we know her?”

Remus looked down again, picking at his fingernails. “That’s... that’s the thing,” he glanced up at his friends now, nervously, “it’s a _he_.”

_Oh._

James looked back at his other friends still sitting on his bed. Peter’s mouth had fallen open, but James couldn't quite read Sirius’ expression. He was pale, as if still trying to process the news and the shock that came with it. James’ expression didn't quite meet his friends’ though, and he ran his fingers through his already messy hair and sat down next to Remus, throwing an arm around his shoulder and squeezing him lightly, “Still need help with the romance?” He gave him a smile. Remus looked at him with wide eyes, clearly surprised by James’ reaction and easy support, but quickly gave him a relieved grin, making James envelope him in his famous mama bear hugs.

“Was that what you wanted to tell us?” James asked once he had freed Remus from the embrace, “That you’re...”

“Bisexual. Yeah.”

“Great for you, mate!” Peter said, finally, with a smile.

“So it’s fine?”

“Are you kidding? Of course it’s fine! Why wouldn't it be? It doesn't change anything.” James said still smiling, and Remus looked at him with wet eyes. “ _Anything._ You’re still our darling Moony.”

Remus laughed, and it was all done, simply like that.

“Thanks, guys. Truly. I was... really nervous about this,” Remus said with relieved chuckle.

“No need to be worried, mate. It’s no big deal,” James said as he stood up and gave his shoulder a last squeeze. “Wanna go down to the common room? Reckon the girls are still there.”

“I think I’m gonna stay up here, but go ahead,” he said, giving them one last tight smile as the boys started getting up from James’ bed and heading out the door.

**-SIRIUS-**

“What are you playing at?” James whispered loudly as soon as the door to the dorm closed, yanking his arm.

“Ow!” Sirius exclaimed, letting himself free of James’ grab. They were right outside their dorm, still in the little corridor that leads to the stairs. “What are _you_ playing at?”

James sighed angrily. He was mad. James is never mad. “You didn't say a _word!_ You saw how nervous he was about telling us, and you didn't say _anything_. What kind of friend are you, Black? Do you have a problem with him being queer?”

Oh, shit. Did he really not say anything? To be fair, he stopped listening at ‘it’s a he.’ Why did it affect him like that? Sirius could feel his stomach drop at his friend’s revelation. He was happy for him, obviously, and didn't have a problem with his sexuality whatsoever. Maybe it was the shock. Yeah, it must have been. He was just not expecting it. Although, he did see Remus and that Caradoc bloke at that Ravenclaw party a while back, and you didn't have to be a genius to put two and two together. So was it really a shock? Was he _really_ not expecting it? He should've seen it coming. So why did it hit him like that? If you asked him what was he thinking about back at the dorm when he trailed off, Sirius wouldn't be able to tell you. He does remember vaguely thinking _‘Moony likes boys,’_ but that was all. If he hadn't felt Peter shifting away from him at the bed when he got up, Sirius would've probably stayed there, staring at Remus’ hazel eyes for hours without even knowing.

“No, no, of course I don't!” He told James.

“Then why didn't you say anything, you stupid git?” James was clearly trying, and failing, to keep his voice down.

“I- I don't know! I mean, you did all the talking for me, I... There was just nothing else I could say!”

James took off his glasses and pressed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, then let out a sigh, “Go in there and say something.”

“What?” He couldn't be serious. What would he even say? ‘Hey, Moony, uhm, congrats’?

“Go in there and say something,” he repeated between gritted teeth, emphasizing every word.

“But-”

“Go,” he gave him one last stern look. “Let’s go, Pete.” Then turned around and headed to the stairs.

Sirius was left alone in the dim lighted corridor. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, exhaling loudly. He opened the door to a Remus sitting by their dorm window, smoking a fag. Sirius was suddenly muted, and apparently also frozen, because he couldn't seem to be able to step into the room.

“Uh, hi?” Remus said with a small laugh, “You alright, mate?”

Sirius swallowed and cleaned his throat, “Yeah, fine.”

Remus narrowed his eyes slightly, and gave him a little sympathetic tight smile.

“I just... I just came here to, uh, say sorry,” Sirius said, finally able to move his feet and stepping into the room, “I didn't say anything to you when you... you know, came out to us.” He ran his hands through his dark locks, and Remus raised his eyebrows, as if not expecting his apology. “I didn't even notice I hadn't said anything...”

**-REMUS-**

‘ _Didn't even notice_ , my arse,’ he thought, fighting not to let that show through his face. It had all gone well. Almost. But the one thing he feared the most...

**-SIRIUS-**

“It’s fine, Pads,” he said as he  stubbed out his cigarette at the edge of the window. “I know how Prongs is, sometimes he can just speak for everyone.”

Sirius let out a huffed laugh, “Yeah, yeah, he can. But still, sorry. I truly am happy for you. Glad you... found yourself and all that.”

“Cheers,” he gave another tight smile and reached for his packet of fags to pull another one. He held it between his teeth as he lit it, and Sirius felt as if all the air from his lungs was simply gone. As Remus exhaled the smoke, Sirius’ stomach gave a funny twist, and all he could do was stare at the sight.

“Care for one?” Remus offered, holding out the packet.

Sirius blinked, being snapped back to reality, and nodded as he joined his friend, taking a cigarette. The little bay window seat was quite small, and as they both set together, their knees brushed lightly. The funny, weird twist in his stomach came back, and he sat straighter so that they weren't touching anymore. Remus seemed to have noticed the purpose of his movement, and glanced at him with sad eyes, and then turned his head to the window. Guilt flooded his entire body, and his heart ached.

“Let’s put on some music, shall we?” Sirius said, trying to break the uncomfortable atmosphere, and with a wave of his wand at James’ record player, David Bowie’s voice filled the room.

_One day though it might as well be someday_

_You and I will rise up all the way_

_All because of what you are_

_The prettiest star_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song in the end is The Prettiest Star, by David Bowie. one of my favorites!


	6. Chapter 6: Hogsmeade and Tantrums

**-LILY-**

“Are you sure you don’t wanna go, love?”

“Yeah, it’s better not to. I feel like my head’s going to explode,” Mary said from her bed with an arm over her eyes, blocking out the brightness from the room.

“You should go down to the hospital wing, Mary,” Marlene suggested while she tied her shoes, “I’m sure Madam Pomfrey has something for migraines.”

“Don’t worry about me,” She waved her other hand in the air, gesturing for them to leave, “Go, you’ll be late.”

Lily went over to her bed and leaned down to give her friend a kiss on the forehead. “Promise you’ll go see Madam Pomfrey?”

“Yes, mum.”

Lily gave a little snort, “Fine. Love ya.”

“Love you. Behave.” Mary returned, and Lily and Marlene left the dorm.

“I feel bad about leaving her.” Lily admitted.

“She’ll be fine, Lils, don’t worry,” Marlene said, “C’mon, they are probably already down at the gates.”

The two friends linked their arms together and went down to meet the rest of the group. It was a nice day out. It was cold, being almost mid November, but the sun was warming. Lily thanked all gods that it wasn't snowing.

They spotted their friends as soon as they arrived at the gates of the castle.

“Finally!” Dorcas said, turning around once she saw them, making the rest of the boys turn as well, “And Mary?”

“Wasn’t feeling well. Migraine.” Marlene responded unlinking her arm from Lily’s. Dorcas frowned, pitying for Mary, and Marlene gave her a quick peck on the lips.

“Where’s Remus and Black?” Lily asked the two boys.

“Well, Sirius is late, of course,” James huffed, “Was spending so much time on his hair I thought it was gonna fall off. Remus has already gone.”

Lily furrowed her eyebrows, “How come?”

“Had a date.” Peter said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Date?” Marlene asked in confusion, turning her attention back to the group.

“Yep,” James said, “Benjy Fenwick, apparently. Never seen a person with such flushed cheeks in my life, thought he was gonna explode or something.”

“Oh... so he-” Lily started.

“Told us, yes.” James said with a little nod and a smile, which Lily returned.

They all turned to the sound of rapid footsteps coming towards them. “Ok, ok, I made it,” Sirius arrived, panting from the running, “Let’s go, lads.”

Arriving at the village, the girls and the boys decided to split up and meet back at The Three Broomsticks in an hour for drinks.

“I wanna go to Dominic Maestro’s Music Shop,” Marlene said, “I saw an ad on The Quibbler of a really cool bass they sell there.”

“Since when do you read The Quibbler?” Lily asked with a little laugh.

“That weird bloke Xenophilius was distributing copies at the Great Hall when I was down studying one day,” Marlene scoffed, “It’s pretty cool, actually.”

Dorcas giggled, and they headed to the store.

After Marlene had bought her new bass and used a shrinking charm to put it in a little bag, they decided it would be nice to get Mary some sweets at Honeydukes. After that, it was time to meet the boys at the pub.

As soon as they entered, they spotted the three marauders in a little table at the corner. James waved at them excitedly, and Lily felt her neck heat up when she took her place beside him.

“Hiya.” Dorcas greeted the boys.

“Hi,” James said with a grin, and Lily noticed he was practically just looking at her. The flush in her neck came up to her cheeks, “What drinks do you ladies fancy? I’ll get them for you,” He asked as he stood up.

Lily looked around at the girls, who gave a little shrug as an ‘whatever’, “Just butterbeers.”

“Right with you.” He gave them a little wink and headed towards the bar.

Lily was freezing at this point, and when James came back with the beverages, she was so appreciative of the creator of the drink she could kiss them on the mouth. She felt her entire insides warm up as she sipped the sweet liquid from the bottle.

They chatted freely and laughed, and after half an hour, Sirius was wiping a tear of laughter from his eyes.

“Hey, look! It’s Moony!” Peter announced, pointing to the door of the pub.

They all turned to look as Remus and Benjy entered the establishment. James waved at them, making the pair come and meet the group. As Sirius turned back around in his seat, Lily noticed the smile in his face had died, and he had clenched his jaw.

“Hello, lovebirds!” James greeted with a grin, making the two boys laugh awkwardly. Potter and his ability to be charmingly inconvenient.

“Hi, lads,” Benjy said, and they returned the greeting with a smile. Well, except for Sirius, who was glaring at his bottle as if the label was the most interesting in the world. Lily made a mental note to keep an eye on him during the encounter.

“Come sit with us!” James said already standing up, pulling two empty chairs from the nearest table.

“Uh, Prongs...” Remus said, scratching the back of his head.

“We don’t bite, Moony,” James smirked. Remus sighed with a tight, polite smile and the two boys sat down. “Can I get anything for you?” James asked, committed to his role as waiter of the table.

“Oh, we’ve already had some tea at Madam Puddifoot’s” Benjy said with an even more polite smile than Remus’. He was so charming, Lily thought. Remus snatched a good one.

“Madam Puddifoot’s, huh?” Marlene said with a wicked smirk, “How romantic.”

The pair blushed and gave a little nervous laugh. Sirius was still glaring at his bottle.

“So, Benjy,” Lily started the conversation, giving the boy a comforting smile, “Haven’t seen you around the library recently. I remember we were always the ones Madam Pince had to kick out.”

“Oh, yes. Bet she misses me,” He said with a little reminiscent laugh, “I’ve just been kind of busy lately, but I’ll sure get back soon to my NEWTs studies.”

“As if you needed, Fenwick,” Dorcas said, “Weren’t you the one who got nine O’s on your OWLs last year?”

“Oh,” Benjy said with timid chuckle, “Yeah, I did.”

“Wow, you got _nine?_ ” Remus said to the Ravenclaw beside him, “That’s really brilliant, Benjy!”

The boy gave Remus an appreciative smile, which he returned, putting a hand on his knee. Lily thought they looked good together, and caught herself smiling just at the sight of the romance.

“Impressive,” Sirius said under his breath, _still glaring at his bottle._

“What was that?” Lily pushed.

He looked up at her at last with a deathly stare, and all eyes were at him now. He raised his eyebrow and gave her the fakest tight smile, if that could even be consider one -- more of a turn on the lips, “I said _impressive_.”

“Cheers, Black,” Benjy thanked with another smile. ‘Does this boy ever stop smiling?’, Lily thought. Sirius was not deserving of his innocent kindness.

James cleared his throat, “Busy with Quidditch, Benjy? If it is I better start worrying. You’re one of the best keepers I’ve ever seen.” _Why is he so nice?_ Potter, always breaking the cold atmosphere as if it was the easiest thing in the planet.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that...” Benjy said humbly.

“No, he’s right!” Marlene put in, “Matches with Ravenclaw are the worst, you carry that team on your back.”

Lily caught a roll of Sirius’ eyes.

“It’s not true, but thank you.” He said, “And it’s not Quidditch, actually. My mum has been asking me to perfect my Japanese, we’ll be visiting family over summer. And I figured since I was already studying languages, decided to pick up on some French. It has always interested me...”

“Ooh, French! Fancy,” Dorcas exclaimed, “I know some... Je m'appelle Dorcas. Je ne parle pas français, mais j'aimerais savoir où se trouvent les toilettes?”

Benjy gave a sweet giggle, “Ravi de vous rencontrer, Dorcas. Je dois dire que vous avez l'air attachant en ce bel après-midi. Et je n'ai aucune idée de l'endroit où se trouvent les toilettes.”

Dorcas laughed, “Yeah, I have no clue what you just said.”

“Que ne peux-tu pas faire, Benjy?” Sirius spurted out, suddenly.

“What?” Benjy asked, still kindly. _Sirius was not deserving of his innocent kindness,_ she thought again.

“I said, what _can't_ you do, Benjy?” He said, with the pettiest smile. Oh, Lily was going to kill him. “I mean, we have Mr. Superman sitting with us and no one told me! The bloke is a bloody genius, nine O’s on his OWLS, everybody! Nine O’s!” He gestured exaggeratedly with his hands, finally letting go of his bottle, “ _And_ , Quidditch legend! Ravenclaw’s biggest treasure, that's for sure! _And_ , yes there’s more, everybody, he speaks fluent Japanese _and_ French...”

Benjy was red with embarrassment in his entire face, and let out an awkward chuckle, “I don’t speak fluent Fren-”

“We have the future Merlin here with us! We better watch out!” He said finished with a scoff.

The table was silent. Everyone was staring at Sirius with widened, terrified eyes, except for Benjy, who was staring at his lap.

Sirius stared back at them for a moment, as if waiting for someone to continue to humiliate the poor boy. He then took a large gulp of his butterbeer and stood up with no trace of grace, “I have to go.”

“Where are you going?” Lily asked in the most intimidating tone she could pull.

He turned, already on his feet, “See MacDonald,” and left the pub, letting the door bang loudly after him.

James ran a hand threw his hair, and Lily stood up.

“Where are _you_ going?” Marlene asked.

“Check on Mary, as well,” she took the bag of sweets from the unoccupied seat she had left it, “See you guys later.”

As she stepped into the cold air, Lily looked both ways, searching for the mass of black hair in the street. It took her a brief second to spot the boy, walking rapidly.

“Black! Oi, Black!” She shouted, following after him, but he acted as if he didn't hear it, “Come here, you tosser!”

“Fuck off, Evans,” He shouted back, still not turning around. She stepped up, catching up to him and yanking his arm, making him face her.

“I thought you were going to see Mary,” she said, provokingly sweet, letting go of his arm.

“And I am.”

“Where?”

“I... I’m meeting her at Madam Puddifoot’s.” He answered.

“You’re heading the wrong way then,” she jerked her head back lightly, indicating the other side of the road, “It's this way.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, and she returned the look as if it was a competition. He walked past her without saying a word.

“You’re not gonna find her there, though.” She said loudly, not even bothering to turn around. They had their backs to each other.

She could hear him stop, “Because I do recall leaving her at my dorm and advising her to go see Madam Pomfrey for the migraine she had.” She turned around, but he was still frozen on the spot.

She just stared at his back until he finally turned, and started walking the other way, passing her.

“Still heading the wrong way,” she said as he had already passed her by five large steps.

He stopped again and turned quickly with an infuriated look.

“The castle is also this way,” she jerked her back again, and gave him the most ironic smile.

“What are you playing at?” He hissed, approaching her now so they were inches away.

“What the _fuck_ is up your arse?” She hissed back.

“Pardon?”

“What is wrong with you?” Lily said in a loud whisper, “I’ve know you for almost six years and I’ve never seen you be so... so hurtful. Even with Severus.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but no voice seemed to be able to come out. He closed it and clenched his sharp jaw.

“What do you have against Benjy? The poor thing never did anything to you!”

“You don’t know that!” Sirius hissed.

“No, actually, I do!” She said, crossing her arms, “I’ve seen you talk to him more than I’ve seen _Remus_ talk to him. You always chat with him during parties, always greets him in the corridors, and never had one bad thing to say about him. Ever.”

He opened his mouth again to speak, but Lily interrupted before he could, “And now you just treat him like pure _rubbish._ I’ve always known you could be bitter when you wanted to, but I surely underestimated you.”

They glared at each other for seconds, none of them saying anything. Lily was so heated she couldn't even feel cold anymore.

“Does it bother you that they are two boys?” She said, “Is that what this is?”

He huffed a sarcastic laugh, “Oh, please! You and James with this conversation! Just get married already.”

Lily knew her cheeks flushed with the comment, but she couldn't bother to pay attention to it now.

“No, Evans, I do not give a single shit that they are two blokes.” He responded.

“What is it, then?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing! It’s absolutely nothing.” Sirius snapped, “I have nothing against Fenwick or whatever it is he and Moony get up to.”

An absurd thought crossed Lily’s mind. ‘No, it’s impossible. Don’t be insane, Lily’, she said to herself, trying to keep her mouth shut. She lost the battle.

“Black, are you _jealous?_ ” She said in an almost whisper.

Sirius, who was starting to slowly turn around to leave due to her previous silence, turned his head to her with an insulted look in his face, “What?!”

She didn’t respond.

“You think this is _envy?_ You think I’m _envious_ of them?” He hissed, with narrowed eyes, “Don’t know if you recall, Evans, but I do have a girlfriend myself.”

“Oh, now you remember her!” She exclaimed with an ironic chuckle, “Because you didn't seem to for the entire afternoon!”

He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice seemed to be gone once again.

“And I never said you were _envious_ ,” Lily completed, green eyes piercing on grey.

He looked at her as if the biggest barbarity had just left her lips, “What are you trying to say, Evans?”

“I think you know exactly what I’m trying to say.”

He huffed as he started turning around, done with the discussion, “You are mental.”

“Am I? Am I really?” She said, “Try finding me a better explanation for the absolute tantrum you just pulled in there!”

“You’re saying I’m _jealous?_ ” He said, dumbstruck, “You think I’m _jealous_ of _Moony?_ ”

She just glared at him, knowing he would get even more irritated if she didn't respond.

“You don't know a single thing about me.”

“I think I know you better than you know yourself, Black,” she said, simply, “You think you can fool everyone with this perfect, flawless, has-their-shit-together persona, but I see right through this façade you put up.”

Sirius looked at her, horrified. Lily saw the fear in his eyes. “You think you know everything, don’t you? You think you are so smart and witty, you take pride on yourself for that. But the truth is, you don’t know shit!” He spitted out.

Lily decided not to respond and let him continue his speech, keeping her careless face on.

He scowled at her, “You’re trying to tell me you think you know who I am-- you don't know anything about me! I don’t give a fuck how long we’ve known each other. You don’t _know_ me.”

“And I’m going to be really clear so you can understand: I’m not fucking jealous. I’m not jealous of Moony, because guess what? I’m not fucking gay. Never have been, never will be. I’m all up for love is love and all that rubbish, but since it concerns you, I’ve never had the burning desire to suck a bloke off,” he finished, at last.

Lily just shot him a look of repugnance, “You’re disgusting.”

“And you are mental,” he returned, “Now if you excuse, I gotta go shag my _girl_ friend.”

He turned and left, leaving Lily alone in the street. She felt like she had just run a marathon, feeling like her legs were going to give out. She sat on the nearest bench and fought the urge to cry.

**-REMUS-**

They were all staring at each other, trying to process what the _fuck_ had just happened. Marlene had her infamous deathly glare on, and he could only imagine what she had in store for Sirius once she saw him. Peter and James were pale, and Dorcas just looked disappointed-- Remus knew that was the worst.

But Remus himself didn't even know how he was. He was confused, angry and shocked at the same time. He had never seen Sirius treat someone this bitterly, with such pure hatred; not even Snape. Out of all people, Sirius was the last one he expected to pull such a scene. Yes, his friend was a drama queen, but he would never have done something like this. Something so _low_.

And since when did Sirius dislike Benjy? Didn't everyone love Benjy?

They were having such a lovely afternoon. Benjy was hilarious, kind, polite and just an interesting individual all in all. He told Remus how he was visiting family in Japan over summer because his grandmother was ill, and how he always tried to do his best in school to make his parents proud, to let them know that coming to Europe was worth it, after all. He told Remus about his love for art, and how he wanted to be an artist when he grow up, and also help foreign children adapting to the UK, knowing how much racism and xenophobia rages in the streets.

Despite Benjy’s external beauty and charm, he was even more beautiful on the inside, and Remus found himself not wanting the day to end.

Until now.

Now, all he wanted to do was dig a hole in the ground and never get out. He was so embarrassed, he would've never had brought Benjy to hang out with his friends if he knew this was going to be the outcome.

James cleared his throat, “Well... that was, uhm... something.”

No one said anything, Benjy still had his head down. Remus wanted to hug him and never let him go. He didn't deserve this. But instead, Remus laced his hand with the boy’s, giving it a comforting squeeze. Benjy finally looked up, black eyes on hazel, and gave Remus a thankful turn on the lips. ‘How can he still be so sweet after hearing everything Sirius just spat at him-- because of me?’, Remus thought. He knew he shouldn't blame himself for it, but he found it impossible not to. Sirius was _his_ friend, after all.

James threw his arm around Peter’s shoulder, “Triple date it is, eh Petey boy?” He said, breaking the freezing cold tension with his famous James Potter Smile. Remus was so dearly thankful for his decision of befriending the messy haired boy back when they were eleven.

Peter shrugged James arm off with a huffed laugh, “Gerroff, you stupid sod!”

James laughed and grabbed the chubby boy’s face to give him a wet kiss on the cheek, which Peter responded with an _‘Urgh!’_

They all laughed awkwardly, but Remus just needed to leave.

He squeezed Benjy’s hand again and unlaced them, standing up, “I... I think we’re gonna go.”

The group nodded empathetically, and waved their goodbyes as the pair left the pub.

They were silent for a while as they returned to the castle, both with their hands in their pockets, looking at the ground, not knowing what to say. Remus couldn't hold in his guilt any longer.

“I’m really sorry, Benjy.”

Benjy gave him a tight, kind smile and shook his head, “It's not your fault, Remus.”

“No, it is.” He said, “He is _my_ friend, I should take responsibility for that.”

“No, you shouldn't. Black is seventeen, he knows exactly what he says and what he does,” the boy returned, in a more serious tone.

They were quiet again, but Remus couldn't think of anything else to say.

“I understand it, though.” Benjy broke the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s obviously jealous,” he explained, “I should've seen it coming, honestly.”

Remus felt like Benjy had suddenly started speaking French, or Japanese or whatever language it was. It was anything but English.

“What?”

Benjy furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused, “Didn’t you two, I don’t know... have something?”

Remus gaped. _What?_

The boy noticed his reaction, and shook his head, “Sorry! I... I just thought-”

“Nothing has ever happened between Sirius and I, Benjy.” Remus said with a half laugh. He must’ve missed the joke, there’s no way.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed, I...” He said, embarrassed, “It’s just... he is the reason why I was drawn to you, actually. I don’t even talk to him that often but every time we chat he finds a way to talk about you. He speaks so highly of you.”

Remus was speechless. Sirius and him? Him and Sirius? How could that thought ever cross someone’s mind?

_‘Except for yours,’_ a voice said inside his head, but he pushed it back immediately.

“We’re friends.” Remus clarified.

“Yes, of course...” Benjy said apologetically, “Sorry.”

The rest of the journey to the castle was completely silent, but once they arrived at the gates, Benjy insisted on walking Remus back to his common room.

“You’re gonna have to walk across the castle to get to the Ravenclaw Tower,” Remus said as they began to climb the staircases.

“I don’t mind,” Benjy said sweetly.

As they were reaching the Fat Lady’s portrait, Benjy placed a hand on Remus’s back, “I... I had a really good time today,” he said, and Remus gave him an incredulous look, making him laugh, “Despite some occurrences.”

Remus smiled, contaminated by Benjy’s grin, “Yeah, me too.”

They had arrived at the portrait now, and before Remus had the chance to announce the password and say his goodbye, Benjy said, “I would really like to do this again.”

“Yeah, me too.” Remus repeated softly.

They stared at each other awkwardly for a while, not knowing what to do next. Suddenly, Benjy smiled, and placed a hand on Remus’ arm. He ran his hand up to cup Remus’ cheek, and came closer to give him a sweet, brief kiss on the lips.

“I’ll see you around.” Benjy said, giving his arm a last squeeze and passing him, heading to his own tower.

Remus smiled to himself. “ _Virtus_ ”, he announced, and crossed the portrait hole.

But the grey eyes that met his made the smile on his face die.

“Moony,” Sirius said, standing up abruptly from the couch.


	7. Chapter 7: Astronomy Tower and Blue Nails

**-SIRIUS-**

“Moony,” Sirius said, standing up abruptly from the couch. He had been sitting there waiting for what felt like days, weeks. He didn’t even bother going to check on Mary, he couldn't miss if Remus arrived.

A bit after Sirius had arrived in the common room, Lily entered the portrait hole with blotchy red cheeks. His heart sank even further. They didn't even look at each other's ways when she stepped in, but both simultaneously acknowledged each other’s presence.

He knew Lily had arrived. Lily knew he was there.

She then followed up to her dorm. Sirius could hear the door slam even down from the common room.

Walking back to the castle after his fight with Lily, he fought to hold back his tears. _‘Don’t you dare shed a single tear, Sirius,’_ his mother’s voice echoed in his head. _‘Crying is for nancies, like your uncle. You are a man.’_ He hated how, even now living with the Potters, she still tormented his worst nightmares and controlled his emotions like a puppeteer.

Part of his guilt was because of the terrible words that came out of his mouth during his discussion with Lily. Not only was he horrid to her, but he felt like a true Black. He felt disgusted with himself.

He never thought a fight with _Evans_ would make him feel so shitty. Maybe he cared about her more than he knew.

Lily made him think more than he wanted to. He knew she had planted a seed on his mind. Well, rather just watered it-- the tiniest seed of all, burrowed deep, deep in the soil of his brain. The plant he had been trying to kill since he remembers how to think.

Lily was wrong.

She was wrong.

Jealousy, please.

But the biggest reason to why he was feeling like the biggest tosser on the planet was because of the scene he had pulled. Where did that come from?

He didn't lie when he told Lily he had nothing against Benjy. Sirius adored Benjy, truly. The bloke was always nice, harmless. Was funny like no one, and always top of the class, Dorcas coming close behind. So why was he so _fucking mean?_ He didn't even know he could be so hurtful to someone. Was that inside him all along? Was his Black roots coming to surface now? They would have to make an appearance one day, wouldn't they? It was his blood.

But the thing is, he wasn't even feeling as bad as he should be about Benjy. The problem was Remus.

He saw Remus’ face. The disappointment mixed with the shock and anger. The horrified look in his eyes. Moony, the person who understood him like no one. The one who knew exactly what to say or do to make him feel better, or just ‘stop being a sulky sod for once.’

‘Cut the shit, Padfoot,’ he would say.

Sirius knew Remus would blame himself for what he had said. He knew the boy would apologize to Benjy himself. The idea of that made him feel even worse.

Despite all the waiting, there were too many thoughts and too little time, and the portrait hole opened, revealing a grinning Remus. His stomach made all possible and impossible twirls and pirouettes.

The smile on Remus’ face died when their eyes met. Sirius felt his throat close up.

Remus glared at him with an expression Sirius couldn't quite read. He clenched his jaw, and looked down at his feet.

“Moony,” he repeated, stepping closer now.

“Don’t.” Remus put his hand up, mentioning Sirius to stop, “Don’t even bother.”

He began to head to the stairs still looking down, not daring to meet the grey pair of eyes searching desperately for the hazel ones.

“Moony, please,” Sirius implored. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to!” He blurted out, turning on his heel, finally facing Sirius, “Do you have any fucking idea of what you said? Of how you made him feel? You’re a rightful git, that’s what you are!”

Sirius seemed to have lost his voice for the millionth time in the past hour. He nodded shamefully, facing the ground.

“I thought...” Remus started, with an almost laugh, though it was sad, “I thought you would be the one who would support me. The one who would be happy for me.”

Sirius finally looked up to a Remus with eyes gleaming with unshed tears. The fight against his own seemed to be growing harder by the second.

“And now,” he continued, “you barely even touch me. How could I be so _stupid?_ ”

“No, no, Moony that’s not-” Sirius began, but was interrupted by the chattering coming from the entrance of the room. They all stopped once they saw them.

“There you are, you twat!” Marlene growled loudly, marching to his direction. “Oh, you better prepare yourself, ‘cause you’re about to hear so much from me!”

She advanced over him, but Remus put his arm in the way, between the two. “Marls. No.” He said, “Don’t make this a bigger of a scene than it already is.”

Marlene stepped back, still glaring at Sirius as if she was trying to make him explode into a million pieces just with her stare.

“I’m getting a headache already. Just... forget about it,” he said, giving Sirius one last sad look and climbing up the stairs to their dorm.

Sirius felt cornered, small. He wanted to disappear.

“No Moony to protect you now!” Marlene tried advancing over him again, but now it was James’ time to step in.

“McKinnon, stop,” he said, and gave Sirius a stern, classic Mrs. Potter look. “You heard Remus. Let’s just go.”

They didn't even look at him, just walked right past and went up to their dorm rooms. _He wanted to disappear._

It was a cold night, but Sirius didn't mind. Anything was better than staying inside the freezing tension in the dorm. He felt like all eyes were on him at the same time that no one dared to even look at his shadow. He just needed to get out of there.

It was late past curfew, a bit after midnight, so he took James’ cloak and headed to the Astronomy Tower. He liked going there since he could remember. It was his little spot, the highest tower of the castle. Late at night, everything was silent, and he could just breathe in all the magic from the Forbidden Forest, gaze at the stars that carried his family’s names. The sight of the stars and constellations always brought him peace. How ironic.

He had brought his pack of cigarettes. Sirius had been trying to stop with the habit, which he was introduced to by Remus when they were fifteen, but in times like these it was one of the only things that would help him calm down.

“Thought I’d find you here,” a voice came in, suddenly, snapping him out of his serenity. It was Marlene.

He sighed and looked away from her, “I’m really not in the mood, McKinnon.”

“Oh, aren't you?” She crossed her arms, and he looked back at her. They stared at each other for a while. “I’m not here to yell at you,” she said, losing her sassy tone.

He narrowed his eyes at her, not falling for it, “And I should believe that because..?”

She huffed. “Because if I were, I’d _already_ be yelling at you.”

She sat by his side, leaning back on the wall like him, and he stifled a smile. Despite all the bickering, Sirius really loved Marlene. He always saw her as a sister; they treated each other like siblings, after all. They provoked each other, fought, screamed, but he knew none of it would ever affect their friendship. He couldn't imagine what he would do if something ever happened to her.

She held out her palm, and he looked at it, confused, but placed his hand on top of it, shyly. She immediately shook him off, “Not your hand, you wanker!” Marlene said in an annoyed tone, though she was holding it a laugh, “I want a fag.”

He allowed himself to laugh now, and grabbed his packet of his cigarettes and tossed it at her lap.

They were in silence for a long time, both just enjoying each other’s company.

“How did you know I would be here?” He asked.

Marlene shrugged, “You’re pretty predictable. Astronomy, stars, Sirius... Not that hard.”

He snorted, looking down at this lap. “And I come here sometimes, too. It’s good place to think,” she said.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, “How come you don’t get caught?”

“How come _you_ don’t get caught?”

“Asked you first.”

She sighed with a smile, “You lads think you run this castle, but truth is, I'm the queen of this shit. No one would ever dare to snitch me to McGonagall,” she answered, simply.

“What about Filch?”

“He’s not _that_ smart, you know that? You boys are just stupid.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. Marlene was always the one he would let get away with talking to him like this, he knew she was never actually trying to be mean. Something he seemed to have lost control of, apparently. “And you?” She asked.

“Now, that’s a secret,” he answered as he took another drag of his fag.

She shoved him in the ribs, “I told you mine!”

“That wasn’t a _secret!_ ”

She pouted exaggeratedly, and he laughed. “Let’s just say James helps me.”

“He surely didn’t help you tonight.”

The smile on his face died and he stared back at his lap, guilt flooding up to his throat. Marlene didn't mean to bring it up like this, Sirius knew that, but his heart still ached nonetheless.

She let out a sigh, “Wanna talk about it?”

He blinked, fighting back the tears pricking his eyes. “I don’t know why I did that,” he said after a long silence. “I... I don’t know how that happened. You know me, I’m not that person. I thought I wasn't, at least,” he let out a sad muffled laugh. “Maybe I really am a Black after all.”

“You’re not like them, Sirius,” Marlene said. It felt more personal, they never called each other by their first names. It became even harder to fight against the tears.

“You don’t know that, McKinnon.”

“Yes. Yes, I do,” she put a hand on his knee, “I do know. You’re kind, loyal and a _good person._ You make mistakes sometimes, we all do. You’re nothing like them.”

He looked at her deep in the eyes. Oh, he was so thankful for her.

Sirius gave her a smirk, “Trying to seduce me?”

She shoved him hard in the shoulder, “I’m trying to help you, you idiot!” She laughed, “And I wouldn't hook up with you for my sins-- gay or not.”

He swallowed. The G-word. The word that terrified him since he was a kid.

Sirius wasn't gay, he knew that. But just the thought of being made him shiver. He saw how Uncle Alphard was treated by his family, how Mother talked about him as if he was a scum.

“You need to apologize,” Marlene said.

“I tried!” He cried out, louder than he predicted to be, “You saw it! I tried! He doesn't even want to look at me.”

“He’s not the only one you have to apologize to.”

Sirius sighed, “I know.”

They were quiet again, gazing at the stars.

“But I’ve got your back,” she said. “I always have.”

He looked back at her, surprised by the declaration, and gave her a tight, appreciative smile. “Cheers.”

She smiled back, “Look how civil we can be when we want to!”

He laughed. She could always make him smile, no matter how shitty he was feeling.

Just like Moony.

Moony. Fuck.

“I’ve been writing,” he said. He didn't feel like he would tell anyone about it, but Marlene seemed to be the right person to know, “I’ve been writing some songs.”

“Really?” She said with a half laugh, “Since when do you know how to _write?_ ”

He laughed loudly, “Fuck you.”

She grinned. “Can I read them?”

“If I feel like you’re deserving.”

She huffed a laugh, “Black, I’m your only friend right now. I’m reading them.”

“Minger,” he smiled.

“Prat.”

**-MARLENE-**

Marlene loved Sirius. Really, she did. But sometimes she just wanted to bang his head against a wall until he forgot his name.

They were all right to be mad at him, but Marlene couldn't. He was her brother, after all. Not blood related, obviously (the thought of being a Black made her shiver), but it was much stronger than that. If they were against him, she would be by his side. Always.

And honestly, she didn't understand why they were all _so_ pissed. Everyone says stupid shit once in a while. Yes, ok, fine, Remus and Lily had the right to be. But what did James and Peter have to do with it? No one called them, Merlin. Nosey gits.

And yes, Marlene knows she tends to get a _little_ overprotective of Sirius, but the blokes who call themselves his friends suddenly went cold on him for something that is not even about them. Please.

“I talked to Benjy,” Sirius said during a game of Exploding Snap, almost a week after the chaos. They were alone in the common room, the rest of their friends _minding their own business for once._

“Did you?” She asked, “How did it go?”

“He said it was fine. Said he understood I was probably having a bad day and just unloaded it on him,” he told. “No hard feelings.”

She gave him a tight smile, “Good.”

“Hope that’ll make Moony talk to me,” Sirius said. “And if Moony talks to me, James and Peter will do as well, and everything will go back to normal.”

“It better,” she raised her eyebrows. “We really need to go back to rehearsing. Never thought I’d miss it.”

He nodded, and their concentration went back to the game.

“You also need to talk to Lily.” Marlene added, still looking at her cards, “You two love acting as if you're not actually friends, but I saw how upset she was.” He looked at her over his deck. “And I know you are too,” she said.

He sighed. “I know. I’ll talk to her.”

They went silent again, concentrated on their cards.

“Ugh, I need to get drunk,” she whined. “It’s been forever!”

“Yes,” he laughed, “it has. We should throw a party... once this is all over.”

“Yeah, that would be nice,” she responded. “How’s Mary?”

“She’s fine.” Sirius shrugged, “Been a little weird lately, but I guess it’s also because of... you know.”

“We never told her about it.”

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, “Really?”

“Yeah, it had nothing to do with her, anyway.”

“Oh,” Sirius blinked, puzzled. “Well, uh... Guess everything’s fine, then.”

Marlene knew that wasn't exactly the truth. Sirius and Mary were the type of couple to love P.D.A. Really. Way too much. And since Sirius’ birthday, Marlene noticed Mary had been a little... off. She zoned out often, especially when her boyfriend was around. And when he wasn't, she didn't seem to want to make an effort to see him. Marlene saw there was something there, but she had to stick to her own rule: _mind your own business._

“Wanna go play something?” She suggested.

“Aren't we playing something already?” He scoffed.

She rolled her eyes, “No, _play_ something. I got this new bass and I’ve been dying to give it a go.”

“Oh,” he said. “Sure, let’s go.”

They figured the Room of Requirement would be the best place. Not only no one would bother them, but it was their rehearsal spot, after all.

Marlene got the tiny instrument from her pocket and undid the shrinking charm on her new bass. She had fallen madly in love when she saw the ad picture on The Quibbler, and when she saw it in person, she didn't even want to ask for the price-- she was taking it. The guitar was scarlet (‘Gryffindor, how convenient’) and glittery all over, and the sparkles would get brighter according to each musical chord. It was perfect.

She sat on one of the poufs and started playing the riffs to ‘I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction)’. Sirius sat on the one next to her, taping his foot to the beat of the song, humming the lyrics.

_I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction_

_'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try_

_I can't get no, I can't get no_

_When I'm drivin' in my car, and the man come on the radio_

_He's tellin' me more and more about some useless information_

_Supposed to fire my imagination_

“So?” He asked, “What do you think?”

She gave the strings a soft slap, making them stop. She sighed dreamily, “I think Dorcas has good competition for the spot of love of my life.”

Sirius laughed loudly, and she grinned. He raised slightly to get a piece of parchment in the back pocket of his trousers. He unfolded it, and Marlene noticed it was more than one. She quickly realized what it was.

“I, uhm...” He mumbled, “These are some songs... You know, the ones I told you about.” He handed them to her, “I went to get them when you went up to your dorm.”

“They’re not that good, really,” he said shyly. “But it’s something.”

She started reading the lyrics of the first piece.

_I think there's something you should know_

_I don't feel like myself, I'm not gonna lie_

_How would you know? It doesn't show_

_I think there's something you should know_

Wow.

_I feel so seen and I can't dream_

_Sleeping terrifies me, otherwise, I'm fine_

_See-saw back and forth, back on the door, back on the floor_

_Oh, please ignore me, I'm just feeling sorry for myself_

_Feeling like someone, like somebody else_

_Who don't feel himself_

_Paying for their wealth with their mental health_

_I'd like to meet myself and swap clothes_

_I think there's someplace I should go_

She brought her eyes back to him, who was waiting anxiously for her reaction.

“Black, this is...” She swallowed, trying to find her words, “This is... deep.”

He gave a half nervous, huffed laugh. “Yeah, uh... I don’t know, you wanted to see it. I don’t plan on actually using this one, it’s... kind of personal.”

She just nodded, not knowing what to say. 

Her heart sinked looking at him. Yes, Sirius could be a rightful prat. He could be stupid, bitter, rude, if he wanted to. But the thing is; he never wanted to. At least almost never.

What Marlene told him at the Astronomy Tower was true. He was a kind, sweet, good person. The poor thing went through so much-- abused in his own home; never received love from his own parents; always seen as a disappointment, a disgrace by the people who were supposed to love him the most.

None of it excused his stupid actions, but there was always something behind them. He knew how to be a git because he learned from the best.

And he was never like them. The only things he had in common with those people was a last name and high cheekbones. He was understanding, supportive, loyal and all the other traits you could wish for in a best friend. All the other traits you would look for in a _good person._

“There’s another one,” he said pointing to the parchments, snapping her out of her thoughts. “I think we could use that one.”

Marlene gave him a tight smile and switched parchments, putting the one with the first song behind the other. She ran her eyes over his words.

Oh, yes, this is _different._

_I think I worry a lot_

_I need to take it easy_

_I got this anxious feeling_

_But it goes away for a minute_

_When I'm with you breathing_

Uhm...

_I can taste it, my heart's breakin', please don't say_

_That you know, when you know_

_I can't take it, I'm inpatient, tell me baby_

_Now I know, you should go_

Oh. Okay.

Marlene met his eyes again, but his previously anxious eyes were now hopeful, and he was biting his thumb.

“And?” He asked, “What do you say?”

She nodded, and relaxed her face that she didn't even noticed was furrowed from trying to understand the lyrics. Read through them, more like. “It’s... it’s great.”

Sirius grinned, and she returned, “You think?”

“Yes! It’s really good. I underestimated you.”

He reached for the parchments and folded them, sliding it back to his pocket, still smiling.

“We just need to come up with the melody,” she said, “a song is not only the lyrics.”

“That’s one of the reasons why I’m showing _you._ ”

“What?”

He rolled his eyes, as if it was obvious. “You’re the creative one, the master behind it all-- and I trust _you_ to come up with a good tune.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Where did you get the idea that _I’m_ the creative one? I literally just play.”

He winked at her, “I know you have it in you.”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “Ok, fine, I’ll _try._ ” She said sighing, “But leave, then, your annoyance distracts me.”

He smiled at her from ear to ear, and grabbed her face to give her a kiss on the cheek. She shoved him off, “Do that again and forget about your stupid song.”

He laughed and got up, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the forehead and quickly stepping away, dodging her punch.

She watched him as he headed to the exit of the room. ‘Oh, you poor, sweet thing. What is it that you are not telling me?’

When he reached the door, he turned on his heels and gave her a mockingly flirty wave, wiggling his fingers, “Byesies!”

She half sighed, half laughed. Annoying fucker.

“Ok, to work, Marlene,” she said loudly to herself.

**-MARY-**

Mary knew she was being childish. 

Was the lyrics of that song still bothering her? Yes. 

Was going cold on her boyfriend the best way to deal with it? No.

But she couldn't help it. She didn't know what to do about it. Should she talk to him but also admit to going through his things? Should she just ignore it and act as if nothing had happened?

Perhaps that would be the best option-- she didn't want him to think she was crazy. Besides, Sirius didn't even seem to have noticed she was avoiding him.

She was sitting alone at the common room, doing her nails. Lily and Remus were down at the library, James and Peter up at their dorm and Marlene and Sirius were together somewhere. Dorcas was probably at her own common room.

Mary was an extrovert; loved being around other people-- but sometimes she just needed a break. Just a little moment by herself, so she could do her own things and relax a bit. Even if it was at the common room, where other people were. As long as no one bothered her, she was fine.

She was enjoying a record some student was playing at their own player. She went up to ask him what the album was, she had loved it. ‘Future Games’, by Fleetwood Mac. He let her take a look at the record, and said she could borrow it if she wanted. She thanked him with a smile, and asked him to play the album-titled song again. It was her favorite.

_Now, you were there last night_

_And oh, were you afraid_

_Of things we'd come upon_

_While playin' future games_

_But baby, it's alright and so have faith_

_Oh yeah_

_You invent the future that you want to face_

She was almost done with her nails when Sirius crossed the portrait hole. For the first time in almost two weeks, she decided to give him a smile. A genuine one.

He returned it, and sat beside her on the carpet. She had her hands on the coffee table, applying top coat.

“I like this color,” he said looking at her now blue nails.

She grinned, “Do you?”

“Yeah,” he grinned back. “Can you do mine?”

She looked up at him, thinking he was joking. “Are you serious?”

His face split into a smile, and she realized what she had said and prepared for his answer. “I’m always Sirius, my darling.”

She laughed and took his hand, putting it on top of the table and started applying the varnish.

They sat in silence, though not awkward, just enjoying each other’s company. He seemed to be in a good mood, and she let herself be intoxicated by it.

“Is everything alright with you?” He asked as he gave her his other hand. “You’ve been a little weird.”

She held in a sigh, still looking down at his nails. “Yeah,” she said and looked up to give him a tight smile. “Everything alright.”

“Sure?”

She nodded, and they were quiet again.

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted once she had finished.

Mary took his hand and gave it a kiss, then leaned in to do the same to his lips. “Me too.”

It was better this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, 2 things about this chapter:  
> 1\. i understand that sirius' pov might've been a little confusing. he contradicts himself a lot; thinks something and then thinks something completely opposite (e.g. how he thinks about how the word "gay" torments him, but immediately says that he knows he's straight), and i did that on purpose. sirius is facing an identity crisis, and he is extremely confused. i thought it was important to show how his own mind has so many thoughts and how he doesn’t know how to deal with all of them yet.  
> 2\. the lyrics sirius wrote actually exist! i thought it would be better to use lyrics from other songs because 1) im definitely not a songwriter lol, and 2) there are many songs that speak exactly what these lads are feeling/going through! so expect to see a lot of recognizable lyrics in the future! (btw, i'm choosing to use lyrics from modern songs [90s-2020s]. i figured it would be a nice touch of modernity to their era ;) hope you enjoy!)  
> the first song sirius shows marlene is "I Think There's Something You Should Know", by The 1975 (my all time favorite band!)  
> the second one is "Cry Baby", by The Neighbourhood (expect to see more of this song in the future *wink*)
> 
> also, don’t hesitate to leave a comment! they make my day :D


	8. Chapter 8: Apologies and Stares

**-LILY-**

Lily was starting to give up.

It had been almost a week and Black hadn't even _tried_ talking to her.

Well, to be fair, every time he came remotely close to her she would leave, but still.

It’s not like she missed him or anything, c’mon. They weren't even _friends_ friends; they were just in the same _group_ of friends, but they weren't really friends themselves... right?

Ok, ok, maybe Lily liked him more than she cared to admit. He was always around, and he has such a captivating energy that once you go without it... you miss it. So, ok, maybe Lily missed Sirius, but he was the one that should come and talk to her, not the other way around. And Lily wouldn't give in. But she hoped he would just _hurry up._

“Has Sirius talked to you yet?” She asked Remus when they were walking back to the common room after one of their study sessions. It was still early, only four o’clock in the afternoon, but they decided they were done for the day.

“Tried,” Remus responded. “Don’t wanna hear him, though.”

“Don’t you, I don’t know,” Lily said, “miss him?”

“I mean...” Remus sighed, “Yes. Yes, of course I miss him. He’s one of my best mates but... what he did was just-”

“Terrible, I know. But why don’t you just listen to him?” She suggested, “You can’t just not talk forever.”

He didn't say anything, so she continued, “And you have to admit, Remus, it was not _that_ much of a big deal.”

He widened his eyes at her, looking offended, and she hurried to correct herself, “No, no, I don't mean that you shouldn't be mad. You have all the right to be. It’s just... people say stupid things all the time. Maybe just give him a chance to apologize.”

He softened his gaze, and let out another sigh, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I know.”

“Benjy talked to him,” he told when they were almost at the portrait. It was Lily’s turn to wide her eyes.

“God, really? What did he tell you?”

“He said Sirius apologized, said he just had a bad day. I don’t buy it, but still.”

“How come?”

“Lily, I was with him that entire morning. I can assure you he was not having a bad day.”

 _‘Remember your theory, Lily,’_ a voice said in her head, but she shook it off. No theory. Stop being nosey and making assumptions of what you don't know, Evans.

“Well,” she said, “Benjy was the one who should be the most offended, and he still forgave him. Maybe it's your turn to do the same.”

Another sigh from Remus, and he shook his head, “I hate when you’re sensible.”

She smiled, and after she announced the password to the Fat Lady, they entered the common room.

And, to their delight, Sirius was there. Snogging Mary.

She looked over at Remus just as a reflex, but she kept her gaze as she noticed his lips were a straight line, and he had a clenched jaw. His eyes seemed to be trying to burn the couple on the couch.

Mary quickly noticed their presence, and teared apart from her boyfriend with flushed cheeks and swollen lips.

“Hiya!” She said with an embarrassed smile, though Lily knew she wasn't really embarrassed. Mary loved showing off.

Sirius turned around and his face fell almost instantly, his eyes going straight to Remus’.

“Hi,” he said.

Remus just nodded vaguely, and started to turn on his heel to go to his dorm room.

“Wait,” Sirius said, standing up quickly. “Moony, uh... Can we talk?”

Remus looked over at Lily for a moment, and she gave him a look of approval.

He sighed loudly. “I guess”, he said, jerking his head in the direction of the stairs.

Sirius gave him a tight smile and followed after him, the two boys disappearing under the dim light of the staircase and heading to their dorm.

Lily flopped on the couch next to Mary.

“What do you think that’s about?” She asked.

Lily shrugged, “No idea.”

**-SIRIUS-**

He didn't know what had fallen from the sky, but he couldn't believe his luck. _Moony accepted to talk to him._ Finally.

Remus sat on his bed, but Sirius was restless. He couldn't stop pacing around the room-- that reminded him of Remus when he came out to them. ‘Ok, don’t think of that right now.’

“So?” Remus asked, “What do you have to say?”

Sirius almost laughed. A week prior they were in opposite positions; one pushing the other impatiently to just _say_ what they wanted to say.

“Moony, I’m so, so sorry,” he started. “Really, this past week has been complete rubbish without you lot talking to me. Without _you_ talking to me.”

Remus just stared at him, and he waited for his response. “Go on.”

He again fought the urge to laugh. It would be inappropriate, but Merlin did he miss just _being_ around Remus.

“I really, truly, am sorry. It won’t ever happen again,” he pleaded.

Remus looked at him for a bit longer, then sighed. “That’s not the thing, Sirius,” he said.

**-REMUS-**

Remus wanted to forgive him. God, how did he want to. But he knew it wasn't just a stupid thing Sirius had said-- it was what was behind it.

He noticed how Sirius had shifted away after he came out, even with the little time they had before what happened in Hogsmeade. He missed Sirius like crazy, he even thought it was little weird, but he couldn't do that to himself. He couldn't just forgive him and continue to be friends with someone who didn't want to be near him because of who he was.

“That’s not the thing, Sirius,” Remus said. It would be hard, but he had to do it.

Sirius looked puzzled, but he seemed to try to not let that show. Remus knew him far too well for that to work.

“I noticed, ok?” He said, “I noticed how since I came out to you you don't even touch me anymore. The moment I said I liked blokes you just changed completely. I could see the change in your eyes when you looked at me.”

Sirius blinked, furrowing his eyebrows. “No,” he shook his head, coming closer to Remus now. “No, Moony, that’s... that’s so not what this is.”

“What is it, then?”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. Remus rolled his eyes and gave a huffed laugh, mentioning to get up and leave. He should've known sooner. He shouldn't have been so stupid.

“Yeah, I knew it.”

Sirius came even closer, taking his wrists and pushing them down, making him sit again. He was kneeling now in front of Remus with a desperate look on his face.

“Moony, please,” he said, still holding his wrists. If Remus thought about it too much he would lose focus. Don’t ask him why. “Moony, this has nothing to do with your sexuality. I couldn't care less about that.”

Remus blinked. Ouch.

“Okay, I mean,” he stammered, “I _do_ care because I’m your mate, but I don’t care because it makes no difference for me. You’re still the same Moony.”

Remus sighed, closing his eyes. “I don’t know, Sirius...”

“Please,” he said, still gripping his wrists tightly. Remus finally looked down at it.

“Blue nails?” He asked with a little chuckle.

Sirius looked at him confused for a moment, as if he had completely forgot about any other thing in the world. He looked down at his hands and let go of Remus’ wrists. “Yeah,” he said with a little laugh. “Mary did them for me. I kinda like it, actually.”

Mary.

Remus now remembered them all over each other just minutes ago. The hands that had been on her waist; that were on his wrists seconds apart. For some reason, it gave his stomach a funny feeling. It bothered him.

‘Except for yours,’ he remembered the thought he had when talking to Benjy when coming back from Sirius’ tantrum. The idea of him and Sirius seemed insane to cross someone's mind, ‘except for yours.’

He couldn't think about that. Not now, not ever. He never allowed himself to think about that again.

Ever since knowing himself better, Remus would get trapped in thoughts he didn't want. He would find himself noticing things about Sirius that he never seemed to have noticed before.

How he ties his hair in a bun when he plays Quidditch.

How his eyes gleam with mischief even at the mention of a prank.

His magnetic presence on stage.

His smile. That was the worst.

So he didn't allow himself to ever think about that. Every time the thought of it invaded his mind, he would immediately push it back. ‘We are just friends,’ he would tell himself. ‘Nothing wrong with acknowledging your friend’s beauty.’

“Do you like it?” Sirius snapped him back to reality.

“Hm?”

“My nails,” he said, “do you like them?”

He blinked, nodding quickly, “Yeah, it’s cool.”

Sirius broke into his famous grin. _‘Remus...’_ His subconscious reproached.

“Are we good, Moony?” He asked, piercing his grey eyes on Remus’. That was enough for him to give in.

He nodded, grinning now, “Yes, Padfoot. We’re good.”

Sirius’ smile widened, and Remus had to look away, masking it with a roll of his eyes.

He grabbed Remus’ head and gave it a hard kiss on the top, making him laugh.

“Ok, now I need to go talk to Evans,” he said as he stood up.

“Lily? What did you do?”

“Apparently I’ve been fucking up with everyone recently.”

Remus snorted, and Sirius left the room practically skipping.

He smiled to himself once alone, and flopped back on the bed. He was fool, but he didn't care-- he missed his friend.

**-SIRIUS-**

Apparently it was his lucky day, because when Sirius came down to the common room, he found Lily alone. Perfect.

He sat down next to her on the couch, but she didn't look at him. They both stared at the fireplace for a while.

“Sorry,” he said after a long silence. “Really, Evans. I... I was really nasty to you.”

She looked over at him, as if trying to read if he was being genuine or not. “You were,” she said finally, turning her gaze back to the fire.

He nodded, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s fine.”

Sirius turned to her, stifling a smile. “Really?”

Lily looked back at him, now grinning, “Yes.”

He wasted no time, and practically jumped over her, enveloping the redhead in a huge, tight hug, making her laugh hysterically.

“Let me go, you dickhead!”

“You missed me, didn't you?” He said, unlacing himself from her still smiling from ear to ear.

“You clearly missed me more!”

“So you missed me?”

She shoved him in the ribs with a huffed laugh, “No.”

“Well, I have to admit it,” he said, “I missed my favourite manager.”

“Do you have any other?” She teased.

“No, but you’re still my favorite.”

“Tosser,” she rolled her eyes. Sirius was seventeen, it was time to come to his senses: he liked Evans. He tried not to, but she really was cool. And plus, she wasn't friends with Snivellus anymore. Maybe now she would even accept him as James’ best man at their wedding (oh yes, he knew they would get married. James would never give up on her-- and to be honest, he wouldn't let him.)

“How did it go with Remus?”

Sirius couldn't help but smile at the thought of that. Merlin, he was so happy. He finally got Moony back. “Great. Friends again.”

She smiled back, “Good. Now behave.”

“Yes, mum.”

“Why does everyone keep calling me mum now?!”

**-JAMES-**

Everything was back to normal. Remus and Sirius had made up, and the band was back in action. Marlene had suggested for them to throw a party at the tower on Saturday, and no one even hesitated. They were all desperate to get drunk, even James-- the more ‘controlled’ one.

It wasn't that James didn't like alcohol, but his health was more important. His friends would thank him one day for all the advice he constantly gives.

“Ok, so we’ve got The Jean Genie, Black Dog,” Lily said looking down at their setlist after their rehearsal for the party. It would be their first show after the whole fight, “fan favorites; Jeepster, Lola and Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy. Any others?”

They looked at each other briefly and Peter shrugged, “I think that’s it, Lils.”

Marlene and Sirius shared a look James didn't quite understand as Lily folded the parchment, and Marlene raised her eyebrow, pushing the boy to speak.

“Actually,” he said half-aloud, “I... I have a song.”

They all looked at him waiting for him to speak, but he didn't. “And what is it?” Lily asked, “Not another Queen song, is it? Reckon if your inner Freddie comes out for more than three minutes you’d explode.”

He gave a nervous laugh, “No, uh... It’s mine, actually. I wrote it,” he looked over at the blonde girl, “and McKinnon came up with the melody.”

The other three friends shared confused looks. Was he serious? James laughed mentally at the accidental pun, but still. Sirius Black, writing a song?

“I thought that was Moony’s job,” Peter said.

“Can't I write too?” Sirius snapped. “And besides, Moony hasn't even written anything for us yet.”

“Pads, uh,” James stuttered, “I don’t think we have time to work on a new song. The party is the day after tomorrow.”

“It’s not that hard,” Marlene put in, “I promise. I made sure of that.”

Sirius looked at them with hopeful eyes, and James had no choice but to give in. He could see how bad his friend wanted this.

“Let’s take a look, shall we?” He said with a grin, which Sirius returned.

Turned out Sirius’ song, ‘Cry Baby’, was really good, and they all liked it immediately. They decided not to tell anyone about it, though. Make it a surprise. James didn't really understand, but it was Sirius’ request, so they all agreed.

The party was, as to be expected, full, and this time they decided to go down and drink a bit instead of staying up at the dorm before the concert.

Soon enough, James realized that wasn't the brightest idea-- Marlene and Peter were pretty tipsy, and Sirius was pissed. Lily had her cheeks red due to the alcohol, and James had to fight the urge to sigh every time he looked at her.

“Potter!” She exclaimed approaching him, swinging her arms around his neck.

He grabbed her waist to keep her still. “Evans. Uh, had a bit too much to drink, eh?”

She shrugged exaggeratedly, “Meeeh, jussst the right amount.”

James chuckled. How could she be _so beautiful_ in all her states? That wasn't fair.

“Let’s get you some water, ok?”

He took her hand (and tried not to panic about it) and leaded her to the table where they usually kept the drinks, grabbing her a bottle of water. She chugged it like a middle-aged man in a bar.

“My hero!” She threw her hands in the air.

He laughed, “Anything for you.”

Lily batted her eyelashes, and he lost the sighing battle.  
“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just...” He said, “You’re beautiful.”

Her face split into a wide grin, and he felt his entire face blush by it. Merlin, he was whipped.

“Wasssssssuuuup!!!” Sirius appeared in between them, swinging his arms around each of their necks. If James were drunk like them, there was no doubt they would’ve fallen.

“Ello, Black!” Lily said, still smiling.

“Evans,” he nodded drunkenly. “What are you two lovebirds up to?”

Lily combusted into giggles, “Nofffing much since you- Hey, look!”

She pointed to a little corner to their right, where they could see two people. To be honest, they were snogging so fiercely it just seemed like a really big man. ‘Looks like Hagrid,’ James laughed to himself.

He squinted his eyes trying to identify the pair, the alcohol making it hard for him even with glasses.

Shit, it’s Moony!

“Remus getting it oooon!” She jeered.

James laughed at both her comment and the sight of his friend practically eating Benjy Fenwick’s face off. He had never seen Remus like that-- probably consequence of the alcohol.

He looked over at Sirius, and he suddenly seemed to be completely sober. The drunk smile on his face had died, and James realized it was definitely not a good idea to keep him there for too long.

“Remus!” Lily shouted, “Remus Lupin! Come here, you little cannibal!”

The couple sprung apart in a shock, and looked anxiously for the voice calling them from the other side of the room.

“Evans, I don’t think that’s a good id-”

“Remus!” She ignored him, waving frantically at the two boys, “Over here! Come here!”

They found them quickly after the last call, and walked shamefully to the trio. Sirius was looking down at his cup.

“Hello, you two!” Lily greeted with a smirk. “Remus, I believe your mother has taught you more decency than this!”

“Piss off,” he responded drunkenly, returning her smirk. She gave him a light slap across the chess, making him laugh.

The two of them were both clearly drunk as well. James was prepared for disaster.

“You two enjoying the party?” James asked.

“Well, clearly!” Lily answered for them, making them chuckle.

Benjy nodded, “Yes, James, it’s been great. Can’t wait for you guys’ show, though.”

“We’ll be up in five,” James said.

“What songs are you lads doing tonight?” Remus asked.

“Oh, we’ve got Black Dog, Jeepster,” Lily started, counting the songs on her fingers, “Jean Genie- oh, I love that one! Aaaand we’ve got a little surprise!” She said, nudging Sirius repeatedly.

He gave her a tight, uncomfortable smile, and looked back down to his cup.

“Surprise?” Remus furrowed his eyebrows.

“A surprise is a surprise, Moony,” Sirius said, finally looking up.

“I’m excited, then,” he responded chirpily.

“I would want _you_ to.”

“What do you mean?”

Sirius shrugged, taking a big sip of his drink. “Nothing. Just... I would pay attention, if I were you.”

Remus looked puzzled, Benjy looked annoyed and Lily was looking as if she was going to explode with the giggles she was trying to hold in.

“Well, I guess that’s our cue!” James announced. Even he was too drunk to decipher this riddle. “Let’s go, lads!”

**-MARY-**

“GOOD NIGHT, GRYFFINDOR TOWEEEEER!” Sirius announced into the microphone, making all the attention of the room shift to him. Mary quickly took her place in the crowd, almost immediately joined by Dorcas, Remus and Benjy.

The crowd cheered excitingly, and ‘Lola’ started playing loudly from the stage.

_Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man_   
_But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man_   
_And so is Lola_   
_La-la-la-la Lola_

All the students were dancing and singing the lyrics fiercely. Mary wondered if they were ever going to fail at bringing everyone such joy.

It went on like this during the rest of the concert, and by the time ‘Black Dog’ was over, Mary was panting with all the jumping. Sirius was the drunkest he had ever been on stage, and maybe overdoing his performance a bit, but no one seemed to mind. He had on what was now normal to see him wearing: something out of a Rolling Stone cover.

“You want it to be over?!” He asked the crowd.

“No!” They shouted back.

“I wanna hear it louder!”

“NO!”

He laughed gracefully, “Well, then, your wish is my command!”

They all clapped, screamed and whistled. Mary grinned from ear to ear with pride of her boyfriend.

“Now, we have a little surprise for you, my beautiful people,” he said. “This is ‘Cry Baby’, written by yours truly. Hope you enjoy.”

An original? Was this going to be one of the songs she had read?

Mary suddenly found herself anxious. She was trying to forget about it and move on.

The audience went mad with the announcement, and Peter started drumming the intro to the music.

_I think I talk too much_

_I need to listen, baby_

_I need to listen, baby_

_I need to listen good_

_I think I try too hard_

_How I look, what I do, what I'm sayin', ah_

_I spend too much time explainin' myself_

_I hope there's some time to change it_

Ok, that doesn't sound like it. Maybe she had just found a scrap. It wasn't a full song, anyway, just some random verses.

_I can taste it, my heart's breakin', please don't say_

_That you know, when you know_

_I can't take it, I'm inpatient, tell me baby_

_Now I know, you should go_

Was this one about her? It didn't seem like it. His heart is... breaking?

_I know I'll fall in love with you, baby_

_And that's not what I wanna do_

_I hope you won't ever lie to me_

_And if you do, I know I won't be your cry baby_

‘Don’t panic, Mary. Don’t panic. It doesn't have to mean anything, it's just a song.’

She couldn't.

She couldn't bring herself to enjoy the concert anymore. It was clearly not about her.

But... he seemed to be looking at her.

Yes, he was looking at her. She was right there, almost at the front of the stage, there was no way she would miss it. Maybe it was about her and she just wasn't understanding it.

She decided to test it by giving him a little wave.

He didn't even seem to notice.

_Cry baby, cry baby_

_I need to cry, baby_

_Cry baby, cry baby_

_You need to cry, baby_

_Cry baby, cry baby_

_We need to cry_

_And if we do, I know that would be alright_

The song ended and everyone cheered fiercely, but Sirius was still glaring at Mary’s direction. Except that it wasn't at _her_. She started looking around frantically for who would maybe be the girl he was staring at, but there was no one that could be.

But then she looked to her side.

The person right next to her.

He was frozen on the spot. Wasn’t clapping, screaming, cheering.

He had his mouth slightly gaped and was holding onto his cup, trying not to drop it.

He was the one Sirius was looking at this whole time. He was the one who was _staring back_ at him this whole time.

It was Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, 'Cry Baby' is a song by The Neighbourhood :)


	9. Chapter 9: Window Ledges and Jimmy Page

**-MARLENE-**

Weird.

‘Weird’ was all Marlene could think. ‘Odd,’ maybe, too.

Sirius had been really nervous about performing his song for the first time. It was an original, after all-- and although he would always say he didn't care about what other people thought, this was different.

Everyone seemed to have loved it. The crowd was cheering, dancing, jumping around. Clapping to the sound of Peter’s drums, some even quickly picking up on the lyrics and singing along once they repeated.

Black was always a sight for sore eyes on stage. He walked around as if he owned it, tossing his jet black long locks back and forth, running his hands over his body and even sometimes bending down to the people on the first row to sing in their faces. You would never see him standing still-- he was always moving. You'd expect him to do the same during his own song. The one he wrote. The one he was so excited about. But he didn't.

Marlene had never seen him so motionless during a performance. He gripped tightly onto the microphone stand, singing with such passion-- but he was static. Didn't dance, jump. Feet glued on the ground.

Perhaps it was the nerves, she assumed at first. She dismissed that idea quickly, though. Sirius was nervous about it, yes, but once he stepped on stage it was like all his anxiety and worries just evaporated from his body and he was left with nothing but fierceness and confidence.

But this was different. It was like he was singing to someone, someone in the crowd. The obvious guess would be Mary, but once Marlene glanced at the girl, she rapidly realized her friend was trying to do the same thing as her: figure out who Sirius was singing to. Mary, Remus, Benjy and Dorcas were all side by side. Dorcas grinning from ear to ear and clapping along. Marlene would never allow herself to look too much at her girlfriend while performing-- she would lose focus, trapped in her gleaming smile.

She glanced over at James once, trying to see if he had noticed the same thing as her, but he was too absorbed into his own guitar. So, she decided to try and follow Sirius’ eye line. He was looking at Mary.

Oh, that was easy. It was Mary. His girlfriend.

She glanced over at her friend again, and she still had a desperate look on her face. Anxious eyes, looking around viciously at the students around her.

Marlene then, as more of a mere glance over than anything, looked at the person standing beside Mary. Remus.

The boy had Sirius’ posture practically mirrored. Standing still, grabbing onto his cup-- replacement for a microphone stand. He had his eyes wide, penetrated into the boy on stage. His mouth slightly gaped, as if almost being possessed by Sirius.

It can't be. It’s not _Remus_ , is it?

Sirius is not singing to Remus.

She looked back in forth, in the most subtle way she could, to see if her eyes were deceiving her. They weren't. Sirius had his eyes glued on Remus’. Approval, maybe? Sirius always cared about Remus’ opinion and what he had to say, so obviously his friend’s thoughts about his song would be of great importance.

But was it approval? Was Sirius just trying to see if the boy liked the music?

Once the song finished, everyone applauded and whistled, and Sirius was still static. The band bowed, and Marlene had to tug on the frontman’s sleeve to take him out of his transit and follow their reverence.

“Everything alright?” She whispered to him over the cheering.

He pulled his eyes away from the crowd and blinked at her, as if still trying to get back to reality. He swallowed, “Yeah, yeah, everything alright.”

She gave him a tight smile and nodded, and the band left the stage.

They were quickly pulled into Lily’s embrace (she had to be rather drunk to not mind the sweat), and Dorcas came hurriedly to follow along.

After springing apart from her girlfriend, Marlene looked around for the rest of her friends. “Where’s the rest?”

“Oh, Remus and Benjy are over there, still,” she jerked her head in the direction of the spot they took during the show.

“And Mary?”

“Poor thing went upstairs,” she answered with pity eyes, “said she had a headache.”

 _‘Headache, my arse,’_ Marlene thought. She was jumping around nonstop during the entire-- well, almost entire --show. She looked perfectly fine. Grinning from ear to ear, until the last five minutes of the band on stage when the smile was washed away from her face.

“I think I’ll go check up on her,” Marlene told Dorcas, already turning on her heel in the direction of the staircase.

“You sure, love? Want me to come with you?”

“I’m good!” She yelled, climbing the stairs, “Be right back!”

She opened the door to their dorm room carefully, not knowing what to expect. Mary could be crying, screaming, trying to kill herself-- ok, that’s a bit too much, Marlene. But Mary was none of these things. She was sitting on their window ledge, arms wrapped around her legs. She was looking out the window, moonlight gleaming on her tan skin.

“Mary?” She called softly, slowly stepping forward in her direction, “Everything okay?”

She didn't respond. Mary seemed to be in such a deep train of thought, eyes unfocused glaring at the night sky, that she couldn't even hear Marlene talking to her.

Marlene approached the window ledge and sat in front of her, mirroring her position. The girl still didn't seem to acknowledge her presence. They sat in silence for a while, Marlene not knowing what to say, and Mary inside her own thoughts.

“I’m going crazy,” Mary said suddenly in a whisper, still looking out the window.

“What?” Marlene asked, keeping her soft tone.

“Crazy. I’m going crazy. Mental, absolutely mental. Paranoid.”

“Mary, what are you talking about?”

She had her eyebrows drawn together, eyes gleaming like glass glaring at the stars. “I’m paranoid. I’m... I’m seeing things. Seeing things where there aren't. I never thought I'd get to this point.”

Marlene didn't know what to say, so she just let her vent. “I go through his things, I... I go cold on him for weeks and I became so paranoid I see absurd, completely mental things,” she said with a huffed laugh, though it was sad, “I read his songs and I went mad because I couldn't fit into them. Then I avoided him because I felt so utterly pathetic... but then I forgave him-- without him even knowing.”

“And now,” Mary continued after a few beats, “I’m up at my dorm because he wasn't looking at me during his song, which I once again couldn't fit into because _it wasn't about me_. And I thought to myself, ‘not everything's about you, Mary. It doesn't have to be. This is... this is how songs are written.’ But then I looked over...” She sighed and looked down, giving up on finishing her sentence.

“Mary, you’re not mental,” Marlene said, receiving a snort. “You’re not. What are you talking about? What do you think you saw?”

“I couldn't possibly tell you,” she responded, furrowing her eyebrows even more, “it's so insane and absurd. It’s not even worth saying out loud.”

“What did you see, Mary?” She insisted. Could Mary have seen the same thing as her?

“I... I can’t tell you, Marls. I can’t.”

“Mary. Tell me.”

She finally pulled her eyes away from the window, though still not looking at Marlene-- she set her glare at the room behind her shoulder.

“He was looking at him,” she told in an even lower whisper, as if it was more to herself than to Marlene. “Remus.”

Marlene blinked. Her eyes didn't deceive her like she thought they had if someone else had also seen it. It just hurt her that that _someone else_ was Mary. The girl put her head down, staring at her own knees, seeming to be fighting the urge to cry.

“Mary, you’re not crazy,” she said, once again receiving a snort. “I’m serious.”

Mary shook her head, and Marlene took a deep breath. “I saw it too.”

Her friend whipped her head up immediately, eyes finally meeting the girl’s in front of her.

“You didn't.”

“I did.”

She shook her head again, “You didn't, Marls. You didn't because there was nothing to see.”

“No, I did.” She said in a louder, yet still soft, tone. “I saw it, Mary. He was looking at him. The whole time.”

Mary brought her eyes back to Marlene and they stared at each other for long seconds before she let out a shaky breath and looked down at her lap once again. “I don't know what to do. I don't even know what this _means._ ”

Marlene gave a little shrug, “Talk to him.”

“What?” She asked, with wide incredulous eyes.

“Talk to him. Ask him about it.”

“And expect what? Him to tell me ‘oh yes, MacDonald, I was singing to Remus because I'm desperately, hopelessly in love with my best mate’?”

“Yes?”

Mary snorted with a roll of her eyes, “Now you’re the mental one.”

“Mary, what else do you want?!”

“Peace!” She lifted her voice for the first time, “I want peace, Marlene! That’s all I want!”

“Then break up with him.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Because?”

“ _Because._ I care about him.”

“So do I,” Marlene said simply.

“But it's different. And he’s my friend. I don't want to lose my friendship with him.”

“I never said it had to be an ugly breakup. Talk to him. Confront him about what you saw.”

“And then _he’s_ gonna call me crazy!” Mary cried out, “Imagine me telling him I saw him staring at his best friend for _too long_. What is he gonna say? He’s straight, Marls.”

“Is he?”

“Of course.”

“Is he, now?”

Mary gave her a stern look, “Yes.”

“Sirius never looked straight to me...” She returned quietly. That was true. Marlene remembers being utterly confused when Sirius announced he was dating that Mia Lopez girl back in fourth year. She never said anything, of course, but she had always been waiting for the moment he would tell her he was gay. But he never did.

“You should never assume someone's sexuality based on how they present themselves, Marlene,” Mary scolded.

She raised her hands in defense, “I know, I know. I’m just saying. If maybe you asked him...”

“You know what? I’m done!” She snapped, standing up at once, “I don't want to talk about this anymore. What we think we saw is not what we think we say, ok? I’m gonna go back to the party and congratulate my boyfriend on his performance.”

She turned on her heel and marched to the door. Once she was passing the doorway, Marlene called, “You never congratulated me.”

Mary turned back to look at her with confused eyes, but then softened her gaze, “Congratulations, my love.”

She left the room, leaving Marlene sitting alone on the window ledge.

**-REMUS-**

“Remus?” He vaguely heard a voice call.

Remus’ mind was running and frozen at the same time. He didn't know exactly what to make out of what he had just seen. Heard.

It wasn't anything in particular-- it was more of the moment in itself and everything it brought. Grey eyes glued on his, words turned into lyrics coming out of Sirius’ mouth on stage. The way his stomach dropped so low at a point he thought he was going to have to leave and go lay down. But why?

The song was great. Brilliant, actually. Remus never imagined Sirius had been writing. He assumed he was the only one who would be (though he still hadn't given them any material, and the song he had shown Lily was more of a sample than something he would actually want the band to perform). It was the way Sirius’ eyes were pierced into his, the way he had felt almost as if hypnotized by them that he couldn't do anything but stare back, while his stomach twisted and turned in ways it had never before.

Sirius’ words. His lyrics. His voice. His hands gripping onto the microphone...

“Remus?” The voice came again, louder this time, accompanied by a tight tugging on his sleeve, bringing him back from his thoughts.

He blinked. It was Benjy. He looked around the crowded room to realize the band had already left the stage and the party was back in action.

He gave the boy a smile, “Hi.”

Benjy exhaled hard through his nose, “Hey.” He looked bothered.

“Uh, enjoyed the show?”

“Yes. Brilliant.”

They stared at each other awkwardly, Remus not knowing what to say. He had never felt this way near Benjy. There was never an awkward silence with him, the boy would always fill in the quietness with a little comment, a change of subject or even just a smile.

“You enjoyed it?” Benjy said finally, still looking uneasy.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, of course. Their last song was-”

“Heeeello, my favorite lovebugs!” A drunk voice rescued Remus. James. He slung his arms over his shoulders from behind, making Remus stumble into Benjy.

He gave Benjy an apologetic tight smile and freed himself from his friend, turning to face him. James had his cheeks flushed and was grinning from ear to ear, hair even messier than normal.

“Prongs, are you _drunk?_ ”

“Evans made me take a couple-too-many shots in celebration for an ‘outstanding award-winning performance’,” he told dramatically, waving his hand freely, “isn't she the _best?!_ ”

Remus laughed, nodding, “Yes, Prongs, she’s great.”

“She even told me I looked like Jimmy Page up there,” he said, making Remus laugh even more. He leaned in closer and put a hand around his mouth gesturing to tell a secret, though he didn't low his voice, “Can't tell that to Mr. Padfoot, though, or I think he’ll just snog me. He told me once that he was a really fit bloke and that if he were a girl he would definitely have a crush on him. And then I told him, ‘nooo, Padfoot, you don't have to be a girl to have a crush on him and it's ok if you have,’ and then he said he definitely didn't have a crush on him but... We all know he does,” he winked goofily.

Benjy smiled at James, but it never met his eyes. James slapped his mouth, “Don't tell him I said that!”

Remus put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady and gave him a nod, “We won’t, James, don't worry. Why don't you just go back to Evans, eh?”

“Good idea, Moony! Always Moony with the good ideas!” He responded brightly and nudged Benjy on the ribs, “You got a good one over here, Mr. Fenwick.”

“Ha!” He chuckled. Remus couldn't tell if he was being genuine.

“Ok! Gotta go, see ya!” James turned around with a little jump and went back to the area where Remus could spot a grinning redhead dancing.

Remus turned to Benjy, who had his hands on his jeans pockets and was looking at the ground. “So, do you want to go get a drink or-”

“I think I’m gonna go, Remus,” he cut in.

“What? Why?”

“I... I’m just tired, s’all.”

Remus blinked, “Oh. Ok. Do you want me to walk you to your tower?”

“Don’t worry, I know my way back.”

“I know but-”

“Good night, Remus,” he gave his arm a squeeze and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before making a beeline to the portrait hole.

Remus sighed, being left alone in the middle of dozens of groups of drunk people. He decided he needed a drink to wash down this rather tense exchange.

As he was pouring himself another cup of Firewhisky, another voice approached. This one he recognized at the instant. It was the voice he had just heard sing.

“Hiya, Moony!” Sirius greeted with a smile. A very drunk smile.

He took a sip of his drink. “Hi, Pads. Great show tonight.”

Sirius’ grin grew wider, and Remus had to concentrate not to lose focus on it, “You think so?”

“Yeah, it was brill.”

“I’m glad you liked it, Moonymoons.” He came closer, stepping into Remus’ personal space, “I’m truly glad you liked it.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to have lost his ability to form words. “What about my song? D’you like it?” Sirius asked softly.

He pulled his eyes away from Sirius’, he couldn't bare it anymore. He took a little step backwards so they weren't too close took a big gulp of his drink. He looked down at his feet, “It was amazing, Sirius,” he said. He glanced back up at the boy, “ _Seriously._ ”

As if even possible, Sirius’ grin widened even more with the pun, and that was it. Remus downed the rest of his cup and immediately grabbed the bottle to refill it.

“Oh-oh, Drunk Moony is on his way!”

Remus smirked, “Have to keep up with you, eh?”

Sirius’ cheek took a dark red color, and he nudged Remus on the shoulder, making him spill some of the liquid.

“Oi!”

He didn't say anything else, just kept looking at Remus with a smile plastered on his face. Remus wondered if his cheeks hurt. Probably did.

Sirius cleared his throat, “Where’s Benjy?”

“Oh, uh, he... he left.”

“And are you guys like... dating?” He asked lowly.

Remus pondered about that for a second. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d say so.”

Sirius nodded slowly, and kept his gaze on the ground. “Right,” he sighed, looking up again, “happy for you, Moonbeam. Drink safely, eh?”

He chuckled, “I have you as an example.”

Another beaming smile from Sirius and he was gone. Remus was left alone for the second time by a boy at the party, though for some reason this time it hurt more.

**-SIRIUS-**

Sirius was seeing everything twisted due to the alcohol. Feeling everything twisted due to something else. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he didn't like it. He was trilled everyone seemed to have loved his original. Less than fifteen minutes after the end of the gig, dozens of people had already approached him to congratulate him and say it was already stuck in their heads. “This is just the beginning,” he would tell them.

But he had to talk to Moony. It was all he could think about, ‘find Remus,’ ‘where’s Remus?’

He saw him by himself by the drink-table. By himself. Alone. No Fenwick. Yes.

‘What are you on about, Sirius?’ He shook his head at himself.

Talking to Moony always made him feel better. His approval, his reassurance. Anyone could tell him he was a rubbish, but if Remus didn't, nothing else mattered.

So he talked to him. He liked it. Moony had liked it!

He knew he had the silliest smile on his face, but he didn't care. He was too drunk to care. Sometimes just looking at Remus made him smile, but when sober he had the common sense to hold it in. The alcohol allowed him to grin freely.

It was just that Remus was always comforting. Being around him was comforting. He felt safe, and at the same time the crazy urge to protect the boy from any harm in the world. He knew he could do it for himself, Remus was independent and strong enough, but he didn't want him to. He wanted to be there for him, always.

Moony and his madly oversized jumpers-- at this point he even smelled like wool. And chocolate. And books. Old books, more specifically. The ones he would always bring back from the library. The ones Sirius would make fun of him for reading because _they weren't even studying about that._ But Moony didn't care. He found them interesting. There was even one time Sirius read one of the books just so Remus could have someone to talk to about it. As to be expected, the book was completely dull, but the smile on his face when-

“Hi, handsome,” a voice broke in to his thoughts. He was never so thankful for an interruption.

“MacDonald,” he greeted his girlfriend with a smile. She had blotchy red cheeks. Was she crying? Nah, she was probably drunk as well.

“Beautiful show tonight,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

He looked down to give her a brief appreciative kiss on the lips, “Well thank you.”

“ _You_ were beautiful tonight.”

He smirked wickedly, “Was I?”

She nodded, returning his look and playing with the buttons of his shirt, “I was thinking if we could have some privacy.”

Sirius grinned maliciously, slipping his hands to her hips. “Don’t tell me twice.”

He leaded her to one of the broom cupboards of the common room. That will do.

It was already four in the morning when they headed back to their dorm. James was knocking everything in his way, and Peter and Remus had to put their hands on his shoulder and guide him all the way to his bed. Sirius was too busy laughing at the disaster.

He cleaned up and changed into his pyjamas, and when he exited the bathroom all his friends' curtains were already drawn in. He got under his sheets and closed his own drapes. He tossed and turned for what felt like hours (though it had probably been around twenty minutes). He sat on the bed and his feet met the cold-stoned floor, and he quickly made his way to the bed across from his.

He shook the curtains lightly. “Moony,” he whispered. “Moony, you awake?”

The thick fabric parted. “Now I am. What’s up?”

“Can I come in?”

Remus sighed, “Get in, you tosser.” He shifted slightly, drawing his legs closer to him giving Sirius space to sit at the end of the bed, across from him. Once he settled in, Remus closed the curtains back again.

“ _Abaffiato,_ ” Sirius casted in a mutter. He smiled, “I’ll never get tired of this.”

Remus huffed a laugh, “You daft.”

He laughed back. They were in silence for a couple of beats before Remus asked, “So? What’s up?”

Sirius shrugged, “Can’t sleep.”

“So _I_ have to stay awake because _you_ can’t sleep?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Remus nudged his toe, “Wanker.”

“Did you really like my song?” Sirius asked after a while.

“I said I did, didn't I?”

“I know, it's just... I care about your opinion, y’know?”

Remus’ face split with a grin. Sirius had to look away. “I’m flattered, Padfoot. And yes, your song was great. Incredible, actually. I’m afraid you’re coming for _my_ gig, though.”

He barked a laugh, “I would never, Moons. If I do, you can come for mine.”

“Oh, I would never.”

“What? Why? Being a frontman is really cool,” Sirius defended.

“Nah, I prefer the guitar. Kinda like Jimmy Page. Can you imagine me like Jimmy Page?” The other boy chuckled.

Sirius thanked Merlin and all gods and wizards that the darkness wouldn't let Remus see how furiously he was blushing. “Yeah, that, uh... that would be funny.”

“But you truly are an amazing songwriter, Sirius. I wasn't expecting it. When you told me you had a surprise I thought you would, I don't know, strip on stage or something.”

“Moony, you know that’s saved for Minnie’s private show, if you know what I mean...”

Remus nudged him harder, making him yelp, “You’re disgusting.”

Sirius laughed, and he could feel the bed move with the boy’s chuckles. “But don't think I’m the songwriter now, eh. I still wanna read your stuff.”

He groaned with the reminder, “Yeah, I know. I'll probably just write about unrequited love between a student and his teacher. That will launch your career.”

Sirius smiled. _Thank you Merlin for the darkness._

“So you liked it?”

“Yes, Padfoot, I did,” he answered in a sleepy voice, followed by a yawn.

“Ok, ok, fine.” Sirius sat up straighter and drew his legs back to the floor, “I’ll let you sleep.”

As he was closing the curtains on his way out, Remus called out in an almost whisper, “Oi, Padfoot. Just wondering, what was the song about?”

Sirius glared at him for long seconds. He couldn't quite make out his face, but he still liked to just look. “Artist’s secret.”

Remus snorted, “Night, Pads.”

“Night, Moony.”

Sirius returned to his bed. He fell into sound sleep in less than five minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i projecting my jimmy page obsession onto sirius?... perhaps....
> 
> i'm sorry for making mary go through all this drama, by the way! but you oughtn’t worry, she will be just fine soon enough (i wouldn’t let my girl suffer for too long)  
> also apologizing for writing in sirius and remus' povs so much, but i can’t help it, i love those boys too much (and this is a mainly wolfstar fic, so...)


	10. Chapter 10: Libra Venus and Amortentia

**-JAMES-**

“It’s a success!” Sirius said excitingly as the marauders made their way down to breakfast. It had been two weeks since their first performance of Sirius’ song, and their fame seemed to have grown even bigger. “Everyone comes up to me now saying how much they loved it! How much they love _us!_ And I swear I saw an _Abaffiato_ poster outside the Charms classroom last week.”

James grinned, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulder, “It was to be expected, Pads.”

Sirius smiled back, and they took their place at the Gryffindor table as they arrived at the Great Hall. The girls arrived shortly after, and the silver platters appeared, filled with food. Fried eggs, sausages, bacon, beans and toast. James sighed contently just at the sight.

Just before they could start filling up their plates, they heard a clinkling sound coming from the front of the Hall, making all the chattering quiet down.

“Good morning, students!” Dumbledore greeted with a kind smile from the pedestal set in front of the professors’ table, “Before we begin the breakfast feast, I shall ask for your attention while I give an exhilaratingannouncement.” A buzz of excitement filled the room in anticipation. James’ eyes sparkled with expectation.

“As you are all aware, every year Hogwarts holds a ball. And I am pleased to announce that this year’s will be a Christmas Ball, just before your leaving for the holidays, on the seventeenth of December.”

James punched the air in victory. _Yes!_ One of his favorite things about Hogwarts was the yearly balls the school held, different themes every time. His favorite one thus far was the first one he attended, back in fourth year-- it was Halloween themed (he went as Slughorn and Sirius as McGonagall-- he still doesn't know how she didn't give him detention for that).

“As ever, the rules remain the same,” Dumbledore continued, “only fourth year and above. That being said, we expect you to be just as excited as we are. If you have any questions, do not hesitate on contacting your Head of House.” He opened his arms freely with a smile playing on his lips, “Now, to eat!”

The loud chattering rose immediately as soon as the headmaster’s last words left his lips, and they all looked back at each other with gleaming eyes.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I love a Christmas ball!” Marlene told with a smile.

“I didn't expect it to be this soon, honestly,” Lily said, “but I love it!”

“I was hoping it would be a Valentine’s Day ball, actually,” Sirius said nonchalantly, looking down at his plate. “My Libra Venus would appreciate that.”

They all looked at him like he was mad. He probably was.

It took him quite a few seconds to realize the stares, and he glanced up at them with a confused look, “What?” He said with a mouthful.

“Your Libra _what?_ ” Remus jeered.

“ _My Libra Venus!_ ” Sirius answered as if it was obvious, “You know, the planet of love? Venus is ruled by Libra... don’t you lads know anything about Astrology?”

“Since when do _you_ know anything about Astrology?” Marlene asked.

He shrugged, “When I was little I thought Astronomy and Astrology were the same thing. And as you all know, my darling family has a fetish for naming their kids after stars. So, I wanted to learn more about it, and ended up reading a whole book about star signs. Turned out I grew quite fond of it. I could read someone like the back of my hand.”

Marlene snorted, “Ha. You’re full of shit.”

“Am not!” He protested. He looked over at James, “Prongs, tell me; when is your birthday?”

“You really don’t know?”

Sirius gave him a stern look, “When is your birthday, James?”

He sighed, “27th of March.”

Sirius tapped his chin with his finger, squinting as in deep thought. “Are you, perhaps, an Aries?”

James widened his eyes, “He’s good.” Sirius smiled, putting up his hand and giving him a high five.

“Oh my god,” Remus said, putting his hands over his face.

“Oh, Moony, don’t be such a Capricorn Moon!” He responded with a smirk, grabbing the wrists from the boy across him to remove them from his face. The pair shared a brief awkward look before Sirius cleared his throat and returned his gaze to his food.

“Love, don't worry about them,” Mary said from beside him, tugging on his arm, “I do quite enjoy Astrology myself. Most Muggle magazines have articles about it.”

“Aw, my favorite Leo,” Sirius smiled, giving her a kiss on the lips. James turned his eyes to Marlene, who was sitting in front of him, and she seemed to be trying to observe Remus subtly. When he glanced over at the boy, he was looking at the couple through his lashes. James wondered if there was something going on, but dismissed the thought quickly. Maybe it was just the usual bickering between the two marauders. He would know if something was up, wouldn't he?

Marlene sat up straighter, and lifted her voice so the rest of the group could pay attention, “Remus, are you taking Benjy to the ball?”  
“Huh?” He asked in confusion. All eyes were on him now, “Oh, uh, yes. He’s my boyfriend, so.”

James nudged him lightly on the ribs with a smirk, which Remus returned with a roll of his eyes.

“So it’s _serious,_ eh?” The blonde girl raised an eyebrow. Sirius whipped his head in her direction.

“What?”

“You and Benjy,” she cleared. “It’s official, then?”

He nodded, “Yes. It is.”

“Well, you know how happy I am for you, Remus,” Lily chimed in with a smile, “You two look adorable together.”

James tried to hold in a grin at Lily’s comment, but at this point he didn't care. The comment wasn't even directed at him, but just her kindness and support towards her friend made his heart warm. Lily was always so sweet, caring and loving. James knew he was hooked back when they were still twelve, when she had given him a chocolate frog for his birthday just because she had heard around it was his day-- they barely knew each other. Obviously, it took her a long time to befriend him, especially because of Snape, but since the incident on the previous year where her friendship with him had ended, Lily had started to grow closer to the boys. To James.

He knew he would never give up on her. She would roll her eyes at his jokes, tell him to piss off whenever he asked her out, but more recently he had been seeing a sparkle behind her green eyes. Oh, the green eyes. Don't get James started on them, because he’ll never stop.

And her laugh-- how she would throw her head back and put a hand on her stomach. Sometimes she even snorted. She always blushed furiously when that happened, but James adored it.

Lily always smelled like flowers, too. How cliché.

“Well, I am _obviously_ taking my very hot girlfriend to the ball,” Marlene said. “I was thinking about wearing a suit, what do you think, Lils?”

“Ooh, I love that!” She clapped her hands together in excitement, “I’m sure we can find a cute one at Hogsmeade. You guys can even match! Imagine you two in suits!”  
Marlene chuckled, “Lily, it’s seven in the morning. I can’t think about Dorcas in a suit right now.”

They continued to chat freely until it was time to head to class. Potions. James grimaced at the reminder, but at least it was the only class the entire group had in common.

**-LILY-**

“Sooo,” Mary started, linking her arms with Lily’s as they headed to the dungeons, “are you going with Potter to the ball?”

“What?”

“Oh, Lily, don't act daft! He’s totally going to ask you to go with him!”

“I wouldn't be so sure about that.”

“Please! As if he would miss the opportunity to take Miss Lily Evans to the ball!”

Lily snorted, “But will Lily Evans say yes?”

Mary rolled her eyes, “ _Yes._ The Lily Evans I know wouldn't be stupid to turn down the bloke she fancies.”

“Mary!” She shushed, “What makes you think I fancy him?” She asked in a whisper.

The girl shrugged, “It’s just that nothing makes me think that you don't.”

It was Lily’s turn to roll her eyes. Mary huffed, “I’m just saying, Lils. You know he’s mental about you-- and not in a creepy way like Severus. And I’m your best friend. I know you. Stop being stubborn and just say yes already.”

Lily sighed, “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“It’s quite simple, actually: you say yes, and then you start dating, get married and have beautiful Evans-Potter babies!”

She chuckled, “C’mon, we’ll be late to class.”

They arrived at the cold dungeon and Lily immediately took sight of a bubbling cauldron right in the center of the room. She briefly smelled of apple crumble. Her mum's apple crumble. It didn't take her too long to realize what the potion was.

Shit.

**-REMUS-**

The students gathered around the cauldron set in the middle of the classroom as Slughorn approached from behind his desk.

He clapped his hands together, “Good morning, everyone. I reckon some of you might have an idea what potion this cauldron holds,” his eyes glanced around the students, “Ms. Evans?”

Lily widened her eyes in surprise. “Uh... it’s Amortentia, sir. The most powerful love potion in the world.”

Remus fought the urge to laugh at his friend’s nervousness. Apparently the potion was working for her in ways she didn't desire.

“Correct! Ten points for Gryffindor!” Slughorn congratulated. “Now, you might have recognized some of the smells. That is because it will smell differently to each person, depending on what attracts them. I shall warn you; be extremely careful-- Amortentia is extremely dangerous, causing a powerful obsession from the one who drinks it. It should not be played with.” He walked over to the other side of the little high table, “Today, you will be remaking this potion. The designated recipe and ingredients can be found in your Advanced Potion Making book. Fifty points to the student who perfects it.” Slughorn clapped his hands together again, “To work!”

Remus took his seat next to Lily. He was rubbish at Potions, so he always tried to be around her during the class, and she was always more than willing to assist him. James followed after him (though it wasn't because of _him,_ of course), Sirius in tow. They sat in the table right next to the girls’... and Peter.

“You sods left poor Pete alone with the girls!” Lily said looking over her shoulder

Sirius shrugged, “I’m sure he doesn't mind it.”

“Watch out, Padfoot, he might steal your girl,” James jeered with a smirk.

The other boy gasped mockingly, “Traitor!”

Remus laughed and shook his head as Peter turned around and gave Sirius the finger, being caught by Slughorn and making Gryffindor lose five points for poor manners.

Lily opened her book and started flipping until she found the right page. “Ok, first we need an Ashwinder Egg. I’ll go get it for us,” she announced as she stood up and headed to the cupboard of ingredients.

Remus opened his own book and ran his eyes over the recipe. There was no way in hell he was going to get this potion right.

“What do you think yours will smell like?” Sirius casually asked the two boys.

Remus snorted, “I don't think mine is even going to _smell._ It’s so complicated, I’m never gonna get it right.”

“Of course you are, Moony. We have Evans,” James chimed in with a simple smile.

“What about me?” Lily said as she came back to their table.

“Oh, James was just saying how his potion already smells like yo- Ow!” Sirius started, receiving a hard shove from James. Lily rolled her eyes, but her cheeks took a dark shade of red they matched her hair. Remus chuckled.

They worked in almost silence for a little over forty minutes before Lily’s cauldron content took a pearly sheen. His own was still rather thick, but with Lily’s so close to his, he could already start smelling some things. And apparently so could the other two boys.

“Evans, yours is working!” Sirius said.

She nodded and gave him a smirk, “That’s what tends to happen when you’re smart.”

James looked concentrated, squinting at nothing, “I smell... wood?” He muttered. His eyes widened and he gave Sirius a slap on the chest in realization, “Oh, it’s a broomstick! Quidditch!”

Remus snorted, “Of course it is.”

“What do you smell, Rem?” Lily turned to him.

He leaned in a bit closer to her workspace and took a sniff, “Hmm... I smell books. And chocolate with caramel-- that one from Honeydukes.”

“Such a cliché,” Sirius mocked.

Remus blushed, huffing a laugh.

“I smell more!” James announced. He took a long sniff, “Flowers. More like lavender. And roses. And lilies. And also vanilla.”

Lily blushed so fiercely she looked like she was going to explode. The corners of her mouth twitched and she looked down at her lap to cover it. Remus caught it, of course, and gave her knee a quick squeeze.

“Oh, get a room!” Sirius said.

“What do _you_ smell, then, you tosser?” James asked.

He took a long sniff, imitating James, and leaned back on his chair with a content smile. “Motor oil,” he told simply. “And your mum’s banoffee pie, Prongs.”

James sighed nostalgically, “Don’t mention that. I’m gonna cry.”

Sirius snorted and leaned in once again, taking a last sniff. “And... wool?”

“Wool?” Lily asked, confused.

“Yeah, but I don't-” He started, but his face went so pale he could be mistaken for a ghost. The three friends shot him puzzled looks, and he had his mouth slightly opened. His eyes met Remus’ for a split second, and he closed his lips and shook his head. “That must be something else,” he mumbled.

James put his arm around his shoulders, “Aw, he smells Mary’s jumpers!”

Sirius huffed a breathy laugh, eyes still wide as if they were going to pop right out.

“I don't think Mary owns a _single_ jumper,” Lily told, still confused.

Remus kept his head down, his stomach giving him a funny feeling. He cleared his throat, “What do you smell, Lils?”

“I’m not going to tell you!”

“Yes, you are! Come on, what do you smell?”

Lily leaned closer to her cauldron, “Mum’s apple crumble, I smelled it as soon as I entered,” she told with a smile. “Also the Hogwarts Express! And...” Her cheeks took her hair’s color again, the corners of her lips turning up, “Sweat,” she said so quietly that Remus had to lean closer to understand.

“What was that?” He asked.

She sighed, “Sweat. Kind of a musky scent.”

Sirius seemed to have recovered, and he started laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe this! _I can't believe this!_ ” He said through fits of laughter, “You smelled _Prongs!_ And out of everything, you smelled his _sweat!_ ”

“Shut up, Black,” she shot back through gritted teeth.

“Never!”

“Padfoot, leave her alone,” James scolded, though Remus could see he was fighting to hold in a smile.

“This is going down in history!” He ignored, “I can’t believe Evans is-”

“Sirius,” James called sternly, his tone reminiscing of Mrs. Potter, “leave Lily alone.”

Sirius stopped talking at the very instant, looking around at the rest of the group. Lily was staring at her lap, and James was following him with his eyes. Remus just felt uncomfortable, but it wasn't like he was surprised by the whole scene.

“Blimey,” Sirius whined, “just trying to help.”

Lily lifted her gaze to him immediately, “I think what you were actually trying to do is make yourself forget what you smelled, Sirius,” she said plainly but firmly, “or rather, _who_ you smelled.”

His grey eyes were wide again, and they flicked towards Remus rapidly before he blinked and clenched his jaw. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

James cleared his throat and put on a warm smile, “Smelled anything else, Moony? Anything _Benjy?_ ” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Remus snorted. He took a deep breath through his nose, “Well, if Benjy’s a smoker, then I guess so.”

“What do you mean?”

He took another sniff to confirm, “It’s smoke. Like cigarettes. But... it’s those menthol ones.”

Lily and Sirius finally pulled their eyes off each other, and both whipped their heads in Remus’ direction.

“Oh, those are disgusting! I highly doubt Benjy would smoke that!” She grimaced.

“Yeah, I don’t know how anyone could possibly like that,” James agreed, “Padfoot is the only person I know who does.”

Ok, now Sirius’ eyes were definitely going to pop out. He turned even paler this time, one tone down and Remus was pretty sure the boy would just disappear. Remus felt his entire neck and face heat up-- he didn't even want to imagine how he looked. Their eyes met for longer now, piercing into each other. Lily coughed dryly, and they teared apart.

“Right, the time is up!” Slughorn emerged from behind his desk, clapping his hands together (he liked doing that a lot), “Let’s see if anyone was able to get it right.” He walked around the classroom in between tables, analyzing the cauldrons. Every once in a while he would make sounds like, ‘oof,’ ‘ah!’ Or ‘urgh.’ The group waited at their table in dead silence.

“Let’s take a look- Ah, Mr. Lupin,” Slughorn said, “not... quite. Please, do not hesitate on asking for help if needed.” Remus nodded. He’d already accepted he was bad at Potions, so he couldn't bother to feel embarrassed.

“Ms. Evans! I could say I’m surprised, but I would be unfair,” he exclaimed, and Lily beamed. “Perfect! One of my best students. Fifty points for Gryffindor!”

“Thank you, sir!” She smiled. He gave her a content nod and left their workstation.

“Congratulations, Lily,” James grinned.

“Cheers, Potter,” she thanked. Remus wondered how many times the girl had blushed in the last fifteen minutes. One more, now.

**-SIRIUS-**

They left the dungeons shortly after that. Sirius was still feeling a little shaken, and was left behind while he gathered his materials. What did that _mean?_ Good thing, it wasn't. He threw his bag over his shoulder and saw Mary waiting for him by the doorway.

“Everything ok?” She asked as she laced her fingers with his, “You seem a little off.”

“No, everything alright.”

She nodded and gave him a tight smile. “I smelled you,” she revealed.

“Did you?” He smirked.

“Yes,” she said. “Your leather jacket. Earl grey tea, too. It’s my favorite. And an orangey scent, as well. That one I didn't understand, but,” she shrugged, “I smelled you.”

Sirius grinned, wrapping his arm around her waist, hands still intertwined. “And you?”

“Oh,” he blinked. He felt his stomach flip. “Motor oil, James’ mum banoffee pie, and,” _Think fast, Sirius. Think fast,_ “your nail polish.”

She snorted, “My _nail polish?_ ”

“It reminds me of you.”

Mary’s face split into a wide grin, and she reached up to give his cheek a kiss. Sirius sighed in relief.

**-LILY-**

“I don’t know what to do, Rem,” she sighed, falling back down on his bed. They were alone at his dorm, the rest of the group rehearsing. “What if he asks me to the ball?”

“You say yes?” He answered simply from the floor, not lifting his gaze from the books and parchments he was organizing.

“I don't think I can.”

“Because?”

“ _Because,_ ” she sat up at once, “what if, I dunno, I turn him down out of habit? And what if it’s weird because we’re all friends? And besides, the ball is coming up and he hasn't said anything yet. Maybe he won't even ask me, after all.”

Remus huffed a laugh in disbelief and looked up at her, “Oh my god, Lily, listen to yourself! He’s been pining over you for ages. I would know-- I’m the one who has to listen to it. Dumbledore announced the ball less than a _week_ ago, and I’m sure James is gonna try and ask you to be his date. Now, if you turn him down accidentally, then I can’t help you.” He glanced back down at his mess, “And I don't see a problem with friends dating,” he added quietly.

Lily squinted at him. Yeah, maybe he was right. Perhaps it was time to accept her feelings for James and just go for it. She got up to her feet and brushed her trousers, “Right, I think I have to go check on them. God knows the bloody mess they pull when I’m not there.”

Remus snorted, “Right.” She approached him and gave him a kiss on the top of his head and headed to the door.

“Oi, Lily, wait!” He called, making her turn on her heel. He fumbled through the pieces of parchment splayed out in front of him. Once he seemed to have found the one he was looking for, he got up and handed it out to her, “This is, uh, a song. It’s done, so if you could give it to them...”

She blinked, “Oh! You didn't tell me about me this one. What about that other one you showed me?”

“Eh, it was more of a scrap,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I wrote this this week. I didn't show you cause I didn't know if it would turn out good, but... I kinda like it, actually.”

She grinned at him, “Ok, sure, I’ll give it to them!” He mumbled a ‘thank you’ with an appreciative tight smile. “May I ask what it’s about?

Remus’ eyes widened slightly, “Oh, uh, it’s just, y’know, random inspiration.”

Lily smirked, grabbing the doorknob. She looked over her shoulder before closing the door, “Always the random inspiration, Mr. Lupin.”

“You know it.”

She shook her head and closed the door behind her. She unfolded the parchment to take a peak before heading down the stairs.

‘The Sound,’ the title read.

She slipped it in her back pocket and made her way to the Room of Requirement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the lyrics are not shown yet, but 'The Sound' is a song by The 1975 (my all time favorite song, ever. i wouldn’t miss the opportunity to include it)


	11. Chapter 11: Undesired Tears and Orange Scented Hair

**-MARLENE-**

“Sorry I’m late,” Lily spoke as she entered the room, “got caught up talking to Remus.”

They had been rehearsing for about thirty five minutes now, perfecting Sirius’ song, talking about his ideas for new ones and working on other Muggle songs to cover. Lily wasn't that late, actually, since they usually played for about two hours before getting tired and calling it a day.

“No worries, Evans, at least you’re here,” Sirius said.

“Sweet boy, you are,” she mocked. She approached them and reached for her back pocket, handing out a piece of parchment to Marlene, who was closest to her. “He asked me to give you this,” she explained, “it’s a song.”

“Ooh, Moony wrote a song!” Sirius exclaimed as he sprinted to Marlene’s side to see the parchment, “Finally!”

She unfolded it and ran her eyes over the words. She snorted, “Of course _Remus_ wrote this-- ‘ _A sycophantic, prophetic, Socratic junkie wannabe_ ’”

“What does that even mean?” Peter asked, looking as lost as ever.

“Oh, it’s some Muggle philosophy reference thing,” the boy beside her told. “He tried to explain to me one time. I didn't understand a single word. He even called me this thing once-- Socratic junkie wannabe. I think we were, what, thirteen? He's a complete nutter.”

“But this is really cool,” Marlene said, “really cool lyrics. Moony’s good.”

“Of course he is,” Sirius mumbled to himself, looking back at the parchment, though Marlene caught it. She lifted her gaze to squint at him, and he gave her a funny look, as if he hadn't even noticed he had said something.

“Let’s get to work, then,” James clapped his hands together. “Gotta make Moony proud, eh?”

Lily took her seat on one of the poufs and they started trying out melodies and chords. Marlene could already feel the inspiration buzzing in her veins.

**-SIRIUS-**

It was already late at night when they finally wrapped up the rehearsal. The hours flew by while they worked on Moony’s song, everyone filled with excitement with the lyrics. It really was bloody brilliant. Sirius couldn't wait to tell him how much he’d loved it. They had decided to skip dinner, so Peter volunteered to visit the kitchen and ask the house elves for some sandwiches-- it was always best to send Pete, they liked him more than the other boys and always gave him the best ones. After he returned, they handed Marlene and Lily some of the food and headed back to their dorm. Sirius had a smile already plastered on his face just with the thought of talking to Remus about his writing, but once they opened the door to the room, the smile was washed away.

“Where’s Moony?” He asked, eyes running around the room in search for the boy, "He's not here. It’s past curfew.”

“My cloak is gone, too,” James said by his bed.

“Check the map,” Peter suggested.

James grabbed the Marauders Map on his nightstand, and it didn't take him too long to exclaim with a wicked grin, “Aha! Found him.”

Sirius rushed to his side to look over the map. James had his finger pointing at Remus’ name. “Our dear lover boy is at the Ravenclaw Tower!”

“Why would he be- Oh!” Peter said in realization, “What a whore.”

James giggled, placing the parchment back on its place.

Sirius felt heated with anger. Why would Moony be out past curfew? On a school night? And with _Benjy?!_ He’s not even that fit-- Moony could do better. He was too good for some arrogant, Ravenclaw prick. Sirius knew he had to be supportive, and he was, just... not of _this._ Not of _Benjy._

Yes, he apologized for what had happened that weekend at Hogsmeade, and he truly regretted all the horrible things he had said. But, honestly, he just regretted he’d said them _out loud_. That never stopped him from thinking them. Benjy was a nice guy, he supposed, but he just... wasn't enough. Wasn't enough for Remus.

He decided he would take a shower to relax. It was a tiring day, maybe this was just his exhaustion speaking for him. Once done, he put on his pyjamas and exited the bathroom to see all his friends were already in bed, deep in sleep. Sirius was also knackered himself, so he decided to follow along. Though as he was parting the curtains to his bed, the door swung open, revealing a blushing, grinning Remus. He felt a clung in his chest.

Remus took a few steps into the room, tiptoeing, before stopping at the sight of Sirius. “Oh, hey Pads. Whatcha doing up?” He whispered.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he returned, whispering back.

Remus’ smile widened even more, and he spread out his arms, “That’s fair. You got me.”

Sirius fought hard to not clench his fists. He sighed, “Had a fun night?”

Remus giggled as he made his way to his own bed, “Very.”

He nodded slowly, and watched as the other boy unlaced his shoes.

“What?” He asked, noticing Sirius’ stare.

He blinked, clearing his throat that he didn't even realize had gone dry, “Nothing. Uh, Lily gave us your song.”

“Did she?”

Sirius nodded again, approaching Remus’ bed and leaning against the bedpost. “It’s really good, Moony. Like, _really_ good.”  
“You think so? I was pretty nervous about it. Didn't know if you’d like it, if it fit your style...”

“No, no,” he shook his head as he went to sit next to Remus on the bed, “it’s brilliant, Re. I loved it.”

Remus beamed, a smile playing on his lips.

“ _You're_ brilliant,” Sirius completed.

“You’re just saying this ‘cause I’m your friend,” he huffed a laugh, looking away.

Sirius put a hand on his thigh, making Remus jolt with the touch and turn his eyes back to his. “Moony, it was amazing. _You’re_ amazing. And if you don't see that... you need someone to show you.”

Remus snorted slightly, looking down. Sirius gave his thigh a light squeeze, and their gazes met again.

Hazel eyes piercing into grey. He suddenly could hear his heart pounding, butterflies spreading their wings inside his stomach, but he couldn't look away. Even in the darkness of the room, it was like he was hypnotized. The moonlight beaming directly into Remus’ bed (the irony of it all), making his freckled skin glow. Making all Remus’ features stand out. And Sirius _couldn't look away._

He could feel Remus’ hot breath on his face, his swollen lips slowly parting. And suddenly, James snored loudly, breaking whatever it was that was happening. Remus gasped, Sirius now realizing how inches apart their faces were.

“Uh, we should-”

“Yeah, uh,” Sirius got to his feet at once.

Remus had his head down like the floor was the most interesting in the world. “Night, Padfoot.”

“Night, Moony.”

He climbed into his bed as fast as he could, mind going a million miles per hour. He couldn't form a single thought. His heart was pounding in his chest. He even considered casting an Abaffiato, afraid the other boys would hear it too. He tossed and turned for hours, and when he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of the moon.

**-LILY-**

“I am trusting you, Ms. Evans,” McGonagall said. “I expect you to be serious about this.”

“I am, Professor. I give you my word.”

She sighed, removing her glasses and rubbing her eyes. Lily looked over at Dumbledore with hopeful eyes. His face split with a kind smile, “I enjoy your determination, Ms. Evans. And I believe we should always be encouraging of young artists and self expression. We are living dark times. We ought to seek joy wherever we can.”

Lily’s eyes gleamed, “So it’s a yes?”

Dumbledore’s smile widened, and McGonagall took a deep breath, “Yes, Ms. Evans. It’s a yes.”

Lily shrieked, clapping her hands together with a little jump. She immediately covered her mouth with her hands, mumbling an apology.

“Ms. Evans, I hope you understand-”

“I know, Professor, I know,” she cut in with a nod. “I won't let you down. I give you my promise.”

Dumbledore chuckled lightly, “You may leave, Ms. Evans.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

She left the headmaster's office and ran to the common room. How did she do this? What were the chances? She couldn't believe her luck. When the idea came to her, she laughed at herself for being so mental. It was never going to happen. But then, after a lot of pondering, she decided to give it a shot. What harm would it do? And it _worked!_ They said _yes!_

She practically screamed at the Fat Lady as she announced the password, grinning so hard her cheeks already hurt. She didn't care. And as she entered the common room, it was like the stars were aligned. Everyone was there.

“Someone looks like the cat that got the cream!” Mary remarked from Sirius’ lap, smile growing on her lips.

She placed herself in front of the fireplace, having all their attention turn to her. “Prepare yourselves to kiss my feet.”

“Oh no, what did you do?” Marlene asked, skeptical, “Did you set a Slytherin on fire?”

“Ooh, was it Snivellus?!” Peter chimed in with expecting eyes.

She rolled her eyes, but the grin wouldn't leave her faces even if she wanted to, “Guess who’s playing at the Christmas Ball?”

They all shared confused looks. “I dunno, fucking Led Zeppelin?” Sirius suggested.

“Better.”

The puzzled eyes glanced at each other again, but after a few beats...

“ _No,_ ” Sirius said in an almost whisper.

Her smile grew wider. She nodded excitedly.

“No, you didn't,” he continued.

“Yes. Yes, I did.”

Sirius stood up rapidly, almost letting Mary fall on the ground. “Evans, don’t fucking play with me.”

“I’m not playing! I’m fucking serious!”

“Oi!” Mary called out, making them all laugh.

“So this means...” Sirius continued.

“Yes,” she opened her arms freely, smiling so hard her cheeks were already numb. “Abaffiato is playing at the Hogwarts Christmas Ball 1976!”

“Holy fucking shit!”

James flung himself out the couch, grabbing Lily by her waist and swooping her off her feet, spinning her around like a madman as she laughed hysterically. She even snorted, but she couldn't bother to feel embarrassed-- and she felt James grip tighten as the sound left her throat.

“Lily, oh my god, I could kiss you on that fucking mouth of yours right now!” Marlene exclaimed. They all had her smile mirrored on their faces.

Once James put her down, she flopped down on the carpet in front of them. Grin still on her face-- it wasn't leaving so soon.

“How did you do this?!” Remus asked, dumbstruck.

“This pretty face can be very convincing,” she said, “I gave Dumbledore and McGonagall my word that they wouldn't regret it.”

“But they’ve never even heard us play!” James said.

“I told them how all the students love you, and how big of a success it would be. I had to talk a lot, but... they said yes! Dumbledore said it’s important to support young artists and self expression and all that hippie bullshit.”

Sirius ran his hands through his dark locks, “I can’t believe you did this, I- You didn't even tell us!”

“I wanted it to be a surprise! And I _really_ didn't think it would work, so I didn't want to get your expectations too high and then crash them. I still can't believe I did this, too.”

“Do you have any idea how amazing this is going to be? Merlin, I can already picture-”

“Ah-ah,” she stopped Sirius, “You really have to behave, ok? They have no idea what they signed themselves up for, so you can't fuck this up. I promised I wouldn't let them down.”

Sirius waved a hand, “Yeah, yeah, bla-bla-bla...” He turned his eyes to his girlfriend, “Marilyn, you need to help me pick out my outfit.”

“Call me Marilyn one more fucking time and you’re gonna see what I’m gonna pick.”

He laughed and grabbed her face to give her a strong kiss on the lips.

“Oi, Pads, I just realized,” James started, in a more serious tone now, “we won't be able to baptize the punch this year.”

“Shit, that’s right.”

“Baptize?” Dorcas asked.

Sirius smirked, with a mischievous look on his eyes, “Every year we, you know, give the punch a little extra spice. Muggle Vodka, that is.”

“That was you guys?!” Marlene asked in shock, sitting up straighter, “No wonder why Slughorn was practically stripping on the dance floor last year.”

“Ooh, yeah, that backfired,” James said with a grimace, “he wasn't supposed to drink that.”

“You do realize you are drugging kids without their consent, right?” Mary scolded.

“That’s where you’re mistaken, my rosebud,” Sirius said. “There are always two bowls of punches. We only baptize one, and we slightly change the color of one of them a tone darker with a little charm so we can tell them apart. The smart ones will tell them apart, too.”

Mary rolled her eyes, and Sirius settled back on the armchair with her.

“Well, but you’ll still be able to do that,” Lily told. “It’s not like you’ll be playing the whole time. It will probably just be a thirty, forty minute concert.”

James sighed contently, “Merlin, I feel like I just had Christmas, my birthday, Easter all together!”

Lily melted with his reaction, with the big smile that still played on his lips. There was no way she could ever turn him down again. Well, if only he asked...

“Right,” Sirius clapped his hands together, standing up, “we have a little more than two weeks to get organized. Lily,” he turned to her, “you spread the word. Band, we need to start rehearsing. And Marilyn, let’s get your arse upstairs.”

She huffed, “You really need me to pick your outfit?”

He smirked, “I never said it was for that.”

Mary beamed, getting to her feet at once and taking his hand as they headed to the stairs. Lily laughed to herself as she picked up on Sirius’,‘But you’ll help me, right?’ To his girlfriend.

As soon as they left, Marlene stood up, followed by Dorcas, “I think I’m gonna go work on Moony’s song,” she announced. “Wanna come help, Pete? I need some help with the drums part.”

“Yeah, go on then,” he said, standing up and following the couple out the portrait hole.

Lily glanced up at Remus. The boy was staring at his lap, eyebrows drawn together and jaw clenched, fidgeting his fingers. Something was bothering him, now. Could it be...

He sighed, standing up too, “I’m gonna go see Benjy,” he told, “tell him the news. He’ll be excited.”

Lily and James nodded, waving their goodbyes as the boy exited the common room. They were left alone now. Lily and James. James and Lily.

The pair was quiet for a few beats, both staring at the ground beneath them.

“Hey, Potter-”

“Oi, Lily-”

They laughed awkwardly at the synchronized interruption. “You go first,” she offered.

He gave her a tight smile, “I was wondering if you,” _This is the time. Lily, this is the time. Yes, yes, yes,_ “could help me with my Defense Against the Dark Arts essay?”

The smile on her face turned into a straight line. Shit.

**-JAMES-**

_Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking James Potter. Where's the Gryffindor in you? Fuck. She’s right here in front of you and you chickened out? Just because she might say yes this time? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

**-LILY-**

Lily swallowed, giving him a short nod. God, she never felt so embarrassed. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

He gave her a tight smile, his cheeks burning red. How could she be so stupid?

As they took their place on the table by the corner of the room, he asked, “What was it that you were going to say?”

She huffed subtly, giving him the best smile she could pull at the moment, “Oh, nothing important. Never mind.”

**-REMUS-**

“Wow, that’s so exciting, Rem! I can only imagine their reaction when Lily told them,” Benjy said with a smile. They were sitting at a bench by the Black Lake, the sun warming their bodies from the cold December breeze.

“Yeah, Sirius was really happy,” he said between a laugh with the memory. “He couldn't stop jumping around and screaming at Lily if she were joking.”

Benjy’s smile died, and he sighed, “You talk about him a lot, don’t you?”

“Oh,” Remus said, “I mean, they are my friends, I suppose I-”

“No,” he cut in. “Him. Sirius.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“You’re always talking about him. Sirius this, Sirius that. Sirius said this yesterday, Sirius did this one time, Sirius told me this hilarious joke once, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know what to say. Did he really talk about Sirius that much?

Benjy looked down at his lap, sighing again, “I dunno, it’s just... I try to ignore it, ‘cause I really like you. I _really_ do, Rem, but... I know you told me there was nothing going on between you two, but I can’t help but wonder-”

“Benjy,” Remus took his hand, “there is nothing going on between me and Sirius. _Nothing._ There never was and there never will be. I like _you._ ”

Benjy looked up at him with sad eyes, “I don’t know, Remus-”

Remus cut him in with a kiss. He just had to shut him up. He couldn't bare hearing about the idea of Sirius and him together, especially after the moment they shared the other night right after Remus came back from Benjy’s dorm. He was still trying to process that.

“I like _you,_ Benjy,” he told. “ _You._ And I want you to be my date for the ball.”

The boy’s smile finally came back, “I thought you’d never ask.”

They held hands in silence before Remus said he had to go work on his Transfiguration homework. Once they parted, he sighed with relief. If you tell a lie to yourself enough, it will become reality.

He returned to his dorm in a slow pace, practically dragging himself through the corridors. He entered the room without thinking twice, regret flooding into him at the very instant.

Sirius was on his bed wearing nothing but his underpants, on top of Mary. They were snogging passionately, fiercely, Mary giggling in between kisses. He stood by the doorway paralyzed, his mouth gaped, not being able to move, his hand gripping the doorknob so hard he was probably going to break it. He did. The couple jolted with the loud sound.

“Merlin, shit, Moony!” Sirius exclaimed.

Remus suddenly came back to his senses, and slapped his hand over his eyes, “Sorry! Sorry, I- I just wanted to get my-”

“Remus, leave!” Sirius cried out, covering his parts with a pillow and throwing the sheets over Mary's body.

“Oh, shit, yeah,” he said, quickly stepping out of the room and closing the door after him with a hard ‘bang.’ In the dim lit corridor, he felt tears prickling his eyes. ‘Fuck, Remus, fuck.’ He needed to get out of there. Since when did he _cry?_ That was new.

He ran down the stairs before anyone could see his already blotchy cheeks, but his vision was so blurry with the undesired tears that he ran into someone. He blinked. Lily. Fuck.

“Oi, why are you in such a hurry- Oh my god, what happened, love?”

He swallowed, praying to all gods he didn't believe in for the tears to dry. He shook his head, “Nothing.”

“Remus, what happened?” She insisted.

He sighed, closing his eyes. He knew she would never let him get away with not telling her. “I- I just ran into Sirius and Mary... you know...”

Lily widened her eyes and covered her lips with her palm, “Oh, Christ, Rem, do you-”

“I really don't want to talk about this, Lily, can we just... go do something else?”

She closed her mouth and ran a hand through his arm, “Yes, yes, sure. Let’s see. Do you wanna go check on your song? Marls told me it’s turning out really good.”

He nodded. Bless Lily for being so understanding and never pressuring him to talk more than he felt comfortable to. She linked her arms with his as they headed to their usual rehearsing spot.

**-MARY-**

Sirius sat back on the bed, head between his hands. They were both panting with the scare, trying to slow down their breaths. Mary started laughing.

His head snapped in her direction, eyes incredulous and wide, “What’s so funny?”

“He just,” she started in between giggles, “ _walked in_. And just _froze._ Poor sweet thing will be traumatized for life!”

“It’s not funny, Mary.”

“It’s not funny, it’s _hilarious!_ ” She exclaimed, sitting up on the bed. Sirius had his eyes glued on the ground, jaw clenched. She put a hand on his bare back, “Come on, get back in here...”

“No! Moony just fucking walked in on us shagging, I can’t just-”

“Oh, please, Sirius!” Mary huffed, removing her hand from his skin and resting it on her lap, “I bet if James had walked in you would be saying how hysterical this is!”

“This is different,” he returned between gritted teeth. “You need to go.”

“What?”

Sirius stood up, grabbing her clothes from the floor and throwing them on the bed in front of her. “You need to go, Mary.”

She got to her feet at once, rapidly putting on her jeans and t-shirt. Sirius paced around the room as she tied her shoes. “You’re being ridiculous,” she told him, eyes on her feet.

“I’m not being ridiculous! _You_ are if you think what just happened is okay!”

“He didn't even see anything!” She cried out, “And it’s not like he doesn't know we have sex, Sirius! I’ve walked in on Marlene and Dorcas a bunch of times, it’s what happens when you share a dorm! If it were anyone else you wouldn't be pulling this tantrum!”

As soon as the words left her lips, she felt all her feelings from that one night come back to her. Everything she felt when she saw the look the two boys shared, everything she felt when she realized he was singing to him, not her. She felt heated with anger.

He stopped walking and turned to her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know exactly what that’s supposed to mean,” she said lowly, though firmly.

Their eyes penetrated into each other in the dead silence, bodies each on one side of the room. She could say it. It was the moment to. The moment to confront him. But suddenly, she couldn't.

She sighed, “You're right. I better go. We’ll talk later.”

Mary rushed to the door, breaking the deadly eye contact they were holding for what felt like too long. One more minute and her legs would give in. She exited the dorm, slamming the door after her and heading straight to her own room. She felt her cheeks heated, her throat closed, tears flooding her eyes. She wasn't even paying attention as she made her way to the girls’ side of the dorm rooms, and suddenly stumbled back as her body met someone else’s.

“Sorry,” she muttered, looking down already trying to walk past, not even bothering to look see the person was. She felt a warm grip on her wrist.

“Hey, Mary, is everything okay?” A soft voice called. She glanced up from the ground to meet a pair of brown, big worried eyes.

“Uh, hi Mia,” she stammered. “Yeah, everything ok.”

“You don’t seem to be. Wanna talk?”

Mary gaped at the question. Mia Lopes was in the same year as them, though they never really talked much. She was better friends with Marlene and Dorcas, so Mary occasionally ended up chatting a bit with her, but nothing else. She also had dated Sirius for a brief moment two years prior, until she broke up with him after realizing she was gay. They still made fun of him for being her awakening.

She shook her head, “You wouldn't want to listen.”

Mia let go of her wrist and placed her hand on Mary’s arm with a soft touch, “Of course I do,” she said, opening up a comforting smile.

Mary suddenly couldn't fight back the tears anymore, and the girl pulled her into a gentle embrace.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she pulled away, hands running through Mary’s hair. “Let’s go for a walk, eh?”

“It’s cold,” she said between a huffed, sad laugh.

“I don’t mind,” Mia returned, grin widening even more. Mary could feel her heart pounding in her chest, but she couldn't tell anymore if it was because of Sirius. Mia pulled her into another quick hug and they headed downstairs.

The only thought Mary could form was that her hair smelled of oranges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, the verse on remus' song is 'The Sound', by The 1975.


	12. Chapter 12: Suits and Dresses

**-LILY-**

“Marls, I know you have a girlfriend, but _fuck._ You look so hot,” Lily said, sitting by the end of her bed with her legs crossed.

“You think?”

“ _Yes!_ ” The three girls said in unison.

Marlene laughed, looking at them through the mirror, “Well, thank you. I hope Dorcas likes it...”

“There's no way in hell she won't,” Mary assured. She was sitting on the floor, leaned back against Lily’s bed. The said third girl, Mia Lopes, was sitting beside her. Apparently, they became friends after some fight Mary had had with Sirius and Mia offered to talk to her about it, two weeks ago. They’ve been joined by the hip since then.

Lily had never talked to Mia before Mary introduced them to each other, but she liked her immediately. She was really funny and sweet, and very easy to get along with. And plus, ever since she befriended Mary, her friend seemed to be more happy and relaxed than Lily had seen her since she started dating Sirius. So, Mia had Lily’s approval with no hesitation. She didn't tell Mary, but this approval concerned any aspect of their relationship. Deep down, she hoped the two girls would soon realize how good they were for each other.

“Are you and Dorcas both wearing suits?” Mia asked.

Marlene turned around to face them, “Yeah. But I don’t want to see hers yet, and she’s not seeing mine. We want it to be a surprise,” she told with a smile. The girls had gone to Hogsmeade the previous weekend to buy their outfits for the ball. Marlene had picked a mint, tailored suit she found on Gladrags Wizardwear for a great price. It fit her perfectly, like it was made for her.

Lily’s mum sent her a dress after she owled her family asking if they could go buy something for her, since she hadn't found anything she truly liked. The dress was deep red, almost burgundy, with puffy sleeves and a round collar. It reached her ankles, just how she liked it. It was perfect, and Lily thanked all gods for her family knowing her so well. She suspected her sister had some involvement in the choosing of the gown, but the letter they sent with it didn't mention anything. She comforted herself with the thought that she did.

“Are you wearing heels, Marls?” Mary asked.

“Yes,” she grumbled. “My mum sent them. She probably thinks I’m wearing a long, sparkly pink dress. Poor thing.”

“Wait for her to find out you’re wearing matching suits with your _girlfriend_ ,” Mia said with a chuckle.

Marlene giggled, “I think she would throw the heels at my face.”

They all laughed, but Lily couldn't help but feel sad for her friend. It shouldn't be like this. Marlene shouldn't have to tell her mum Dorcas was just her close friend from school. Lily hoped one day she would live to see the world as a better place, a world where her friends could be just as happy and free to be themselves as she could.

“Are you taking anyone to the ball, Mia?” Lily asked.

“Oh, no, not really,” she said. “Me and my friends are going together.”

“Why didn't you ask anyone?” Mary questioned, with a furrow of her brows.

Mia shrugged, “No one worth asking.”

Mary glared at her for a few beats before nodding slowly, “Right.”

“Ugh, I wish I had my ears pierced,” Marlene whined, looking back at her reflection in the mirror. “I could wear those cute dangly ones you have, Lily.”

Mia got to her feet, “I can pierce them for you!”

She turned on her heel with wide eyes, “Really?”

“Yeah! I gave myself this one,” she pointed to the gold ring she had in her septum. It was rather discrete, a thin jewel gripping her nose. “I learned how to do it back in third year, and it doesn't hurt at all once you master the spell. I pierce my friends all the time.”

“Can you do it now?”

“Sure! I just need an earring for that. A small one would be best.”

“Oh, I have one!” Mary announced, standing up and fumbling through the jewelry box she kept on top of her dresser. “Here,” she handed Mia a pair of small studs.

“Perfect. Okay, sit down,” she instructed, getting her wand from the back pocket of her jeans. The two other girls gathered around them as Marlene sat on the trunk by her bed.

“Are you sure this is not gonna hurt?”

The girl gave her a comforting smile through a huffed laugh, “ _Yes._ Trust me, you won't feel a thing.”

Mia leaned a bit over Marlene so she could be closer to her ears, placing the jewelry right on the spot where they should go and mumbling the spell under her breath. It happened so fast, when Lily blinked they were already in place.

“Felt anything?” Mia asked.

Marlene widened her eyes, “Wait, it’s already on?!”

She laughed, “See, I told you! Okay, turn your head to your left so I can do the other one.”

Once she was done, Marlene ran to the mirror to take a look. “Merlin, I love it!”

Mia smiled, “I’m glad. Just keep them on so they can heal properly. You can change them for the dangly ones for the ball, but put them back on after, okay?”

Marlene nodded contently.

“Wait, can you do my nose?” Mary asked as Mia motioned to slip her wand back inside her pocket.

“Sure, do you have a hoop?”

Mary’s smile died, and she shook her head.

Mia opened a grin, “Okay, just because I like you I can transfigure one of your earrings into one.”

Mary beamed, letting out a shriek of excitement and wrapping her arms around the other girl’s neck before running over to her dresser. When Lily looked at her, she had her cheeks burning red.

Mia was a master with the whole thing, and transfigured one of Mary’s earrings effortlessly and pierced her right away. Mary loved it, and swung her arms around the girl’s neck again, covering her face with appreciative kisses.

“Alright, alright,” Mia said between a laugh, tearing apart from her. “Let’s not forget you date my ex-boyfriend. No need to make him jealous.”

Mary stepped back from her embrace, her lips quickly turning into a straight line. She gave a breathy laugh, looking down at her feet, “Yeah. Right.”

Mia casted her with a sad glance, and Lily cleared her throat to break the tension, “Mia, I still can’t believe you dated him,” she chuckled.

The girl giggled, looking away from Mary, “Yeah, me neither. But he was great for me, y’know. Helped me realize I was gay, so I’m grateful.”

The other three girls laughed, and Mia run her hands through her long hair, “Right, I reckon I have to go. I promised my brother I would help him with his Charms homework.”

She waved her goodbye to the girls, and Mary walked her to the door. Mia gave her a kiss on the cheek, and left the room.

Mary flopped onto her bed with a long sigh.

“Someone’s whipped,” Marlene commented.

She sat up at once, “What?”

“You heard me.”

Mary rolled her eyes, “No one’s whipped. She's just my friend.”

“Nah, _we_ are your friends,” Marlene gestured between her and Lily. “She’s different.”

She slumped back on the mattress, “Whatever.”

Lily giggled, and her and Marlene shared a knowingly look.

**-REMUS-**

“He still hasn't asked me!”

“Lily, there’s still time.”

“No, there isn't! The ball is in three days!”

He shrugged, “Then ask him yourself.”

Lily scoffed, “Ha.”

“What?”

“Remus, I can't just _ask_ him! How hypocritical would that be?!”

“It’s already hypocritical enough that you _want_ him to ask you.”

She rolled her eyes, and they continued their way to the Room of Requirement in silence. The door wasn't an issue at this point anymore, appearing as soon as they approached the wall.

“Oh, you’re here!” James greeted with a smile as they entered the room, “We just finished Pads’ new song-”

“Shh, Prongs!” Sirius hissed, “We don’t need to share everything!”

“What’s up with you and keeping your songs a secret?” Remus asked with a smirk as him and Lily took their places on the poufs.

“It’s not that it _has_ to be a secret,” he explained, “it’s just that it loses the fun if you know everything.”

“If you have to know, Moony, it’s really cool. Padfoot’s been really inspired lately,” James said, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius.

“As long as it’s not about McGonagall, it’s fine for me.”

“Can’t promise you anything,” Sirius said with a charming smile playing on his lips.

“Right,” Marlene said, looking up from the parchment in her hands, “we’re done with the set-list. Now we just need to rehearse it over and over again until it’s perfect.”

“What songs are you playing?” Lily asked.

She cleared her throat, glancing down at the paper again, “First, we start with Keep Yourself Alive; then Immigrant Song; Lola; John, I’m Only Dancing; Jeepster, of course; then Sirius’ Cry Baby; Moony’s The Sound; Sex and-”

“W-wait what?!” Lily interrupted with wide eyes.

“What what?” Marlene said in confusion.

“What was that last one called? Sex?!”

“Oh,” Sirius chimed in with a smirk, “that’s my new one.”

Lily stood up abruptly, “Black, are you fucking kidding?! You can’t play a song called _Sex!_ I promised McGonagall-”

He lifted his hands in front of his chest in defence, “Hey, hey, Evans, calm down,” he said. “It’s just the name, okay? Relax.”

“Relax? _Relax?_ I’m not gonna _relax!_ You’re gonna sing a song about sex!”

“It’s not _about_ sex! It’s just the name!”

Lily sighed deeply, closing her eyes, “It better be, ‘cause I swear, Black, if you put a toe out of line I’m gonna shove that microphone so far up your-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” James stepped in with an awkward chuckled. “Let’s not go there, alright?” He turned to Sirius, “You shut up. Lily,” he looked over at her, “don’t worry. I was nervous too when he first showed us, but it's actually great. You don’t need to worry about it.”

Lily glanced between the two dark haired boys and let out another sigh, “ _Fine,_ ” she said through gritted teeth. She slumped back on the pouf, Remus having to cover his lips with his hand to fight back the laughter.

“And the last one, Marls?” James said.

“Oh, Rock And Roll All Nite,” she completed.

Remus and Lily nodded in approval. Well, more Remus-- Lily was too busy trying to burn Sirius with her eyes.

“Moony, do you wanna hear your song? It’s done, I think you’ll like it,” Sirius offered, ignoring her stare.

“Go on then,” he said with a smile.

Remus was immediately surprised from the moment they started playing. He doesn't know how they convinced her, but Marlene had a microphone in front of her, singing the first verses.

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

She sang softly, more as an intro to the song. Remus thought she sounded good. Sirius’ voice stepped in then, stronger and firmer than hers. He repeated the verses, which would later on come back as the chorus.

Remus was completely taken aback by how they transformed his lyrics into such a brilliant tune. It was more of a pop song than rock, which was what they usually played, but it was a nice change of atmosphere. He only realized he had his mouth gaped once they sang the last verses, wrapping up.

“So?” Sirius asked, panting as he tried to slow down his breath.

“Oh. My. God,” was all he could manage.

Sirius widened his eyes with concern, “I-Is it bad?”

Remus closed his mouth and shook his head excitingly, “N-no, it’s... Fuck, it’s _so_ bloody amazing!”

The band sighed with relief at his approval, and his face split with a wide grin. “James, you even have a solo!”

The boy rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah, that was Sirius’ idea. I still want to perfect it more, though.”

“No, really, I’m... Wow, you guys. It’s so good.”

Sirius smiled from ear to ear, and Remus felt his neck heat up. “Okay, now you two, get the fuck out. We need to rehearse _Sex,_ ” he turned to look at Lily, emphasizing the name of the song and giving her an ironic smile, “so you can’t be here.”

They both sighed simultaneously as they got to their feet. Lily gave Sirius a last stern look and he blew a kiss at her, making her give him the finger.

**-MARLENE-**

“Alright, lads, I guess that’s it for today,” Sirius said as they finished going over the set-list for the last time. “Meet again here tomorrow, same time?”

They all nodded, and started organizing their things.

“Wanna go play Explosive Snap, Pads?” James asked.

“Oh, I’m actually gonna go to the kitchens to get some food. I’m starving.”

James nodded, “Pete?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Black, I’ll go with you,” Marlene chimed in.  


“What?”

“To the kitchens. I’m hungry too,” she explained. Yeah, actually, she wasn't, but she needed to talk to him, and this was probably the only moment she would have alone with Sirius before the ball.

“Oh, okay.”

They exited the room and waved their goodbyes as they parted, the pairs heading in opposite ways. They were quiet for a while, Marlene going over and over in her head about how she would start the conversation. ‘Fuck it,’ she thought.

“What’s that song about?” She blurted out.

“Huh?”

“‘Sex,’ what’s it about?”

He narrowed his eyes, looking forward. “Nothing,” he responded after a few seconds.

“Oh, come on, Sirius,” she drawled. “You know I don't buy that shit. Why are you lying to me?”

“I’m not lying to you!”

“Yes, you are! It seemed to be pretty directed.”

He took a deep breath, “McKinnon, it’s nothing.”

“Stop lying!”

“I’m not-” he cried out, before looking around and lowering his voice. “I’m not lying, okay? It’s nothing. Nothing that concerns you.”

“Everything about you concerns me, ‘cause guess what? You’re my best friend!” Marlene hissed, “I tell you _everything,_ and you’ve been _hiding_ everything from me.”

Sirius sighed, rubbing his eyes, “Well, that’s really sweet, but I’m not hiding anything from you.”

“What was ‘Cry Baby’ about, then?”

“Nothing.”

“See! You’re lying! It’s impossible that you wrote two songs just because you _felt like it!_ ” She sang out.

“It is very much possible,” he said. “I just feel inspired and write. That’s all.”

“Inspired by what? Remus?” As soon as the words left her lips, she regretted it instantly, but it was too late now.

Sirius stopped in his tracks, in the middle of the corridor. “What?” He asked in an almost whisper.

She had to keep going now. “Don’t think I didn't see how you practically sang _to_ him that night. And every other night we played that song.”

He had his eyes wide, glaring into hers. He clenched his jaw and swallowed.

“You can talk to me-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he cut in, firmly.

“Perhaps. But I _want_ to know what I'm talking about,” she reached to touch his arm, but he backed away. “It’s no big deal if you’re-”

“I’m not hungry anymore,” Sirius interrupted again, voice higher than hers. “You can just go to the kitchens by yourself. You know how to get in.”

He didn't even wait for her response, and turned on his heel and practically scurried off in the opposite direction. Marlene was left in an empty corridor, alone, and not hungry at all.

**-LILY-**

“Oh, she’s really sweet,” Lily told. “Mary and her have been glued together lately. It was really random. She just came back to the dorm two weeks ago saying she’d just met an angel,” she chuckled a little. “Marlene already knew Mia a bit, so since then she's been around a lot. Well, whenever Mary is, basically.”

“That’s a lot of Ms,” Remus observed.

“I’m trapped. They follow me everywhere,” Lily took the back of her hand to her forehead, sighing dramatically.

Remus and her went straight to the common room after being kicked out of the band’s rehearsal, and have been there since. They would probably be done by any time now.

“Well, I’m happy for her,” he said. “Our friend group is brilliant, but sometimes it’s good to have friends outside of it, too.”

Lily nodded, taking a sip of her tea. “She deserves it, honestly. You know, someone like Mia.”

“She does. Mary is bloody amazing.”

She fixed him with a squint of her eyes, lifting an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes, “Oh, please.”

Lily laughed loudly, “I’m joking!”

Remus laughed back, and they were in comfortable silence for a while until the portrait hole swung open, revealing two grinning boys. James and Peter.

Lily felt her stomach drop. She’s been kind of trying to ignore Potter for a while now. He clearly wasn't interested anymore (no matter what Remus said), so maybe distancing herself from him would help _her_ lose the interest. So far, no results.

“Hi!” James greeted, not losing the smile on his lips.

“Hey,” Remus responded. Lily just gave them a tight smile.

James and Peter took their spot on the carpet, right in front of the fireplace. The two boys on the floor, Lily and Remus on the couch, separated by only a coffee table. Peter took a pack of Explosive Snap from his pocket (Lily has no idea how and why he keeps it in there), and they started playing.

“So,” Remus started, “everything ready for Friday?”

“Yup,” James said, not lifting his eyes from his cards. “We already have everything sorted, all changes that needed to be done are done. Now just have rehearse it over and over.”

Remus nodded, turning his head to Peter’s direction, “Do you have a date for the ball, Wormy?”

Oh, there we go. Bloody Remus bringing up dates. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

The other boy nodded contently, “Yes. I’m taking Julie Thomas. She's a Ravenclaw fifth year.”

“Wormy didn't even have to ask her,” James chimed in, “she came running to him.”

“That’s right,” Peter said with a smirk, putting his hand up to give the boy across from him a high-five.

“And you, Prongs? Have a date?” Remus asked. She could see the corners of his lips turning up subtly. Oh, Lily was going to kill him.

James’ eyes flicked towards Lily for a split second, before returning to Remus and then to his cards. He cleared his throat, “Uh, no. No, not really.”

“Why?”

He lifted his gaze from his hands, landing on the boy on the couch. From the corner of her eye, Lily could see Remus had a content tight smile on, an eyebrow lifted.

“I-I... I don’t know, it’s just,” he stammered. She felt his eyes on her again for another very brief second-- like it was more of a reflex of his than intentional, “I don’t know.”

Remus gave him a faux puzzled look, “You _don’t know?_ Are you sure, Prongsy? Because I remember very well-”

And that was it. She wasn't going to wait anymore. Fuck it. Fuck it if he rejected her, she didn't care.

Lily stood up abruptly, just that motion making Remus stop talking. She looked at James deep in his eyes, “Potterdoyouwannagototheballwithme?”

He blinked, seeming genuinely confused, “What?”

Lily took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “Potter, do you wanna go to the ball with me?” She tried again.

James glared at her for a while, as if waiting for her to tell him she was joking. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears.

He gave a little shrug, returning his gaze to his cards, “I’ll think about it.”  


“ _What?!_ ” She widened her eyes. Okay, maybe getting rejected was worse than what she imagined it to be.

James turned his head slowly back to her. He was serious for a few beats, but then his face split with a grin from ear to ear. The type of grin that made his eyes practically close.

“I’m joking,” he said between a chuckle. “Of course I do, Evans.”

Lily exhaled a breath she didn't even notice she was holding, taking her palms to her face to cover how furiously she was probably blushing and the silly smile on her lips.

“Finally,” Remus huffed.

She turned around to face him, giving his head a shove with her hand. “You’re the worst.”

He gave her a satisfied smile.

“Right. Now that that’s all done, I’m gonna go to my room,” she announced. She turned to look at James, feeling her cheeks burn immediately, “Potter, uh, will you pick me up or..?”

“I’ll pick you up in your room,” he told her with a smile.

“Right. Okay, see you guys later.”

She rushed upstairs as fast as she could, banging the door closed after her. She threw herself at her bed, staring at the ceiling trying to hold in a smile. She was alone. She didn't have to. She turned to lay on her stomach, giggling sillily into her pillow.

**-MARY-**

Mary was finishing up Lily’s eyeliner, her own makeup all done. “Stop blinking, Lily!”

“My eyes are _closed_ , Mary, how could I be blinking?!”

“You’re blinking with them closed!”

Marlene giggled as she put on her heels, “What time is it?”

“We probably still have around five minutes before the boys come,” Mary answered. After a few last strokes on Lily’s eyelid, she announced, “Ok, all done, Lils. Now let me get dressed.”

Mary had picked one of the most beautiful dresses she had ever seen in Hogsmeade. It was a blessing, really, ‘cause she could never find anything decent in the village for her wardrobe. It was black, off-shoulder, and it hugged all her curves tightly, reaching her ankles. Simple, but perfect. She was prepared for the comments, saying how indecent she was, but Mary didn't care. She never did. 

There was a knock on the door as she was putting on her earrings. “Come in!” Marlene said.

The door swung open, revealing Sirius, James and Dorcas. Mary had helped her boyfriend pick out his outfit, and she was more than certain that McGonagall would lose her shit over it. The thought made her laugh.

Sirius was wearing tight faux leather pants, similar to the ones he wore on his first concert, but these had more of a vinyl sheen to them. A flowy, almost transparent leopard print blouse, unbuttoned down to the middle of his chest underneath the fur, beige coat Mary had given him for his birthday. Chunky Doc Martens boots, tons and tons of rings, necklaces and bracelets, and a pair of sunglasses Mary had never seen before. She had helped painting his nails black during the afternoon, and his hair was wavier and messier, rather than the soft, sleek perfection it always was. He probably used some hair spray for it to look like this.

He was the one who opened the door, “Heeeello, ladies.”

“You look like the visual representation of a joke,” Marlene commented.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he told her, tilting his chin down to look at her over the sunglasses. 

He stepped into the room and approached Mary, wrapping his arms around her waist, “You look hot.”

She gave him a peck on the lips, “So do you. We look good together.”

He smiled, and gave her another kiss.

“Oh my fucking god,” Dorcas said. They turned to face her, and she was staring at Marlene with hungry eyes, mouth gaped. “Fuuuck, I’m so getting it tonight.” 

Marlene laughed, scurrying to her girlfriend’s direction and landing a fierce kiss on her lips. Dorcas suit fitted her perfectly, just like Marlene’s, but it was a dark shade of purple and sparkled when it hit the light. They were so beautiful together.

James and Lily were chatting nervously by the door, both with their cheeks burning pink. James had a velvet navy suit on. It was simple, but it looked expensive. Sirius caught Mary observing James’ garment, “I told him to wear something cooler,” he said, leaning down so only she could hear, “but he told me that not everyone wants to look like a clown. Arsehole.”

Mary giggled, and he smiled back. They’d decided to put the fight behind them. Sirius apologized for freaking out, and she forgave him. Maybe she forgives him too much. Mia told her that.

But it's just good to be on good terms. To just have fun. Because that’s what Sirius is: he's fun, exciting, an adventure. But recently Mary has been coming to realize that maybe, just maybe, that’s just... not enough.

“Let’s go, then?” Marlene said.

“Let’s,” Sirius responded. On their way out of the room, he gave Mary’s arse a little slap, making her chuckle. He was in a good mood. Thank god.

As they descended the stairs to the common room, Mary caught sight of what looked like a star. A gold little spot in the middle of all the students. She smiled from ear to ear. It was Mia.

She was wearing a silky, flowy yellow dress with spaghetti straps, reaching just above her ankles. Her light hazel, wavy hair was down, falling beautifully on her face. The waves were never perfect-- it always looked like she had just come back from a swim in the sea, but that’s what made them so beautiful. Her hair was almost the same color as her skin-- a bronze tan, soft complexion (she had multiple moles, too. One of them right on the top left corner of her lip). Mia was always full of jewelery-- always gold, of course. It was like Sirius and her were competing who had more space in their fingers for rings. Her makeup was soft, except for the black, big eyeliner wing on top of her lids and the pink, shimmery gloss on her full lips. Mary didn't think she needed any artificial color, though-- Mia’s lips were the pinkest she had ever seen. ‘It’s not about needing makeup, Mary. It’s about liking it,’ she would say every time Mary told her how she didn't need it.

Mary was cut off of her transit when the girl started waving and approaching her. And Sirius.

“Hi!” She greeted with a big smile.

Mary blinked, and felt speechless for the first time. God, she was even prettier up close. She looked ethereal. “H-hi,” she managed. As soon as Mia came closer, the orangey scent of her hair invaded Mary’s nostrils, making her heart skip a beat.

“Hi, Sirius,” she looked at him still smiling, though it was smaller.

“Mia,” he greeted, giving her a tight smile.

Her gaze returned to Mary, and her eyes sparkled, “You look... beautiful.”

Mary felt her entire face heat up (she was never so thankful for makeup), butterflies spreading their wings inside her stomach.

She smiled, “So do you. Really.”

Mia grinned, and her eyes stared deep into Mary’s. They didn't say anything for a while. They didn't have to.

Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly, “Uh, let’s go, MacDonald?”

He put a hand on her waist, and Mary flinched a bit. Mia’s eyes met his grip, and her smile died a little.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

“See you down there, Mia,” he said as they parted.

Mary looked over her shoulder to see her waving a goodbye, standing alone on the spot.

She breathed in deeply, and forced a smile on her face. This was going to be a good night. She would make it be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a filler chapter and it ended up being the longest yet. oh well.  
> want to thank everyone who's been commenting lately. you have no idea how much it motivates me <3
> 
> Sex and The Sound are both songs by The 1975


	13. Chapter 13: Christmas Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is heavily based on lyrics and it has a lot of shift of povs! hope you enjoy :)

**-REMUS-**

“Hi,” Benjy said with a smile as he exited the Ravenclaw common room. “You look good.”

“Hi. So do you.”

His smile widened, “Ready to go?”

Remus nodded, and they made their way to the Great Hall.

It was beautiful. All the tables were gone, and the Hall looked double the size. There were huge Christmas trees in every possible corner, with crystal ornaments hanging on the branches. It was decorated to give an appearance of being frozen, though it was surprisingly warm inside the huge room.

It was already crowded with students when the couple arrived, but it didn't take Remus too long to spot his friends. Sirius was to blame.

“What _is_ this?” Remus snorted as him and Benjy approached the group.

Sirius crossed his ankles and spun around in place, a smirk playing on his lips, “Like it, Moons?”

Remus answered with a huffed a laugh, but yes-- of course he liked it. It was mental, so over the top. Classic Sirius. Almost all the other blokes were wearing suits or fancy wizard robes, except for Benjy, who was wearing a traditional Japanese kimono (it looked really expensive), and other people who wore cultural gowns. Remus himself was wearing a black blazer and a black shirt-- couldn't even bother to put on a tie. Meanwhile, Sirius looked like _that._ And it was perfect.

“Where’s James?” He asked.

“Oh, he went to get the business done,” Sirius wriggled his eyebrows.

“What business?” Benjy said curiously.

“Every year they put Muggle Vodka in one of the punches,” Lily explained. “ _And_ change the color of it so people can tell them apart.”

“No way!” Benjy exclaimed, taking his hand to his mouth, “That’s _you_ guys? Me and my friends always wondered who were the Punch Heroes.”

Once a smile started to form on Sirius’ lips, Marlene chimed in, “Oh, please, Benjy, don’t give ’em that. I think their egos would simply explode.”

They chatted freely for about two more minutes until Remus caught the side of a grinning James, eyes gleaming with mischief, approaching the group. Above his head, seven cups of punch floated, and they had to reach to get them once he arrived.

“All done, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“Tell me yourself,” he responded with expectant eyes.

They all took a sip of their drinks. “Fuck yes!” Sirius said, giving James a high-five.

Marlene chocked, “What the fuck, Potter, did you put a whole bottle in there?”

“Of course?”

“It’s... strong,” Mary said with a grimace.

“That’s the point!”

“How did you manage to pour an entire bottle of Vodka without anyone catching you?” Benjy asked.

“First; weightless and shrinking charm on it, so I can fit it in my jacket,” he started listing. “Second; I need cover, and that’s when Pete comes in.”

“Where is he?”

“Oh, he’s with his date already. But priorities are priorities, and he has his sorted.”

They all chuckled and continued to sip on their drinks. As Remus drained his cup, he could already start feeling a little dizzy. Yeah, it was going to be an interesting night.

“What time do you guys go up there?” Dorcas asked.

“In about forty-five minutes,” Lily responded. She landed her eyes on Sirius, “Black, you are well warned-”

“I know, Evans, I know. I will behave.”

They continued to talk until ‘Cherry Bomb’ by The Runaways started playing, and Mary leaped with excitement, tugging on Sirius’ sleeve like a child, “Oh my god, I love this song! Sirius, come dance with me!”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh, MacDonald...”

“Please!”

He sighed, and his eyes flicked towards Remus and Benjy for less than a split second. “Where’s Mia? Can’t you go dance with her?”

Remus was surprised by how, instead of getting mad, Mary’s eyes sparkled with Sirius’ suggestion, and it didn't take her too long to have a smile plastered on her face as she spotted the girl across the Hall.

“Such a gentleman,” James sneered once Mary left the group.

Sirius shrugged, taking a last sip off of his cup and motioning to go refill it. Remus glanced at Mary’s direction, and she was jumping and dancing, hands intertwined with Mia’s, with the biggest grin on her lips. She looked genuinely happy. Remus had never seen her like this with Sirius. Not even close.

**-MARLENE-**

“Okay, it’s time,” Lily announced. “Are you ready?”

They all nodded, but Marlene was far from feeling ready. It wasn't actually different than any other concert, they’ve played for the entire school before. But that was casual, just for fun. This felt... serious. And even though Dorcas gave her a good snog to calm down her nerves, they were still on edge.

“Okay. Let’s go.” Even Lily looked nervous. The only one who seemed to be at ease was Sirius, but that was probably because of the amount of punch he drank-- Marlene had to tell him to act sober around Lily so she wouldn't hex him all the way to Russia.

They arrived at the back of the stage, James jumping in place, Peter wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers, Marlene fiddling with her fingers uncontrollably, and Sirius simply... smiling. Carelessly. Damn you, Sirius Orion Black.

“Alright, I’m gonna have to leave now,” Lily said. “I’ll be on the crowd with the rest of the lot but I’ll come running if anything happens, okay?”

The band nodded, and after Lily showered them with encouraging words, she left.

“You okay?” Marlene asked Sirius.

He smiled softly, “Never better.”

That gave her a burst of excitement, and after a group hug, they emerged on stage.

**-SIRIUS-**

_‘Calm down, Sirius. You can do this. It’s no different than what you’ve done before. Everyone's here for you. Moony is here. You can do this.’_

**-JAMES-**

_‘Calm down, James. You can do this. It’s no different than what you’ve done before. Everyone's here for you. Lily is here. You can do this.’_

**-PETER-**

_‘What the fuck.’_

**-SIRIUS-**

“Good night, everyone! First and foremost, we would like to thank our professors for this opportunity. We are ‘ _Abaffiato_!’ Let’s get this party started, eh?”

The crowd cheered with excitement, and Sirius never felt so ready. As James played the intro chords to ‘Keep Yourself Alive,’ Sirius spotted McGonagall on the corner of the Hall with the rest of the professors. He made direct eye contact with her, “This is for you, Minnie,” he said into the microphone, her expression turning into a furious one making him smile.

_I was told a million times_

_Of all the troubles in my way_

_Mind you grow a little wiser_

_Little better every day_

_But if I crossed a million rivers_

_And I rode a million miles_

_Then I'd still be where I started_

_Bread and butter for a smile_

All the students danced and jumped around, singing along to Freddie Mercury’s lyrics. He never felt happier.

_Keep yourself alive, yeah_

_Keep yourself alive_

_Ooh, it'll take you all your time and money_

_Honey you'll survive_

**-REMUS-**

Sirius was always a magnetic presence on stage, but today he was more. He was bigger. He had a grin plastered on his face that wouldn't leave for anything in this world. He strutted across the stage, swishing his hips left and right, tossing his black long locks back and forth. If Remus used to struggle with taking his eyes off of him during previous performances, tonight it became a real problem.

And every time Sirius’ eyes met his, it was like the world stopped. Like they were the only ones in the Hall. Safe to say the world stopped multiple times.

**-MARLENE-**

There was no way Sirius wasn't looking at Remus. No fucking way. It didn't matter what he told her, how much he denied-- Marlene was not stupid.

**-BENJY-**

‘He’s looking at him. Again.’

**-REMUS-**

It went on like this for the rest of the songs, the band’s excitement and confidence only growing bigger. Marlene and James were grinning uncontrollably, Peter giving his all with the drums and Sirius... yeah, maybe Sirius really did have a bit too much to drink. He was starting to surpass a dangerous territory.

Lily kept glancing back and forth at McGonagall, “She’s not mad, is she? Do you think she’s mad? She doesn't look mad, right?”

“Lily, everything is fine. Don’t worry. Black is mental, but not that much,” Dorcas comforted.

Lily sighed with relief, “Okay, okay. It’s going great, yeah?”

“It’s going amazing, Lily,” Remus told.

She gave his arm a squeeze, and they continued to enjoy the show.

“Now, this one is a special one,” Sirius announced into the microphone after wrapping up ‘Cry Baby,’ “It was written by our brilliant, genius, amazing friend, Remus Lupin!” The crowd clapped viciously, some looking around trying to spot him. Remus blushed-- only Sirius would bother to tell everyone he was the one who composed the bloody song. Sirius met his eyes and opened the biggest grin, “This is for you, Moony.”

“So no one was gonna tell me my girlfriend _sings?!_ ” Dorcas exclaimed as Marlene started introducing the song. 

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

From the stage, Sirius gave her a mocking impressed looked, shaping his mouth into an ‘O’ and taking his palm to his chest. Marlene gave him the finger, and seemed to immediately find McGonagall’s eyes and gave her an apologetic look. Sirius laughed freely before his own voice stepped in.

_I can't believe I forgot your name_

_Oh baby won't you come again?_

_I said "I've got a problem with your shoes and your tunes_

_But I might move in" and_

_"I thought that you were straight, now I'm wondering"_

Sirius gave him a playful puzzled look at the last line, mixed with a smile. Remus rolled his eyes.

_You're so conceited, I_

_Said "I love you"_

_What does it matter if I lie to you?_

_I don't regret it but I'm glad that we're through_

_So don't you tell me that you 'just don't get it'_

_'Cause I know you do_

As the chorus came in, it was impossible to keep your feet on the ground. Everyone jumped, danced, swung their bodies back and forth. Mary and Mia were dancing together, closely. Remus tried not to observe too much.

_It's not about reciprocation it's just all about me_

_A sycophantic, prophetic, Socratic junkie wannabe_

_There's so much skin to see_

_A simple Epicurean Philosophy_

Sirius gave Remus an ‘are you kidding’ look at the amount of terms and references and difficult words he wrote, and Remus laughed loudly over the music. 

_And you say I'm such a cliche_

_I can't see the difference in it either way_

_And we left things to protect my mental health_

_But you call me when you're bored and you're playing with yourself_

The chorus came in once again, and it was just magical. It was so much better than when Remus heard them during the rehearsal. They were in a league of their own, performing like they were in a huge stadium with tens of thousands of people there to see them.

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, I ask for your attention, your love, your applause, for the greatest, the biggest, Gryffindor’s Quidditch captain, guitar legend: James _Fleamont_ Potter!” Sirius screamed into the microphone. Remus swore he saw James mouthing a ‘fuck you’ at Sirius’ mention of his middle name, and he stepped on the center of the stage and started his solo.

“Oh. My god,” Lily said as James brought to life his inner Jimi Hendrix. They all laughed at her, and she slapped Remus across the chest.

Marlene and Sirius smiled and laughed freely and carelessly while James took over, making fun of him in the most loving way possible. It was just _beautiful._ Remus never smiled so broadly.

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

_Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound_

_I know the sound, of your heart_

Sirius wrapped up the very last verse, “ _Well I know when you're around 'cause I know the sound, I know the sound, of your heart,”_ staring right at Remus. It made him shiver.

The crowd erupted into applause, whistles and screams. Nothing would ever top this concert.

“This next one is brand new, written by your favorite frontman: me,” Sirius told with a grin. “Unfortunately, I can't tell you the name just yet. Management issues,” he looked at Lily, who gave him the finger from the crowd. “But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.”

**-MARY-**

_And this is how it starts_

_You take your shoes off in the back of my van_

_My shirt looks so good_

_When it's just hanging off your back_

Mary and Mia had been dancing together during the entire show. Mia would occasionally slip her arms around her waist, and Mary would let her. There was no way she wouldn't.

She could feel bad about not even giving a toss about a her boyfriend on stage, but Mia’s smiled seemed more important. More urgent.

**-LILY-**

_And you said use your hands and my spare time_

_We've got one thing in common it's this tongue of mine_

_He said he's got a boyfriend anyway_

Oh, no.

There was no possible explanation other than this song being about Remus.

Lily looked over at him, and the boy had stopped jumping. He was static, eyes glued on the other boy on stage. And not only his eyes glued on him, but Sirius’ glued on his as well.

He was singing to him.

_Now we are on your bed in your room_

_And I'm about to fill his shoes_

_But you say no_

_But do you say no_

**-REMUS-**

What in the _actual_ fuck.

_Does he take care of you_

_Or could I easily fill his shoes_

_Do you say no_

_Do you say no_

Remus felt like the ‘Cry Baby’ first performance all over again. But more. So much more.

**-MARLENE-**

‘Oh, Sirius, you poor, sweet thing. It’s him, isn't it?’

_You and your fit friends anyway_

_I'd take them all out any day_

_They've all got back combs anyway_

_You've all got boyfriends anyway_

**-REMUS-**

The song finished,and the students all clapped once again, but Remus was shaken. Shaken with Sirius’ voice, shaken with Sirius’ lyrics, shaken with Sirius’ glare. Shaken with Sirius.

**-SIRIUS-**

‘What is wrong with you?’

**-LILY-**

Lily was shamelessly staring at Remus, analyzing his expression, his posture, his firm grip to his cup that it was probably going to break.

It took the band a while to start the last song, Sirius’ face unreadable. Marlene seemed to be able to read it.

He grabbed the cup he had left on the side of the stage and chugged on it. Stupid bitch. This is not gonna end well.

She gave Remus’ arm a squeeze, and he seemed to wake up, giving her a tight smile.

“It’s been fun, Hogwarts,” Sirius recomposed himself, “so let’s finish this the right way, eh? ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE!”

**-SIRIUS-**

Nothing mattered anymore. Sirius was going to finish this show the way he wanted. He would give it his all.

_You show us everything you've got_

_You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot_

_You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy_

**-MARLENE-**

Sirius was too drunk. He was dancing like never before, striding across the stage, running his hands all over his body, tossing his head back. Marlene had to keep playing, and she had to be responsible, but she just wanted to keep watching him. It was hilarious.

_You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'_

He started to take off his coat.

Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, SHIT.

**-LILY-**

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

“Oh, my god, what is he doing?!” Dorcas asked, wide incredulous eyes watching Sirius, “He took off his coat, he’s- oh my god, he’s unbuttoning his shirt...”

Lily gasped, “He’s fucking _stripping!_ ”

**-MARLENE-**

_You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while_

_You're lookin' fancy and I like your style_

_You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy_

Sirius was slowly stripping off of his blouse, making that a show in itself. James and Marlene glanced at each other back and forth, not knowing if they should laugh or stop him.

Fuck.

Fuck it’s McGonagall.

She’s coming. McGonagall is coming.

Fuck.

Marlene and James widened their eyes at each other. Sirius didn't seem to even notice.

Well, at least _someone_ was going to stop him.

**-LILY-**

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

“Mr. Black!” Lily heard McGonagall shout in the crowd, “Mr. Black!”

Lily hurried to the front of the entrance to the stage, ready for whatever McGonagall was about to do.

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

“Mr. Black! Stop this concert right now! Mr. Black!”

She reached the stage seconds after Lily, “Ms. Evans, go up there and stop this right now!”

“I can’t, Professor.”

“Ms. Evans-”

“I can’t!”

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

Sirius was already bare-chested, swinging his shirt in circles over his head.

“Ms. Evans, don’t make me go up there,” she said in the sternest tone Lily had ever heard. She was scarier than ever.

“Professor McGonagall, please-”

Sirius was now on his knees, running his hands over his body. The crowd was going mental.

“This is it. Get out of the way, Ms. Evans.”

“Professor-”

“Ms. Evans!”

Lily put her head down, and obliged. Sirius was so fucked.

**-JAMES-**

_I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day_

McGonagall was stepping on stage, grabbing Sirius by the arm, making him stand up.

“Black, stop this concert right now.”

Marlene and James shared the most desperate look.

“Minnie, hi!” Sirius greeted her with a smile.

“This is not a joke, Mr. Black. Stop this right now. Don’t make me do it.”

“You wouldn't.”

They both glanced at the microphone stand, and grabbed at it simultaneously.

“Give it, now!”

“YES TO REVOLUTION! WE ARE THE CHILDREN!” Sirius screemed into the mic.

“Mr. Black!”

Marlene was already grabbing at his arm, begging him to just let go and let McGonagall do what she wanted.

“WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION! MARC BOLAN! REVOLUTION!” He continued to yell, but Marlene was strong and was already getting him off stage.

McGonagall waved her wand and all the spotlights died. James grabbed Sirius’ blouse from the floor and him and Peter followed the two to the backstage.

“So,” he started once they were all together, “that was fun.”

“Are you fucking _kidding?!_ ” Lily emerged, “She's going to _kill_ you! And me!”

“Relax, Evans, she’s not going to do anything to you,” he replied with a smile playing on his lips.

Lily growled and advanced over him, but James stepped between, “Hey, violence is not the answer!” He tossed Sirius’ shirt at him, “Get dressed. And wait here, she probably has a lot to say to you.”

They descended the stairs in silence, but once they arrived back on the dance floor, they all bursted into laughter.

“Merlin, she's gonna tear him to pieces!” Marlene said as she wiped a tear from her eyes.

**-REMUS-**

Dorcas, Mary, Mia, Remus and Benjy were all still staring at the empty stage, theirs mouths fallen open, trying to process what the _fuck_ had just happened.

“I have no words,” Dorcas said. They all just nodded. She turned to Mary, “And _you_ owe me ten galleons.”

“Dorcaaas...”

“You know you do.”

“Wait, did you guys _bet_ on this?”Remus asked, baffled.

“We bet that Sirius was going to do something mad enough for the show to be stopped,” Dorcas explained with a satisfied smile. “Well, I bet that-- Mary bet he wouldn't do anything.”

“But you told Lily-”

“That was before. We bet during Jeepster.”

They all laughed. It suddenly became obvious that yes, Sirius was definitely going to pull something insane enough for McGonagall to have to step in and get him off stage. It’s just that no one expected him to _take off his clothes._

“So?” James approached them, Marlene, Lily and Peter in tow. “Opinions?”

“Oh, tons!” Mary huffed a laugh.

“No, but really, it was amazing, Prongs,” Remus said with a smile. “You should be proud of yourselves. That’s definitely going down in history.”

James smiled, putting his arm around Remus’ shoulders. “Moony, Moony, Moony... What would we do without you?”

“Not have a hit song, that’s for sure!”

“Oh, ‘The Sound’ was amazing!” Mia chimed in, “It was just so beautiful! Magnetic!”  
“Where is he?” Mary asked.

“Getting yelled at by McGonagall,” Marlene answered. “He might come back at any second now.”

As if he was summoned, Sirius appeared from the back of the stage, sunglasses on and a playful smirk on his face. He opened his arms as he approached the group, “Hello, my loves.”

“You’re mental, you know that?” Mary told him.

He came closer to her and wrapped his arms on her hips, “Just how you like it.” Mia seemed uncomfortable.

“What did she tell you, anyway?” Lily asked.

“Oh, she gave me detention for obscenity and poor conduct,” he answered nonchalantly. “Two weeks, starting after the holidays.”

The group laughed at him, and James clapped his hands together, “Well, let’s continue this party, shall we?”

They nodded, and ‘Same Old Song and Dance’ by Aerosmith started playing, making them all go to the dance floor.

About thirty minutes had passed, and Remus started to feel thirsty. He leaned closer to Benjy, “I think I’m gonna go get a drink.”

Benjy nodded, and continued to dance on his own. Remus approached the table with the bowls of punch and laughed to himself as he saw the subtle difference in the color of the two. Sirius and James really were good. He served himself the darker one.

He sipped on it and leaned back on the table as he watched his friends dance happily. Mia had rejoined her own friends now, and James was jumping like a madman to the sound of ‘It’s Only Rock’n’Roll (But I Like It)’ by The Rolling Stones. It made Remus smile.

Marlene and Dorcas were dancing closely together. They really were a perfect fit. They smiled at each other foolishly, so dumbstruck with love.

Sirius and Mary, on the other hand, were snogging like it was their last day on earth. His hand gripping her arse, her arms swung around his neck, fingers buried in his hair. And Remus was staring. He was alone, they were busy. He allowed himself to stare shamelessly. And, for some reason, it just... hurt? It ached inside of his chest. It had been for a while. He always felt like he was on the edge of figuring it out, but then he didn't. But it still hurt. And he still didn't like it.

“They’ve been fighting a lot. I don’t think they’re gonna last,” a voice emerged from beside him, “so I wouldn’t worry.”

He snapped his head to his left. It was Lily, and she was leaning against the table just like him, also staring at the couple.

“What?”

“Them,” she jerked her head in their direction. “I don't think they’re gonna last. So I wouldn't worry if I were you.”

Remus looked at her and then back to them. He half laughed, “Oh, no, Lily, I-I don’t fancy Mary.”

“Yeah,” she finally glanced over at him, “I know.”

He widened his eyes, and he felt his heart stop. He looked back at the couple, and it just made sense.

But no.

No.

No, it couldn't make sense.

It couldn't.

Lily was wrong. She was _wrong_. And he had to leave.

He didn't say anything, just walked hurriedly past her, leaving his cup on the table. He walked through the dance floor, heading to the grounds. He needed air. The Hall was suddenly too small.

He reached the corridor, but his legs didn't seem to function anymore, so he settled for leaning against the cold-stoned wall. He pressed his back against it, breathing in and out. It couldn't be. _Lily was wrong._ Mental, absolutely mental. Remus didn't fancy Sirius. It was probably just something else. It had to be, right?

He closed his eyes, and he didn't know for how long, until he heard a voice call. “Moony?”

And there he was. Dressed like something out of a rock magazine from head to toe. Jet-black hair sitting beautifully on his collarbones. Cheekbones and jaw so defined they could cut. The lips that formed into the one smile that could disarm Remus completely. And the grey eyes. The eyes that could see so much. The eyes that saw _him._

And it just... made sense.

Lily was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cry Baby, by The Neighbourhood  
> The Sound, by The 1975  
> Sex, by The 1975  
> some lyrics were slightly changed so they would fit better.
> 
> (james' guitar solo is originally by adam hann. i get emotional every time i hear it for some reason. don't ask me why)


	14. Chapter 14: Bonding and Breakups

**-REMUS-**

“Moony?” Sirius repeated, stepping closer now. “What happened?”

 _‘Well, if you really wanna know, I’ll tell you what happened. Hm, let’s see. I just realized I might actually be in love with you even though I have a boyfriend_ and _you’re my best friend_ and _you’re straight and now this is going to ruin everything between us and I can’t even bare the idea of that so I really need you to just... leave. Or kiss me. Or both.’_

“N-nothing.”

“Are you sure? You look pale,” he said, with a crease between his eyebrows.

Remus nodded slowly, refusing to meet his eyes, “I’m fine, Pads, d-don’t worry.”

Sirius glared at him for a couple of beats, as if trying to see behind his eyes. The thing is that he probably could. He always could. Remus put his head down, looking at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the word.

“Moony, I-”

“You might wanna go back in there,” he interrupted. “Mary’s probably looking for you.”

Sirius casted him with a look of confusion, then nodded, “Right. Yeah, er, right.” But he didn't move. Feet glued on the ground.

Remus looked up at him and lifted his eyebrows. Sirius flinched in realization, “Yeah, okay.”

He turned to the big doors, but right before entering the Hall, he spun on his heels, “Tell me if you need anything. You know you can talk to me.”

He nodded again, and Sirius disappeared back to the party. _‘You’re the last person I want to talk to right now.’_

Remus leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to organize his thoughts. But what was there to organize? Suddenly, it all came to him like wave. It all became clear in a matter of seconds. Why it bothered him to see Sirius with Mary-- how he cried when he caught them in the dorm, how his heart burned every time he saw Sirius’ lips meet hers. The way his stomach dropped to his feet every time Sirius touched him, every time he looked at his way. When he smiled at him.

He never wanted something to not make sense so bad. But it did. It made perfect sense.

It was Sirius, all along.

He decided he would just go back to his dorm. He couldn't bare being at the party anymore-- having to face Lily, Sirius, Benjy. Oh, Benjy. Poor thing. He would have to break up with him, he knew that. But wouldn't Benjy be a good cover for his feelings for Sirius?

No. God, no. Remus cursed himself mentally for being so bloody selfish. He could never do that.

He sighed and straightened his posture, making his way back to his room with no rush. Tomorrow he would tell his friends he just had a headache and figured it would be better to go and lay down. But as he turned the corner, he heard someone crying. Sobbing, actually. It was muffled, like the person was trying hard to not be heard. But Remus did.

He stepped slowly towards a figure sitting on the ground, knees pressed against their chest and arms wrapped around it. As he came closer, he could make out their hazel hair, which merged with their tan skin.

“Mia?” He called softly.

The girl almost jumped with the scare, looking frightened by being found. She looked up at him and started wiping her eyes immediately, putting a smile on her face. “Remus. H-hi.”

“Are you alright? What happened?”

“Oh, n-nothing,” she said through hiccups, waving a hand dismissively, “I’m fine, d-don’t w-worry.”

“You seem quite far from fine.”

She stared at him for a couple of seconds before her chin started wobbling again, and she buried her head in her knees. He went to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Remus wasn't the type of person who was good at comforting people, not at all. He usually tried to run away from that. But he was good with logical and practical advice, and it wasn't like he could just continue his way and leave the girl crying alone.

She leaned on his shoulder, accepting the embrace. “Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, running his hand through her hair (that’s what he usually saw Lily do).

“I know, it’s just,” Mia set up straighter now, tearing apart from him. She breathed out a laugh with no humour, “God, it’s so stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not.”

She shook her head, looking down at her lap, “It’s... I dunno, I...” She took a deep breath before continuing, “It’s just the stupid cliché of wanting someone you can't have, y’know?”

Oh, Remus was very familiar with that.

“And... and having to see them with someone else, having to act like it doesn't hurt but _it does._ It hurts. _So bad,_ ” she continued in an almost whisper. Mia shrugged, “But, y’know, it is what it is.”

“Why don’t you talk to her?” He suggested.

She widened her eyes at him, “She would think I’m crazy! We’ve known each other for just a bit over two weeks- well, now you know who it is,” she huffed a sad laugh. “But... it just feels like a lifetime, y’know? Like we've been waiting to meet, all this time. It’s crazy.”

“You didn't have to say anything for me to know who it was,” he told her, nudging her lightly on the shoulder.

She snorted, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Merlin, she’s just... everything. She’s so kind, and smart, and funny. And when she smiles she has the cutest dimples that make me melt every time. And she’s with _him._ I mean, don't get me wrong, as far as I remember Sirius is a nice bloke but... when will she see they are not meant for each other? When will she see that there’s someone right under her nose who’s just absolutely _mental_ about her?”

Remus didn't respond, but he understood. Every word.

“I’m sorry, you probably don't wanna sit here on this cold floor listening to me vent about my sad love life.”

“No, no, Mia, it’s fine,” he put a hand on her knee and squeezed it. “Really, I... I know exactly what you mean.”

She looked up at him with sad eyes, but she seemed to have understood it as well.

He gave her knee a little slap, “Tell you what, I’m going to the common room now. Clear my head, have a little breather. Care to join me? We could even go to the kitchens and get some food.”

She widened her eyes, “You know where the kitchens are?”

He nodded contently, getting to his feet and putting out his hand to help her do the same. She had a ghost of a smile on her lips, “Você é um anjo, Remus.”

He glanced at her with a confused look, “Come again?”

She genuinely laughed for the first time, “I said you’re an angel. That was Portuguese.”

“You speak Portuguese?”

Mia nodded, “When you’re born in Brazil you kinda have to. I’ll tell you all about it over a spliff.”

Remus chuckled, and Mia smiled at him as she linked their arms together and they headed to the common room.

Turned out Mia was an even more interesting person than she looked, and that was saying something. She was a half-blood, being a witch by her mum’s side. And when she was six, her dad got a job offer in the UK, making them move all the way across the Atlantic. When she turned eleven, she had both the options of attending either Castelobruxo or Hogwarts, but her parents decided it would be better for her and her younger brother, Diego, to study in the country, closer to home. “My brother speaks less Portuguese than me, though,” she told him. “He was only two when we moved. We still speak it at home, but sometimes he has a hard time understanding what we’re talking about. When I’m mad at him, I start yelling nonsense in Portuguese and he gets the funniest look on his face. It’s the best way to win an argument.”

Her family was also more than okay with her being gay. “Oh, my parents are both hippie activists. Too liberal sometimes, even for me. When I told them I was a lesbian it was like saying, ‘mum, dad-- I _breathe air_ , by the way.’ They were so unfazed it was almost offensive.”

She was crazy funny, and incredibly easy to talk to. And over a spliff and sandwiches, it was like they were really creating a bond.

“What are you going to do?” He asked her. They were sitting on of the bay windows in the common room, “You know, about this whole Mary situation?”

She exhaled a cloud of smoke, shrugging, “Dunno. Wait for it to pass, I guess. Take this holiday break for myself, get my mind off of her. Might help.”

Remus asked her partly because he was curious, but also because he needed the advice. What _he_ was going to do about this whole Sirius situation.

“You told me you knew what I was going through,” she said as she passed him the joint, “that you knew what I meant. Who was it?”  


He took a drag, pondering if he should tell her or not.

“Or who _is_ it, maybe,” she corrected.

Remus looked out the window, exhaling smoke through one of the cracks. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but he really didn't want anyone else knowing. Just him and Lily were bad enough.

“It’s Sirius, isn’t it?”

He snapped his head back at her direction. Okay, what the fuck. Was it really so obvious and he was the only one who hadn't noticed? Did _Sirius_ notice? “How do you know?”

Mia shrugged nonchalantly, “You just told me. Lucky guess.”

He stared at her before bursting into giggles, her lips slowly opening into an ear-to-ear grin.

“Oh, to be the queer duo pining over the same heterosexual couple,” she said.

“Mary’s not straight. You have better chances than me.”

“Remus, you really think there’s any chance in hell that Sirius is not even a little bit queer?” She leaned forward, her chest almost touching her knees. “I swear, when I broke up with him and told him I was gay I was full on expecting him to just go ‘yeah, me too.’”

Perhaps it was just him being high, but that made him burst out laughing, tossing his head back. 

But the truth is Remus never even considered Sirius not being straight. Yes, he was a bit over the top. Eccentric and whatnot. But being friends with Mary made him learn that you should never just assume someone’s sexuality based on how they present themselves-- the girl would preach about this all time. And Sirius was always going out with girl after girl, bragging about doing this with this one and that with that one. It just never crossed his mind.

They mustn't have heard the portrait hole open through their fits of laughter, because the pair jolted when a voice erupted into the room.

“If I knew there would be a smoking session happening up here I wouldn't have bothered to go down there at all!” Marlene exclaimed, rushing to come closer to them and already holding out her hand to be passed the joint.

The rest of their friends came in slowly, all of them obviously intoxicated. James had his arm around Lily, Peter and Dorcas were both giggling to each other drunkenly and clearly struggling to walk in a straight line. And then, at last, Mary and Sirius entered, hands wrapped around each other's waists, making Remus and Mia share a knowingly raise of eyebrows.

“And that’s my cue,” Mia whispered to him before getting up and turning to talk to the rest of the group. “You can have the rest of that, Marls. Good night, everyone.”

“You’re going already?” Mary asked, tearing apart from her boyfriend.

“Yeah, it’s been a long night. See you all tomorrow at the station.”

She turned on her heel and climbed the stairs to the dorms, leaving Mary looking like a lost puppy.

“Why did you leave so soon, Moony?” James asked.

Remus met Lily’s eyes for a split second. She had a guilty look on her face. He shrugged, “Eh, had a bit of a headache.”

“Benjy was looking for you,” Sirius said, his voice low.

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” he answered. And by that, he meant _really talk._

He got to his feet, announcing he was heading to bed. They all agreed to follow after him. The couples all said their goodnights their own way-- Marlene and Dorcas with a soft, tender kiss, Sirius and Mary with a hungry one and James giving Lily a kiss on the cheek (always such a gentleman).

Remus was the first one to enter the room, and made a beeline to the loo to do his washing up and slip into his pyjamas. Once he was done, the boys took their own turns, and he climbed onto his bed.

After what was probably fifteen minutes, he noticed his curtains were shaking. He parted them, revealing a sheepish looking Sirius.

“Hey,” Remus whispered.

“Hi,” he whispered back. “Just wanted to check on you.”

Remus nodded, “I’m fine, cheers.”

Sirius looked at him for a few instants. “Was it... was it really a headache, Moony?”

He blinked, slightly startled at the question, and nodded again, “Yeah. Had too much to drink.”

Sirius analyzed his face for a couple of beats, then returned the nod, slowly, “Right. Just wanted to know.”

“Night, Sirius.” _‘Please, just leave.’_

“Night, Moony. See you tomorrow.”

Once he heard Sirius’ curtains close, he flopped his head down his pillow, sighing deeply.

“I’m so fucked,” he whispered to himself.

**-SIRIUS-**

_‘So am I, Moony. So am I.’_

**-LILY-**

“He didn’t kiss you?”

“You say it like it’s absurd.”

“It kinda is,” Marlene returned.

Lily rolled her eyes, “It’s not. I’m glad he didn't, actually. It would just make everything confusing.”

“What would be confusing about kissing the person you fancy? That’s how babies are born!”  
Lily snorted.

“Lily, I agree with you,” Mary said. “I think it’s great he didn't kiss you yet. Makes things more exciting. And plus, shows how respectful he is.”

“Thank you, Mary,” she returned, bowing slightly at her friend.

“So what did you do all night?” Marlene asked, “Because you were gone for a while, don’t think I didn't noticed.”

“We... talked.”

“Oh, Lily, cut the shit!”

“I’m serious! We just talked,” she defended. “But it was good. Really good. We talked about our families, our friends, each other. It was great, y’know. Getting to know him better.”

“Aw, how cute!” Mary beamed. “I’ll be the bridesmaid!”

“And I’m the godmother of the future Evans-Potter baby!” Marlene said.

Lily laughed, shaking her head, “You two are ridiculous. Come on, we’ll be late, and I wanna get a good carriage.”

Mary finished closing up her trunk, and the two friends headed to the main gates. As they arrived, it didn't take the boys too long to appear.

“Someone’s got a hangover,” Marlene commented loudly with a smirk as Sirius approached looking like all his blood had been drawn out of his face, with the same pair of sunglasses he had on the night before.

“Can you be quiet for once?” He hissed, placing a hand on his head.

“Hiya,” James said as he came closer to Lily, a big grin on his face. “I had a great time yesterday.”

“Hi,” she smiled back. “Me too.”

She looked over James’ shoulder for just an instant, though her gaze held there as she saw Remus, with his eyes glued on the ground.

McGonagall called for the students to start heading to the station. “I’ll be right with you, just gotta check something in my trunk,” she told James.

“Do you need help?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” she waved a hand dismissively, “you can go. I’ll catch up with you.”

He gave her arm a light squeeze and followed after their friends, Lily being left behind. She made rapid strides to catch up with Remus, who was in the back of the group, clearly disconnected from whatever they were talking about.

She tugged on his sleeve. “We need to talk,” she leaned closer, whispering.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he returned through gritted teeth, looking ahead.

“Yes, there is.”

He didn't answer, continuing to gaze forward. She tugged on his sleeve again, harder this time, making him stop on his tracks. They were both standing in the middle of hundreds of students walking past them, their friends already long gone.

“ _Remus,_ ” she tried again, her voice higher now, “yes, there _is_.”

He sighed, not meeting her eyes. “No, Lily, there isn't.”

“Then tell me I was wrong.”

Remus scoffed, turning away from her to continue to walk. She gripped his arm, making him turn back at her.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me I was wrong.”

He finally met her gaze, his eyes looking sad. They held the glare for what felt like days before he broke it, looking down at his feet.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” She said. “I’m sorry if I was being nosey, if it wasn't any of my business, but... I had been noticing. For a long time now. And I saw it last night-- the way you looked at him. I just... I’ve been dying to talk to you about it but I could never build up the courage to do so. I didn't want to meddle in anything, but... I don’t know, you’re my best friend, Remus. I want you to know you can talk to me. Always.”  
“It’s complicated, Lily,” he said in an almost whisper. Lily could see his eyebrows furrowed, though his head was still down.

“I know. I know that,” she took his hand. “But I’m here for you.”

Remus finally lifted his eyes to her, giving her a sad, appreciative smile, and the pair continued to make their way to the train station.

“So,” he broke the silence after a while, a smirk on his lips, “Prongsie boy, huh?”

She snorted, shoving him hard on the shoulder, making him stumble to the side.

**-MARY-**

“Wait, hold on,” she said to Sirius as she teared apart from him, “I have to go talk to Mia.”

He nodded, and she crossed the platform in the direction of Mia and her friends. She tugged on her sleeve lightly to call her attention, and she turned around.

Mary smiled. “Hi.”

“Hey, Mary.”

She started playing with the tips of her hair anxiously as no girl continued the conversation. Mary cleared her throat, “Er, you disappeared last night.”

“Oh, yeah, I, uh... I left with Remus,” Mia responded.

“I didn't know you two were close like that.”

“We bonded a lot yesterday. He’s a sweet bloke.”

Mary nodded. Why were things suddenly awkward?

“Excited to go home for the holidays?” She tried.

Mia sneered, “Mary, what’s with the small talk?”

She shrugged, “I dunno, I... I’ll miss you.”

A smile opened slowly on the other girl’s lips. Mary loved how she smiled.

“I’ll miss you too,” she placed her hand on her bicep, giving it a squeeze. “But it’s only two weeks, eh? You’ll survive.”

Mary heard Marlene call for her to hurry up as she stepped onto the train. “Promise to write?” She said as she started to walk away, backwards so she could still see Mia’s face.

She nodded slowly, “Only if you write me back.”

Mary grinned broadly, and she waved a quick goodbye as she turned to make her way to the train.

**-JAMES-**

James felt like he was living a dream. His night with Lily had been amazing. More than that. Incredible. 

He had been tempted to kiss her multiple times, but figured it would be better to wait. Wait for the perfect moment. 

And now, she was sitting next to him in the carriage. Sleeping on his shoulder! He wanted to get on his knee and propose to her right on the spot-- fuck it if they were sixteen.

Remus slid the carriage’s door open looking upset. He settled down in front of James, next to the window.

“Talked to Benjy?” Marlene asked.

He nodded slowly, “Yeah.” He breathed in sharply, eyes on his lap. “We, uh... We broke up,” he announced quietly.

“ _What?!_ ” James said in shock, making Lily stir in her sleep. He brought his hand up to her cheek carefully, soothing her so she wouldn't wake up. “What?” He repeated, whispering now.

Sirius’ head had snapped up in Remus’ direction, his eyes fixed on the boy.

His eyes flicked rapidly at Sirius, who were separated from him by Marlene, and he shrugged lightly, bringing his gaze back to his lap. “Just wasn't working out anymore. It was rather mutual, really. Ended on good terms.”

**-REMUS-**

“It’s because of him, isn't it?” Benjy had said.

“Benjy...”

“It’s okay,” he had appeased. “I could never compete.”

When Remus had motioned to protest, he continued, “I don’t mean this in a self-deprecating way. It’s just the truth. I knew it from the start.”

Remus had taken his hand, and he had squeezed it. “I’m sorry,” he had said.

“You don't have to be, Remus. I’m not mad at you, nor at him nor at myself,” he had shrugged, “it’s just life, y’now? These things happen. And I’m glad you finally realized it.”

Remus had given him a thankful smile, because that’s how he felt. Thankful. Thankful for Benjy being so understanding.

**-JAMES-**

“I’m sorry, love,” Marlene took Remus’ hand.

“It’s fine. He was great about it.”

“Oh, so you initiated the breakup,” Mary pointed out.

Remus looked a bit startled for a quick second, before blinking it away. Sirius was observing him by the corner of his eye. “Uh, yeah. But he, er, agreed. That we should breakup.”

Lily had started to blink slowly, the chattering having woken her up. She slightly lifted her head up from James’ shoulder, and gave him a sweet tight smile. He melted instantly.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Lily asked, voice raspy from the nap. ‘Can boys get pregnant?’ James asked himself mentally, ‘Because I think I just did.’

“Benjy and Remus broke up,” Mary answered.

She blinked, “Oh.”

Remus and her shared a look James couldn't read. Maybe Lily knew something they didn't.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone even better for you, Remus,” Marlene said, then let out an exaggerated cough, making her shoulder bump hard with Sirius’. He grimaced at her.

“Aw, mate, I was expecting you to bring Benjy to our New Year's Eve party,” James lamented.

“Oh, er, about that,” Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I... I don't think I’m coming, Prongs.”

“What?!” James and Peter exclaimed in unison. “You always come,” James said, “my parents love you! And Christmas-”

“Yeah, I’m also not coming for Christmas.”

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

“I’m sorry, mate, uh... My-my parents want me to spend the holidays with them this year.”

“Since when?!” James was outraged. Holidays without Moony weren't holidays. It would be like there was missing a piece. “And why didn't you tell us before?!”

“I-I dunno, I just... I forgot.”

James scoffed, “ _‘Forgot.’_ ”

“I’m sorry, lads,” he said sheepishly.

“We’ll miss you, Moony,” said Peter, “It won't be the same without you.”

Remus gave the boy a tight smile. Sirius was still quiet, looking down at the floor.

**-REMUS-**

Remus spotted his dad as soon as he stepped down from the train. It was impossible to miss, really. Lyall Lupin was taller than most people.

“Hiya, dad,” he greeted as he approached the man.

“Hi, son. Ready to go?”

Remus nodded. His dad leaned down to help him with his trunk, but looked up at something behind his son.

“Hi, Mr. Lupin. Can I talk to Remus for a second?” Lily said in a sweet, polite voice.

“Of course. I’ll wait for you out there, Remus,” he said, jerking his head at the direction of the wall that separated the magical platform from the Muggle one. Remus looked behind his shoulder, following the sight of his dad, and in a blink of an eye the man was gone.

“Wow, I’ll never get over how you’re the spitting image of him,” Lily commented.

“What do you want, Lily?”

“What’s this rubbish about you not going to the Potters for the holidays?!”

He sighed, “My parents want me home.”

“No, they don’t!” She exclaimed, and Remus blinked. “Sorry, I... I didn't mean it like _that._ What I’m saying is that you spend the holidays at James’ every year! Why would they demand your presence at home all of a sudden?”

“I-I dunno.”

“Is this because of Sirius?”

He sighed again, deeper this time. “Look, fine. If you don't want to spend Christmas with them--with _him,_ then don’t,” she said, “but please come to the New Year's Eve party!”

“Lily...”

“ _Please,_ Rem! After five years of Potter inviting me, I’m finally going. You can’t leave me alone with them.”

“You’ll have the girls!” He responded.

“It’s not the same!” Lily returned. “Please, Remus. We’ll have each other. I’ll take care of you, I promise. I won’t let you get too drunk and do something stupid.”

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes, “I don’t know, Lily...”

“Please, Remus,” she begged for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

He sighed, “I’ll think about it.”

Lily leaped in place, clapping her hands merrily.

“Oi, I’m not saying I _am_ going. I said I’ll think about it,” he said. “And don’t tell the lads about it, okay? Don’t wanna get their hopes up and then just don’t show up.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” she said, a smile playing on her lips. She glanced up at the big clock, “Shit, I have to go. My parents are probably wondering where I am.” She picked up her trunk, “Write me. Seriously. I'll flood your house with owls if you don’t.”

She gave his arm a quick squeeze and crossed the wall, leaving Remus standing alone. He sighed again. There was no way he was going to put himself through the torture of spending unnecessary time in Sirius’ presence.


	15. Chapter 15: Letters, Letters and Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: suicide is mentioned in a humorous tone. but still, be nice to yourself if you don’t enjoy it.

Moony,

Are you sure your parents won’t let you come for the holidays? First thing mum asked me when we arrived home was if you were coming. Well, actually, second thing. The first was how her precious little prince was doing. She misses me a lot when I'm away.

Please talk to them, Moony! My parents can talk to them, if you prefer!

Please please please!

A very heartbroken,

Prongs

\----------

Hi Mia,

I know we saw each other yesterday but I ~~miss you already~~ wanted to check up on you.

How’s everything at home? Your parents alright?

How’s Diego behaving? Only met him twice but you know I’m already obsessed with that little creature!

Write me ~~as soon as possible~~ when you can.

~~Yours,~~ Enjoy your holidays!

Mary MacDonald

\----------

Remus,

I gave you three days to think. You have a big head, I know a lot of thinking happens in there.

I hope you’ve already made up your mind--and by that, I mean I hope you fear death and decided to go to Potter’s New Year’s Eve party.

Just kidding!

Well, actually just about the I’m-going-to-kill-you part. I love you. I would never hurt you. But you better owl me back with answers (and the ones that I, Lily, would be pleased to receive).

Lots of love,

Lily

\----------

Moony,

Don’t think you can ignore me! I know where you live!

Mum and dad were really upset that you’re not coming, but you already know that. But it’s always good to remind you that you’re being mean to old people. Old people, Remus!

And me.

Don’t make Prongs cry. You know I cry easily.

You’re breaking my heart, Moony.

Please write me back,

Jamesies

\----------

Black,

I am, indeed, going to kill myself.

Owl me,

Marlene

\----------

What is going on in the McKinnon kingdom?

Sirius

\----------

Mia,

I remember you told me your family celebrates Christmas in the eve. Brazilian tradition.

So, happy Christmas!

Hope you had a great one. Did you get that Divination book you wanted?

Christmas here is dull. I’m spending it with my mum’s family this year, and we are already at my grandmum’s house. My cheeks hurt from being so pinched.

I ~~m mis~~ miss you,

Mary

\----------

Hi, Lils!

Happy Christmas!

How’s the family?

Did your mum make her apple crumble? Know how much you love it!

James Potter

\----------

Black,

I’m hidden in my aunt’s room to write you this (we came here for the Christmas supper).

They won't stop asking me if I have a boyfriend. And if that said boyfriend is the one.

A very suicidal (or homicidal),

Marlene

\----------

McKinnon,

I would hate my life if I were you. Ha.

Okay, enough with the jokes. To Sirius business.

Couldn't help but notice you mentioned a “said boyfriend.”

Did you tell them you have a boyfriend? I would die to see this conversation happening.

Sirius

\----------

James,

Happy Christmas to you and your family!

I had a great one, I hope you did too.

And yes, my mum prepared her famous apple crumble! It was amazing! ~~You have to come here and have it sometime.~~

Hugs,

Lily

\----------

Remus John Lupin,

I am using your legal name to inform you that I, James Fleamont Potter, am very dismayed by your absence at the Potters’ (and Black) Christmas supper 1976.

It is the next day and Sirius Orion Black and myself are feeling very sorrowful.

Okay, I don't know fancy words enough to continue this letter.

Christmas wasn't the same without you.

Please write me, mate.

Sirius has been a sulky git this holiday and I think it’s ‘cause you’re not here.

James

\----------

Mia?

Mary

\----------

Remus,

James seemed to have learned how to use a phone. It was a scary experience.

Well, he called to ask me if I know anything about your whereabouts.

I reckon you know that I do not.

I know I said I would never hurt you, but you're making me consider.

Lily

\----------

Black,

I need you to come to my house as soon as you receive this.

My address is on the back of this letter. The floo network is open.

I’ll explain everything when you get here.

Marlene

\----------

Hi Moony,

Prongs has been really worried about you.

Padfoot is being insufferable for some reason. I think you need to come.

New Year’s is in four days. Reckon you can convince your parents ’till then, eh?

Wormtail

\----------

Mary,

Sorry I didn't write you back. My family likes to spend the most time they possibly can with me when I’m home.

Happy delayed Christmas! I had an amazing time!

And yes, my parents got me that Divination book I wanted. I’m surprised you remembered, I only briefly mentioned it once. Well, happy you did. Made me smile.

Sad to hear your holidays are boring. Hopefully it will be saved with James Potter’s party.

Miss you too,

Mia Lopes

\----------

McKinnon,

Just got home.

I will never forgive you for this.

Never.

Never.

Your very sexy boyfriend,

Sirius

\----------

Black,

Before I kill myself I’ll make sure I kill you first.

Marlene (if you call yourself my boyfriend again I will hex you until you're inside out)

\----------

My girlfriend is so scary.

Sirius

\----------

Moony,

I’m starting to get worried now. Is everything alright?

The owls are coming back every time, but you never respond.

Do you need me to talk to mum and dad about it?

Sirius is worried too. He’s been locked up in his room for hours. Says he’s writing.

He’s coming for your gig, Moons!

Prongs

\----------

James,

Everything is fine.

Thanks for checking in.

Remus

\----------

Mia,

Happy you wrote me back. My grandmum got really frightened when an owl came flying in the kitchen. It was hilarious.

This might be at the last minute, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to James’ party ~~with me~~ , I'm sure he’d be happy to have you. We all would.

The address is on the back.

It’s on the 31st (well, that’s obvious), and it starts at eight o’clock.

I know it’s in two days, so you might have plans already, but it would be brilliant if you could go. Like I said before, I miss you.

Love,

Mary

\----------

MacDonald,

How's everything?

Miss you,

Sirius

\----------

Black,

All is good.

Miss you too,

Mary

\----------

Mary,

Took my parents a lot of convincing, but they let me go. Thank you for inviting me.

And like I said before, I miss you too.

Com amor,

Mia

\----------

Remus,

You’re avoiding Sirius, not me.

Lily

\----------

Moony,

What happened? Why won't you write?

James is really concerned about you. We all are.

It’s not holidays without you. ~~I~~ We need you here.

I’ve been writing a lot these past couple days, you’d be proud.

Also, sorry about your breakup with Benjy. I hate to think I’m partly guilty because of what happened back in Hogsmeade, but I can’t help not to. I hope you know how sorry I still am.

I know you said your parents wanted you home, but I know you, Moony. ~~Sometimes I feel like I know you way too much and at the same time I wanna know more.~~

Are you avoiding ~~me~~ us?

The party is tonight.

Please come.

Like I said, it’s not the same without ~~my~~ our Moony.

~~I~~ We miss you ~~,~~ mate,

Padfoot

\----------

Lily,

I’m going.

Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "com amor" means "with love"  
> (i will be translating what mia says in Portuguese if she doesn’t translate it herself, so you shouldn’t worry about having to go back and forth to google translate lol)


	16. Chapter 16: Piano Keys and Sweet Honey

**-JAMES-**

“Moony didn't say anything else?”

“No,” James huffed. “Just thanked me for checking up on him and said he was fine.”

“So he’s not coming?”

James shook his head as he put on his shoes. He looked over at Sirius’ reflection in the mirror. “Did you write him?”

Sirius looked back at him through the reflection, having stopped fixing his hair. He broke the eye contact, “No,” he answered quietly, “if he didn't talk to _you_ I figured I wouldn't even waste my time trying to get him to talk to _me._ ”

James got up from his bed, standing next to Sirius. He clapped a hand on his shoulder, “I don’t think it works like that, mate.”

“Boys,” James’ mum opened the door to the room. “Hur- Oh, look at you two! What a pair of handsome young men!” The woman beamed, taking her hand to her chest, “Jamie, sweetie, your hair-”

“ _Mum!_ ”

“Sorry, sorry!” She said, not looking sorry at all. “Hurry up, my loves. Reckon your friends will be arriving soon.”

“Yes, Mrs. Potter,” Sirius said between chuckles.

She nodded and started to turn to leave, but her gaze at Sirius made her turn back around, “Sirius, honey, is that my shirt?”

The boy’s face turned the same shade of the shirt, a deep scarlet. “Y-yes, uh, James said you wouldn't mind...”

“Oh, I don't, my love! That color looks lovely on you.”

He gave her an embarrassed smile, and she left, closing the door after her.

“You didn’t tell her I was going to wear her shirt?!” He hissed at James.

“I forgot!” He told, trying to hold in a laugh. “Reckon now you’re gonna have to lend her these bell bottoms,” he gave Sirius’ bum a slap, receiving a hard shove on his shoulder in return.

“Okay, okay, let’s go, Muhammad Ali.”

They left Sirius’ room and stood at the landing. The house was already full of adults.

“You sure this doesn't look too feminine?” Sirius asked in a whisper him as they descended the stairs.

“Pads, you look good. Come on, we have to go say hi to some of my parents’ friends.”

The two friends arrived at the main living room, designated for the adults--James and his friends would be staying at the second one (it took his parents a lot of convincing to let him party alone with his friends, but they wanted to drink, so they needed privacy). After a lot of greetings, pinches on his cheeks and ‘I held you when you were just a baby,’ they saw the front door open, revealing the Pettigrew family. They ran to welcome the boy and his parents.

“Pete!” James said with a grin, clapping the boy on the back. He looked up at his parents, putting out his hand, “Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew. Welcome.”

“Hello, James,” Peter’s dad said, shaking his hand. “Thank you for inviting us.”

James nodded contently, and after his own parents arrived to welcome the couple to the house, the two boys leaded Peter to their own living room.

“Wow, this is huge! I’ve never been in here,” Peter exclaimed.

James shrugged, “Eh, we don't really use this room.”

“And Wormy, look,” Sirius said as he went to open one of the cupboards in the back of the place. He opened one of the doors, revealing five bottles of Firewhisky, “Ha!”

“How did you get these?!”

“One of them was given by McKinnon. I had to go to her house last week to do her a favour,” he explained. “The other four were nicked straight from the glorious Potter Liquor Cabinet.”

“And your parents didn't notice, James?”

“Pads charmed some other bottles so they looked like the Firewhiskys,” he said, and Sirius gave a satisfied smirk.

After they chatted for around fifteen minutes, James’ mum came in the room.

“Mum, knock!” He couldn't even imagine the trouble he would be in if she had caught them drinking.

“Why, I wanna party with you, boys!”

James rolled his eyes in embarrassment, Sirius and Peter holding in their laughs.

“Jamie, some of your friends have arrived,” she announced. “Is the redhead the Lily you always talk about? Honey, she’s beautiful!”

He jolted off the couch, “Lily is here?!”

He didn't even wait for his mum to answer, and rushed past her out the door, the other boys in tow. Lily was standing by the door with Marlene and Dorcas. As soon as she spotted James, she opened the biggest smile, making his heart skip a beat.

“Hi!” He greeted them, though it was more to Lily.

“Hi,” she said. They stared at each other for a couple of instants, both grinning sillily.

“Oh, please, get a room!” Marlene sneered.

“Oi,” Sirius chimed in, “that’s not the way to treat your friends, is it, my cutie patootie?”

“Excuse me?” Dorcas said from beside Marlene, who gave him her infamous death glare.

“Oh, yes, Dorcas, about that,” he started, pointing a finger, “are we going to share or- Ow!”

Marlene slapped Sirius hard across the chest, and Dorcas looked at the pair confusingly, though the corners of her mouth were twitching.

James clapped his hands together, “Okay, let’s go to our own party before my mum comes and keeps you captive in hers.”

The group followed James down the hall, and he opened the doors to the separate living room.

“Potter, your house is massive!” Marlene exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’d probably get lost if I lived here,” Dorcas complemented.

They all went to sit on the leather couches, except for Sirius, who was standing behind them. “Right. Should we get this party started already?”

“Let’s wait for Mary! She must be on her way, ” Lily said. “Also, she told me Mia is coming, too. I hope that’s okay, James...”

He waved a hand dismissively, “Of course. The more, the better.”

Lily smiled, and after about five minutes, his mum came in once again, followed by a girl.

“James, darling, your cousin is here.”

“Lizzy!” He jumped off the couch, running to the door and embracing the girl. He hadn't seen her since last Christmas.

“Alright, alright, James, calm down,” she said laughing as he gripped her harder. James loved Lizzy. She was a year older than him, and they grew up together. He still remembers how sad he was when she turned eleven and his aunt and uncle decided not to send her to Hogwarts and teach her at home. They had their reasons to-- Uncle Charles and Aunt Monica were one of the most powerful wizards he had ever met, but it still hurt nonetheless.

“Take care of her, okay?” His mum said. She placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, “Elizabeth, you keep an eye on him. You know how he’s like.”

Lizzy smiled, “I sure do, Aunt Effie.”

He took his cousin’s hand, shaking it excitingly, “C’mon, come meet my friends!”

His mum left, and he took Lizzy to the sitting area. “You already know Sirius,” he started. “This is Peter, Marlene, Dorcas and Lily. Mary hasn't arrived yet, and she's bringing her friend Mia.”

“Lily! I heard a lot about you,” Lizzy said as she put out her hand.

Lily turned into a deep shade of red, and so did James. Sirius laughed loudly as Lily took her hand and stammered out a ‘nice to meet you.’

It didn't take Mary too long to arrive with Mia, and soon after they started drinking.

Lizzy went straight to the group of girls, and seemed to get a long with Mia immediately.

After what felt like about half an hour, James’ mum came once again. This time, she knocked. They quickly hid the bottles and cups under the leather couches.

“Come in, mum!”

She poked her head inside the room, “How’s everything?”

They all nodded, trying to put on their best innocent faces. “Everything alright, mum,” James responded. “Anything happened?”

She came in, approaching the couches, “Nothing, honey. But I do have a little request.”

They all waited for her to ask. A kind smile opened on Euphemia’s lips, “So, I was talking to Mrs. Martin about your little band back in school and she was trilled! I was wondering if you boys could play a little something for us.”

All heads turned to James. He rubbed the back of his neck, “We don’t have any instruments here, mum.”

“There’s a piano,” she said with a grin, her eyes turning to Sirius.

He looked around awkwardly, “Uh, Mrs. Potter... It’s been a long time since I last played the piano...”

“I’ve seen you play over the summer, darling-- you are marvelous! And you sing, don't you?” She said. “Of course, if you don’t want to...”

James gave him a raise of eyebrows as an encouragement. He had only ever heard Sirius play a couple of times, and it was usually when they were alone.

Sirius sighed, getting up and returning her smile, “Fine. I’ll do it. Anything for you.”

She clapped her hands together merrily, “Oh, thank you, my dear! I’ll prepare everything for you.”

Euphemia left the room practically skipping, and Sirius leaned over to James, “What does she think there is to prepare?” He whispered.

James laughed in response and they all made their way to the main living room with no rush.

“What are you going to play?” He asked as they began to hear the buzz from the chattering.

Sirius shrugged, “Dunno. There’s a song from this band Mary showed me a while back. I think I’ll go with one of theirs.”

They entered the room, and it was crowded with adults, even more than when James had managed to escape to their own party. The white grand piano was now right in the center of the room, instead of the usual corner it originally stayed, next to the fireplace. As soon as James’ dad saw the group emerge through the hall, he clinked a spoon onto his goblet, calling for everyone’s attention. He introduced Sirius to the crowd, and the boy took his spot on the piano bench.

Sirius gave the big group a tight smile, and turned his gaze to James, nervously. James gave him a thumbs up in encouragement, and he returned with an appreciative slight bow of his head. He rolled up his red sleeves and twisted his wrists to stretch. He brushed over the keys with the tips of his fingers, and placed them on the right ones.

_I took my love, I took it down_

_I climbed a mountain and I turned around_

_And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills_

_'Til the landslide brought me down_

Sirius sang softer than James had ever heard him sing. When they performed back in school, it was always enthusiastic, vivacious, fervent. Now, he had his eyes closed as his fingers played along the piano keys, his voice rather raspy from being lower. He looked calmer than James had ever seen him while playing. It was touching, breathtaking. One of James’ favorite things about the way his friend performed was the way he could connect you to all his emotions, make you feel what he was feeling. He poured his heart into everything he did, and music was no different.

_Oh, mirror in the sky_

_What is love?_

_Can the child within my heart rise above?_

_Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?_

_Can I handle the seasons of my life?_

“I showed him this song!” Mary whispered to their group with a smile, and James turned his head to her, returning the grin.

“It’s beautiful,” Lily told. She was standing right beside James, and he decided to risk it-- he slowly brushed his fingers over hers, and in the instant of the touch, he could see the corners of her lips turning up from the corner of his eye, the both of them still looking at Sirius. Lily brushed back, and James’ heart flipped. He slowly and subtly started to fit his fingers between hers, and she completed the tangle, intertwining their hands together. He turned his eyes to her, and she gave him a sweet smile. They listened to Sirius play, her head now resting softly against his shoulder, hands warm together. He sighed merrily. That was all he was ever going to need.

He vaguely saw his mum slip away from the crowd and head to the entrance hall.

_Well, I've been afraid of changin'_

_'Cause I've built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Even children get older_

_And I'm getting older too_

_Oh! I'm getting older too_

He heard the door open.

“Remus, sweetheart, I didn't know you were coming!” She greeted lovingly. James’ ears pricked up.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced, Mrs. Potter...”

He imagined his mum waving a hand, “No such a thing, darling! Give me your coat and go join your friends. Sirius is playing the piano!”  


_And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills_

_Well, the landslide bring it down_

“Remus!” Marlene exclaimed in a whisper. James turned around immediately to see if his ears were deceiving him. They weren't. Remus was standing right there, with a timid smile on his lips.

“Moony!” He said in a loud whisper. It came out louder than he had calculated. He threw his arm over Remus’ shoulder. “Look, Padfoot's playing!”

The boy gave James a sympathetic smile, and turned his eyes to Sirius.

Maybe it was James’ loud voice who called his attention, but now Sirius had his eyes open and away from the keys, glancing over the groups of people.

_And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills_

_Well, the landslide bring it down_

His eyes turned happily to his friends, the corners of his lips up, but they formed a straight line as soon as he caught the sight of Remus.

_Oh-ohh, the landslide bring it down_

Sirius missed the last key, and stood up abruptly. The entire crowd of adults and his friends clapped enthusiastically, but Sirius had his eyes glued on the boy who had just arrive. It took him longer than expected to realize the cheering and bow in gratitude.

**-LILY-**

“You came!” She said as soon as the crowd teared apart and returned to their party, throwing her arms around Remus’ neck.

She felt him chuckle under the embrace, “I told you I would, didn't I?”

Lily untangled herself from him with the biggest smile on her face.

“So this is my delayed Christmas present?!” James said as he took his turn to hug Remus. She could see in Remus’ expression that James was gripping him way too tightly.

“Oi, you’re going to break my ribs, you wanker!” He whined, his tone humorous.

“Come on, Moony, let’s get this party started!” James exclaimed as he leaded Remus and the rest of the group back to their partying space.

Lily took him to the little improvised bar they had set up (which was basically just a table with the Firewhisky bottles and cups), pouring him a drink and shoving it into his hands.

He snorted, “I thought you’d said you were going to take care of me and not let me get too drunk.”

“I said I wouldn't let you get _too_ drunk so you wouldn't do anything stupid. You’re still allowed to have fun.”

Remus smiled, and took a big gulp off his cup.

“Why didn't you write me back?” She asked.

He swallowed, “I didn't write anyone back.”

“Why?”

Remus sighed, “I... I don't know, I... I needed some time for myself.”

“Ignoring the people who care about you is not helping yourself,” she scolded, though her tone was soft.

He placed a hand on her arm, “I know, Lils. I’m sorry. It’s just... I hoped that maybe distancing myself for a bit would, y’know, make it go away...”

As the last words left his lips, the door swung open, and Sirius entered.

“Where were you?” James called from the couches.

“Had to use the loo,” he said, and his eyes flickered towards Remus, but Lily was the one who caught them. Sirius blinked it away, joining James.

“And did it help?” She asked Remus.

He breathed in deeply. “Not at all.”

**-MARY-**

“...Mum and Dad went _mad!_ ” Lizzy told between laughs. “Safe to say James learned all he knows about mischief from me.”

Marlene and Dorcas were wiping tears of guffaw from their eyes. Mia touched Lizzy’s arm, chuckling, “You’re so funny!”  


Lizzy smiled softly, placing her hand over hers. They were too close.

Mary gave a fake, way too fake, laugh. They all looked back at her half embarrassingly and half confused. Mary rolled her eyes. She was not trying to be subtle anymore. She didn't like Lizzy. At all.

Marlene cleared her throat, standing up, “Mary, come to the loo with me.”

“What? Why?”

“Come to the loo with me,” she repeated through gritted teeth.

She sighed indignantly, getting to her feet with her eyes glued on the two other girls. _Who were too close._

Mary followed after Marlene to the nearest lavatory, and the other girl locked the door. Marlene stared at her with stern eyes.

“What, don’t you wanna piss?”  


“Can you cut the shit?” She hissed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What are y-”

“Look, I could ask you why you’re treating Lizzy so poorly, but I’m not an idiot,” she started. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and it's wrong. You either sort out your feelings for Mia and breakup with your boyfriend, or you just stop being a bitch.”

Mary blinked, and forced out a laugh, “I don’t have feelings for Mia.”

“Yeah, Mary, and I’m bloody Stevie Nicks!”

Mary tilted her head, squinting at her friend, “I mean, if you look in the right angle...”

“Mary.”

She sighed deeply. “Marlene, I don't have feelings for Mia. She’s just a friend.”

“You don't look at me the way you look at her.”

“There’s no _look,_ Marlene! I have a boyfriend!”

“I thought so, too! And I say that about both of you,” she said.

Mary rolled her eyes, “Oh, not this bullshit again...”

“Perhaps you were too busy with _Mia_ to continue to notice, but I too have eyes. And ears,” Marlene stated, her eyes burning into Mary’s. She sighed, “I’m your friend, so I’m telling you: sort your shit out. With Sirius _and_ Mia. You’re not thick, Mary. Don’t lie to yourself.”  


She turned and unlocked the door, banging the door after her, leaving Mary alone.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror-- it was a bit blurry from the alcohol. She let out the breath she hadn't even notice she was holding. “Fuck, Mary.”

As soon as she returned to the party, she poured herself a full cup of Firewhisky, and drained it down without thinking twice.

**-SIRIUS-**

Sirius was too drunk. Why couldn't he control his alcohol? The danger of being this intoxicated in Mr. and Mrs. Potter presence was too big for him to even imagine. He would have to pull his best acting skills for when midnight approached and they had to join them. But it wasn't midnight yet. They still had twenty minutes.

And plus, everyone seemed to be just as drunk as him. If he went down, they would all go down with him.

Well, except for Moony. He had his cheeks flushed from the alcohol, his eyes slightly red and heavy, his smile loose, but he wasn't as bad. 

And he was here.

Merlin, Moony came! Was it Sirius the one who had convinced him? Or had he already made up his mind before his letter? The thought of Sirius being the one who made him come comforted him, squeezing his heart. He didn't even notice how he was smiling at the boy until he lifted a confused eyebrow at him.

Sirius blinked, trying to wash away the grin from his lips, “Er, sorry.”

“Pissed, are you?” He sneered from the couch.

His smile opened back again, the type of smile that made his eyes close. He got up from the armchair and went to sit down next to Remus. Their thighs touched, and Remus shifted away uncomfortably. He could see his Adam’s apple working.

“Your hair is longer,” Sirius noted, the corners of his mouth still up.

“Oh,” Remus took his hand up to his wavy brown locks, his fingers buried in the hair. Sirius wanted to play with the strands himself. “Yeah. You know how fast it grows. Usually I ask Mrs. Potter to manage it for me over Christmas, but... y’know.”

“Why didn't you ask your parents?”

He chuckled, “I don't trust my mum with scissors around me-- remember back in the summer before third year when she tried to cut my hair and it was so bad I had to go back to school with it shaved?”

Sirius laughed with the memory. “And I’m pretty sure my dad would find a way to do even worse,” he finished with a smile. Sirius just stared at his side profile, his own lips imitating his involuntary.

Remus turned his head at him, noticing the glare. He huffed out an awkward laugh, his cheeks seeming to take a tone darker. “What?”

He shook his head, biting his lip, “Nothing. Missed you, Moons.”

Remus’ eyes locked with his, and now he felt his own cheeks burn red. “It was only two weeks.”

Sirius shrugged, “I can miss you in a day.”

His eyes were piercing into his own grey ones, making his stomach turn upside down. He didn't know what was happening, what type of conversation they were having through the glare, but he didn't stop it. He was too drunk to think straight. Remus’ eyes were penetrating, pools of sweet honey. They saw him and through him, making his stomach go cold and his heart warm.

“Remus!”

“Sirius!”

They both jolted back from the calls, the two just then noticing how they had spontaneously leaned towards each other like magnets. Just like that day back at the dorm.

Lily was the first to appear in front of them. “Remus,” her eyes were on him, but they flickered towards Sirius for an instant, “uh, can you come help me with my drink?”

“Your _drink?_ ”

She nodded, looking guilty, “Yeah, come.”

Remus huffed, and got up to follow after her. Sirius watched as they left. As _he_ left.

Okay, now it was time to look for who had called for him. He looked around, but no one was near.

“Looking for me?” Marlene called, standing behind the couch.

He leaped with the scare, letting out a shriek. “Fuck, McKinnon!” He took a hand to his chest to try to steady his rapid heartbeat. He exhaled deeply, and turned to look at her, “What do you want?”

She shrugged nonchalantly, her arms crossed over chest and a smirk on her lips, “Just checking up on you.”

Marlene turned around and left. Simply _left_. Just absolutely mental.

“Oi, Padfoot!” James shouted from the door, “Let’s go, mate! Seven minutes ’till New Year!”

Sirius sighed contently, and he got to his feet to welcome 1977.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sirius plays Landslide by Fleetwood Mac on the piano (one of my favorite bands and one of the most beautiful songs in the world, and even though the original version is basically just the guitar and stevie, i highly recommend watching piano covers of it on youtube. just *chefs kiss*)
> 
> i've been writing like a madwoman lately and it’s all because of you guys' comments and support! they make me so happy and motivate and inspire me so much! i'm insanely appreciative of them and so glad you've been enjoying the fic so far <3


	17. Chapter 17: Jealousy and Menthol Breaths

_“THREE, TWO, ONE... HAPPY NEW YEAR!”_

**-REMUS-**

Magical fireworks erupted on the dark sky, changing from red to green to blue to gold, forming the numbers 1977 and then morphing into letters that spelled ‘Happy New Year.’ Remus would never get over how beautiful it was, every year.

He looked to his side, and James and Lily were hugging tightly, her arms around his neck and his around her waist. As they teared apart, he planted a strong kiss on her cheek, making her laugh loudly. Remus smiled at the sight of the two. To his left, Marlene and Dorcas were in a loving embrace, grinning with tenderness at each other. He felt a pang in his heart looking at them, knowing they couldn't have their midnight kiss in front of so many other people. They made it enough for the little they had.

And there, to his diagonal, he spotted Mary and Sirius sharing a fierce and hungry kiss. The pang in his chest grew stronger. His hands on her hips, her fingers in his hair. He looked away. He didn't know what the alcohol would influence him to do if he observed too much.

“Happy New Year, Moony!” James exclaimed from his left, not giving him time to back away as he threw his arms around him.

“You’re _really_ trying to break my ribs tonight, eh?” He said with a laugh, and James teared apart with a wide grin. “Happy New Year, Prongs.”

Lily took her turn to hug him and wish him a good one, and soon enough all the friends got together to head back to their party.

“It’s 1977, lads!” Sirius thrilled, “Let’s start it the right away!”

They all cheered and made their way to fill their cups for the first time in the year.

“You’re staying the night, right, Moony?” Asked James as he poured Firewhisky into his glass.

“Oh, no, sorry, Prongs,” he answered, already noting his friend’s lips form a pout. “My dad will come pick me up at around three.”

“Noooo, Moony, stay with us! Wormy is also staying! We can go back to school together.”

He looked between his three friends, but his eyes stayed at Sirius for longer. No. He couldn't. It would never be a good idea.

He put a hand on James’ shoulder to comfort, “Sorry, Prongs. Maybe next time.”

Sirius looked at him with sad eyes as the words left his lips. Deep down, he knew he was just disappointed that all the Marauders wouldn't be together, even if it was just for one night, but he let himself believe it was something else. Something more.

**-LILY-**

“Stop drinking so much!” She scolded in a hiss, “Here, give me this-”

“Oi!” Remus exclaimed, eyes heavy and red, bringing his arm up as he lifted his cup in a height she couldn't reach, “I’m fiiine.”

“You’re not _fine_ \-- you are completely pissed, Remus! Your dad will come in an hour and a half! When did you drink so much that I didn't see?”

He smiled drunkenly at her, his eyes almost closed, “There’s a whooole table back there. You should check it out.”

Lily rolled her eyes, “Remus, I’m serious, y-”

“If you were Sirius we’d not be talking right now, if you know what I mean...”

“Lower your voice, you lunatic!” She shushed, grabbing his arm so he leaned closer. “I’m not gonna be your nanny for the night, but I _will_ keep my eye on you. Please, just stop with the booze. You've had enough.”

He drained down the cup in his hand in one swallow, wiping his lips with his sleeve and handing her the empty glass. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and left her standing alone. Lily watched as he made his way to the boys, but was stopped in his tracks halfway by a girl.

**-REMUS-**

“Hi! We weren't introduced. I’m Lizzy,” she said with a kind smile, putting out her hand.

“Oh, James’ cousin!” He chirped, shaking her hand excitingly.

“You’re Remus, right?” Lizzy asked, and he nodded. “I've heard great things about you.”

He chuckled, “I’d hope so! If you told me you didn't I would really have to reconsider my friendships.”

She laughed, tilting her head back, “He told me you were funny!”

Lizzy put a warm hand on his arm.

**-SIRIUS-**

“Ooh, look at Lizzy making a move at Moony!” James said with a giggle, looking at the pair standing in the middle of the room, chatting closely.

“She’s not making a _move_ on him,” Sirius said like it was obvious, though already feeling anger flood his body.

James put out his hand at their direction, “Of course she is! I know her! Look at her hand rubbing his arm! And they are super close, mate.”

“Yeah, I’m with Prongs,” Peter chimed in. “It’s pretty clear.”

Sirius took a big sip of his Firewhisky, feeling it burn down his throat as his own eyes tried to burn the pair James and Peter were still laughing at.

**-MARLENE-**

“Oh, please, look at her!” Mary snarled. “First Mia, now Remus! Can’t she give it a break?!”

Marlene followed her eye sight, stopping at Lizzy and the boy chatting with smiles on their lips. “She’s not doing anything, Mary.”

“Ha,” she mocked. “Where’s Mia, by the way? Probably went crying to the loo now that her girlfriend left her for someone else.”

“Whose girlfriend?” A voice called from behind them. Mary widened her eyes, not turning around.

Marlene snorted loudly as she turned on her heels to see Mia, the corners of her lips up as she glared at the back of Mary’s head.

She leaned over to Mary and whispered, “Good luck.” Mary squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment.

**-MARY-**

“Whose girlfriend, Mary?” Mia repeated once Marlene left.

She sighed, and turned to face her. “Yours,” she said, simply.

Mia folded her arms over chest, seeming to be fighting not to smile, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Mary shrugged, taking her cup to her lips, “Seemed like it.”

“And is that any of your business?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Mary exhaled, taking her time to try to mask how fast her heart was pounding. “I’m your friend.”

“What a good friend, eh? Talking like this about me behind my back,” she said, her tone so calm it made Mary even angrier. “What are you playing at?”

“Excuse me?”

“What’s with you? I’ve never seen you be anything but kind, and sweet. And you treated Lizzy like shit the entire night.”

She scoffed, “No, I didn't.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I-”

“Mary-”

“Why don't you go back to her, eh?!” She spat. “Go back to your fucking girlfriend since she’s not a _bitch_ like me!”

“Maybe I will!” She cried out, mirroring Mary’s tone. This was the first time she had ever seen her raise her voice.

“Fine!”

“Fine!” They both stared into each other’s eyes, breathing heavily. Mia took one step closer, her voice back to calm again, “And you know what? Maybe _you_ should go back to your boyfriend, too. You seem to forget he exists most of the time.”

She turned around and left. Mary felt her chin wobbling.

**-SIRIUS-**

“Why does she keep touching him like that?!”

“She’s flirting!”

“Does she _need_ to keep grabbing on him?”

“What’s your problem, Padfoot?”

Sirius shook his head, “N-nothing, it’s just I-I feel sorry for him. She’s probably gonna rip his arm off.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” James said, his eyes turning back to the pair.

“Me?!”

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “You talk like you’re his bloody boyfriend or something.”

Sirius turned to him with wide eyes. He swallowed, getting to his feet.

“Where are you going?” He asked, looking up at him.

“Out for a fag.”

Boyfriend, pff. How ridiculous. What does James know? Huh?

But also, would there _really_ be a problem with being Moony's boyfriend? He’s a nice bloke. And funny. Merlin, he’s fucking hilarious. He’s also not ugly. Well, actually, he’s pretty fit. Remus was quite the opposite from Sirius-- he wore jumpers with and for everything; Sirius probably didn't own a single one. He loved studying, truly enjoyed it; Sirius was glad he was gifted somehow. He avoided studying the best he could. Remus was timid; Sirius was outgoing. But he liked how Remus’ cheeks burned red with an approach of a stranger. He thought it was funny, and rather adorable. They both liked reading, though. And chocolate. Okay, maybe not so much. Sirius wasn't that much of a sweet tooth if you ask him, but he would never tell Remus that-- he would always get so excited over Honeydukes’ different flavor combinations, could go on and on about it for hours, that Sirius would eat with him and listen to him talk, even though he wasn't a fan. Ha. Mental. Only Moony to make fucking speeches about _chocolate._

His opposite, but also his balance.

But it wasn't like he wanted to be his boyfriend or anything. Of course not... right?

He was too drunk.

Sirius arrived at the back garden, thanking Merlin for the adults having returned inside. He set on the porch step, taking his cigarette packet from his pocket. Menthol. They all made fun of him for liking it, but he would die on the hill that it was the best one. He took a deep breath before lighting it with a snap of his fingers, looking out at the grass, fireflies flying above the ground. He placed the now lit fag between his lips, inhaling deeply. A rush of peace flooded him, his mind finally clearing.

He was alone for a while, enjoying the quietness. He could still hear the muffled buzz of chattering from inside the house, but it was silent enough. Sirius heard the door sprung open, and he instantly put out his cigarette. Heavy steps approached him from behind, and a person slumped down next to him.

She huffed loudly, “Fucking hate Lizzy.”

He chuckled. “Yeah,” Sirius said quietly. “Me too.”

He reached for his packet of cigarettes again, handing one to her and putting another between his teeth. She took it, and lit it with a snap of her own fingers, a trick they had learned from Dorcas back in fourth year.

Mary and Sirius were quiet for a while, enjoying each other’s company. He always liked being around her-- she was just like him: extroverted, emotional, free-spirited. They understood each other. But why didn't it just _work?_ Why wasn't there... _something?_ Anything?

“These are gross,” Mary mocked.

He bumped her in the shoulder lightly, “Ungrateful brat.” She saw her smile in his peripheral vision.

She looked down at her lap. “I think we need to break up.”

He sighed deeply. He knew it. It was time. They were leading each other on for nothing. “Yeah. I think we do.”

She exhaled the cloud of smoke, leaning her head against his shoulder. He tilted his slightly over hers, her skull fitting perfectly on the crook of his neck.

“I’ll miss you,” she said softly after a while.

He grinned, “I’ll miss you too.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder, the corners of her lips tilted up, and he gave her a peck on the lips. It wasn't a romantic gesture, and she also knew that. It was simply of fondness. And love. Because he loved her. He did. Just not in _that_ way. It was never in that way.

Mary returned to her previous position, resting on the curve of his neck. He felt her chuckle, “God, we were so bad together.”

He laughed. It was so obvious. “We were.”

She took his hand and squeezed it, and they remained in comfortable, sweet silence. Everything back to normal.

**-REMUS-**

“It was nice meeting you, Remus,” Lizzy said with a smile as she took a step back.

He returned the grin, “Nice meeting you too.”

Before walking past him, she put a hand on his forearm, “Hopefully we’ll see each other around, eh?”

Remus nodded, and she left. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. She was a sweet girl. Outgoing, cheerful, just like her cousin.

Mia approached him before he had the chance to move. “I see you’ve been attacked by hurricane Lizzy, huh?”

He laughed, “I’d say so. She’s nice, though. And pretty.”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. “Not what I’m looking for,” she said, simply.

Yes. Exactly.

“Speaking of such,” he started, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips, “didn't expect to see you here tonight.”

“I could say the same to you,” she returned, mirroring his expression.

He lifted his eyebrows, gesturing for her to talk first. She sighed, “I tried. Y’know, to ignore her. Not in a mean way, of course, but because I needed to back away for a while. She owled me like three times before I actually wrote back. But... there’s a limit, you see,” the corners of her lips tilted up slightly, “there’s only so much my poor, sad little heart can take. I returned her letter, and she invited me to come. Obviously I gave in. Completamente rendida.”

He chuckled, partially at her but also at his pathetic self, because basically the same thing had happened to him.

“You?” She asked.

“A letter. A simple letter, and I’m here.”

Mia laughed, both knowing how big of a fools they were. “How did you know I wouldn't be here?”

“She told me who was coming on the way here and didn't mention you,” she explained. “I imagined it was for the same reason as me. Look at us now.”

He nodded, still laughing. “You know, I don't think Lizzy was actually flirting,” he told.

“Oh, no, definitely not. She wasn't. I’ve never met someone so hetero in my entire life. Straight as a board,” she said, making him chuckle more. She shrugged nonchalantly, “But I put it to good use. Mary called her my girlfriend.”

“Did she?!”

She smiled humorously, “Yeah. I felt a bit mean for trying to make her jealous, but that's the least I could do after having to see her snogging the face off of her bloody boyfriend a trillion times.”

“I should've thought of that,” he thought aloud, but dismissed it with a shrug. “Eh, wouldn't have worked.”

“You think?” She smirked, an eyebrow raised in disagreement.

Remus sighed. Yeah, it definitely wouldn't have worked.

He had lost count of how many cups he’d had. He didn't even want to think about how it would be like to aparate with his father back home once he arrived. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, he really didn't want to worry about that right now. Remus’ biggest worry in the moment was finding a loo to pee. He dragged his feet out of the living room, stumbling down the hall. He found the correct door, though as he tried to open it, it was locked. “Fucking gits,” he said under his breath. He sighed deeply. He didn't know about any other loo downstairs, so he decided he would quickly use James’ and pray that Mr. or Mrs. Potter wouldn't catch him drunk like this on the way.

He climbed the stairs, being presented by two identical doors. Fuck. He was too drunk to remember which one was James’ and which one was Sirius’. He decided to go for the first one.

As he sprung the door open, Sirius was standing by the end of his bed. Shirtless. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Was Mary on his bed and he had caught them again?

Sirius turned to him, and he felt his throat go dry at the very instant, never wishing so much for a cup of _something._

“S-sorry, I...” He stammered, “I wanted to use the loo.”

The other boy swallowed, looking rather startled, “Uh, y-yeah, sure, go ahead.”

He entered the bedroom’s lavatory as fast as he could, locking the door immediately. He looked at himself in the mirror-- his cheeks scarlet. Thank god they could be mistaken for the alcohol. He did what he was originally there to do, giving his face a good splash of water after. The cool hit his face, and he seemed to calm down, though he knew it wouldn't last for long.

He exited the loo, and Sirius was now fully dressed. Thankfully.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to walk in on you-”

“No, no, s’alright. I was just changing my shirt,” said Sirius. “MacDonald spilled her drink on it.”

“Oh.” So she wasn't there. Remus was standing by the door, he couldn't quite fully see the other boy’s bed. Sirius sat on the end of it. He was now wearing a black flowy one, matching his bell bottoms. He looked good in everything, but the way the black clothes matched his raven hair was just perfect, every time.

He ran a hand through his dark locks, Remus just watching. He sighed, “We broke up. Mary and I.”

“Oh,” was all he could say. The urge to smile was unbearable, but he tried his very best. “Sorry,” he managed.

Sirius waved a hand dismissively, “S’fine. I’m fine. Actually, I’m great. I... I didn't expect to feel this... indifferent?”

Remus nodded, because it was all he could do. His brain wasn't working properly. “Is that why you...” He pointed at his shirt.

He looked down at his chest, and breathed out a little laugh, “Oh, no, no. It was an accident. It was a pretty smooth breakup. We both had our reasons, and agreed it was about time.”

He nodded again, this time finally moving, approaching the bed slowly. Reasons. His own reasons.

“I think she likes Mia,” Sirius said with smile.

Remus chuckled, sitting on the bed next to him. “Yeah, I think she does.”

Both boys were looking forward, eyes on Sirius’ dresser.

“I... I don't know, I feel...” The boy started, voice low, “It seems like it's never _it,_ y’know? All these girls, it’s... It’s nice, yeah, but it’s always missing _something._ Like, it never gets _there._ Even in the moment, not even long-term... I think I’ve never felt... satisfied. Truly. Like I’ve finally found it. D’you ever feel like that?”

Remus didn't know what to respond, because actually he had never felt that. He had never been in love before, no, but that wasn't what Sirius was talking about. He never felt like he wasn't satisfied in the moment, like it wasn't what he wanted.

He decided to be sincere. He shook his head, “Eh, not really...”

Sirius looked down at his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. “S-sorry, I’m being weird...”

Without a second thought, he placed a hand on his thigh, “No, Pads, it’s... You’re not being weird. I understand what you mean, I’ve just never felt like that. But I understand it. You're not being weird, trust me.”

Sirius glanced up at him, his eyes sparkling with what could maybe be tears, maybe something else. He gave Remus a timid smile, “You always know what to say, don't you?”

He breathed out a nervous laugh, “That was nothing.”

“It’s not... It's not what you say, exactly. It’s the way you say it. Like you care.”

Sirius’ thigh was warm under his palm, and he gave it a light squeeze, “That’s because I _do_ care. I always did.”

The boy’s eyes seemed to have taken a different kind of sheen, like it was coming from behind them. His lips slowly parted into that one smile that melted Remus completely. He looked up at the top of his head.

“I like your hair like this.”

“What?”

“Your hair. The length,” he reached over to his locks with no hesitation, his fingers running so softly through the brown strands it made him shiver, his heart pounding hard against his chest he was afraid the other boy could hear it. “Looks good. You look good.”

Remus swallowed dry, “Thanks.”

Sirius’ eyes met his, but his hand was still playing with his hair. It slowly descended to the base of his neck, and he felt his breath hitch.

Grey eyes like steel, locking into his like they could see every sentiment behind them. And if they did, suddenly Remus didn't care. Could be the alcohol, but it could also be something else. And he liked it. He feared it, but he liked it. And then, as Sirius slowly leaned closer, the sent of menthol cigarettes assaulted his nostrils, and that was all he needed.

It was happening again, for the third time. Second in the same night. But he let it. He needed it. It all became so clear for him-- how he had wanted this all along. How it had always been _him._ Maybe he had never felt exactly like Sirius, but the missing piece part he understood. That, he had felt it. Sirius had always been the missing piece.

Remus blinked slowly as he felt Sirius’ hot, menthol scented breath on his face. His heart rate picked up even more, pounding in his ears. He welcomed the butterflies inside his stomach freely, allowing them to fly around as far as they wanted. Because _he_ wanted it, too. _He_ wanted to fly around, wanted _them_ to fly around-- go as far as they wanted and just... be.

“Moony, I...” Sirius whispered softly between glistening lips, like music to his ears.

“Remus,” a voice erupted into the room, springing the door open. They teared apart in a leap.

And it was gone.

“Oh- Uh, I’m... I’m sorry,” Lily stammered from the door, wide eyes glued on them. “Rem, er, your dad is here.”

Perfect. Just _perfect._

His eyes flickered towards Sirius for a brief second, and he was looking... disappointed?

Remus nodded slowly, letting reality sink in. He clapped his hand on his own thighs as he stood up, and made his way to the door without saying a word.

He turned on his heels, Sirius’s eyes glaring deathly at his dresser. He cleared his throat, “See you at the train, Pads.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“Tomorrow,” Sirius repeated, turning his eyes to him. “It’s past midnight. We go back to school tomorrow.”

“Oh,” he said in realization. Couldn't anyone give him a fucking break?! “Fucking psychopaths,” Remus muttered under his breath as he turned to close the door after him. He could've sworn he heard Sirius laugh at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "completamente rendida" basically translates to "completely surrendered."


	18. Chapter 18: Train Rides and Misunderstandings

**-LILY-**

After the party, Lily had spent the following day and night at Mary’s so they could go to the train station together. With both of them being Muggleborns, they had to take the Knight Bus to the girl’s house, instead of having the privilege of one of their parents coming to apparate with them back home (James’ dad did offer to, but the man was very clearly drunk from all the champagne. They decided to tell him to leave it for next time).

“Lily,” she felt hands gripping both her shoulders and shaking them, drifting her off of her sleep. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

She rubbed her eyes with her fist, never wishing so much for more hours of rest. It had been almost over twenty-four since her hangover and Lily still felt like she wasn't a hundred percent recovered. She covered her head with the blankets, “We don't have to go,” she drawled, muffled from under the covers.

“Yes, we do,” Mary snatched the sheets back, and Lily winced with the bright light from the room. “Come on, sunshine, get up. It’s almost time to leave.”

They arrived at King Cross Station at almost eleven o’clock sharp, both girls scampering as they crossed the magical barrier, panting heavily once they finally reached their friends’ carriage.

“We thought you wouldn't make it!” Marlene said as Lily took her seat next to James, Mary slumping down next to Sirius.

“You think too little of us,” Mary smirked, breathing heavily, her face still flushed from the running.

The driver whistled seconds after, and the train left to Hogwarts.

“Hi,” James greeted Lily softly in a low tone, a smile on his lips.

She gave her last deep exhale, her heart now fast for other reasons. She mirrored his grin, “Hi.”

Lily glanced over at Remus. He was on the same bench as her and James, sitting sideways with his legs up on the seat, toes almost nudging James’ leg, leaned back against the window with his eyes concentrated on the book on his lap. She wanted to talk to him _so bad._ Remus and Sirius. Sirius and Remus. _Almost kissing!_ There was no possibility that her eyes had deceived her. In the first opportunity, she would corner him and make him explain everything-- well, not that there needed much explanation, but she just wanted the details.

“Great party, Potter,” Marlene congratulated, seated across from Remus. “Lots of fun.”

He grinned widely, “Cheers. It really was. Lizzy loved m-”

Sirius and Mary growled loudly simultaneously, not even a sign of subtly on their eye rolls.

“What was that?” James’ smile died, and he looked at the pair with lost eyes, like he was missing something.

Sirius closed his eyes as he pinchedthe bridge of his nose, and Mary sighed heavily. “Look, James, with all due respect, I really didn't like your cousin.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Sirius said.

“Why?! Pads, you already knew her!”

He shrugged, “Guess I saw her with different eyes.”

Lily glanced quickly over at Marlene, and she had her lips pressed together as if trying to hold in a laugh. Which she clearly was. She felt the corners of her own mouth twitch, wondering if Marlene’s suppressed cackles were for the same reason as hers.

James’ mouth was agape with shock, “W-what did she do, did she try to get with any of you two?”

“No!” They replied loudly in unison, looking at James like he was mad, as if it was completely obvious that that hadn't happened. Remus glanced up from his book.

His eyes danced with bewilderment between the boy and the girl across him. He shook his head as he leaned back onto his seat, huffing a laugh, “You two are weird couple.”

“Oh, we’re not a couple anymore,” Sirius announced with ease. Now, everyone was mirroring James’ previous expression, even he himself. Except for Remus.

“ _What?!_ ” They all asked.

“We broke up,” said Mary, nonchalantly.

“When?” Marlene questioned.

“At the party,” Sirius answered.

“Mary, and you didn't tell me?” Lily asked with wide eyes, “We spent the entire day together yesterday!”

Sirius folded his arms across his chest, turning his head to look at the girl beside him, “Was I really that insignificant to you?”

Mary laughed, patting his arm. “I forgot, Lily. I’m sorry.”

“But _when?!_ ” James was still astounded, “I didn't even see you fight!”

“That’s because we didn't.”

“It was a rather easy breakup,” Sirius added.

“Everything back to normal,” she completed.

“But _why?!_ ” James’ curiosity and perplexity was hilarious, and Lily was now struggling even more to hold in a laugh.

Sirius’ eyes flickered towards Remus in less of a split second, though Lily caught it. He leaned back against his seat, crossing his arms behind his head with ease and nonchalance, “I believe that's between MacDonald and I.”

Mary nodded, a smirk on her lips, and James sighed loudly, “You two are still weird.”

They all laughed-- almost all of them, Remus’ eyes had gone back to his book. Lily wanted to look over at him, but with James between them, it would be too obvious. She would have to stick to waiting.

“Come here right now!” Lily whispered loudly, gripping Remus’ arm as they exited the Great Hall after dinner. All the students were heading to their common rooms, and she took him to the nearest corner where they could have the minimum privacy.

“Ow!” He snatched his arm back, rubbing his bicep. “What?”

“ _‘What?’_ Remus!”

“Lily?”

She slapped him across the chest, making him wince, “Remus! You and Sirius!”

He rolled his eyes, “Lily...”

“No, no, you’re gonna tell me everything,” she said, sternly. “You were almost kissing!”

“Yeah, and we probably would have if you hadn't walked in.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, oh my god, I’m so sorry about that! I didn't know I would catch you...” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully, “you know...”

He sighed, pinching his nose bridge, “You know what? It was probably for the best. Actually, I bet he doesn't even remember it.”

He turned around and started walking away, and she rushed to keep up with him. “Come off it! Why wouldn't he remember?”

Remus didn't respond, so she continued, “I mean, almost kissing once; weird, but alright. But twice?! In the same night?! Remus...”

“Lily, that was nothing!”

“Why are you denying it? We both know what happened, and _I_ am the only one who _knows._ You can lie to anyone else, but not to me.”

He breathed in deeply, looking at the ground. “I don't know what to do...”

“Ask him out!”

Remus gave an incredulous laugh with no humour, “You’re taking the piss, aren't you?”

“Why not?” She asked, not seeing the joke, “You’re both single now, there’s clearly some tension between you two-- where’s the harm in that?”

“Asking my fucking best friend out and getting rejected, there’s the harm!” He exclaimed, raising his voice. Remus sighed, stopping in his tracks, “And there’s no tension, Lily. There’s only me pining over my straight mate. So _you_ come off it.”

**-SIRIUS-**

“I’m really sorry, Pads.”

“About?”

“Your breakup!” James said, “I didn't even see you after you stormed off from the party when Lizzy was--very clearly, by the way--flirting with Moony. And then you broke up with Mary, I... I know how much you liked her.”

“I prefer her as a friend. I’m good, Prongs,” he huffed a laugh, but he couldn't help but feel the anger invade his mind by the memory of _bloody Lizzy_ and Remus. And then... what happened up in his room. How did it happen twice in the same night? How did he let himself just _go?_

His own reasons. His own reasons for the breakup. The harder he pushed his thoughts and feelings back, the more they multiplied. And they came with anxiety, fear, and... And jealousy. Because of Moony. _Moony._

But it couldn't happen. No, pff, of course not. That was nothing. They were both drunk, both times. ‘But you were pretty sober on the first one...’

_No._

But _yes._ Yes, it was happening, because Remus walked in the dorm, and his heart pounded against his ribs, a spontaneous smile already breaking in his lips.

“What?” Remus asked with a laugh by the door.

Sirius blinked, returning his gaze to his open trunk. He cleared his throat, “N-nothing.”

Remus gave him a quizzical look, and crossed the room to his own bed. He felt his cheeks burn.

“Moony!” James leaped from his bed, “So... My cousin, huh?”

Sirius clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to turn around and look at them. At him.

He could imagine Remus rubbing the back of his neck, the way he always does when he's awkward, “Prongs...”

“She’s nice, isn't she?”

“I suppose.”

“And she liked you!” James cheered. Sirius hands had stopped inside his trunk.

Remus was quiet for a few beats, before answering quietly, “I’m not really interested.”

He almost jumped, smiling softly to himself.

He shook it off.

 _No._ It wasn't happening. _Please, Sirius._

**-MARY-**

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR LILY... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!” The Gryffindor common room chanted, and Lily blew out her seventeen candles.

Lily had opted for a smaller party (well, in their standards), without any performance, and just Gryffindors. They all agreed on her request with no hesitation, thankful for having a break. They had been back on full swing since the start of term, and it was good to take a step back and have a normal party like they used to.

‘I Can't Ask for Anymore Than You’ by Cliff Richard played on James’ record player, and all the students danced around the room, intoxicated, young and happy.

“Happy birthday, Lils!” Mary said, hugging her tightly, planting a kiss on her cheek.

Lily laughed, “You’ve already wished me a happy birthday! Four times!”

They teared apart, grinning. “Five, now. And if you complain, I’ll make it six.”

Her smile widened, but something behind Mary’s shoulder caught her attention. She jerked her head in its-- their-- direction, “Look.”

Mary turned her head, and saw her. Mia. Leaning sideways against the mantelpiece, cup in her hands, chatting freely with her dormmate, Amelia Ricci. Smiling greatly, brown eyes twinkling. She felt a hard a pang in her chest.

“Still not talking?”

Mary sighed, turning back, “It’s not that we aren't talking, it’s... it’s been weird, y’know? I’ve been trying. To get her to talk to me. Really talk. She just cuts me off whenever I try to engage in a conversation.”

“Why don’t you go try it now?” Lily suggested, looking over at the pair. “Amelia seems to be heading to the bar.”

She returned her gaze to Mia, and Amelia was backing away. She suddenly felt flooded with hope, giving Lily a quick tight smile and making her way to the girl.

“Hi,” she said, softly, as she leaned against the stone in front of her.

The corners of Mia’s lips twitched so very slightly, and she repressed with an intake of breath, “Hi.”

Mary just stared at her for a while, taking in her features. Christ, she was bewitching. Just so lovely. She could stare at her for hours on end, just watching her expressions, how she had such a unique way of smiling (which was one of her favorite things about her): her full lips would open, ever so slowly, into a grin that almost stretched ear to ear. She would blink heavily, eyes always closing, and it was just... angelic.

“Please talk to me,” she tried. Pleaded.

“I’m talking to you,” Mia answered, back now fully against the mantelpiece, taking a sip of her drink.

“No. Talk to me.”

Mia ran her fingers over the cup’s rim, pursing her lips together.

“I’m sorry. I was a bitch to you. But it’s been a month, Mia,” she took a deep breath, glaring into the girl’s side profile. “I miss you.”

She kept looking down, eyebrows drawn together. “So much,” Mary added.

Mia glanced up at her at last, lips a straight line. But then they opened. And she smiled _that_ smile. And there was no going back.

“I missed you too.”

Her heart could've leaped out of her body. She wanted to jump, hug her... kiss her. She could kiss her. Right there.

“Broke up with Sirius,” she preferred. She mirrored her position, back fully against the mobile.

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

Mia was quiet, taking in the new information. She turned her head to Mary, “Good for you,” she said, sweetly.

She nodded, because it was, really, _so_ good for her. In ways Mia had no idea.

‘Devil Woman’ blasted through the common room, and Mary took her hand. “Come dance with me.”

She huffed a laugh, “Mary...”

“ _So I came into you, sweet ladyyy,_ ” she sang, completely out of tune, “ _Answering your mystical call..._ ”

Mia was chuckling loudly now, “Stop!”

“ _Same cat with them devil eyes... And I knew it was a spell she cast..._ ”

“You’re insufferable.”

“ _She's just a devil woman, with evil on her mind! Beware the devil woman, she’s gonna get you!_ ”

“Fine!” Mia gave in, leading her to the improvised dance floor behind some couches. She placed her hands on Mary’s hips, wicked smirk on her lips. “You said you wanted to dance. Let’s dance.”

She looked down at her hands, her heart in her throat, mind running. When she glanced back up, her eyes were met by the enchanting big, brown ones, and she smiled-- so hard her cheeks went numb. But nothing else mattered.

**-REMUS-**

“Rem, he’s drunk! Just try!”

“Lily!”

“Remus.”

He sighed, shaking his head, “No way.”

“Just ask,” she insisted. “Casually. If it goes bad, he won't even remember.”

“But what if-- _I’m not saying it will_ \--but if it goes great, then what?”

“Then he’ll remember.”

“That’s not how it works!” He gestured widely with his hands. Remus was quite drunk himself. “You can’t just pick what you remember and what you don't.”

Lily sighed, “Remus, just _ask._ Very casually. You don't have to use the word ‘date.’ Just _ask._ ”

He looked over at Sirius, alone at the bar, pouring himself a cup of Muggle Vodka.

“Here,” she handed him a tiny glass, “a shot for courage.”

“Where did you get this?!”

“Just drink it!”

He breathed in deeply, and tossed his head back as he drained it in one swallow. He winced-- Gin.

Lily turned him around, gripping him hard on the shoulders, and pushed him forward, “Go, tiger.”

He stumbled, looking over his shoulder at her with a death glare, which she returned with a thumbs up. He shook his head, letting the alcohol sink into his system, and walked over to the bar.

“Hiya.”

Sirius swallowed the liquid in his mouth, removing the coup from his lips. He grinned timidly, “Hi, Moony.”

They were quiet for a while, uncomfortable silence in the air. Remus turned to pour himself a cup of Firewhisky just to do something with his hands.

“So,” he started, trying his best to mask his nerves, “Hogsmeade in two weeks.”

“Yeah. Valentine’s Day.”

Fucking Christ. “Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of his way-too-full cup. “Got any plans?”

Sirius shook his head, “Nope. You?”

“No.”

He nodded, and Remus wanted to just walk away. Or just go get ten more courage-shots from Lily and come back as the Gryffindor he was assigned to be.

He closed his eyes as the words left his mouth, “I was wondering... If, uh, we could maybe, er, get a drink, then?”

Sirius’ head snapped in his direction, “Get a drink?”

“Yeah, uh, maybe at Madam Rosmerta’s, I don’t know, whatever you fancy-”

“Oh, the lads would love that,” he said. “Just don’t know if Prongs won't be with Evans, but we could ask...”

Remus just wanted to sink into the ground. “Er, no, uhm. Maybe, uh, you and I..?”

“Oh,” Sirius blinked. “You mean, just me and you?”

Remus rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing who he was going to kill first; Lily or himself. “Uh... Yeah...”

**-SIRIUS-**

_Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Say yes. Just one word. It's one word._

“Uhm, I...” He murmured. “I... I don't know, Moony... Wouldn't it be kind of like a date? We're mates...”

_Fucking idiot._

Remus widened his eyes, cheeks scarlet, “Oh, n-no, I... It’s, I- I just thought,” He stammered, and Sirius just wanted to shut him up. In any way. In ways he had never thought about before. Or just allowed himself in his dreams. Very frequent dreams in the last couple of weeks. “I- I just wanted some time with you, uh, as mates. It wasn't, uh-”

_Was there a spell where he could just disappear? Not apparate to somewhere else, just fucking evaporate from the face of Earth._

“Oh. Moony, I-”

**-REMUS-**

_Oh my fucking god._

“S’alright,” he rushed, wanting to just end this disaster and dig a hole in the ground and be swallowed by it. He forced out a laugh with no humour, “S’alright, I’ll just, uhm...”

He vaguely pointed at Lily’s direction, who wasn't being very subtle with her observing, and walked away.

**-SIRIUS-**

“Come back,” he wanted to say. “I do, Moony. I’d love that.”

But he was alone now.

**-REMUS-**

“So?” Lily asked as he approached, a hopeful smile on her lips.

He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to wipe the last minutes from his mind. “Do you have a shot for catastrophe?”

**-SIRIUS-**

“Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost for the first time?”

“Do you know how I can become one?”

Marlene chuckled, “What the fuck did you do now?”

He was still watching Remus, not having taken his eyes off of him since he left. He was draining shot after shot with Evans by the fireplace, now. “Nothing.”

Marlene furrowed her eyebrows at him in confusion, but followed his eye sight. His mind was still trying to process everything. And by everything, he meant _everything_. Not just tonight. Not just the last ten minutes— the last weeks. Last months. Probably the last six years. And mainly his entire life.

She sighed, grabbing on his shoulder and turning him to her so his gaze finally left the boy across the room. “Let’s get you drunk, eh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was hard to write for some reason, so i apologize that it's not quite good and shorter than usual. please consider this more as filler chapter. also apologize for the pining....


	19. Chapter 19: Mullets and Stained Shirts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter as an apology for the last one (i really didn’t like it lol)  
> hope you enjoy! <3

**-MARY-**

“Read it again!”

“Mary...”

“Pleeease!”

Mia sighed, a smile on her lips. She picked up the book. “‘ Teus olhos são meus livros. Que livro há aí melhor, em que melhor se leia; a página do amor?

Flores me são teus lábios. Onde há mais bela flor, em que melhor se beba; O bálsamo do amor?’”

Mary suspired, deeply, heart warm. “It’s beautiful.”

“You don't even know what it says!” Mia laughed, closing the book and resting it on her lap.

“I don't have to know what it says to know it’s beautiful.”

The other girl squinted at her, and opened a grin. Mary fought the urge not to sigh. “But what _does_ it say, then?”

Mia chuckled, picking up the book again and flipping it back to the poem’s page. “It’s just about love, basically. _‘Your eyes are my books, is there any better book to read than the page of love?’_ ” She recited. “ _‘Flowers are your lips, is there a better flower to drink the balm of love from?’_ Pretty much that, if you translate it freely.”

Mary’s lips parted into a grin as she observed Mia explain. Her voice was endearing, soothing. And when she spoke Portuguese, it was like music to her ears. She didn't understand a thing, no, but it didn't matter-- she could listen to Mia talk and talk for hours on end. In whatever language it was. “I knew it was beautiful.”

“It is. He’s my mum’s favorite writer. Machado de Assis. Dad prefers Manuel Bandeira, though.”

“And who do you prefer?”

Mia smiled, “Clarice Lispector. She’s originally from Ukraine, but her family ran away to Brazil during the Russian Civil War, due to the persecution of Jews. Her work is beautiful, really. It speaks to me. I love it.”

“Read some of it for me.”

She laughed, sweetly, “Mary, I’m not going to sit here and read poetry you don't even understand to you.”

Mary shrugged her shoulders, leaning on the headboard, “I guess I’ll just have to learn Portuguese, then.”

“I guess you’ll have.” She crawled to the other side of the bed, reaching for her nightstand so she could put the book back in place, invading Mary’s space completely. As she leaned over her, she could smell the scent of oranges from her hair; she would never grow sick of it. Mia didn't even seem to notice how close they were until the text wasn't in her hands anymore. Mary was still, back against the wood headboard, as she watched Mia turn her head from the bedside table to her. Their noses almost touching, Mia’s arm still on the nightstand for support, her hair creating a curtain around their faces. Their eyes were locked, and Mary just wanted to go for it. She was right there. This close, she could see every single tiny mole on her face. She wanted to kiss all of them, and finish on her lips. This close, she could see that her eyes, even though a dark brown, still had a little bit of green in them. It was subtle, only noticeable by this proximity. And she wanted to get lost in them. More than she already was.

Mia cleaned her throat, backing away. She tried not to sigh with the disappointment, the lost opportunity.

Mary drew her legs out of the bed, “I think I need to go. I promised Marls I would help her cut her hair.”

“Cut her hair?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, finishing up lacing her shoes and getting to her feet. “I’m a really good hairstylist.”

“You never told me that,” Mia said. “What are you giving her?”

Mary chuckled a bit, “A mullet.”

The other girl snorted, “Recipe for disaster.”

“Oi!” Mary turned on her heel as she walked to the door, putting an offended face on, though she wasn't, “I’m very talented, thank you very much. Marlene’s gonna look great, I can assure you.”

“Only if she puts her perfectly-pierced ears to good use to hide the monstrosity that her hair will become, yes,” she said, cheekily.

Mary walked over to the bed again and gave her leg a slap. “It’s gonna turn out great. You’ll see. And it’s gonna go well with her perfectly-pierced ears.” She just wanted to lean over and give her a kiss. 

She headed back to the door.  


“We’re a good duo, then.”

She looked over her shoulder, hand on the doorknob, trying to hold in the biggest smile. “Yeah. I guess we are.”

Mary closed the door after her, allowing herself to grin the silliest grin. She walked to her own dorm, only a couple doors apart, with it still plastered on her face, unable to wash it away.

“Finally, you’re here!” Marlene exclaimed as she entered the room. “I thought I’d have to do it myself.”

“I’m here, I’m here.”

Marlene went to sit in front of their full-length mirror, Mary standing on her knees behind her.

“Got the scissors?” She asked, and Marlene handed the pair to her. They were sure there was a Magical way to do it, but they enjoyed just doing it the Muggle way. It was more time they could spend together.

“I don’t want it too much, though. Just a little subtle mullet. Nothing too Bowie.”

Mary nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

She started picking the blonde strands of hair and cutting, following Marlene’s request.

“So, where were you?” Marlene asked after a brief silence.  


Mary smiled to herself, blushing. “With Mia.”

She snorted, “I see you two made up.”

“I’d say so.”

Marlene nodded slightly, trying to keep her head still. “What else would you say?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mary,” she said, sternly. Mary met her gaze through the mirror, and felt herself blushing even more.

She sighed, getting back to the trimming, “There’s nothing else to say.”

“So you breaking up with Black...”

Mary let go of the lock she was holding and looked up at Marlene’s reflection. “Marls.”

“Oh, please, Mary, you’re gonna tell me you two broke up _just because?_ ”

“I’m not saying that! It’s just... It wasn't just _one_ thing.”

“What were the other things? Sirius being gay is one of them, I’m sure.”

Mary snorted, shaking her head and continuing the cut, “Not this conversation again...”

“You’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong?! You’re not with him anymore, you can say it,” she defended.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong, it’s...”

“What did you tell him?” She interrupted. “When you broke up, what did you tell him?”

“I said it wasn't working anymore. He agreed.”

“It _never_ worked, you mean.”

Mary huffed laugh, “I guess.”

“But what else?” Marlene insisted. “What were the other reasons?”

She sighed deeply, already feeling the corners of her mouth twitching. “Well, you know...”

“Mia.”

Mary chuckled. It was obvious now, but it felt stupid admitting it to Marlene after the talk they had had back in the Potter’s loo when she had denied everything. “Yes.”

“Okay, I’m not going to even try to act surprised,” she said, receiving a slap on the shoulder. “But about Sirius...”

“I think _he_ broke up with me because of that, if we’re being honest,” she admitted. “We both wanted to break up. It was clear we never worked, but I think he finally realized that he’s not... y’know. Straight.”

“Not in the slightest,” Marlene snorted, “I caught them almost kissing.”

Mary’s head snapped up at their reflection, “What?! When?!”

“At the party,” she told with ease, as if it wasn't shocking at all. Maybe to her it wasn't. “Lily saw it too.”

“And you didn't think about telling me?!”

“They didn't _actually_ kiss, Mary,” Marlene explained. “And I don't know when exactly you two broke up, maybe you weren't even together anymore.”

“When did it happen?”

“Just before midnight.”

“We _were_ still together! We kissed at midnight!”

Marlene laughed, “Well.”

Mary shook her head, laughing too, “Bastard.”

“You can’t help love, Mary.”

She sighed, getting back to the girl’s hair. She was right.

“Do you think he feels the same? Remus?”

Marlene exhaled heavily. “I don’t know. I’m not as close to him as I am to Black. But I think something happened between them at Lily’s birthday party last week.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I didn't see or hear anything. He was alone when I approached him, but he looked _pale._ Like he didn't have a single drop of blood left in his body,” she huffed a laugh. “And when I asked him why he looked like he had just seen a ghost for the first time, he asked me if I knew how he could become one.”

Mary chuckled, and she continued, “But he was looking at Remus. Maybe Remus told him something, I don't know.”

“Yeah, but that doesn't say much,” Mary said. “Perhaps Lily knows something.”

Marlene shrugged, “S’pose.”

“But have you ever talked to him about it?” She asked in curiosity. “Y’know, questioned him about this whole thing.”

The other girl sighed, “I’ve tried. He just leaves whenever I try bringing it up.”

She nodded, and they stayed in comfortable silence. It was to be expected, really. Sirius was never the type of person to be open about his own feelings. He was always a great listener, but suppressed all his deepest emotions. Maybe he wasn't completely opened to talk to someone about all of this yet, but Mary had the feeling that he already knew. Knew it himself. Sometimes, that was enough for someone.

She gave the scissors a last few snips and clapped her hands on the girl’s shoulder. “Right. You’re all set.”

Marlene got to her feet, swishing her hair around, turning her head to see from every angle in the mirror. “It’s brilliant, Mary. I love it.”

She smiled, “Cheers.”

“Now you can cross two things off your bucket list: you gave your friend a mullet, and you dated a gay man.”

Mary gave an offended sound, and slapped the girl’s legs, making her laugh.

Marlene turned away from the mirror. “Right. I gotta head to Quidditch practice now.”

“You wanted me to cut your hair before _Quidditch practice?_ ”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Eh, I’ll have to shower after, anyways. And it’s better to cut your hair when it’s dry.”

Marlene walked to her bed and grabbed her duffle bag laying on the floor beside it. She slipped it over her shoulder, walking over to Mary and giving her a kiss on the top of her head. “Okay. See you later.”

“See you,” she said, and the girl exited the room.

She headed over to her bed, slumping down on it. Her knees were sore from being on them for too long. She looked up at the ceiling, remembering her last moment with Mia. Mary knew it herself, too. And maybe that was enough for some people, but to her, it would never be. Not when it was about Mia.

**-REMUS-**

Remus was mortified.

What had happened to him? What made him possibly think, for a split second, that asking Sirius--his best mate--out would be a good idea? That it could, by any chance, have a good outcome?

And the worst part: things were weird now. Undeniably weird. 

And what made it _even_ worse was that Sirius and him were trying to ignore it. Trying to act like nothing had happened. But it did. He asked Sirius out. On a date. On a _fucking date._

Of course, he had tried to save his own skin by saying it wasn't an _actual_ date and that he just wanted to spend some time with him, but he knew that hadn't really worked. 

And now things were weird.

“I still can't believe you actually made me do that,” he grumbled, rubbing his face with his hands. “I mean, you bloody encouraged me to do that.”

“Rem, come on, he probably didn't think anything of it...”

He uncovered his face, slamming his hands a little too hard on the table. “He did, Lily! He did! And things are terrible now! We can't even look each other in the eye!”

“It’s been a week!” Lily said, “It will get better. I’m sure it will.”

He growled in frustration, “I don’t know, Lils. It’s a fucking nightmare. And with Valentine’s Day coming, him being single... I’m sure he’ll find a new girlfriend soon enough.”

Lily shrugged, “I wouldn't say that.”

Remus didn't respond, and took a last sip of his tea. Lily was picking on her scone, tearing it piece by piece as she put it in her mouth. She always ate it like that.

After a moment in silence, she breathed in loudly, “James told me they are planning on skipping Hogsmeade for Valentine's Day, by the way,” she told. “Thinking of throwing a party.”

“Oh.” He blinked. They didn't tell him that. “And how do you feel about this?”

She shrugged, “Eh, I don't mind. It’s not like I need Hogsmeade to be his date or something. I can be his date at the party. And I reckon we’d all enjoy a party way more.”

He nodded in agreement. Thinking of it, it really would be better than having to see Sirius taking a random girl on a date to the village. But thinking about him snogging a random girl in front of him at a party...

“They won't be performing, though,” she said, “just a normal party, like mine last week. Which is always good.”

Remus nodded again, but he wasn't paying that much attention anymore. He was stuck in the image of Sirius with a girl, any girl, pressed against a wall. His hands on her hips, her waist; her hands on his hair, around his neck. And it would happen. Sirius had tons of admirers around the castle, it wouldn't be hard for him to find someone to snog. And Remus knew it would all happen again: Sirius would find a new girl, they would date, and then after a while they would break up. And the cycle would go on and on. And Remus would just have to watch it from a far.

“Rem?” Lily’s voice snapped him out of his daze.

He blinked, “Uh, what?”

“I’m done eating, if you are.”

He looked down at his empty plate, realizing he was feeling completely full. Lily’s plate was empty, as well. “Yeah, I’m done.”

They both got up from the table, Remus sliding his book bag strap over his shoulder, and exited the Great Hall.

“Thanks for accompanying me on some afternoon tea,” Lily said with a smile of gratitude. “I always ask the girls to come with me, but they rarely want to. My mum loves afternoon tea. She would go mad about this one.”

He smiled back, “Yeah, no problem. Any time.”

They walked back to the common room in silence. It would be peaceful if Remus’ mind wasn't being tortured by the new images it had created.

“I can see the gears of your brain working,” she uttered, a little smirk playing on her lips. “What are you thinking about?”

He sighed, hanging his head. “It’s just gonna happen again, isn't it?”

“What?”

“Him,” he answered. It was paining him even more to say it out loud. “It’s all going to happen again. Him and Mary are done, and then he’s gonna find another girl, and when he’s done with her he’ll find another, and another, and another...”

“Remus,” she called, tone half stern, half soft. “Will you stop with this sulking? I’ve never seen you like this. This is not you.”

“I guess now it is,” he responded with a laugh, though it had no humour.

“It’s not,” she assured, firmly. “It’s not you and it will never be. I won't allow you to be like this anymore. I won't hang out with you anymore if you continue to be like this.”

Remus sighed. She was right. It wasn't like him to be a sulky sod. Not at all. Why was he being like this? Why was he letting bloody Sirius flip his world upside down and just play with it? It was what Sirius did best, though. He would come into your life and sweep you off your feet before you can prevent it. He’s a mess, a tornado, and he’d leave a trace behind. But it’s also lovely, and magnetic. It’s messy, oh, so fucking messy, but you just never want to clean it up.

But Lily was right (she’s been too right lately). He couldn't be like this anymore. Walking around miserably because Sirius, what, fucking kissed a girl? What else was he expecting? Him to confess his undying love for Remus? Walk with their hands tied through the sunset? 

No. He had to move on. At least try to. He would push back the normalcy, force himself to act like his heart wasn't almost exploding out of his rib cage every time Sirius walked into the room, and just get his friendship back like it always had been.

But maybe it had never been like he had thought. Maybe he had always looked at Sirius differently. With different eyes, the ones he had reserved especially for him.

And he liked to think Sirius had reserved eyes for him, too. Sometimes, it felt like he did.

But he had to get things back to normal, and he would do whatever it would take-- even if that meant having to see him snogging girl after girl. He had to get over it.

**-SIRIUS-**

Sirius was confused, to say the least. To say the very fucking least.

He would dream about Moony more than what would seem normal. When getting off, suddenly the image of Remus bloody Lupin would pop into his head. And the worst: he would allow it. He would fucking allow it! He never allowed it before! Not that- Not saying that- Fuck.

It was frightening. So frightening. Being in a room with Remus was like being in a room with your worst enemy-- that enemy being all the reactions his body would have whenever Remus said his name. The butterflies, the rapid heartbeat, the involuntary turn up of his lips, and... No, don't get him started on _that._

It was terrible.

And Remus knew it. He had been acting like it.

Ever since Evans’ party, things had been weird. They wouldn't be if he weren't such a fucking idiot, obviously, but what’s new. Remus’ power of freezing him on the spot made him be a fucking idiot. Of course, it was Moony’s fault! Easy like that. Blame Moony.

Because, truly, it was and it had always been Moony’s fault.

“So what _are_ you, now?” He asked as he buttoned his purple, silky shirt. He would never do it to the top, though-- he would stop just two buttons above his navel.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you dating? Are you friends? Friends with benefits? What is it?”

James sighed, getting up from his bed. “I don’t know, mate. But it’s good. Really good. Merlin, it’s bloody amazing,” he smiled to himself. “She talks to me now, like _actually_ talks. And she laughs at my jokes. And I know they are stupid, and she knows it, too, but she still laughs! And it’s... like a dream, really.”

Sirius snorted, putting on his jewelry now, “Wait until you marry her.”

James’ smile widened, and he walked over to Sirius and clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s the goal,” he said, and Sirius snorted again. Only James to be bloody sixteen and talk about marriage. “Right, are you ready? We need to go down.”

He gave a last glance at himself in the mirror, fixed his hair a bit and nodded, “Yeah. Ready.”

When they arrived at the common room, the party was already in full swing. Students were dancing, drinking, snogging, and doing everything they had the right to at this bright age. The girls had done a great job with the decorations, too-- with red and pink ribbons across the walls and ceiling, paper-made heart cutouts levitating and confetti sprinkled on the floor, sticking to everyone's shoes. It didn't take too long for Evans to approach them with two full cups.

“Here,” she said with a smile, shoving the cups into their hands. “Drink it and tell me what you think.”

The two boys took a gulp of the liquid. It was fruity, too fruity for Sirius’ personal taste, but it was still... good? Kind of. He couldn't tell exactly what it was-- orange mixed with strawberry and a bit of watermelon. Yeah, too fruity. But he could already tell Evans was proud of it, and they would probably have to stick to that the entire night. But the aftertaste it left... 

As he removed the cup from his lips, he noted the dark red shade of the drink, almost like wine.

“So?” She asked, bright with hope.

James clicked his tongue against his palate, tasting it fully (and also probably thinking of an answer that would make her happy), “It’s... fruity.”

Sirius held in a laugh.

“Yes! Do you like it?”

They both shared a quick, knowingly look. “It’s really good, Lils,” James said. He was terrible at lying, but she seemed to have bought it.

Lily leaped in place, “Ah, I’m so glad! I’ve never made a drink before, and it’s really fun! You just mix and mix and it turns out a masterpiece!”

They nodded. If Sirius opened his mouth to say a word, he would probably just laugh at her face.

“Uhm, what type of alcohol did you put in?” James asked, taking another sip.

“Gin _and_ Vodka,” she revealed, and James chocked. Sirius couldn't bare it anymore, and barked a loud laugh, thankful for James having given him a reason to.

“Wow, uh, that’s,” he tried through coughs, “that’s a lot.”

Lily frowned slightly, “Yeah, the girls said so, too. But hey,” she brightened up again, chirpy from the alcohol (she was probably going to be the worst by the end of the night), “at least it will be easier to get druuunk!”

They nodded, and after James gave her beverage a few more compliments, she skipped away. They glanced at each other finally, and the two boys fell into fits of laughter.

James placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder for support. “I’m sorry, mate, but you’re gonna have to drink this all night.”

He breathed in, calming himself down. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Marlene and Dorcas approached them with cups in their hands. “I see you two had a taste of Lily’s punch,” Marlene said with a wicked smirk.

Two hours later, Sirius saw he had bet on the wrong person: James was the worst one. Running around the room, talking to people he had never talked before, jumping on top of the coffee tables and couches while singing to whatever was playing on the record player. But Lily was a fierce competitor, and the two of them were pulling quite the show.

“Hey,” a feminine voice called from behind him.

He turned around, and it was a girl he had seen maybe once or twice before. Erin, Erica...

“I’m Violet,” she said. Oh. Okay.

He took a sip of his nauseating drink. “Hi. Sirius.”

Violet smiled, “I know who you are.”

Sirius nodded, not knowing what to respond. Truth was, he didn't want to respond. He couldn't be less interested in talking to her. She was conventionally pretty: Violet had long, wavy dark hair, with light brown eyes and defined features, but... meh.

“I saw you and your band perform at the Christmas Ball,” she said. “It was fantastic.”

“Oh. Yeah, cheers.”

She took a step closer, invading his personal space. “It’s really amazing what you do up there. You have quite a presence.”

He gave her a tight smile, nodding again.

Violet took a hand to the tips of his hair, fiddling them between her fingers. Sirius took a step back, but she followed. “And you’re gorgeous, too.”

He stepped back once again, but was stopped by a wall. Fuck. “Thanks,” he responded, flatly.

Her lips split into a grin, and her eyes flickered at his lips. She leaned closer and started giving him light, soft kisses on the cheek, each one moving closer to his mouth. Normally, he would take the bait and go for it. She was pretty, no harm caused. But he didn't want to. There was nothing about her that got him excited in the slightest. He just wanted her to take the hint and back off.

“Violet...” Sirius called, and he could feel her smile on his cheek, getting closer to the corner of his lips. “Violet, I’m sure you’re a nice girl...”

“You have no idea...”

He huffed, getting impatient, “I’m really... I’m really not in the mood.”

“I can get you in the mood,” she replied, wickedly.

He closed his eyes, gathering all his politeness. He put his hands firmly on her waist and pushed her back. Violet looked at him confused, eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m sorry. I’m not interested.”

She sighed, “Ugh, fine.”

Violet marched away, and he never felt so relieved. Why were girls so unendurable?

He walked over to the bar, at this point already accustomed to Evans’ punch, and refilled his cup. He turned around to to the party as he took the first sip. He spotted James and Lily dancing madly, Mary and Mia sitting very closely together on a singular armchair, Peter trying to charm some random girl, Marlene and Dorcas snogging in a corner, and... Moony. Alone. Cup on his hand, leaned against the wall next to the fireplace, apparently doing the same thing as him. Sirius took a big gulp of his drink and headed towards the boy.

“Hiya,” he greeted, the smile coming easily.

Remus looked startled for a second before returning the grin. “Hi.”

Sirius leaned against the wall beside him, and they observed the movement together.

“Enjoying the party?” Remus asked.

He nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, s’good. Better than going to Hogsmeade.”

_Fucking Merlin, Black. Why in the fuck would you say this?_

Remus nodded slowly, lips pursed. “S’pose.”

He sighed, gathering courage. “By the way, Moony, about that-”

“Moony! Pads!” James called loudly from the couch he was standing on. “Come dance, lads!”  


“We’re good, mate,” Remus waved a hand.

“Nooo, come!”

“We’re good, Prongs,” he said again.

James jumped off the couch, spilling drops of the drink in his cup on the carpet and ushering towards the pair. He grabbed Remus’ hand, pulling him like a little kid. “Come on, Moony, come dance with me!”

“I’m fine, James. Lily’s there, go dance with her.”

“I wanna dance with youuu!”

“Prongs...”

James pulled harder, “Moony, pleeease-”

And then it happened: all the liquid in James’ cup landed on Remus’ white t-shirt, making the front of the fabric instantly dark red.

“FUCKING HELL, PRONGS!”

The other boy covered his mouth with both hands, dropping the empty cup on the ground. “Merlin, Moony, I’m so sorry-”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

Sirius was trying hard not to laugh at the disaster-- James frightened, Remus enraged.

“C-can't you just go change-”

“I don’t have another shirt, I’m supposed to get my clothes cleaned tomorrow!”  


James’ mouth was agape with fear, Remus rubbing his eyes trying to calm himself down.

“You can go get one of mines if you want, Moony...” He tried, voice breaking. Sirius was really struggling not to laugh.

“I don't fit in your Quidditch-captain-clothes!” Remus replied, face flushed with anger.

James’ lips started curling into a smirk with the comment, but Remus’ stern look washed it away.

Sirius stepped between the two, “Okay, okay, s’alright,” he turned to Remus, “Moony, you can get one of my shirts.”

He sneered loudly, “You have to be fucking joking.”

Sirius was taken aback, “Oi, what’s the problem with my clothes?!”

“I’m gonna look like a bloody idiot, that's the problem.”

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, leaning back against the wall, “Well, then look like an idiot with a stained shirt.”

Remus looked back and forth between James and Sirius, then sighed deeply, closing his eyes. “Fine,” he said, and James beamed. Remus turned to him, pointing a finger, “But don't think I’ll forget about this.”

The boy left with heavy steps towards the dorms, and disappeared under the dim lit stairway. Once he was gone, Sirius barked out laughing.

James slapped him across the chest, “Don’t laugh! He’s gonna kill me!”

“Yeah, he probably will.”

Eventually, James went back to his dancing fit, and Sirius was left alone, sipping on the punch.

Until Remus emerged from the stairs, and he had to grip hard to his cup not to drop it.

He had picked a brown, chestnut color, shirt. It was a very thin fabric, with a transparent look to it. To Sirius, it was one of his most casual items of clothing, but Remus probably thought it was too much. He didn't tuck it into his pants like Sirius usually did, but it was... perfect.

He walked over to Sirius, who had found himself completely frozen by the sight.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Do I really look _this_ ridiculous?”

It was only then, by this comment, that Sirius realized he had the most pathetic smile plastered on his face, that he didn't even notice open. He tried to wash it off, but it seemed impossible.

“Can you please say something and stop looking at me like I’m a freak?” Remus huffed out a laugh.

Sirius swallowed, but the grin was still on. He tried shaking it off-- nothing worked. “Y-you, erm...”

Remus raised his eyebrows, looking half confused, half expectant. When he didn't respond, he just rolled his eyes with a smirk and leaned against the wall next to him. “You tosser.”

But he couldn't keep his eyes off him. He was looking shamelessly, but he couldn't help it. He was just so... gorgeous. _So bloody gorgeous_. With his brown hair that he hadn't cut since before New Years now framing around his face, his scars which--Sirius would never tell him--but were so fucking cool. And his... everything. Everything about him was just so beautiful.

And now there was no turning back. No denying anymore. Nothing else to do.

“You look ridiculous,” he said, grinning sillily.

Remus looked back at him, and opened a smile that made Sirius melt completely. He never felt his cheeks burn so hot before. “Dickhead,” he responded.

And it was all Moony’s fault.

Blame Remus fucking Lupin, because there was nowhere to run now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the poem Mia reads to Mary in the beginning is called "Livros e flores" by Machado de Assis, one of the biggest--if not the--writers in the history of Brazil. us Brazilian kids might be tired of hearing about him, but it’s always good to spread knowledge :) he truly was brilliant.
> 
> by the way, when i pictured Marlene’s mullet i was thinking about Miley Cyrus’... so ;)


	20. Chapter 20: Essays and Birthday Presents

**-SIRIUS-**

And now Sirius was completely terrified. Absolutely, utterly terrified.

The acknowledgement of his feelings for Remus had brought him so many other things than fancying any other person--any other girl--would.

But he could answer all those questions. He had every single answer for them.

Was he scared? Yes.

Did he really, actually, fancy Moony? Yes. Everything started to click once he realized this-- the way he always knew, deep in his heart, he had always seen Remus in a different way; the way he felt when Remus came out, when he started dating Benjy. What _he_ did to Benjy. The way they had almost kissed _three times_ already. _Three times_. And how disappointed he felt when something or someone had interrupted. It had been confusing, oh, so confusing, but it was clear now. Crystal clear. And Moony in his shirt was just the right confirmation (he actually had insisted that Remus should keep the shirt. Obviously, he didn't want to, but after a lot of ‘I don't mind, Moony. It looks better on you, anyway,’ the boy accepted. Sirius was sure he would never wear it again, though.)

Was he gay? ...Yes. Pff. Yes. Ooh, Mother and Father would love that. Muggle-lover, bloodtraitor, a runaway and now, queer! Ha. Wasn't that just _splendid?_

Deep down, Sirius always knew he was different. Nothing in particular, really. If you asked him, he wouldn't be able to put his finger on it-- but he always knew. Always felt it. And this particular questioning had always been banging inside his head ever since he could remember. Being introduced to The Rolling Stones by Andromeda when he was just nine and immediately growing quite the obsession with Mick Jagger. And later on, when he was thirteen, he simply _wanted to be_ just like Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin. He had tried to ignore. He had wanted to be normal _so bad._ Sirius would lay in bed at night, being just a kid, and wish with every bone in his body that the only reason a boy had caught his attention that day was because he had cool hair and he had wanted to do his own just like his. And Sirius would lay in bed at night, and wish, heart thumping against his chest, that the only reason he had looked at Remus for too long that day was because his friend had had something on his face.

But that was never the case. It was Moony, and he always looked at him for too long.

Oh, and the girls? Sirius considered it, really. He could be AC/DC like Mary, and Remus-- but it didn't take him too long to dismiss it. Truth was, all those girls had always been just a distraction from Sirius’ true self. His true feelings. Why it never lasted, why he never felt _it._ Because there was simply nothing to feel.

Sirius felt really smart for coming to this realization. And by himself! No one had to tell him all of this-- every time a question would pop up in his head, it wouldn't take him too long to find the response for it. Perhaps the cards had all been laid out in front of him all along, but he had chosen to close his eyes to them.

But no more.

Not to himself, at least.

“Okay, so Hufflepuff party on the 5th, and then Remus’ birthday party-”

“ _Surprise,_ ” Sirius corrected quickly. “ _Surprise_ birthday party.”

Marlene nodded, “Right. Reckon we don't have anything else planned for after that already?” She looked over at Lily.

The redhead shook her head, “Nope, just that for now. But I’m sure Madam Rosmerta would love to have you lot back, so just tell me and I’ll talk to her.”

Everyone nodded, and Sirius stood up from his pouf. “Alright, I gotta get going,” he announced, sliding his book bag over his shoulder. “Moony’s helping me with my Defence Against the Dark Arts essay.”

He felt his neck heating just by saying it, and repressed the grin that was trying to open on his lips.

The band and Lily didn't pay much attention to him. Except for Marlene, who was squinting at him suspiciously. He stared back, flatly, and gave a little bow as a goodbye and headed towards the Room of Requirement’s door.

“Oi, Black, hang on,” she called. He sighed, his back to her. “I gotta go back to the common room, too. I’ll walk with you.”

He didn't turn around, and she quickly caught up with him and they exited the room. Sirius was quiet, not trying to start any conversation.

“So,” Marlene broke the silence, and he almost rolled his eyes, “how’s everything? We haven't talked a lot since the start of term.”

“Of course we have.”

“Not really. Not _talk_ talk.”

“There's nothing to talk about,” he shrugged.

Marlene nodded slowly, and they remained in silence for a couple more beats before she broke it again. “Defence Against the Dark Arts essay, huh? Didn't know you were so keen on handing in homework now.”

“People change,” he responded, simply.

She lifted her eyes to him, squinting. “Do they? Hmm, I’ve always thought people stayed the same. Just,” she shrugged her shoulders in nonchalance, “discovered themselves.”

Sirius swallowed, stunned. He nodded, keeping his gaze on the floor before them, “Could be.”

“Remus is helping you, then?”

“Yes.”

“I didn't know you needed help with Defence Against the Dark Arts.”

His head snapped at her direction, and she had a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. He blinked, trying to show indifference to where she was getting. “Dementors are complicating creatures to understand.”

She nodded again, very slowly. “You could’ve asked me for help. I’m very good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, myself.”

“Moony’s alright, thank you.”

She made a funny noise with her throat, “Moony’s alright.”

Sirius decided not to respond. Of course he didn't need help. He understood those Dementors creatures at the first explanation-- even took a little nap while Professor Bradshaw had to repeat herself over and over again for the thicker students. But why would he miss the opportunity of spending some time alone with Moony, with all his attention on him, where he could listen to him talk and talk without having to explain why he was staring so much?

“You know, you can talk to me if anything is bothering you,” Marlene said.

“Nothing’s bothering me, McKinnon.”

“I’m just saying. You did a big favor for me that day in my house. Whatever I can do in return for that, I will, even if it's just talking. I know we are not really affectionate with each other, but I’m here for you. You’re my brother, you know that.”

And he did, he did know that. Marlene had always been like a sister to him, too. And he wanted to tell her-- he knew she was probably going to the first to hear it from him, but he wanted to take some time. Some time to process it all himself, before breaking it to anyone. And though Marlene most definitely already knew, he still wanted to say the words. But that would have to wait a bit.

“I appreciate it,” he responded, simply. But he meant it. “The hair is nice, by the way,” he said with a smirk, eager to change the subject before she could get the chance to continue. “Can't believe you got a mullet before me.”

“Took you long enough to say something!” She grinned widely, flipping her blonde locks dramatically off her shoulders.

They continued in silence, comfortable now, until a rushing girl ran in their direction. Mary grabbed Marlene by her arm, slightly panting and looking desperate. “Has any of you seen a little boy in Ravenclaw robes? Tan skin, looks like Mia but smaller?”

The two of them shared confused looks. “No?” Marlene responded.

Mary growled loudly, “I’ve been looking for that git all around the castle! If any of you see him, tell him Mary MacDonald is after him. His name is Diego.” She walked away in rapid steps right as the words left her lips.

“What’s that about?” Sirius asked as they continued their way to Gryffindor tower.

“Mia’s birthday is tomorrow. She’s probably planning something.”

He nodded. “So how’s that going?”

“Them? Oh, I don't know. Mary likes her, obviously-- more than that, if we're being honest, but she hasn't done anything about it yet. She loves acting brave, courageous and whatnot, but whenever I try to get her to talk to Mia about her feelings she just flips me off. Mary’s brilliant, we all know, but so is Mia. I wouldn't let a girl like her waiting for too long. And then I’ll have to hear her crying about it. I don't understand why people waste so much time when the person is just _right there,_ y’know? Just go for it, I say. You’ll never know if you don't try.”

Sirius nodded slowly, taking all her words in. He knew she was partially talking to him, too.

“And I know they're friends,” she continued, “and there's this whole thing about not wanting to fuck things up and all that bullshit, but honestly-- if two people clearly like each other, why wait so much?! Why just keep banging on about each other, when you can just _say it_ , you know? Just say the words.” She huffed, finishing off her speech. “But I don't know.”

Marlene glanced at him for a couple of seconds, seeming to see if he had understood. He gave her a tight sympathetic smile, and she returned. He understood, and so did she.

They finally reached the Fat Lady's portrait, and after he announced the password, the passage opened.

Remus was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, concentrated on his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook. Sirius grinned despite himself-- he couldn't help it.

The other boy noticed their presence at last, and glanced up from his book, meeting Sirius’ eyes. He returned the smile, ever so softly, and Sirius’ heart skipped a beat, pounding rapidly against his ribcage.

Marlene cleared her throat loudly. “Uhm, I’ll leave you to... your studying.” She leaned closer to Sirius, “Pay attention, eh?” She whispered, and he felt himself blush. He rolled his eyes at her, and after she had walked past Remus, she turned around and winked at him playfully.

He stood up from the couch, “Let’s get to it?”

Sirius swallowed, nodding eagerly. “Go on then.”

As Remus took his seat on of the tables in the corner of the room and opened his book, Marlene’s voice echoed in his head, _‘Just go for it, I say. You’ll never know if you don't try.’_

“You got your things with you?” Remus asked, bringing him back from his daze.

“Y-yeah. Right here.”

He sat across from the boy on the desk and removed his parchments and quill from his bag. Remus started explaining Dementors to him like the professor they always teased he would be, and Sirius immediately knew it would be hard to stop himself from smiling sillily all the time, and the flush in his cheeks wouldn't leave so soon.

“...You understood, or do you need me to repeat it?”

Sirius blinked, realizing Remus had been actually talking, not just moving his lips. “Y-yeah. Got it.”

Remus huffed a laugh, “Then start writing, you tosser.”

He laughed a nervous laugh back as he picked up his quill, but his smile didn't leave. As he looked up through his lashes, he noticed so didn't Remus’.

He was fucked, completely. But as long as he could continue to be with him like this, it didn't matter.

**-MARLENE-**

“So Mia’s not doing anything for her birthday?”

“She’s had breakfast with her brother this morning, but that’s all I know,” Mary told. “I’m seeing her later.”

“Why were you so desperate after him yesterday?” Marlene asked from her bed, flipping carelessly through Witch Weekly. Lily was painting her toenails at her own.

“Oh, he helped me with her present,” she responded, a smile playing on her lips. She reached for what looked like a record under her bed, and walked over to Marlene’s as she handed it to her. “Look.”

The record cover showed a woman, redhead with bold bangs covering her eyebrows, with a bird resting on her shoulder. “Rita Lee,” she read from the top left corner. “Who's that?”

“A Brazilian singer. Her favorite,” she told, her grin wide with pride now.

“How did you manage to get that?” Lily chimed in curiously.

“Oh, it was quite the job, really. I already knew she was her favorite singer, but I had to check with Diego which records of hers she already had. This is the newest one. So, I owled my mum to try and find it for me. It was impossible, mind you. Apparently not many stores in the UK sell Latin artists’ music,” she rolled her eyes with frustration, “Mum was almost giving up, but eventually she found it. Had to talk with Diego yesterday to make sure I had the right one. He was quite impressed, even asked me for the store. Still gotta wrap it, though.”

Lily and Marlene shared a knowingly look, both pressing their lips together not to laugh. Mary took the record the record back from Marlene’s hand as Lily spoke, “That’s, uhm... That’s really romantic.”

Mary turned on her heel, eyes wide. “Is it?!”

“Yeah.”

She slapped her forehead, “Bugger... Do you think she’ll get the wrong idea?”

Marlene barked out a loud laugh, and Lily joined.

“What?!”

“Are you taking the piss?” Marlene asked through her laughing fit.

“What do you mean?” Mary’s eyes were desperate.

“ _Wrong idea_ , Mary? Really? You’re in love with her, and the record says it all.”

The girl opened her mouth to protest, but closed it after trying and failing to get any word out. She set down on the end of Marlene’s bed, putting her head in her hands.

“Christ, I’m so fucked. I can't give this to her anymore.”

Lily raised her eyebrows at Marlene, and she sat up straighter as she reached for the girl sitting closely to her feet, running circles on her back with her palm.

“It’s gonna be okay, Mary...” Lily tried.

Her head shot up at her direction, “No, it’s not! It’s not going to be okay! I’m gonna give this to her and she's gonna laugh! Laugh at how bloody _pathetic_ I am.”

“Do you really think she's gonna _laugh_ at you?” Lily replied. “You know her far better than I do and even _I_ know she would never do that.”

Mary growled loudly, just like the day after New Years where Potter had brought up his cousin. The other girls glanced at each other, looking partially pitiful, partially concerned and partially fed up. Lily shrugged her shoulders as she got back to her pink nail polish, and Marlene breathed out deeply as she got to her feet abruptly, standing in front of Mary with her hands on her hips.

“Alright, cut the shit.”

The girl looked up at her with her eyebrows drawn together, face red. “Come again?”

“You heard me. _Cut the shit_ ,” she repeated, ready for another speech to another friend with a too dense of a head. “Do you know how tiring it is to keep listening to my friends pining over each other, sulking because they are too thick to notice they are completely mental about one another? Huh? It’s bloody exhausting! Mia _likes_ you, Mary! _She likes you!_ Even more than that, I'm sure. You have to be fucking blind to not see how mad she is about you! She has always been. Lily and I have been telling you this this entire time and you _chose_ to ignore it, and now we have to keep hearing you pitting yourself because of fucking _unrequited love?_ My arse, unrequited love!”

“Marls...”

She put a finger up, “I’m not done.” Marlene breathed in deeply, turning to Lily, who had her eyes glued on her. She looked back at Mary. “Look, I’ve never seen anything like you two, and that is saying something. It... it fits, y’know. It’s right. Just do me a favor and go solve this, it’s already bad enough that I have to deal with another stubborn git who can't admit his feelings to his friend. You like her, she likes you back. Stop wasting time, Mary. You lot think people just wait around. They don't. She will slip away if you don't do anything. Aren't you supposed to be a Gryffindor? Where the fuck is your courage?”

Mary had her wide eyes glued with Marlene’s, shocked by the amount of words that had just left her mouth. She glanced quickly at Lily, who was observing with amazement. Her eyes met Marlene’s again, and after a few beats, she stood up with determination,

“Fine.”

She widened her eyes. “What?”

“Fine. You’re right. I have to do something,” she said, simply, though her voice was slightly shaken.

She looked back at Lily, who seemed to be just as surprised that the whole lecture had worked.

“A-alright. Go, then.”

Mary nodded eagerly, but stood in place.

“Mary. Go.”

She blinked, jumping back to reality. “R-right.”

She grabbed the record, unwrapped, and headed towards the door. Before opening it, she ran to the mirror, fixed her hair and glanced back at her friends, nervously.

Lily laughed sweetly, “You look beautiful, love. Go.”

Mary ushered to the door without looking back and closed it behind her. Marlene lifter her hand to her face, rubbing her eyes, feeling like she had just ran a marathon. She flopped back on her bed.

“You’re good,” Lily remarked.

She grinned, “Tough love always works, whether they like it or not.”

Lily nodded slowly as she closed the varnish bottle. “Who were you talking about before?” She asked, cautiously. “When you mentioned another friend. Who were you talking about?”

Marlene turned her head to her, confused for a second before remembering what she had said. “Oh. W-who do you think I was talking about?”

The girl smirked.

“Lily...”

“Marlene,” she lifted an eyebrow.

“What do you know?”

“What do you think I know?”

Marlene squinted at her. She could know something, but she could also be bluffing. But how would she be bluffing...

“Okay, we need to talk,” she said, sitting up. Lily grinned widely and ran over to her bed.

**-MARY-**

Mary could do this. It was easy. Just tell her how you feel. Rip the bandaid. She could do this.

She reached Mia’s dorm room, bursting with confidence. She lifted her hand, closed in a fistful as she went to knock on the door. She stopped with it mid-air.

She was completely mental. How did she ever think she could do something like this? Just walk in, with all her dormmates in there and open her heart out, just to get rejected? How did she even get convinced to do such a thing in the first place? How did she let Marlene get in her head?

Mary shook her head, laughing at herself. So bloody stupid.

What was she playing at? Why would that ever be a good idea?

She thought about Mia laughing at her, telling her how big of a fool she was for ever thinking she could reciprocate her feelings. Seeing her present and calling her an idiot.

But then she thought about Mia. Just Mia. She could be laughing at her, but she would be laughing. Smiling the most beautiful smile, the one that made Mary’s entire world stop. She would be looking at her with those big, brown eyes, sparkling. And she would be there.

It would probably be the last moment she would get with her if she decided to do this, but now her mind was trapped in the image of her. And there was nothing else to do but go in. A shot of bravery and confidence ran through her veins, and Mary didn't even knock, bursting the oak door open, hard.

Mia looked up from the book in her hands, sitting on her bed, eyes wide with the fright.

“Bloody hell, Mary, you scared me,” she said through a shaky laugh, taking a hand to her chest. “Is everything alright? You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

She felt frozen on the spot, her stomach had fallen on the floor the moment she had opened the door into the room, a lump in her throat.

 _Think, Mary, think. You can do this._ She swallowed. “I-I need you to listen to me. Don’t say anything. Just listen.”

Mia’s eyes were filled with concerned. She nodded rapidly, “Alright.”

She met her eyes, and Mia chuckled, “Sorry, sorry! Go on.”

Mary breathed in deeply, trying to organize all the thoughts running through her head. It was pointless, really.

“I love you,” she spat out. There was no going back now. She closed her eyes so she wouldn't see Mia’s reaction. “I-I do. I love you. I’m so in love with you it genuinely, physically pains me. Y-you walked in on my life out of nowhere, not even knowing me and asking me if I wanted to talk just because you saw me crying. A-and you listened to me. You heard me. You cared, you cared in every single possible way and you saw me. You saw every piece of me for who I am. And you stayed, you didn't run away. And I love you for it. Christ, I love every single thing about you, it’s ridiculous. When you laugh at my idiocy, when you speak Portuguese and I can't understand a single fucking word but I still love it because I love hearing you talk. W-when you smile... It’s my weakness, really,” she huffed a laugh, despite herself. “You disarm me completely when you smile at me. A-and your hair. I smelled you, y'know. In my Amortentia. I smelled your hair before I had even met you and it’s so fucking ridiculous because I’ve never even seen you eat an orange befor-”

Her words were suddenly cut off with a crash of full lips against hers, soft hands grabbing at her face fiercely. And it was like nothing before. Mary felt her entire body tingle as their lips fitted perfectly together, like the missing piece in a puzzle. The bloody orange scent assaulting her nostrils as time stopped and everything she could focus on was the collision of Mia’s body against hers, weakening her entire core. And as she parted her lips for the other girl to slip her tongue inside, Mary felt like the ground was swept off her feet, and they were both flying in the open air, as if in a dream she never wanted to wake up from. It was a type of magic she had never experienced before, and she had been studying it for the past six years of her life. And it was everything.

She grabbed the other girl’s cheeks, feeling them wet on her palms as she deepened the kiss. It was hungry, making up for all the time they had lost when she was with Sirius and then scared about her not feeling the same.

But she did. _She did, she did, she did_. She felt the same.

It was passionate, lovely, beautiful, magnetic, and it was _Mia._ And as long as she had her, nothing else mattered in the world.

Mia softened the kiss, pulling back ever so gently, pressing their foreheads together. They were both panting, trying to slow down their breaths. Mary could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and for the first time in what felt like ages, she was happy about it, not afraid the other girl could hear it.

She tilted her head back slowly. She needed to look at her. Look at her deep in the eyes she had met for the first time at the top of the stairs, when everything had changed.

Mia had her cheeks blotchy, eyes locked with hers still filled with tears. They were in silence for a couple of beats until the girl breathed out a shaky laugh, which Mary followed. She grabbed her face again, now kissing it all over.

“I love you,” she said between kisses, “I love you. I love you. Eu te amo. Tanto, tanto, tanto.” She met her lips again, breathing in deeply through her nose as she deepened it again,

“Eu te amo,” she mubled inside Mary’s mouth, feeling their teeth collide as they both smiled sillily to each other, so dumbstruck with passion, with love. Mary felt her own cheeks wet now under Mia’s hands, her own gripping her neck.

They stumbled back slowly towards her bed, Mary falling down first, Mia on top of her. She propped herself on her arms above her, looking down at Mary as if she was the most beautiful creature in the world. And then, she opened that one grin, and that was enough for her to reach up and grab at her neck again, pulling her down as they continued the kissing. Mia put out a hand as she closed the curtains around them.

“Linda,” Mia muttered against her cheek. “Tão linda.”

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” Mary chuckled, looking back at her. “But I love it.”

She smiled widely, leaning down and meeting her lips in a soft kiss. She pulled back, propping herself on her elbow again, running a hand through Mary’s dark hair. “Beautiful. Just so beautiful.”

Mary smiled beyond herself. How did she ever get so lucky?

“Oh, my god, I forgot!” She drew her legs out of bed, ushering to the middle of the room as she picked up the record she hadn't even noticed she had dropped.

“Put on your clothes, you nutter!” Mia called from the bed.

She climbed in, hiding her hands behind her back, “Your dormmates are not even here. Where are them, by the way?”

“Amelia and Josi are in Quidditch practice, Samira is down at the library and Laura is probably after her boy of the week,” she explained. “Watchu got there?”

“Happy birthday,” she said with the smile she didn't have to hold in anymore, revealing the record with pride and handing it to Mia.

“You didn't. Mary, you fucking didn't,” she said incredulously as she handed it to her.

Mary nodded excitingly, “Yes, I did.”

“Rita Lee, how did you remember?! And ‘Entradas E Bandeiras,’ where did you find this?! I’ve been crazy after it since it came out last year.”

“Thank my mum, she almost disowned me because of this. The fights we had over letters because she couldn't find it anywhere...”

Mia laughed loudly, covering her face with the record. “I can’t believe you.”

Mary reached for her, bringing the album down and giving her a sweet kiss, flooded with love. “Anything for you. Happy birthday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, finally!  
> i started writing Mia and Mary's relationship while listening to Clairo, especially her song Bags, which will never not be their song to me anymore. it's too late to go back. every time i listen to it i will think about these girls, and honestly? i love that.  
> this is not their end by the way lol, but i'm just so happy i finally got them together that i needed to share!
> 
> now to the translations:  
> eu te amo = i love you  
> \+ tanto = so much  
> Mia translated that herself but, linda = beautiful (lindA is a feminine adjective. Portuguse is a gendered language)
> 
> oh, and Rita Lee... don’t get me started on Rita Lee <3 easily the coolest lady out there.
> 
> (you can tell a lot about me when i write sirius in this fic. i based/am basing his journey with his sexuality a lot on my own. the denial, the panic, the realization and the easy acceptance. when everything made sense to him, all the confusion and worrying went away quickly and he made peace with it with no difficulty. i’m sorry if it seems to be rushed and unexpected. it’s not supposed to be, at all. just feel like everyone goes through it differently.)


	21. Chapter 21: Best Exes and Queer Mates

**-JAMES-**

James rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s... It’s brill, mate.”

“You think?”

He nodded swiftly, still glancing down at the parchment. “Y-yeah.”

“James,” Sirius called, firmly. “What is it?”

He looked up at the boy sitting across from him on his bed, mouth agape as he pondered whether to say it or not. He sighed heavily, deciding it was best to just be honest, “I-it’s nothing, Pads. I mean, the song really is great...”

“But?”

James let the hand holding the piece of paper fall on his lap and exhaled deeply. “I just think Evans will go mad.”

Sirius clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. “She won't go mad!”

“Sirius,” he said flatly, bringing the parchment up to him and pointing with his index finger at one of the verses, “ _‘My dick takes over,’_ are you joking?”

He shrugged one shoulder, “What about it?”

James huffed a laugh, “You’re mental if you think she won't say anything about it.”

“It’s not as if McGonagall will be on the front row,” he protested. “Why would it be a problem if the song has... I dunno, a particular choice of words?”

“It’s not a problem, I just think she's traumatised after the show you pulled at the Christmas Ball.”

Sirius’ lips twisted into a smirk as he reminisced the performance. He snatched the parchment from James’ hand, getting to his feet and puffing out his chest. “Well, then that's her problem, not mine. I like the song, so I’m using it.” He slapped James’ knee, “C’mon, we better get going. We have three days ‘til the party and I have to finish working on this.”

“You’ve already started it?”

Sirius shrugged his shoulders as if it was obvious, “‘Course. Just gotta give it some last final touches, but it's almost done.”

“Then why did you show me?” He asked as he stood up.

“Wanted your opinion,” he answered. “Can't lie and say I'm not disappointed, though. I was expecting _your_ opinion, not Evans’.”

“Oi!” He reproached, giving Sirius a slap across the chest as they exited the dorm. “I _did_ give you my opinion, but also a heads up for what awaits you.”

“Yeah, yeah, bla-bla-bla. I swear, you two are spending too much time together.”

James lifted a balled fist to the left side of his chest, mockingly touched, “Aw, Pads, you’re jealous! Don't worry, dear, you're still my one and only.”

Sirius gave him hard shove on the shoulder, making him stumble to the side as he chuckled loudly, echoing in the corridor. “Wanker.”

He rushed to the boy’s side again, grabbing hard at his head and planting a strong, exaggerated kiss atop.

Sirius shoved him off again, now joining him on his fit of laughter.

“I still can't believe you haven't kissed her yet,” he said as he regained composure.

James shrugged. “Not my first priority. I mean, of course I want to-- I’m not mental. But, I dunno, I like spending time with her as it is, and I’m waiting for the right moment, y’know.”

He scoffed, “Always such a gentleman.”

“At least one of us gotta be.”

Sirius nodded, and they continued in silence.

“And you?” He asked after a moment.

“What about me?”

“Who is it this time? You’ve been single since New Years and I haven't seen you even snog someone yet.”

“Oh,” he said, his eyebrows knitted together in James’ peripheral vision, “I dunno. No one, I suppose.”

“That's impossible,” he sneered. “There has to be someone. What’s her name?”

“I-it’s no one, Prongs.”

James glanced at him, squinting, “So you’re just casually writing songs about your dick? That’s a bit narcissistic, even for you.”

Sirius barked out a laugh, tilting his head back. “Maybe I am.”

They arrived at the Room of Requirement shortly after, and Marlene ushered towards them as soon as they crossed the doorway, shaking a piece of parchment vehemently in her hand.

“Remus was just here,” she told them. “Gave us a fresh new song.”

“Did he?” Sirius asked.

She nodded, “Yup. It’s pretty good. He apologised for being a bit at the last minute, but I reckon we can manage to get it done by Saturday.”

James bowed slightly, and clapped his hands together, “Well, let’s get to work, then, lads!”

To no one's surprise, Moony’s song was great, and thanks to Marlene, they finished the song right as Saturday came by, and when James blinked, the Marauders were heading down to the Hufflepuff common room. At this point, they all already knew how to enter, and were met by the girls as soon as they came into the room.

James loved the Hufflepuff common room, and secretly preferred it over Gryffindor’s. It felt like home somehow, a round, low-ceilinged large room, with tons of windows that poured natural light. He had house pride above everything, but he couldn't deny that the room was slightly better than theirs, and he always enjoyed whenever they went down there.

“Welcome, my friends,” Dorcas greeted with a smile, sliding her arm off of Marlene’s waist. “Ah, I love when it’s my turn to be the hostess.”

“Always a pleasure, Dorky,” Sirius said, returning her grin.

She poked her tongue out at the nickname, and the group chuckled. Dorcas stepped aside, putting out her arm to the room behind her. “So, there’s our little bar; Doc is taking care of the drinks tonight,” she told. James nudged Remus lightly on the ribs as she mentioned Caradoc, receiving a roll of eyes. Sirius coughed dryly, and they returned their attention to the girl. “And there’s your stage, though it’s hard to miss, I reckon. What time will you be up?”

“At about eleven, I think,” James answered, and the rest of the band nodded in agreement.

“Brill!” Dorcas said, clapping her hands together. “Enjoy the party.”

“Dorcas, you’ll be with us the whole time,” Remus pointed out.

She flipped him the bird, and the girls and boys parted as the Marauders headed to the bar and them to a sitting area by one of the fireplaces.

“Hiya, lads!” Caradoc greeted from behind the table with a bright smile. “What can I get for ya?”

James looked behind his shoulder at the boys, and they all just shrugged. He decided to take the lead, and gave the boy across them a polite grin, “Just Gin, mate.”

Caradoc nodded and turned around to the other table behind him where the bottles were, pouring the alcohol into four cups. James glanced over at Remus, who was looking rather sheepish, and gave him a bump on the shoulder with his own, a wicked smirk playing on his lips. Remus returned with a harder shove, making him stumble to the other side right into Peter’s space.

Caradoc wheeled back to them, handing them the cups.

“Cheers, mate,” James thanked.

“No problem,” he responded, the smile still on, creasing his freckled cheeks. “I’m excited for your show tonight.”

“Oh, great to hear! We’ll be up at around eleven.”

“Can’t wait,” Caradoc responded, and James bowed slightly as they turned to leave. “Good to see you, Remus,” he called softly, making them all turn back around.

Remus blinked at him, then gave him a small smile, but still sweet nonetheless. “You too, Caradoc.”

As they finally managed to start making their way to the couches the girls had settled at, James was giggling to himself for the color Remus’ cheeks had taken.

“Can you stop?” He hissed.

He shook his head vehemently, “Nope.”

After a few more steps, he noticed there suddenly wasn't a shadow of a fourth person behind him, and spun on his heels to find Sirius putting down the cup from his lips with a grimace. He lifted it at them, “Will go get some more.”

“You’re already done with it?!” James asked in shock, his eyes wide.

“Yup,” he responded, flatly, turning around and heading back to the bar.

**-SIRIUS-**

Draining down a full cup of pure Gin in a matter of seconds had been a bad idea, Sirius knew that, but he had to occupy his mouth with something before he could say something he would regret. He could already feel the alcohol sinking into his system, but it was too late now. He reached the bar once again, taking stupid Caradoc by surprise. Ha. Stupid Caradoc. Stupadoc. Caradork.

“Black, hey,” he said with a smile Sirius wanted to slap off his face.

He set his empty cup on the table, “Refill for me?”

“Already?” He chuckled, but when Sirius didn't return the laugh, his lips turned into a straight line (for once) and he gave him a short nod, turning around to grab the Gin bottle.

“So... Remus, huh?” Sirius said, wryly. “You fancy him?”

Caradoc seemed taken aback by his forwardness, and glanced at him with wide eyes. He shook his head, “N-no, no. I like him, but not like that.”

Sirius hummed, nodding. “I see. Well, it’s been a long time after all, eh? Y’know, since you guys hooked up.”

“Yeah, a couple of months.” He handed Sirius his now full cup, “He’s a great bloke, truly, but he wasn't that interested, so,” he let a shrug complete his sentence.

“He really is great.”

The Hufflepuff gave a short nod, pressing his lips together. “Why the question, though?”

He shrugged a shoulder, “Nothing, nothing. Just curious. You said it was great to see him and, I mean, you can easily see him in class, so.”

“I was just being polite,” he said through a shaky laugh.

“You didn't say it to any of us.”

“He’s the one I know best out of you lot.”

“Don't you know Pete from your NEWT-level Herbology classes?”

Caradoc clenched his jaw, placing both palms on the table and leaning on them. “Black, where are you trying to get with this?”

Sirius gave him the sweetest smile he could pull, knowing how obnoxious it would be. He took a sip off of his cup. “Just curious,” he repeated. “Just curious. Cheers for the drink.”

He turned around with a smug grin on his lips, heading to meet his friends. He knew, deep down, he had been a tad bit mean, yes, but... No need to explain his reasoning, really. Sirius wouldn't usually do something like this; he could be sassy, snappy and whatnot, but he wouldn't just go up to someone who was clearly also interested in the person he fancied and try to mark territory, somehow. Especially since he had nothing but friendship with Remus. But he just felt the instinct of having to go there and just _say something_ , no need to be obvious, just let Caradoc know that he was there, too, watching. He had never done something like this before, but, also, he had never fancied--truly fancied--a bloke before, so surprises were to be expected, he supposed.

**-LILY-**

“I love this one!” Mary leaped drunkenly from the couch as soon as ‘The Bitch Is Back’ by Elton John echoed through the room. “Mia?”

Mia looked up at her from her spot on the settee, her eyes red. She opened a slow grin, “Love, I don't think I can stand up now.”

Mary pouted exaggeratedly, making her girlfriend chuckle, “I’ll dance with you later, prometo, but I need to try to sober up a bit if I plan on not puking in the middle of the show.”

She leaned a bit forward, and Mary met her halfway, giving her lips a brief kiss.

“I’ll dance with you, Mary,” Remus said suddenly, standing up abruptly from his corner on the couch and seeming to instantly regret it, falling back down from the dizziness supplied by the amount of alcohol he’d had to drink.

“Oh, will you?” Mary said with a smile as she turned to him, placing her hands on her hips.

He nodded excitingly, and she put her hand out to help him stand up. He pressed his chest to her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. Mia gave his arse a light slap as a scold as they headed to the dance floor, and Mary tilted her head back in laughter.

Lily turned her head to watch them; their hands were intertwined and up in the air, moving back and forth above their heads. Remus was clearly tripping over his own feet, but seemed to not give a single toss about it, laughing wildly and gripping to Mary’s shoulders every time he thought he might fall. Mary was swinging her hips left and right, tossing her dark, curly, hair around, a wide grin plastered on her face. The two of them danced carelessly, and Lily couldn't help the smile growing on her lips as she watched them. It was just so good to see both her friends so happy; Mary finally being with the girl of her dreams, and Remus at least drunk enough to not think about Sirius that much-- if lucky, not at all.

As Elton John screamed the last _‘Bitch, bitch, bitch is back’_ and the song came to an end, the pair hugged tightly and headed back to the sitting area they had accommodated at, their arms over each other’s shoulders and bright smiles lighting up their faces.

“Beautiful, lads, beautiful,” James said with a grin from the armchair, the same one Lily had settled on the arm of.

The two of them flopped down on the couch, slowing down their breaths. After a few seconds, Remus laced his hand with Mary’s and put them up vivaciously, “We have some exciting news for you lot; Marilyn and I are happy to announce we will be getting back together,” he leaned forward to look at Mia from the opposite corner of the sofa, “sorry Mia.”

The girl set up straight, the corners of her lips turning up, “I’d just like the ‘getting _back_ together’ part explained, first.”

“Yeah,” the rest of the group said in unison.

Remus and Mary glanced at each other before falling into fits of laughter, leaving everyone confused, though intoxicated with both their guffaws and the alcohol they had ingested themselves.

“Ah, Rem,” Mary started, wiping a tear off her eye, “they never cared about us, did they?”

He shook his head, “I’m afraid not, no.”

“What are you two on about?” Sirius asked through a huffed laugh.

“Remus and I were each other's first kiss, of course!”

The group glanced around at each other confusingly.

“And?” Lily asked.

Mary and Remus rolled their eyes exasperatedly. Remus clicked his tongue, “ _‘And?’_ Don't try to erase our love story!”

“A love story that lasted thirty seconds,” Marlene added from the carpet, her back leaned against Sirius’ armchair.

Mary rested her head on the boy's shoulder. “The most beautiful thirty seconds of my life.”

“Just gonna leave me like that, huh?” Mia said with a faux frown. Mary looked over at her, seeming to decide if it was worth breaking character. She opened a slow grin and launched herself to the other corner of the couch, cupping her girlfriend’s face a giving her a strong kiss.

“You lost, mate,” James said to Remus.

He shrugged and gave a deep sigh, “They always leave.”

The two girls teared apart, and Mary gave his arm a little pat, “Well, Rem, you’re still the best ex I've ever had.”

“Oi!” Sirius called, looking genuinely offended behind his grin of incredulity, “What about me?!”

She snorted, “Black, do you really think _you_ ’re my best ex?”

He analyzed her face for a few beats before shrugging and leaning back on the armchair, “Fair.”

“If it works like this,” Lily started, “then who is _your_ best ex, Sirius; Mary, James or Mia?”

All heads snapped in her direction, all pairs of eyes wide.

“What was that?” Marlene asked through a breathy laugh she was struggling to hold back.

Lily glanced at them, feeling confused and partially guilty for probably having slipped out something she shouldn't have. It was too late now. “I-I said Mary, James or M-”

“James?!” Remus squealed, looking back and forth between the two boys.

Sirius had his deathly glare set on Lily, but when she met his eyes, he fixed it on James. He stood up sharply, “ _You told her?!_ ”

At this point the entire group was huffing out incredulous laughs, trying to put together what was going on. Lily glanced down at James, who had his eyes shut.

“Mate, calm down...”

“I can't believe you, Prongs, it was a secret!”

“It slipped out!”

“What is going on?” Marlene asked, interrupting James as he opened his mouth to return Sirius’ comment. He glanced down at her and then up at the rest of the group, the corners of his lips twitching, showing how unbothered he was with the whole situation. He lifted his eyebrows to Sirius.

Sirius slumped back down onto his armchair, rubbing a hand over his face. He exhaled deeply before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, erm... When James and I were twelve-”

“Thirteen,” James corrected, calmly.

Sirius fixed him with an infuriated look. “Thirteen,” he said through gritted teeth, and Lily started struggling even more to hold in her laugh, “he and I... We, erm... We had our first kiss together.”

Everybody except for Lily stared at them with their jaws dropped.

“Please tell me there’s a punchline,” Mary said.

“It only happened once!” Sirius continued to explain.

“Pads...” James called with a smirk.

Lily feared James would suddenly catch on fire with Sirius’ eyes clearly trying to burn him. He exhaled heavily through his nose. “Twice,” he murmured.

“Come again?” Marlene said.

He threw his hands up, indignantly. “Twice. It happened twice. But only because Prongs wanted to practice more!”

"But _how?!_ " Remus asked.

"You see, Moony, when two people love each other very much..." Sirius started, being cut off by a pillow thrown at him by the boy.

“Was there tongue involved?” Asked Mia, wryly.

“Well...” James started, his smirk turning into a mischievous grin, but it was washed off with Sirius’ glare on him. “Okay, no, there was no tongue. But if only he had given me the chance- Ow!”

Sirius had crossed the small lounge space to kick his shin, and even as he winced in pain, he still managed to blow him a kiss.

“I can't believe this,” Remus said, his lips between a gape and a laugh. “Wormy and I have been sharing a dorm with you two for six years now and you've never even thought about telling us about your secret love affair?”

“Yeah, lads, I feel very betrayed right now,” Peter added.

“I hate you lot,” Sirius said, burying his head in his hands.

“Oh, come on, Pads, it was good while it lasted. I will never forget our days running through flower fields with our hands tied...”

Sirius glanced up at James at that, his mouth a straight line before erupting into laughter, bringing everyone with him. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

James curved in his hands as he brought them together in the shape of a heart, and blew a kiss from the gap inside them in Sirius’ direction.

The boy leaned back on his armchair, all fury gone. A sly smirk painted his lips, “Well, then, to answer your question, Evans; my best ex is Mia.”

Mia shifted up slightly to reach a closer distance to his armchair, her arm put up as their palms met in a high-five.

“I’m not going to pretend I’m not heartbroken...” James said in faux melancholy, making Sirius chuckle.

“I could be offended, y’know,” Mary said, “but I’m self aware enough.”

Sirius gave her a short nod.

“It’s funny, really,” Mia started, her hand playing loosely with Mary’s, their fingers intertwined, “I, a raging lesbian, am a straight man’s best ex. Says a lot about today’s society.”

Everyone chuckled, but Sirius’ didn't meet his eyes. He turned his gaze to his lap, fiddling with his fingers, and Marlene and Lily shared a knowing look. The two girls had talked the other day when they had noticed the both of them held necessary and useful information. Lily knew all about Remus, Marlene knew all about Sirius. They had agreed to not say anything to neither boys, at least not yet, but they would keep their eyes open and observant.

Lily decided to rescue Sirius from his discomfort. She stood up, clapping her hands together to call for the group’s attention, “Right, lads, I reckon it’s time to go.”

They all got to their feet, some rather lazily due to the alcohol, and started making their way to the stage and dance floor. Lily waited for Marlene to catch up with her, and leaned closer as she reached her side. “You saw that?” She whispered to the blonde.

Marlene nodded shortly, whispering back, “Yeah, but keep it quiet, will you?”

“I am!” Her voice came out louder, and she glanced around her to see if she had caught anyone's attention. “I am,” she repeated, softer and lower now. “We agreed on this, didn't we?”

She nodded again. “I know, I know, it's just... I feel kind of bad for him, y’know? He won't talk to me about it, no matter how much I try... I guess it's been hard for him. I can't pressure him, I know that, but... Ugh, I dunno, Lils.” She breathed out deeply, rubbing her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. “You have to hear the song he wrote. We’re playing it tonight.”

“Did he? Another one?”

“Yup.”

“But Remus wrote a song, too,” Lily said.

Marlene chuckled softly, finding the situation rather hilarious. “I know. It’ll be funny-- well, to me, at least.”

**-SIRIUS-**

“I’m not nervous.”

“I know, but, y'know, just checking...”

He put a hand on her shoulder, though it was partially to also stabilize himself. He flashed her a dopey grin, “Don’t worry, Marley, I’m gr-”

“What the _fuck_ did you just call me?”

His smile widened at her reaction, and he lifted his shoulders, “D’you like it? Kinda made it up mid-sentence, but I think I’ll adopt it now...”

Marlene removed his hand from her shoulder and gripped it, so tightly, crushing his fingers, making him yelp. “Call me that again and I _will_ cut your knob off.”

He yanked his hand from her grip, twisting his lips back into a smile. “What would you do without me in your life, huh?”

“Have some peace, for once,” she said with a roll of her eyes, though Sirius could see the corners of her lips twitching upwards.

Sirius pulled her into a tight hug, knowing how much she hated it, swinging their bodies left and right. He could feel her struggling under the embrace to free herself from him, shaking her shoulder against him and screaming _‘Let me go, you fucker,’_ muffled in his shirt due to their height difference, making him cackle even more. He suddenly felt a finger tapping his shoulder vehemently. He let go of Marlene at once, spinning on his heels. Heat creeped up his neck instantly.

“Hi,” Remus said, lidded eyes and a loose grin on his lips.

“H-hi, Moony,” he managed, praying for the alcohol in his system to ease him. It failed him, and he could feel his heartbeat picking up. He saw Marlene sneaking away in the corner of his eye, leaving the two alone by the entrance of the stage.

Remus glared at him, the smile still parting his face. He could feel his cheeks turning crimson.

“Just wanted to wish you good luck,” he said, finally.

Sirius grinned slyly, “Think I need it?”

The boy rolled his eyes. “Pretentious tosser.”

His grin widened, the alcohol being no help in fighting how silly he looked _(‘Oh, give me a help here, c’mon’)_. “Cheers, Moons. Your song turned out pretty wicked, by the way.”

“Oh, did it? Well, I don't doubt it-- you lot are brilliant. Can't wait to hear it.”

Sirius nodded shortly, and they remained in silence for a moment. Could've been the drunkenness of the two, but it wasn't uncomfortable in the slightest.

“Right,” Remus through an exhale, “reckon you gotta go, eh? Good luck, again.” He gave him a smile, and moved his hand to his arm to give it a quick squeeze before turning around, leaving Sirius and his red cheeks alone.

He looked down at his feet, smiling to himself. He caught sight of a bottle of Firewhisky sitting unattended at a table a few steps away, and ushered towards it. He grabbed it and immediately took it to his lips, taking a full shot.

“Black, come on!” Marlene called, halfway up the stage now.

He wiped his lips with his sleeve and motioned to put the bottle back in its place, until Marlene called for him again, “Oh, bring it here, will you. You’re not the only one allowed to take pre-gig shots!”

He flashed her a grin, which she returned, and walked to the stage with the bottle in hand.

**-MARLENE-**

At this point, the band could easily have a full setlist of their own originals, but they still loved covering Muggle bands’ songs. They started with ‘You Drive Me Wild’ by The Runaways, followed by their own ‘The Sound’ and ‘Sex.’ Then, Bowie’s ‘Fame,’ and Sirius’ favorite song at the moment, ‘Walk This Way’ by Aerosmith. And now, Marlene’s fingers played the bass lines to KISS’ ‘I Want You.’

_You never loved, you never thought you could_

_Treat you right, girl, you know I would_

_You can fight but tonight_

_There's nothin' you can do_

_I want you, I want you_

_Baby, baby, babe, I want you, I want you_

Sirius always moved around the stage like no one, always making his hair and clothes the main event. His long raven locks were tossed back and forth, left and right; his boots stomping around the stage and his hands running through the fabrics hanging from his body. He would occasionally flash Marlene a grin in support, and she would return it, both of them drunk with the fire of music running through their veins. They had always been close, but during their performances it was when they truly connected; all the bickering tossed aside. When she felt like he was crossing the line of appropriate, she would cast him a reproachable glare, and he would slow down. When Sirius liked what she was doing, or felt like she needed to step out of her stage-shyness, he would smile at her with eyes full of encouragement, and all her nerves would cease.

_I want you, I want you_

_I want you, I want you_

_I want, I want_

The crowd cheered and whistled, and Sirius bowed in gratefulness.

“Thank you, my loves,” he said into the microphone, grin creasing his entire face. He ran a hand through his hair, the other still gripping the tripod. Marlene could see girls in the front row melting at the sight of him, and she fought to stifle a laugh. “Now, this next one is by our dearest, brilliant mate,” he put out his arm in the direction of the boy, “Remus Lupin. This is _‘Do I Wanna Know?’_ ”

Marlene caught the smile the two boys shared, and glanced quickly at Lily with a smirk. James started his guitar riff.

_Have you got color in your cheeks?_

_Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift the type_

_That sticks around like summat in your teeth?_

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

_I've dreamt about you nearly every night this week_

From the audience, all students danced freely, their hands up in the air, hips swinging, movements driven by substances. From the stage, it was not much different. Marlene was quite tipsy herself, specially after the shots she and Sirius had gulped down before coming up the platform. Sirius was as always, and lucky for his rockstar persona, he could hide his inebriation behind that. James when drunk would smile and laugh at everything, his excitement levels would shot up, and, in a way, getting him alcohol before a gig always did him good.

_(Do I wanna know) If this feeling flows both ways?_

_(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hoping that you’d stay_

_(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made_

_For saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day_

_Crawling back to you_

_Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?_

_'Cause I always do_

_Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new_

_Now, I've thought it through_

_Crawling back to you_

Marlene was impressed, really. Even if Lily hadn't told her anything, Remus’ lyrics would be a pretty decent giveaway of his feelings.

She glanced over at Sirius, and he caught her eye. She quirked her eyebrow, trying to send the massage. _‘You can't be so stupid.’_ He gave her a wink, turning his gaze away from her. She held in an indignant sigh.

He was, very much so, that stupid.

_Simmer down and pucker up_

_I'm sorry to interrupt, it's just I'm constantly on the cusp_

_Of trying to kiss you_

_I don't know if you feel the same as I do_

_But we could be together if you wanted to_

**-REMUS-**

Remus’ anxiety levels with this song were off the roof. What had he been thinking? Sirius quite literally singing Remus’ own feelings to him. How had Lily not stopped him?

Well, he hadn't really showed her the song for that exact reason.

But still...

_(Do I wanna know) If this feeling flows both ways?_

_(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hoping that you’d stay_

_(Baby, we both know) That the nights were mainly made_

_For saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day_

And there he was, looking so utterly beautiful. Gorgeous, so gorgeous. Remus had been fighting so hard. So fucking hard. But every time Sirius stepped into the room, he would end up back at square one.

Sirius on stage, where his bones seemed to be made of music, shooting him sweet, wide grins, would never be a good idea. But this wasn't the first time Remus’ eyes found impossible to tear apart from him, and it would most certainly not be the last.

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_Too busy being yours to fall_

_(Sad to see you go)_

_Ever thought of calling, darling?_

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_Do you want me crawling back to you?_

**-SIRIUS-**

If Sirius couldn't find the bloody strength to express himself through words, he would do it through his songs.

The audience erupted in applause for Moony’s song, and he couldn't fight the grin splitting his face in two he flashed at Remus, who returned eagerly, holding up his two thumbs up. Sirius chuckled at his slow blinking, clearly very much intoxicated, and he felt as if someone had grabbed his heart from the inside and squeezed it tightly, his stomach with not only butterflies but all types and species of fucking birds flying inside him. So pathetic, so helpless, but that was Moony’s effect on him, and he had grown so very tired of fighting it.

“Oh, my beautiful people, it’s been a blast, hasn't it?” He said into the microphone, receiving cheers and applauses from the crowd. He grinned from ear to ear, “Let’s finish this the right way. This is _‘Mistakes Like This.’_ ”

_ You never act outloud _

_ The way you appear _

_ My every breath awakes _

_ Alarms in your ears _

_ I’m not confused it’s just _

_ You’re making me think _

_ Of all the conversations _

_ Missing their link _

_ I wanna know all the dreams that you keep beneath _

_ I want the words that you whisper when I’m asleep _

_ Wanna give back the things that I plan to take _

_ And I hope you won’t care but _

_ All your tears are running _

_ And I’m walking you home _

**-LILY-**

“Didn't know he had written a new song,” Remus told her, leaning in so she could hear him over the loud music.

She nodded, “Yup. Found out just before the show, though.”

Remus nodded slowly, but kept his eyes on the cup in his hands, his bottom lip between his teeth.

Lily placed a hand in his forearm, giving it a light squeeze, “Listen to it.”

_‘He can't be so stupid.’_

_And my dick takes over_

_And I’m thinking bout your lips_

_But we’re too damn sober_

_For mistakes like this_

Sirius met Lily's wide eyes as soon as he started the chorus, a wicked smirk playing on his lips. She rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what he was referring to, and gave him the finger. He laughed into the song, but his gaze went quickly from Lily to the boy beside her. It stayed there for the entirety of the song. 

_I see you more at night_

_Than you do the day_

_I’m more concerned for what_

_You’ll leave if you stay_

_I’m not confused it’s just_

_I don’t wanna talk_

_It seems the key was not_

_To peak through the lock so_

**-MARLENE-**

This was no new sight for Marlene; standing next to Sirius on stage, seeing him pour his heart into his performances, into his lyrics. And it was always for someone-- always had been, and it would probably always be. He would sing to Remus, and Remus would know, and in the next minute they would act like nothing had happened.

Marlene knew it was none of her business, and she was tired of hearing her own self scold at her for being nosey. But she was also growing tired of not being.

_I wanna hear all the screams that you keep beneath_

_I want the words that you whisper when Im asleep_

_Wanna give back the things that I’d never take_

_And I know you don’t care_

_But all those pretty people are still going home_

_And my dick takes over_

_And I’m thinking bout your lips_

_But we’re too damn sober_

_For mistakes like this_

_For mistakes like this_

As always, the dance floor clapped eagerly and loudly, wolf-whistling and chanting the band’s name. Marlene loved working on songs and performing them, but her favorite part would always be the return from the crowd once they were done.

They all bowed with smiles plastered on their faces, and Sirius swiftly grabbed the Firewhisky bottle from the corner of the stage he had left it at and took a swing, handing it to Marlene to do the same once he was done. She took her shot and passed it to James who passed it to Peter, and they all grinned at each other and left the stage.

Before they could rejoin the rest of their friends, she tugged at Sirius’ sleeve, pulling him to a less crowded corner of the room.

“Oi!” He exclaimed, snatching his arm back and smoothing his shirt sleeve. “What?!”

She crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes as she felt the corners of her lips twist up. “Great show.”

He nodded rapidly, eyes rather confused, “Cheers. You too.”

“Your song was brilliant, y’know.”

“...Thanks.”

Marlene stifled a laugh, but ended up snorting anyway. Sirius rolled his eyes, “Oh, what, McKinnon?!”

She lifted her hands in front of her defensively, “Nothing, nothing...”

They were in silence for a couple of beats, both analyzing each other’s expression, squinting, dark brown eyes boring into blue-grey ones.

“Okay, what was it about?”

“Fuck’s sake...” He turned to leave, but she held onto his sleeve again, and he turned back.

“Look, I don't know how many times I’m gonna have to repeat this to you; _you can talk to me,_ ” she said, firmly, eyes on his. “Even though, to be quite frank, you don't really have to say anything.”

Sirius clenched his jaw, staring at her with his mouth in a straight line for a long moment. He exhaled heavily through his nose, and leaned forward, resting his head on her shoulder-- a drunk move, Marlene was certain. Sirius would've never done something like this while sober. She brought her hand up to his hair, stroking it gently-- a drunk move of hers, too.

“I’m so fucking pathetic,” he whined.

“You're not pathetic...”

He snapped his head up, going back to his previous position. “‘Course I am! I’m a pathetic queer who fancies his best fucking mate!”

She pressed her lips together, conscious not to smile, or even worse, laugh at his melancholy.

Sirius seemed to have noticed her expression, and rolled his eyes as he brought his hands up in a give-up motion, “Yeah, that. Surprise.”

Marlene let herself cackle freely now, tilting her head back. “No surprises here. Always knew.”

He widened his eyes, “Really?!”

“Well, yeah? I’m not only queer myself but also your best friend. I know a queer person when I see one, especially when I’m around them for almost six years of my life.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh, rubbing a hand over his face. “Still pathetic.”

“Hey, you’re not pathetic. At least not in _this_ area of your life,” she said, receiving a snort from him and a light shove on the shoulder. “And I’m happy you finally told me. I’ve known about it for a long time now, but you kept denying it...”

“I’ve been denying for a long time, McKinnon. Longer than you can imagine.”

“Well, but now you can talk to me. I’m pretty much an expert at being gay, I can help you.”

He barked out a laugh, making her grin. “I hate you.”

“You love me. I’m your lesbian friend, and you’re my gay one. What else do we need in the 70’s?”

Sirius continued to chuckle, and pulled her into a hug. This one, she didn't fight against. She wrapped her arms around his wast, and he rested his cheek atop her head.

He sighed under the embrace, “This will end up so badly.”

She pulled apart slightly to look at him. Sirius kept looking forward for some seconds before meeting her eyes. His were gleaming, his eyebrows knitted together. She tilted her head, her heart aching for him, “Not if you don't want it to.”

He blinked slowly, and she buried her face in his chest again. After a brief silence, she said, words coming out muffled against his shirt, “If you tell someone about this affectionate moment of ours I’ll kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "prometo" means "(i) promise"
> 
> songs:  
> 'Mistakes Like This,' by Prelow (changed a very small part of the lyrics so it would fit better)  
> 'Do I Wanna Know?' by Arctic Monkeys (a classic, as we all know) (ugh, the idea of Remus Lupin writing something like Do I Wanna Know...)


	22. Chapter 22: Dancing Queen and Accidental Falls

**-SIRIUS-**

“Be quiet!”

“I am!”

“Can you two shut up?”

“It’s Wormtail!”

As soon as the words left Sirius’ lips, Peter tripped over a stack of books by the side of Remus’ bed, keeling over the legs of the boy with his full weight. Remus stirred.

“I present to you, gentlemen, the importance of rat traps,” Sirius spat in a furious hiss, feeling the heat of anger creep up his neck.

“Shuddup,” Peter retorted, his voice falling short. He got up from over Remus’ legs, rubbing the back of his neck in mortification.

Remus stirred again, and James shushed the two boys, grabbing Peter by the arm so he would stand straighter and join them by the end of the bed. Remus took the heels of his palms to his eyes, rubbing them, before blinking slowly and propping himself up on his elbows.

 _“Happy birthday, Moony!”_ The three Marauders chanted in unison, broad grins on their faces and their arms thrown up in the air.

Remus opened a lazy smile, albeit still bright. “Blimey, what time is it?”

“Just after midnight,” James told him, taking his seat at the edge of the bed. Sirius took the other side, and Peter leaned against the bedpost.

“You’re seventeen, Moony!” Sirius said, his smile large. He fought the urge to launch himself over the boy and hug him tightly.

Remus nodded, “I’ve heard.”

“How do you feel, old man?”

He scoffed, “Prongs, you’re turning seventeen in just a little over two weeks, too.”

James shrugged a shoulder, and reached a hand to ruffle Remus’ hair, “What matters is the spirit, and you, my friend, are an old soul.”

Remus chuckled, tossing his head back, and Sirius felt his heart skip a beat as the night sky pouring from the window illuminated his features.

“Aaand,” Peter started, ushering towards James’ bed and grabbing the three packages, “You’ve got presents!”

The boy rolled his eyes and sat up straight as Peter handed him the gifts, “I told you not to get me anything.”

“You say this every year, Moons,” Sirius said. “Not gonna happen.”

Remus shot him a reproachful look, but as he glanced down to start unwrapping his presents, he noticed the corners of the boy’s lips curled upwards. Sirius smiled.

“Wow, Wormy, you really know me well,” he said through a huffed laugh, putting up three Chocolate Frog boxes and a packet of Marlboro cigarettes. “Cheers, mate.”

Peter gave him a smile, puffing out his chest with pride.

“How did you get these fags, Pete?” James asked, “I’ve never seen you hold a single cigarette for you to know someone who sells them.”

“Remember the girl I took to the ball, Julie Thomas? A chimney, that one,” he told. “She helped me out.”

Remus gave him an appreciative grin, “Thank you, Pete.”

“Open mine, open mine!” James bounced up and down on the bed, tugging on Remus’ sleeve like a child.

He laughed and reached for the next present. “Blimey, Prongs! This is brilliant!”

James grinned triumphantly as Remus unrolled the large David Bowie poster. “Now you can finally decorate your side of the dorm a bit,” he said. “Apart from all these books, of course.”

Remus gave him a playful shove, and thanked him again, placing the now rolled image behind him.

James drummed his fingers rapidly in suspense on Sirius’ package, “Last one, tan-tan-taaan!”

Sirius rolled his eyes, trying to mask his nerves. It was two items, actually; one of them he was certain Moony would like. The other one was a risk, but he was hoping for the best.

Remus teared the wrapping paper, immediately opening up a large grin as his eyes met the chocolate bar. “I can't believe you!” He said, giggling. “How did you remember? And how did you get it? It’s always sold out!”

Sirius simply shrugged, mirroring Remus’ smile.

“What is it, Moony?” James asked, leaning forward so he could try and see better in the darkness of the room.

“It’s my favorite chocolate from Honeydukes. Wizochoc.”

“Yeah, but they always have it,” James said.

Sirius could see Remus’ hard roll of eyes in the shadows. “Not this flavour! It’s caramel and cherries,” he turned to Sirius, “Really, how did you get this? They never have it, I haven't eaten it in months.”

Well, truth be told, it had been almost impossible to get it. Honeydukes truly never had this specific flavour in stock. Sirius had spent the last three visits to Hogsmeade trying to bribe Mr. Flume to save him a bar whenever it arrived, but the old man wouldn't accept it. So, he had to wake up before sunrise one day in the last week and sneak to the village to buy the sweet as soon as it arrived. Mr. Flume’s face when he saw Sirius standing at his door at the crack of dawn was priceless.

“Guess I just got lucky,” he answered in nonchalance. He tapped the other item with his forefinger, “There's more.”

Remus shook his head in disbelief, a smile still painting his lips. Sirius could feel his cheeks turn scarlet, having never been so thankful for the darkness. The boy removed the wrapping from the record, holding it in both hands. “Rumours,” he read, “Fleetwood Mac.”

Sirius took his thumb to his mouth, biting his nail-- filthy habit, he knew, but he only did it when anxious. He tried to read Remus’ expression, but the boy only looked mildly curious.

“D’you like it?” He asked, voice low and soft.

“Never heard of them before, but it looks good,” he answered with a sweet turn of lips. “Thanks, Pads.”

Sirius gave him a short nod, not quite wanting to tear his eyes away from him. They held the contact until James stood up, suddenly, taking the record from Remus’ hand.

“Shall we play it, then?”

The three other boys nodded eagerly, and James crossed the room to the turntable by his bed. He placed the vinyl, telling them the first song was called ‘Second Hand News,’ according to the track list.

Peter had slid down to sit on the floor, leaned against Remus’ bed, and James had gone to lay on his own. Sirius lay across from Remus on the boy’s bed, his feet by his shoulder. He nudged him with his toe, receiving a slap atop, though Remus was chuckling. He propped himself back on his elbows, and reached for his new chocolate bar, tearing the package. He took a bite as he closed his eyes, and the look on his face as he savoured the sweet brought a grin to Sirius’ lips that seemed impossible to wash away.

Remus swallowed, and opened his eyes to see the silly look on Sirius’ face. He handed the bar to him, offering a piece. Sirius took it, not liking the chocolate at all and taking it to his mouth, fighting the urge to pull a face at the amount of sugar that had just touched his tongue.

“It’s _so_ good, isn't it?” Remus said, voice drunk with satisfaction.

“Best I’ve ever had.”

**-LILY-**

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” She exclaimed as she flung her arms around Remus’ shoulders. He stumbled back with the force of her embrace, and she felt him shake with laughter as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Thanks, Lils, thanks,” he said with his chin on her shoulder, the smile being heard in his voice. He coughed, “James has been teaching you how to hug, eh?”

“Sorry, sorry!” She said as they teared apart. “Rem, you’re seventeen! You’re of age-- well, only in the Wizarding World, but,” she waved a hand dismissively, letting the gesture complete the sentence.

His smile enlarged, and he gave a short nod. “Yeah, people’ve been reminding me of that fact all day.”

Lily chuckled softly. “So, where are you heading?”

“I’m meeting Mia at the greenhouses.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and quirked an eyebrow, and he laughed. “It’s my birthday present!” He explained, “You can come if you fancy.”

“Rem...”

He brought his palms in front of his chest. “Just offering.”

Lily glared at him for a moment, considering. She wanted to spend some time with him on his birthday-- he was her best friend, after all. He grinned slyly at her, and she rolled her eyes, giving in. “Fine, okay.” A zoot couldn't harm anyone.

She linked her arms with his and the pair headed to the school grounds.

“So, how’s your day going?”

“Great. The lads raided the kitchens and brought me breakfast in bed so I could sleep more,” he told, chuckling a bit. “Apart from that, it’s been a normal day, really. But it’s been great.”

She nodded. “And what did they get you?”

“Pete got me some chocolate and ciggies; James got me a wicked Bowie poster,” Remus said. Lily already knew about James’ present, and smiled contently, “It’s already up on the wall.”

“And Sirius?”

He shot her a half-scolding look, and she snickered. “He got me my favorite chocolate. And a record, too.”

“He got you _that_ chocolate?! That one you never shut up about?”

He scoffed and nodded slowly. “Yes, that one.”

“Wow. Romantic.”

“Oh, come off it! It was a mate thing, I’m sure. I would've done the same.”

“Of course _you_ would, Remus.”

He barked out a laugh, bringing his free hand to his chest, and Lily joined him in the guffaw.

“What about the record?”

“Oh, it's by this band, Fleetwood Mac. I had never heard about them before.”

Lily stopped in her tracks. “Wait. Couldn't possibly be ‘Rumours,’ right?”

Remus fixed her with a confused look, eyebrows drawn together. “Yeah, it’s that one. Why?”

She tugged on his sleeve, her jaw fallen open. “My god, Remus, that record came out, like, last month! It must've been impossible to find!”

“Oh...”

“Not to mention expensive!” She continued, “You have to let me have a listen!”

“‘C-course, Lils,” he blinked, continuing to walk now. “I didn't know you were a fan.”

“I sure am! Mary is the biggest, though-- worships the floor Stevie Nicks walks on. She was the one who introduced them to me. Probably did the same to Sirius.”

Remus nodded slowly, frowning. He kept his gaze on the ground before them, and Lily realised what she had said.

“Rem, you know this means nothing.”

“N-no, yeah, I know.”

“Good. You’d be mental to think he still fancies Mary. He probably just got you the record ‘cause he figured you’d like it.”

He gave her a nod again, and they continued in silence until they met Mia leaned against the sixth greenhouse’s wall. As soon as she spotted the two, her lips parted into a grin, and she opened her arms, welcoming Remus in a hug.

“Ready to get stoned, birthday boy?”

It was a strange feeling. Lily had never smoked weed before-- would only have a few drags of someone else’s cigarette once in a while. Halfway through their first shared spliff, she already started feeling lightheaded, her eyelids heavier, her lips loosen.

“Someone’s a lightweight,” Mia remarked, a loose grin on her own lips.

Lily blinked, feeling all her reactions coming out slower than usual. She smiled widely, and Remus and Mia giggled.

“How’s your first time getting high going, Lilith?” Remus asked softly, taking a puff on the joint.

She bowed, her mouth dry. “Briiilliant.”

Time seemed to fly with a spliff between fingers, Lily quickly realised, and in a blink of an eye the sky told them it was nighttime. That meant it was time for Remus’ surprise party.

The trio walked back to the castle in a slow pace, dragging their feet on the ground, giggling to each other. Remus threw his arms around the girls’ shoulders,

“Thank you, _cara Mia,_ ” he said, red eyed and a lazy smile across his face. “I needed this.”

Mia bowed in reverence, “You deserved it, birthday boy.”

As they reached the portrait hole, it took them longer than usual to remember the password. They laughed at each other at each failed attempt to get in, making the Fat Lady red with anger and impatience. Fortunately, Marlene arrived with Dorcas for their rescue.

“Ha,” she barked out a laugh, looking mostly at Lily. “That’s a vision I thought I’d never see, Ms. Prefect.”

Marlene announced the correct password, and the Fat Lady gave them a sharp sigh and a roll of the eyes before allowing them in. As soon as they stepped into the room, the Gryffindor tower erupted with cheers, confettis and a loud “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REMUS!” In unison. Remus’ cheeks had taken a dark tone of red, his smile so wide it could split his face in two, eyes lidded. Lily caught sight of Sirius waving his wand in the direction of the record player, and ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA echoed through the room, making Remus laugh soundly as the lyrics told him, _‘You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.’_

The three marauders and Mary ushered in their direction, each taking their turn to envelop Remus in a warm, fond hug.

James took both of the boy’s hands, swaying them back and forth. “You can dance, Moony! You can jive!” He sang over the music. Peter gave him a half-hug, though still affectionate nonetheless.

Mary embraced him in a tight hug, swinging her arms over his shoulders and rocking their bodies left and right. As they teared apart, she shoved a goblet in his hands filled with a bright orange liquid. “I took charge of the punch this time, don’t worry,” she said, wryly, giving Lily a wink. “Happy birthday, lovie.”

And then came Sirius, looking rather timid, a sheepish smile on the mouth. He seemed awkward for a moment, not quite knowing what to do, until his grin enlarged and he pulled Remus into a hug. A look of surprise flashed across Remus’ eyes for a brief second before he relaxed into the boy’s embrace, giggling against his shoulder.

“Happy birthday, Moonbeam,” Sirius said to him, ever so sweetly, a tone Lily had never heard from him before, his voice coming out muffled.

“You’ve already wished me a happy birthday.”

Sirius backed away just slightly, his hands now on Remus’ forearms. He beamed at him, pink cheeked, and placed a fallen brown curl behind Remus’ ear, so very gently, as if Remus was the most precious thing in the world. Lily suddenly felt like she was interrupting something, but being nosey like she was, she stood there observing them without the subtlety sobriety offered. It seemed so intimate, gestures that spoke the words both mouths couldn't.

“And I’ll wish you more until midnight,” Sirius said. “After that, you can fuck off.”

Remus tossed his head back, cackling at full volume, and Lily was impressed by the fact that Sirius’ smile could grow even bigger. Challenging nature, surely.

**-REMUS-**

Being high and drunk was always a dangerous combination, but it was his birthday-- Remus allowed himself. The band had pulled their usual outstanding performance, this time playing Remus’ favorite songs, such as Ramble On, Good Times Bad Times, Seven Seas of Rhye, The Prettiest Star, Maybe I’m A Leo and his two own.

And it was like always; Sirius being the magnetic presence that he was and always had been, so enchanting, so addicting, so utterly _him._ Remus wondered if he would ever get enough. Even heavy eyed, his gaze was still glued on the boy, shocking a total of no person. And Sirius would return it, and they would communicate through it-- well, at least Remus would. He would try to say it, try to tell him everything; _‘You and I will rise up all the way, all because of what you are, the prettiest star,’ ‘Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new.’_

 _“Please, Sirius,”_ his eyes begged, _“Understand.”_

And the answer would be a smile. That smile. The smile across rosy lips that melted his insides completely. It seemed enough-- it _felt_ like enough. But Remus knew it would never be.

“I have to tell him,” he told Lily, decisively, an hour after the band had wrapped up the show. “I can’t do this anymore, Lily. I have to tell him.”

The redhead, a tad more sober now, widened her eyes. “R-Rem, calm down...”

“No!” He shrieked, tone higher than he had calculated. He leaned closer to her, softening his voice, “No. I-I can't, Lily.”

“Remus, you’re not in the right state for this...”

“And when will I be?! There’s no ‘right state,’ Lily. And I thought that's what you wanted all along.”

“I want you to tell him,” she said. “I do. But I want you to _talk_ to him, not just spit out that you fancy him while being stoned _and_ drunk and expect him to just deal with it; because knowing you the way that I do you’d just spill it all out and leave as soon as the words left your mouth.”

When he didn't respond, she continued, “You’re the master of common sense, Remus. Don't do something you know you’ll regret later. You’d hate yourself for it. You two need to sit and talk, I’m sure he has a lot to say to you, too.”

He sneered, “Yeah, something along the lines of ‘Sorry, mate, but I’m straight and you’re being weird. Never gonna happen.’”

“Oh, you’re so ridiculous!” She exclaimed, indignantly. “I swear I feel like you try to be this oblivious! You should wash your mouth after all the bullshit you just said!”

“Lily...”

“No, no,” she cut him off, “I need a drink. You just got me sobered up with this whole thing. God, you’re annoying.”

She left him standing alone and he watched her make her way to punch bowl. After a beat, Remus laughed at himself and at her. He knew Lily always meant it in the right way, never wanted to hurt him, and she never did. It was rare for Lily to lose her temper with him, that’s why every time she did Remus would find it hilarious. But she was right to-- he knew that. It’s just... Christ, how could he resist? How had he been resisting? Resisting the urge to shove Sirius against the wall and snog him senselessly, and tell just _tell him_. _“It’s you,”_ he would say, _“It has always been you, and I hate that. But it is. It's you, Sirius.”_

As if summoned, the one person who Remus couldn't be around when under the influence appeared beside him, and Lily’s voice echoed inside his head, ‘You’re not in the right state for this.’

“Hiya, Moony,” Sirius beamed, leaning sideways against the wall with such casualty only he could master.

“H-hi, Pads.”

Sirius analyzed his face for a moment that felt like too long, the thick air pressing Remus against the brick wall. Sirius opened a slow, dopey smile, his cheeks forming dimples. Lovely. So very lovely.

“Happy birthday, Rem.”

Remus chuckled, heat creeping up his face. “Is it not midnight yet?”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder, “Still got about five minutes.”

“Five minutes,” he repeated, giving a slow nod. Five minutes. How much could he change in five minutes? How much could he _say_ in five minutes? How much could he _do?_

He brought his eyes up to meet Sirius, whose own were watching him closely, searching his face. It was frightening how well he could read him with just one look, with just one gaze. Remus felt small under the steel-toned glare, like Sirius was seeing all the unsaid words his brain was forcing to stay inside.

Would it always be like this? Would there be a breaking point where he wouldn't be able to take it anymore? Remus’ lips trembled with all the words and feelings wanting to come out. He knew, under Sirius’ glare, they would always be on the cusp of falling out of his mouth. Remus didn't know how long he would be able to keep it in, and every second seemed too long. Every second felt like a battle in itself.

He shook it off. “Thanks for the gifts, by the way. You truly didn't have to.”

“Remus, when will you understand? I always have to.”

“You don't, Sirius. Really. I know it must've been hard to get both the chocolate and the record. You didn't have to go through such work.”

“Of course I did,” he said, simply. “And then what, miss the look on your face? I could never give that up.”

Remus rolled his eyes, trying to mask his uneasiness with the boy’s statement. He took a sip of his drink, occupying his mouth so it wouldn't do something stupid.

Sirius continued after his silence, “And I know you’d do the same for me.”

“I would,” he responded, not missing a beat. He cursed himself for his agitation, almost bringing his hand up to his chest to try and steady his rapid heartbeat. He cleared his throat, trying to seem the most casual possible. “I would,” he repeated, running his ring finger on the rim of his cup. “I really would, Padfoot.”

The big clock on the wall chimed midnight, and Sirius quickly glanced up at it, returning his eyes to Remus right after. He grinned from ear to ear, “Right. Fuck off.”

Remus laughed loudly, nudging Sirius on the shoulder. He stumbled back a few steps, giving a gasp of faux offence, and shoved Remus back, who shoved him again, and received it back once more, none of them having thought about the lack of balance that came with being this intoxicated until Remus nudged Sirius’ shoulder a little too hard and he fell on his back in full force in the middle of the common room.

Remus took both hands up to his mouth. “Holy shit, Pads, fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“Well, give me a hand, will you?” Sirius said from the floor, the right side of his lips crooked up.

He nodded quickly, stepping closer and putting out his hand. Sirius grabbed his wrist, and for a split second he gestured to stand up, and Remus pulled, until Sirius yanked him back much more strongly, and he practically dived onto the ground, falling half on top of him.

His nose was inches away from the floor, and he could feel Sirius’ chest shaking with guffaw. He looked up at him. “What’s your problem?” He said, trying to sound indignant, albeit his own chuckles came out anyway.

“Payback,” Sirius answered simply, glancing up at the high ceiling. “If I’m going down, you go down with me, Rem, it’s how it works.”

And then he shifted his gaze, turning his head to the side, and their eyes met. Remus suddenly felt drunk with something so much different and much more powerful than a mere alcoholic substance. It felt like the room was now empty, only the two of them, laying on the middle of the fucking floor. Remus couldn't concentrate in anything else but Sirius’ glare, his sharp features so close to his, his chest going up and down as he inhaled and exhaled right below his own, and his heartbeat under his arm, rapid thuds against his ribcage. Remus wondered if that was really Sirius’ or if his own heart rate was so hasty he could feel it all over his body. Sirius’ eyelashes fluttered as he blinked, and Remus felt his breath hitch.

“Sirius...”

“Oi, you two!” A voice called. And it was broken. Again and again. How many times would it break? How many times would they be on the edge of something and then suddenly weren't anymore? In this state, Remus wouldn't mind crashing his lips into Sirius’ in front of everyone, tangled together on the floor. He was right _there_. So _close_. Always so close, but never close enough.

James appeared above them, an amused look on his face. “Aw, look at you, how cute!”

Remus sat up at once, making sure not a single part of his body was still touching Sirius.

“What do you want, James?” Sirius snarled through gritted teeth, the heels of his palms rubbing his eyes. Remus glanced off quickly.

“You were laying on the floor like two absolute nutters,” James explained as if it was obvious. “And Black Dog is playing, Padfoot. It’s your song.”

James nudged Sirius’ shoulder with his toe, analysed the pair for a moment and left with a half-confused, half-‘yeah, sure, makes sense’ look on his face. Remus sighed deeply, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment, trying to get his mind back in place. He got to his feet slowly, and brushed his hands over the back of his thighs. Sirius had then removed his hands from his eyes, and was observing him almost as if carefully, eyebrows knitted together.

The corner of Remus’ lips twitched, and he put out his hand. “This time, do get up.”

Sirius blinked, looking bemused. But then, he smiled greatly, and took Remus’ hand, the contact sending a cold shiver down his spine, everything feeling like way too much all of a sudden. He pulled Sirius to his feet, now a smirk playing on the boy’s lips.

By the time Sirius decided he was done torturing Remus with his eyes, Black Dog had come to an end, and Rock and Roll blasted through James’ turntable.

“You made me miss my song!” Sirius whined.

He sneered, “That was on you! If you weren't such a tosser you’d’ve been able to enjoy your dear and beloved song.”

Sirius snickered, and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, pulling on it slightly and nodding to the dance floor behind him, “C’mon, you gotta dance with me now.”

“I’m not dancing with you.” _‘Can’t he take a fucking hint?!’_

“Yes, you are. You owe me for this scandalous fall.”

Remus scoffed loudly, “Ha, you’re funny. It’s my birthday, in case you have forgotten.”

The boy gave him a wry tight smile. “Not anymore, Moons. C’mon-”

“Sirius, forget it,” he said through a huffed laugh, slipping away from his grab. “I’m not dancing.”

He brought his palms up to the front of his chest defensively, and started backing away, though still facing Remus. “Fine, fine. But you owe me a dance now.”

Remus breathed out a laugh through his nose, “Yeah, sure.”

Sirius pointed a finger, strides away now, “You can bet your arse you’ll dance with me, Remus Lupin. You’ll see.”

He turned away at last, finally breaking the glare, and Remus allowed himself to watch him dance for a moment, swaying his hips and tossing his long hair back and forth, grinning widely with not a single care in the world. Remus glanced off and shut his eyes closed, breathing in deeply.

He decided to get himself another cup of Mary’s punch, and hated himself for, even after such frustration, still having a silly smile on his lips.

_Oh seems so long since we walked in the moonlight_

_Making vows that just can't work right, oh yeah_

_Open your arms, open your arms_

_Open your arms, baby, let love come running in, yeah_

_It's been a long time, been a long time_

_Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time_


	23. Chapter 23: Eyeliner and Serenades

**-MARLENE-**

March of 1977 went by swiftly for Marlene, with the amount of gigs they had scheduled for the month, all the old and new songs the band had been working feverishly on and, to top it all, their actual school careers they had to commit to, with essays to hand in and classes to attend. In a blink of an eye, it was the first week of April, with Potter’s and Dorcas’ birthdays already in the past. James had wished for a big party, with all the amount of students the Gryffindor common room could handle. They drank, sang, played, danced, and overall just had a blast, celebrating their youths. For Dorcas’ birthday, not even a week later, her girlfriend had opted for the complete opposite-- nothing big, just a day in, relaxing in her dorm and listening to her favorite records; spending some time together; and later on the evening joining the rest of their friends for a couple of drinks and some party games, accompanied by some food the boys had nicked from the kitchens and music straight from James’ turntable.

Marlene was always prone to a party-- smaller than what Potter and Black would find appropriate, of course-- but still a great celebration. Dorcas, on the other hand, was never the biggest fan. It wasn't that she didn't like it; she did, but if she could choose for her own birthday party, she would always prefer something more intimate with the people she loved.

That's one of the things Marlene loved the most about her; how every person in her life held such an important and special place in the girl’s heart; how she cherished all her friends and family, treating everyone with so much love and kindness, always. Sometimes Marlene felt like Dorcas was too good for her. But then again, Dorcas was probably too good for anyone, really; and if she had chosen Marlene to be too good for, then Marlene would be more than happy to be that one.

And it was easy being with Dorcas. It had always been. At the start, before they had gotten together, it had been hard. Not hard, specifically-- weird. But once they became _something_ ; a duo; a couple-- once they became _Dorcas and Marlene_ \-- it was suddenly so easy. Dorcas was kind, gentle; Marlene wouldn't choose those particular words to describe herself, really. They understood each other. If they fought, they would talk about it and solve the problem, or at least try to. Dorcas would understand her point, Marlene would understand hers. If Marlene felt a certain way about something, she would tell Dorcas about it, and so would happen the other way around.

Because that's how it’s supposed to be, isn't it? When two people like each other, they talk about it. If two people like each other, they get together. They become _something._ Why and how would that be so difficult?

Perhaps she was being too thick, she knew that. Yeah, not every relationship would be like hers; not always it would be easy. Yeah, yeah, sure, okay. But, for fuck’s sake, sometimes it felt like people tried to make it difficult. It’s like they tried to be oblivious, to not see what’s right under their noses.

Mary took ages to truly acknowledge her feelings for Mia, and then a good other age to do something about it. Sirius and Remus... just the thought of those two lovesick pricks made her skin itch. Yes, okay, Marlene had her own rule; _mind your own business._ But she was starting to consider breaking it, truth be told.

She always cared about her friends and their lives, but always to a certain degree. She never overstepped, never crossed the line-- of that she always made sure. It wasn't that she didn't care, really; of course she did. Of course she worried, of course she got concerned. But she always figured if it was big and serious enough for herto know, they would come and tell her. Sometimes she would ask about it, but usually that's how it worked.

But with this whole Sirius and Remus thing... Ugh, it was just annoying. How could two people who were clearly head over heels about each other not just be together? It didn't make sense. What’s so complicated about that?

“And that’s the thing, you see. You’d _think_ I’d want to be snogging someone right now- I mean, come on, it’s _me_. But I don't want to! And that’s where it gets complicated. James is already suspecting that I’m fancying someone just because of that, and it won't take Remus too long to start finding that weird too...”

Marlene made a noise of agreement, but her attention had been long gone. She continued to tear on her sandwich, taking piece by piece to her mouth, her back flat on the mattress, eyes on the ceiling.

“And now I don't know what to do! Should I find someone to snog and have a good cover? I mean, that Ahmed Farsi is pretty fit, isn't he?” Sirius continued, gesturing wildly with his hands while still working on his reflection in the mirror. He grunted loudly, “Ugh, but I don't want to! And I don't want Moony to think I’m unavailable- it's not like that would change anything... but still, y’know. What do you think?”

“Mm?”

“Did you hear anything I said?” He asked, impatiently.

She propped herself up on her elbows, looking down at him with his legs crossed in front of the mirror. “Y-yeah, sure,” she mumbled.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Really? What did I just say, then?”

“You just asked me if I had heard anything you’d said.”

“Oh, fuck off,” he said with a tone of humour, returning his gaze to the mirror.

Marlene flopped back down. “Oh, come on, Black, you know how I think everything you’re saying is stupid.”

“Why would it be stupid?!”

“ _Because,_ ” she propped herself up again, huffing, “you know exactly what I think you should do; tell him how you feel, and then he tells you he feels the same, you snog senselessly and walk through the sunset with your hands tied. Pretty simple.”

“It’s not that simple, McKinnon,” he said.

“Actually, it is. You just don't wanna see it because you're a stubborn git. But, hey, what's new.”

He looked back at her and snorted, rolling his eyes. She sat up, drawing her legs off his bed. “Wait, let me look at you.” His head turned to her again, and she stifled a laugh. “Merlin, Black, you look like a raccoon!” She headed to his bathroom and grabbed some tissues.

“Is it that bad?” He asked, analyzing himself in the mirror.

“Yes,” she answered through a little chuckle. She sat in from of him, cross-legged, and brought her hand up to his chin, tilting it up. “You told me you knew how to do eyeliner,” she said, rubbing his eyes with the tissue.

“I thought I did!” He said, lifting his shoulders. “It looked easy whenever I saw MacDonald do it.”

She shook her head, giggling at him. They stayed in silence while she removed the mess from his eyes.

“The lads would pay big money to see you like this,” she said, almost done now.

He huffed out a laugh, “I know. James would never get over it.”

Once all the black ink removed, she grabbed his chin again, moving his head side to side, analyzing her work. She picked up the eyeliner pen. “Okay, now stay still. I’ll do it for you.”

Sirius gave her a short nod, the corners of his lips turning upwards at her gesture.

The two remained quiet as Marlene concentrated on his eyelids. She wasn't as good with makeup as Mary, but she could do a pretty good job if she tried.

“Where are they, anyway?” She asked after telling the boy to look up, applying ink to his waterlines. “Weird seeing you on your own. You lot are always planning something.”

“I’m not on my own, I’m with you!” He said, touching her knee. “You’re always my first priority, buttercup.”

She gave his hand a slap, and he snatched it away. “I swear I _will_ kill you someday.”

Sirius shook with silent laughter. He sighed, “Well, if you must know; Jamesies is with our dearest Lilith,” he started. Sirius, always with the nicknames. “Wormy-boy is in detention and Rem said he was meeting Mia and Mary for a spliff.”

“I see,” she said. “Why didn't you go with him?”

“With who?”

“Remus. You should've gone with him and the girls.”

“Why? That would've looked like some type of double-date, wouldn't it?”

Marlene exhaled deeply and exaggeratedly, and he stared at her for a moment before clapping his mouth with his hand.

“I can’t believe how bad you are at this.”

“Fuck, I’m so stupid!”

“I know.”

He went to cover his eyes with his hands, but she grabbed his wrists and put them down. “Stop, I’m not done.”

He sighed heavily, “I’m terrible at this.”

“I don't remember you struggling with girls.”

“Yeah, because I didn't actually like them, did I? So I never cared enough,” he explained. “And plus, they would always come to me. I never had to try.”

Marlene didn't respond, and gave his makeup a few last touches.

“Right, you’re done.”

Sirius turned his head to the mirror, and smiled broadly. “Ah, Marley, what would I do without you?”

“Die, probably,” she returned, wryly. “I hate to admit it, but you look pretty hot.”

He looked back at her, and gave a smug smirk. “Why, thank you. You know, if we weren't both as gay as we are, I think we’d make a really good couple.”

She took her hand up to her mouth and faked a gag. “Don’t say something disgusting like this without a warning.”

Sirius laughed loudly, and they both went to sit on his bed. Sirius sprawled on the mattress, and Marlene sat cross-legged by the end of the bed, leaned against the frame. She grabbed another one of the sandwiches from the plate they had brought up from the kitchens, and started tearing on it again, piece by piece.

He tutted. “Can you _not_ eat like a bird? You’re getting bread crumbs all over my bed.”

“Sorry, _Your Highness_ ,” she mocked, switching to bites now. She took a deep breath before saying, “I really think you should talk to him, y’know.”

He snorted, “Fat chance.”

“Black, it might surprise you!”

“It won't surprise me, McKinnon,” he said, sitting up. “I know exactly how it would go; I would pour my heart out to him, and he would pat my shoulder and politely reject me.”

“But what if he doesn't? What if he doesn't reject you? What if he does the complete opposite?” She tried, a tone of impatience already in her voice. “I swear, you and Mary sound like the same person...”

Sirius scoffed, “Yeah, the difference is we won't have the same outcome.”

“But why?!”

“Because it doesn't work like that!” Sirius raised his voice, his eyes wide. He sounded desperate, like he had been going over this a million times in his head already and didn't want to think about it again. “It worked for you and Dorcas, and for James and Lily, and for Mia and Mary, but it won't work for _me_. It doesn't work for everyone. The world is not a fairytale, Marlene-- if there's something I had to learn very early on, it was this. Not everyone gets what they want, and _I_ certainly _don't_. I just... I just have to get over him. And I will. Someday. I hope.”

Marlene stared at him with her lips slightly parted, her heart aching for the boy in from of her. She knew who was to blame for this. His family. Those vile people who cursed his heart ever since he was just a young boy, simply because he was different than them.

Sirius ran away, thank Merlin (after he had owled her about it over the previous summer, she finally had a good night’s sleep during those two months apart, after years of not sleeping properly-- worrying about him), but his family, his _mother_ , were still ghosts from his past who haunted him every day. And it pained Marlene to see them come to the surface. To see the look on his face whenever his mother’s voice echoed in his head-- telling him he wasn't deserving of nothing good just because he was who he was. Just because he was Sirius.

“That’s not true, Sirius...”

“It is to me,” he said, voice lower and short now. “And it doesn't matter how much I like him, we-”

The door sprung open all of a sudden, cutting Sirius off. They both turned to see Remus walking, ever so slowly, into the room, his eyes red and lidded. He gazed at the pair and opened a dopey, great grin,

“Hiya!”

“Well hello, Mr. Lupin,” Marlene said, and his smile widened. “Had fun?”

He nodded, “Yup, sure d-”

Remus’ voice suddenly chocked as his eyes went from Marlene to Sirius. His lips closed and opened, as if not quite knowing what to say, what to make of the sight. His heavy eyes were wider than what would be normal for someone in his situation. Marlene stifled a laugh.

“Hi, Moony,” Sirius said, softly.

“H-hi, erm. W-what’s that on your...” He mumbled, half-heartedly gesturing to the other boy’s face.

Sirius blinked, and moved his fingers to just under his eyes. “O-oh, it’s, uhm, it’s eyeliner. McKinnon and I were trying some things out,” he responded with a timid smile. “Why, does it look bad?”

“No!” Remus almost shouted, shaking his head vigorously. When Sirius seemed to be surprised by his reaction, he widened his eyes at himself and cleared his throat. “N-no,” he said in a much flatter tone, wanting to sound calm and nonchalant. Marlene snorted, not able to control herself. “No, uhm... i-it looks great. You look great.”

“Oh,” Sirius’ cheeks had turned deep scarlet, and his lips were twisting into a smirk. “Cheers, Moons.”

Remus nodded. Marlene found herself in-between an intense glare between the two. Sirius looking at him through narrow eyes, certainly using his charming-gaze, tilting his head a bit to the side. Remus, completely hypnotized.

Marlene cleared her throat loudly, and Remus blinked.

“I, er,” he started, backing away to his bed. “I’m just gonna, uhm...” He didn't finish his phrase, and rapidly climbed into his bed, closing the curtains shut after him.

She covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to burst out laughing. Sirius noticed, and gave her arm a light slap, his own lips turning up. “Stop!” He whispered loudly, a laugh behind his words.

She closed her eyes and concentrated. After a few beats, she breathed in and out deeply, and opened her eyes to find Sirius laid back on the bed, one arm behind his head, a sly smirk on the lips.

She rolled her eyes and drew her legs out of the bed. “You can thank me later,” she said, standing up. “See you.”

He sat up at once, grabbing her wrist, “Wait, you can't _go!_ ”

She furrowed her eyebrows, “Why not?”

“ _Because,_ ” he hissed, nodding towards Remus’s bed. “You can't leave me here alone with _him_. Dangerous territory, McKinnon. Dangerous. Territory.”

She analyzed his face for a moment, more for the torture than anything, really. She sighed, “Fine, but _you_ ’ll come with _me_. Your room stinks.”

He gave her a grateful smile and got to his feet. He quickly put on his shoes and they headed out the dorm.

“So, what are we doing?” He asked, too cheerfully for Marlene's liking.

“We are going to work,” she responded, flatly.

When he grunted in disapproval, she added, sassily, “Not my fault you’re a sappy git and write too many love songs. Come on.”

**-JAMES-**

After spending over two hours with Lily, James was sure of what he was going to do. He had already been thinking about it, but that particular afternoon was just the confirmation. It was probably a stupid idea, he knew, but it was entirely _him_. It was James in every sense of the word. It would be so silly and embarrassing. He couldn't wait.

He walked Lily to the her dorm, while she continued to tell him how she would prank her sister, Petunia, with magic when they were growing up. She didn't quite understand what she was doing and why it was happening, but if she concentrated just enough, whenever Petunia got on her nerves she would wake up the next day with her hair a vibrant green shade. Lily would do this all the time, sometimes even when she wasn't angry at all; merely when bored. That was until one day Petunia woke up entirely green from head to toe. Lily never got grounded for it, since no one knew-- herself included-- that she was a witch. The next day, Petunia was back to normal, but Lily never tried it again.

“It traumatized me!” She said through a chuckle, “Imagine if one day I couldn't get her back to normal and she stayed green forever!”

“How did you even do it?!” James asked, utterly amused.

“I don't know! I remember the first time I did she had stolen one of my favorite dresses,” she said, laughing. “I was so mad. I kept thinking of ways to get her back, but I couldn't. I think then I just started having crazy ideas, like turning her hair green. The next day, it was done. Mind you, I was seven; she was nine. It was hilarious.”

James fell into fits of laughter, and she joined him. Hanging out with Lily was so much better than what he had imagined it to be. Yeah, she was beautiful, but that was nothing new to him-- he had been very aware of that since they were twelve. But she was so insanely funny, and could deliver a joke like no one. She was also incredibly smart, but different than what he would see during class; Lily was witty, quick on her toes. She always seemed genuinely interested in whatever he had to say, and would ask questions about his family and his childhood-- truly wanting to get to know him better.

He always knew she was beautiful, but how rare was it for someone to be just as, if not even more, endearing on the inside?

And James wanted to kiss her. Merlin, he wanted it so bad. But he also wanted it to be perfect-- yes, the lads teased him for it. But they needed to understand; James had been trying to get a chance with Lily for ages now, he couldn't fuck it up. He couldn't just go in for a kiss. What if she thought he was just taking advantage of her? What if she thought that was all he wanted?

He couldn't _just do it_. It had to be perfect.

And he had the perfect idea.

They reached Lily’s dorm. They smiled sheepishly at each other, both pink cheeked. He leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“See you at dinner?” He asked, sweetly.

She smiled. “Yeah, see you.”

Lily gave him a little wave as she stepped into the room, and closed the door after her. He breathed in deeply, thinking of her green, emerald eyes and auburn hair. He grinned to himself.

He walked a few strides to the door on the left to Lily’s and knocked, confidently.

“Come on in!” A voice called from inside. Mary’s. Perfect.

He opened the oak-wood door, the big grin still on his face, stretching from ear to ear. He walked over to Mia’s bed, where the two girls were sitting closely together.

“Potter? Hi,” Mia said, frowning a bit in confusion. “Anything wrong?”

“Everything amazing, my darlings! Marvelous, wondrous, brilliant!”

“You sound like a lunatic,” Mary remarked, mockingly.

His smile broadened, and the two girls stared at him bemusedly. He scurried over to Mia’s bed and sat by the end of it. The girls still looked slightly frightened.

“Mia, you like Dolly Parton, don't you?” He asked, earnestly now.

“Erm... yes?”

He clapped his hands together. “Perfect!” He took her hand, “I need your help.”

**-REMUS-**

The Gryffindor tower was packed, as to be expected. Students from all houses, from the ages of fourteen to eighteen (not to mention a particular group of second year Ravenclaws that, somehow, _always_ managed to sneak in).

Abaffiato was stepping on the stage, and Remus rushed to the audience with his now-full punch cup (Mary had really become a punch-master. She was now the only one allowed to prepare the drink). He joined the girls at the dance floor, and they greeted him with a big, slightly intoxicated, smile. He looked up at the stage, and Sirius was already positioned in front of the microphone.

Fuck.

Honestly, who was the fucking genius who invented eyeliner? Christ. It shouldn't be legal. Remus would never get away with staring this much. Sirius was already a sight for sore eyes, always had been, but, bloody hell, with _eyeliner?_

The boy gave him a sly grin from the stage, surely knowing full well how good he looked, and they started the show.

The setlist was no surprise, at this point. It was as good as ever-- with Led Zeppelin, Queen, Bowie; and Sirius’ and Remus’ songs. Sirius, then, introduced a new song of his, called ‘Parents,’ and it was easy to instantly see what the song was about. Sirius sang about his family-- his _parents_. Their manipulation and abuse; their immorality. He seemed to be having fun-- calling out his family like that, while doing something he loved so much.

_My daddy put his wand to my head_

_Said "if you kiss a boy I'm gonna curse you dead"_

_So I tied him up with gaffa tape_

_And I locked him in a shed_

_Then I went out to the garden_

_And I fucked my best friend_

There were some gasps from the crowd, Remus heard them. Sirius probably did, too, because he laughed into the music after that.

_'Cause my_

_High hopes are getting low because these people are so old_

_The way they think about it all_

_If I tried I would never know_

_My high hopes are getting low_

_But I know I'll never be alone_

_It's alright, we'll survive_

_'Cause parents ain't always right_

He looked so happy, so pleased with himself. Strutting across the stage in his own way, looking however he wanted to look. The biggest ‘fuck you’ to his family. Remus smiled at him, his eyes full of fondness.

After that, they sang two more Bowie songs, and finally wrapped up with ‘High Voltage’ by AC/DC. The crowd cheered as they bowed, but as Marlene made her way to the little flight of stairs, Sirius and Peter in tow, James stepped into the microphone,

“H-hi,” he said, his cheeks burning red. The three other band members turned to him, looking confused. “Hello, everyone. I would like to ask for your attention for a moment. I saved the best part of the show for last.”

Sirius approached him on stage, and they whispered feverishly to each other for a while until Sirius gave him a big smile, clapped him on the shoulder and left the stage with Marlene and Peter.

They joined Remus and the girls at the dance floor.

“What the fuck?” Remus asked them.

“Prongsie-boy has prepared a little surprise, apparently,” Sirius said as he crossed his arms over his chest, taking his spot beside Remus.

“Surprise?” Lily asked, quizzically. She looked rather concerned, too.

“This song is for a very special person,” James said from the stage. James Potter, looking shy. There was clearly a first time for everything. “I hope she likes it. This is for you, Lily.”

Lily’s jaw fell open, and her cheeks had taken the color of her hair. The group was just as shocked, and stared at each other as James played his first chords.

“Oh, my god,” Lily said, her eyes on James. He had the biggest smile on the lips, his hair as messy as ever.

“He’s gonna sing, isn't he?” Remus said.

“Yup,” Mary chimed in knowingly, eyes twinkling.

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man_

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_Please don't take him just because you can_

“ _What?_ ” Lily asked, more to herself than to anyone.

“Is this Dolly Parton?” Marlene said, chuckling.

Mia nodded eagerly, a smirk playing on her lips.

James’ voice wasn't too bad. It was more raspy and out of tune-- not as smooth and angelic as Sirius’-- but it was decent; decent to the point that it surprised Remus, who was expecting a big disaster.

_Your beauty is beyond compare_

_With flaming locks of auburn hair_

_With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green_

“Oh my god,” Sirius snorted, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Did he understand the whole song wrong?” Marlene asked, humorously.

_Your smile is like a breath of spring_

_Your voice is soft like summer rain_

_And I cannot compete with you_

_Jolene_

“We tried telling him this wasn't _exactly_ what you’d call a love song,” Mia said. “But he just kept banging on how Lily was Jolene and it was just perfect.”

_You could have your choice of men_

_But I could never love again_

_He's the only one for me_

_Jolene_

“Are Prongs and Evans fighting over a bloke and we understood this whole thing wrong?” Sirius teased, making everyone giggle.

Except for Lily, whose face was unreadable. She had her eyes locked with James’, her lips agape and cheeks crimson. It reminded Remus very much of someone...

He smiled.

_I had to have this talk with you_

_My happiness depends on you_

_And whatever you decide to do_

_Jolene_

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man_

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene_

_Please don't take him even though you can_

_Jolene, Jolene_

James played the last riffs to his serenade, and the common room erupted into applause and whistles. But he only had eyes for Lily, who seemed to be completely frozen.

The group smiled at the two of them expectantly. James looked nervous like never before, something only Lily could do to him. They stared at each other for a long moment, and he raised his eyebrows at her.

Then, she smiled greatly. Lily made rapid strides to the stage, climbing the few steps quickly. James and her stood in front of each other for a few seconds, both looking awkward, until she enveloped him in a tight, warm hug. The look of relief in James’ face was priceless. He embraced her back, swiping her off her feet. His famous James Potter hugs.

Lily pulled apart with a big smile, and cupped his face as she brought their lips together, and the room felt like it was going to explode as every single body applauded and cheered. Their friend group hugged in victory, with Sirius shouting “Finally!” With a grin splitting his face in two.

“I can't believe it worked!” Mary exclaimed, cheerfully.

“It's the Potter charm,” Sirius remarked looking proud.

They all looked back at the stage, and Lily and James were smiling foolishly at each other, holding hands and trading kisses. At last, James teared his eyes away from the redhead and gazed at his friends. His grin only widened, and he gave the boys a thumbs up with his free hand, and they laughed in tenderness.

_Finally, Prongs, you gentleman,_ Remus thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sirius sings 'parents' by YUNGBLUD (lyrics changed slightly so they would fit better)


	24. Chapter 24: Taps and Spies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: homophobia  
> please be kind to yourself

**-SIRIUS-**

“Padfoot...”

Sirius lazily grumbled in response.

“Come on, Padfoot, we’ll be late.”

Another grumble.

The velvet curtains parted, allowing the morning's light to pour into his vision. Sirius threw an arm over his eyes, the other reaching for the drapes, trying to close them back.

“Sirius, we’ll be late for breakfast,” James said, rather impatiently now, “I can't skip it, I have Quidditch practice before lunch -- which _you_ ’d understand if you hadn't dropped out this year.”

“Josi Shankar is just as good as a beater as me,” he answered, groggy with sleep and nausea.

James sighed, and gave his covered leg a nudge. “Come on, mate. It was your idea to drink on a school night -- Moony, you up?”

Remus mumbled something from his bed, and James sighed again, heavily.

“Fine, I won't wait for you two wankers anymore. Pete and I are going down. You can join us later.”

And with that, two pairs of feet marched out of the dorm, leaving Sirius and Remus in their respective beds. Sirius opened his eyes, but regretted it instantly as the sunlight assaulted his corneas, sending immediate painful throbs to his temples. He squeezed them shut again, trying to concentrate in anything rather than the sickness in his stomach or the aching sting behind his eyes. He didn't know how long his lids had stayed closed until he briefly registered the creaking sound of Remus’ bed, and an indignant growl.

“I’ll never forgive you for suggesting we should drink on a school night. Never.”

Sirius snorted, “It would've been just a silly idea if you hadn't agreed to it.”

Another creaky sound, joined by a sharp intake of breath. He figured Remus had stood up.

“Right, I’m gonna take a shower,” he announced, his voice raspy, and Sirius opened one eye to look at him. He was standing by the bathroom door now. “I’ll wait for you to take one if you’d like, and then we’ll go down for breakfast -- if I don't eat anything I think I might just drop dead.”

He stepped into the loo and closed the door after him. Sirius rubbed his eyes, applying pressure to his fingertips, receiving the instant relief in his eyeballs. He sat up slowly, and reached for the empty glass and his wand on his nightstand. He muttered Aguamenti -- the cup was immediately filled with crystalline water, and he gulped on it vehemently, soothing his dry throat. He breathed in deeply, took a hand up to his face again and massaged his temples for a moment before drawing his legs out of bed. As soon as he stood up, he had to grip tightly to the bedpost, feeling dizzy. He muttered the incantation again, and the glass was refilled. He drained it in a beat, and made his way to his dresser to get his uniform.

Remus opened the bathroom door as Sirius closed his top drawer. He was dressed in his school shirt and trousers, the undone tie draped over his neck. His skin was flushed from the hot steam of the shower; his tawny hair wet, with some pieces falling over his eyes. Sirius swallowed.

Remus gave him a funny look, noticing his stare. “You can go in,” he said. “ I’ll wait for you.”  
He blinked. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, right.” He grabbed his clothes and made his way to the bathroom in rapid strides.

As he undressed from his pyjamas, he gave himself a glance in the mirror. His hair was a bird’s nest, and there were black smudges under his eyes from the eyeliner. He laughed at the disaster that was his reflection, and stepped under the spray of hot water.

He rubbed his face viciously with soap and water, but once he was done and shot himself another glance at the bathroom mirror, there was still a big amount of eyeliner staining his waterlines and under. He sighed, reaching for the paper tissue box and using some to remove the residue of ink. Nothing changed. He rubbed more, more violently, but only a bit came off. There was still a considerable amount of black under his eyes.

Sirius sighed deeply, and gave up. He was used to wearing eye makeup now, after a couple of weeks. He could even do it himself now -- though he still had to ask for McKinnon’s eyeliner pen. But he would only wear it at night, when they had a gig and slash or a party; never to class.

He slipped into his school trousers and shirt, folding the sleeves up to his elbows. He towel-dried his hair, gave a last half-hearted try at removing his makeup and after no results, exited the bathroom.

Remus was by the window, smoking a cigarette. He now had a jumper over his white shirt, the collar and now-done tie peeking over the V-neckline, his hair dry.

Sirius huffed out a laugh. “Really, Moony? This early in the morning?”

Remus smiled, and gave the cigarette a last puff before stubbing it out on the window ledge. “I’m a simple man, Padfoot,” he said, reaching for his book bag and sliding the strap over his shoulder. “Leave me be.”

Sirius snorted, shaking his head, and quickly put on his shoes and grabbed his own book bag.

As he joined Remus by the door, the boy pointed out, “You’re forgetting your tie.”

“Shit,” he said under his breath, scurrying to his dresser and pulling out one. He draped it over his neck, deciding that was enough.

Remus breathed out a chuckle at his lack of effort, and the two boys started making their way to the Great Hall.

“I see you decided to keep the eyeliner on this morning,” Remus remarked, a smirk on his lips.

Sirius rolled his eyes, chuckling. “I couldn't get it off for anything in this world. It wasn't quite a choice.”

“McGonagall will have such a go on you for it.”

“If by that you mean she’ll finally admit her undying love for me and we’ll live happily ever after, then I bloody well hope she does.”

Remus laughed loudly, echoing in the corridor. Sirius smiled, though it was not even a little bit at his joke.

Remus then took a hand to his temple, “Remind me to never listen to your ideas again,” he said. “Especially if they involve alcohol in a weekday.”

“Oi, I’m not the only one to blame! Evans was quite up for it, too!”

“Yeah, and I’m killing her first thing once I see her.”

Sirius chuckled, “Merlin, she must be really regretting her life choices right now.”

Remus breathed out a laugh, “Yeah. Christ, she was the worst one last night. Remember when Marlene and her got on top of one of the desks and she fell down within a minute?”

“Yeah, and she just kept laughing! You have to be a right amount of drunk for the alcohol to numb your pain.”

Remus laughed again, nodding. “But you were pretty bad, too,” he said after a beat. “I do recall some aggressive dancing on top of the coffee table to ‘John, I’m Only Dancing’ and a speech telling how much you love us.”

He slapped his forehead, letting his hand fall heavily over his face, “Bloody hell, it’s all coming back to me now. I almost stripped again, too, didn't I?”

The boy nodded again, slowly, “Yup. But Prongs tackled you to the ground as you started unbuttoning your jeans.”

Sirius barked out a laugh, and Remus joined him.

He then gave Remus a light slap across the chest as he remembered a moment from the previous night, “Wait, but you almost danced with me last night!”

“Oh, no. No, I didn't...”

“Yes, yes, you did! You even swayed these hips of yours a bit!” He exclaimed, smiling and bumping his hip lightly with Remus’.

“Yeah, and then I realised what I was doing and stopped,” he returned, failing to sound earnest. “I’m not dancing with you.”

He raised a haughty eyebrow, “Why, afraid you won't resist my charm?”

Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius caught the pink shade his cheeks had taken. He smiled.

“Oh, Moony, darling, it's just a matter of time, you see. Soon enough, you’ll be rocking your hips left and right with-”

“You know, I have no problem with dancing,” Remus cut him off, slyly, “thing is; you _want_ me to dance with you. That’s _exactly_ why I won't.”

Sirius gasped, faking offence, and Remus laughed. Sirius joined him in his guffaw fit, and gave him a hard shove on the shoulder, sending him stumbling to the side. Remus regained composure, and shoved him back. They stayed in this silly game for a moment before Sirius’ smile died.

“Well, well, well,” Snape said as he approached them, ever so foully, his lips curling, “What do we have here?”

Sirius clenched his jaw, and already reached for his wand in his back pocket. At this point, it was almost like a reflex. “Snivellus. Good morning.”

Snape’s eyes darted between the two boys in front of him. He glared at Sirius and opened a wicked smirk, “Taking your half-breed for a stroll around the castle, Black?”

Sirius snatched his wand from his pocket at once, and briefly registered Remus calling for him as he stepped inches apart from Snape, his wand almost touching the tip of his long nose. He towered over him a bit, now.

He said through gritted teeth, “I fucking swear, you slimy git, one more word-”

“Hex me. Do it. You’ve done it a million times. Do it.”

“Sirius,” Remus called again, sounding tired. But Sirius didn't back off; only gripped harder on his wand. Snape gave a vile, humourless laugh. And then, his eyes widened as he analyzed Sirius’ face from so close.

“What is this?” He said, disgustingly, “On your face? Are you... Are you wearing _makeup?_ ”

Sirius took a step back then, his face falling. He suddenly felt embarrassed, ashamed.

“You can't possibly be wearing makeup,” Snape continued, sickened.

There was suddenly a warm, gentle, hand on the small of his back. Sirius swallowed.

“Pads, let’s just go,” Remus said, quietly.

Snape looked between the two for a moment before breathing out a laugh. He glared directly at Sirius, putting every bit of bitterness that ran in his veins into his words, “You know, Regulus was right, after all. You really are a disgusting little nancy boy.”

That felt worse than a punch in the pit of the stomach. So, so much worse. He stumbled back, as if Snape himself had pushed him, though he knew the only person touching him was Remus. And then, suddenly, he wasn't anymore. Remus hadn't wasted a second, and threw a jab directly at Snape’s jaw, making him instantly fall to the ground. Remus would never hit anyone. He never did. Sirius had only seen him be physically violent about three times during their entire friendship -- and two of them had been with him, when they were just kids.

But his mind was blocking it all. His eyes were unfocused, and there was a lump in his throat that was being impossible to swallow. He quickly glanced at the corridor walls, just to check, and saw a door. He didn't look back, and ushered to the loo.

It was empty, thank Merlin. He shot himself a glance at the mirror. The tears came instantly. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

“Disgusting nancy boy,” echoed in his head, though he didn't quite know whose voice it was.

The words Mother would call Uncle Alphard ever since he could remember. And now... Regulus. His brother was going around and calling him that to other people. Reggie. _Reggie?_

Tears ran down his cheeks, and he couldn't bare to look at himself anymore. He leaned forward on the sink, trying to steady his breath. Breathing in, breathing out.

He looked at himself one last time. The tears were inked black.

_Disgusting nancy boy._

Sirius closed his eyes and turned on the tap.

There had to be a way to remove this bloody eyeliner. What the fuck had McKinnon given him?

He rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. His eyelids were red from crying and the aggression of his fingers. Some came off, but _not enough_. He continued, his lashes wet with tap water and tears.

He hated Snape.

He hated Mother.

He hated Regulus.

And, most of all, he hated himself and how he couldn't stop crying.

He hated himself and how he couldn't just be _normal_.

_Disgusting nancy boy._

The bathroom door sprung open.

“Sirius,” Remus uttered. He approached him by the sink and turned off the tap. “Sirius, what are you doing?”

He didn't answer, and turned the tap back on.

Remus turned it off. Sirius glared at him through narrow, swollen eyes. He went for the tap again, but Remus gripped his wrist, tightly.

“Stop,” he said, firmly. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?!”

“I hope it’s not what I think it is.”

Sirius exhaled a shaky breath and hung his head. He could feel the lump in his throat again.

Remus took his chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting his head up so his eyes could meet his hazel ones.

“Good. You didn't take it all off,” he smiled softly.

“I have to,” Sirius answered, starting to turn for the sink again, but Remus him in place.

“Don't take it off.” He moved his hand up to his cheek, wiping off a tear streaming down his face with his thumb. The contact made him shiver, and his eyes fluttered shut. “Please.”

Sirius’ breath hitched, and Remus stepped closer as he enveloped him in a hug. In any other moment, it probably wouldn't have been enough. But in this, it was everything. It was everything he needed, and more. Remus had one arm around his waist, the other stroking the back of his hair ever so gently, and Sirius buried his face in his shoulder.

After a long moment -- Merlin knows how long -- he started feeling his heartbeat slowing down. Remus still hadn't moved an inch, and so hadn't he. He finally breathed in, steady now, and his nostrils were instantly invaded by the chocolate scent of Remus’ jumper. Of fucking course.

Sirius laughed, and pulled away just a bit.

“What?” Remus asked quizzically, his arm still around Sirius’ waist; his other hand now resting on his shoulder.

He shook his head, a dopey smile tugging on his lips. “Nothing.”

Remus gave him a funny look, and he chuckled. _‘Honestly, Remus Lupin,’_ he thought. _‘Fuck you.’_

“You’re gonna get a detention for that punch you threw.”

Remus shrugged his shoulders, and brought his hand up to the front strands of Sirius’ hair, tucking them behind his ear. “Not anything I’m not used to,” he grinned. “And it was worth it.”

**-MARLENE-**

“Lily,” she whispered. No response. “Lily.” Nothing. “Lilith!” ... “ _Lilith June Evans!_ ”

The curtains parted at once. “What the fuck?!”

“Scoot over, let me in.”

“Marlene, what time is it?!”

“A little after one.”

“Wh-”

“Scoot over, Evans.”

Lily gave an indignant sigh, and drew her legs up to her chest, making space for Marlene to climb in by the end of her bed. She closed the curtains after her and casted Lumos.

“So? What is it?”

“Did you, perhaps, notice anything different this morning?” She asked, smugly.

Lily glared at her, confused. “It was slightly warmer..?”

She dropped her hands heavily on her lap. “No,” she rolled her eyes.

Lily shrugged, clearly only interested in going back to sleep, and Marlene breathed in deeply, “Sirius and Remus weren't seen all morning.”

“And?”

“ _‘And?’_ ” She gasped, “Who _are_ you?!”

Lily huffed out a laugh, “Look, Marls, if it were any other day then I’d probably have thought something of it -- but remember the night we had. They probably just slept through the whole morning.”

“You went to class,” Marlene remarked with ease.

“Yeah, but I’m _me_.”

“ _Exactly_ \-- Remus wouldn't have ever _just_ skipped class. You two are practically the same person.”

Lily snorted, “Marlene...”

“Am I wrong?”

She sighed and analyzed her face for a beat. “No. No, you’re not.”

Marlene smirked, satisfied. “So. I think they were... _up to something_ , if you know what I mean.”

“Do you really think we wouldn't have known if there was finally something going on?” Lily said.

“That’s the thing -- I used to think that too until today. I mean, why would they spend an entire morning together? Alone? Could only mean one thing, but if they didn't tell us...” Marlene explained. “We need a new plan.”

“What?”

“A new plan,” she answered, matter-of-factly. “Our current one is clearly not working.”

Lily blinked. “Since when do we _have_ a plan?”

Marlene rolled her eyes and exhaled heavily. For Merlin’s sake. “Aren't we trying to get those idiots together? Or at least make them see they fancy each other? That’s not working; we need a new approach. Use your brain, Lilith.”

“Why did you suddenly get to calling me Lilith now?”

Marlene frowned for a moment before rolling her eyes. “Ugh, I’m spending too much time with Black,” she said with faux distaste. A smirk then played on her lips, “And that's exactly what I’m here to talk to you about. We have to switch.”

Lily looked at her through her lashes with bored eyes. “Switch.”

“Yes!” She exclaimed in a loud whisper. None of them had casted an Abaffiato charm. “ _You_ go talk to Sirius and _I_ go talk to Remus; then we report back to each other. Sort of like spies.”

The redhead snorted, “You need a hobby.”

Marlene bounced up and down on the mattress like a frustrated child, her legs crossed under her. “Come ooon, Lily! We are all friends, it’s not like it would be weird or random, anyway-”

“That’s not the point, Marls,” she cut in through a chuckle. “We are close, yes, but, I dunno, each friend has their role in one’s life. Remus needs someone to open up to, so he has me. Sirius needs it too, so he has you. And you act as if you don't know Sirius -- he would know I’d be trying to get something out of him if I just start asking him about Remus- or worse; I would give _Remus’_ feelings away by doing so. He would surely find it weird that I’m just casually asking his opinion on his friend of _six years_.”

Marlene tutted. “Lily, I know Black might look smart, but I can assure you he’s not that much. He’s best friends with Potter after all, they ought to have something in common-”

Lily gave her knee a light slap, faking offence for her boyfriend. Marlene giggled.

“So?” She asked, hopeful.

Lily analyzed her face for a moment -- surely just for the suspense -- before sighing, defeated. A smile tugged on the corners of her lips, “Fine. I’ll try talking to him.”

“Yes!” Marlene cheered. “Tell me everything, then.”

“Like we haven't been doing exactly this already,” she said, smirking.

Marlene rolled her eyes, and Lily snorted, her smirk turning into a smile. She climbed out of bed.

“Oi,” Lily called as she was closing back the curtains after her. “Don't you think Mary will be upset we're leaving her out of this?”

She smirked, “Wanna _try_ asking Mary to join us in this?”

Lily looked up in thought for a beat, before deciding, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

The next day, it was as if the stars were aligned, because the moment Marlene had found herself alone, she had also found her target by himself too.

Remus had been surrounded by the marauders all morning, and Marlene had found herself too invested in one of Mary’s brand new gossip about Damen Lee and Frances Brown -- that _one_ Ravenclaw couple who are always on-again, off-again. The reasoning for their newest breakup was so long that Marlene and Lily hadn't left Mary’s side for the entire morning.

But now, as she entered the common room after coming back from Dorcas’, there he was -- Remus Lupin, sitting by himself on one of the armchairs by the fireplace; book in hand. Perfect.

She settled down on the corner of the couch, diagonally to him.

“Hi, Rem.”

He looked up from his book and flashed her a sweet smile, “Hiya, Marls.”

Remus glanced back down again. She fiddled with her fingers and worried her bottom lip, nervously, not quite knowing how to bring up the topic in a smooth way.

 _‘Thinking better of it, ‘Marlene McKinnon’ and the word ‘smooth’ usually don't go that well in a sentence,’_ she thought, and after a long silence, she shrugged at herself mentally. _‘Well...’_

“So,” she started, eagerly. Remus looked up at once. “Didn't see you and Sirius at all yesterday morning.”

“Oh.” He blinked, ears turning scarlet. She fought the urge to grin. “We, uhm- we just slept in, y’know. Hangover.”

“Wow,” she raised her eyebrows, faking astonishment. “Remus Lupin, bunking off classes because of a hangover. I mean, I’d expect that from Sirius, but you? Wow.”

He blinked again, the flush in his ears spreading to his cheeks. He glanced back down at his book. “It was a bad one.”

“Lily went to class. She was far worse than you.”

His eyes shot up, but he didn't turn his head at her. Marlene almost laughed.

At last, he landed his gaze on her again as he closed his book, his eyes rather anxious and turning his whole body in her direction, “Look, something happened yesterday.”

“Between you and Sirius?” She asked, trying to hide the excitement in her voice, “He didn't tell me anything.”

“Yeah, in a way I imagine he wouldn't have...” He murmured.

She frowned a bit before smoothing it out, and her ears pricked up to not miss a single word.

“Yesterday, Sirius and I were the last ones to get out of bed,” he started, voice so low and short she had to lean in to hear him better, “and waited for each other so we could go down for breakfast together. And, uhm, he still had his- his eyeliner on from the night that he had forgotten to remove before bed... And the next morning, he couldn't wash it off for the life of him...”

“Oh,” she said, humorously slapping her forehead. “I must have given him my waterproof eyeliner by accident. That one’s a bitch to remove, you need a bloody charm for it.”

Remus blinked once again, staggered, lips slightly parted. “Oh. That... that makes sense.”

She raised her eyebrows, gesturing him to continue. Marlene was still fighting against the excited and expectant tone in her voice. Come on, she _saw_ how Remus had been left speechless that day he first saw Sirius with eyeliner on...

“So, he, uhm... he gave up -- decided to just go to class with it on. And when we were, erm, making our way to the Great Hall... we ran into Snape,” he said in an almost murmur. “And he was, y’know... pretty nasty.”

Marlene felt her heart sink to the floor.

She took a hand through her lips, her brown eyes wide. “No...” She whispered.

Remus nodded, slowly and sadly.

Fuck. Fucking Snape. Her chest ached with the rapid thumping against her rib cage, her eyes prickling.

That fucking...

“My god, this is all my fault,” she said half-aloud, voice falling short. “I-it’s my fault, he... he didn't tell me about this...”

“I suppose he didn't tell you ‘cause he knows you well enough to know you’d blame yourself for it -- which is bullshit,” he told her, smiling a bit.

“But it _is_ my fault! I-if I hadn't given him the wron-”

“Marlene, you can't blame yourself for Snape being a bigoted, foul git,” Remus said, firmly yet still softly. “He would've found something to say no matter what. You have no fault in this -- it's mental that you think you do.”

He took her hand, gently, and squeezed it. His tone was comforting and reassuring, more than Marlene would've expected from him; more than she had ever heard him be. She breathed in deeply, steadying her heart rate.

“How is he? Is he okay?”

He sighed heavily, and gave her a short nod, “He is. Now. I, uhm, I suggested us to not go to class yesterday. He was pretty shaken. But he’s fine now.”

She nodded. Now it was her turn to squeeze his hand, and she flashed him a small smile. “Remus Lupin, bunking off classes,” she repeated, “for Sirius. I would've never expected that.”

He shrugged. “He needed someone. I couldn't just leave him alone,” he said as if it was the simplest, easiest thing in the world -- like he hadn't needed to think twice.

She grinned at him, “I’m glad he has you. And I don't mean this in a way that I’m glad he has a friend -- I’m glad he has _you_ , Remus. You’re good for him.”

Remus’ cheeks reddened instantly, and he made a funny noise in the back of his throat. Her grin widened at his reaction. So very sweet.

She cleared her throat, “So what did you do all morning, then?”

“Oh.” He blinked. “We just stayed up at the dorm, really. I went down to the kitchens to get us some breakfast, and, I dunno, just listened to some records...”

**-REMUS-**

He wasn't gonna tell her.

He wasn't gonna tell her how they had shared a cigarette together by the window, chatting freely about life and their friends. About music and school. About everything. The kind of conversation he missed having with his _best friend_. They were rare, now. It seemed like they never had the time, and when they did Remus would run away from it -- from time alone with Sirius. But he missed it, so very deeply.

He wasn't gonna tell her how his heart had skipped a beat every time Sirius laughed at one of his jokes, or when he smiled at him and his cheeks formed those charming, lovely dimples.

He wasn't gonna tell her how he had helped Sirius remove the remainings of the eyeliner because he wanted to sleep. And how Sirius laughed when he gave him a stern, scolding look when he asked him to do so, thinking he still wanted to take it off because of Severus. Removing that fucking makeup without a charm had been almost impossible, and had taken a long time, but Remus didn't mind it -- why would he ever? While Sirius lay his head on the pillow, and Remus leaned over him with a tissue in hand, touching those beautiful lashes; and then he would open those beautiful eyes and send a shiver down his spine. 

He wasn't gonna tell her how he would find himself glancing up at Sirius from his book while he slept soundly to the sound of Remus’ birthday gift playing on the turntable. And how he cursed himself too, feeling a creep.

_For you, there'll be no more crying_

_For you, the sun will be shining_

_And I feel that when I'm with you_

_It's alright, I know it's right_

_To you, I'll give the world_

_To you, I'll never be cold_

_'Cause I feel that when I'm with you_

_It's alright, I know it's right_

He wasn't gonna tell her.

He would keep it to himself, dear in his heart, his moments alone with Sirius, being the closest they will ever be.

“Nothing much,” he finished.

Marlene squinted at him for a moment, and her smile broadened maniacally, making him chuckle. “Sweet boy, you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song in the end is Songbird by Fleetwood Mac (in the album Rumours, the one Sirius gave to Remus for his birthday)


	25. Chapter 25: Piles of Books and Bass Riffs

**-LILY-**

Marlene had given Lily just a brief summary of her conversation with Remus, which she at first had found it odd, since the girl was the one so excited over their little “spy mission”. But then, with some thought, she understood why it probably had been like this; Severus must have had some involvement.

From what Marlene had told her, Sirius had had a bad morning due to something someone had said, and Remus had made him company so he would feel better. That someone could only be either Regulus or Severus, since Sirius could never give less of a toss about whatever someone had to say about him, and Lily wasn't stupid.

Since the previous year, when her friendship with him had come to an end, everyone avoided telling her anything he did, thinking it would upset her. And it did -- it always did. The boy she had grown up with turned out to be a complete stranger. A vile stranger. A stranger who hurt her friends; who hurt other people -- people like _her._

And after their fight -- after he had humiliated her and called her a slur front of everyone, to her face -- he became even worse. His words words had become more bitter; his hexes more powerful. And, of course, no one would tell her because she would blame herself for it. They wanted to spare her from the stress. But then again, Lily wasn't stupid.

She accepted Marlene was just trying to not upset her, and she appreciated it, but it still hurt.

But people change, don't they? Or, really, they just show themselves. And Severus had done that. He had shown her who he really was.

Lily had moved on. She didn't need him; she never did. She had her friends -- amazing, beautiful people, with kind hearts and warm hugs -- and James. People show themselves. And James had shown her who he really was.

“It’s brilliant, isn't it?” Mary said, cheerily, as she filed her nails, “The three of us in a relationship at the same time. Who would've thought?”

“I wouldn't,” Marlene said, ankles crossed atop the coffee table. “At least not now. I thought it would take Lily more time to finally fall into Potter’s charms.”

“It took me long enough!” Lily protested.

“Oh, _we know_ ,” she returned, smirking. “But you’re just so stubborn, I was starting to think you were never gonna give in.”

“And he would die trying, of that I’m certain,” Mary teased, smiling.

Lily rolled her eyes, snorting. “Spared him from the death sentence, then.”

The girls giggled, and they remained in a comfortable silence for a moment before Marlene broke it, changing the topic, “Where _are_ those pricks? People have lives! I can't wait forever.”

“James said Sirius and him were going to the library when I last saw him. Peter must be with them.”

“Library?” Mary arched an eyebrow.

“I can assure you it’s not for academic purposes,” she jeered.

“And Rem?”

“Oh, I saw him going upstairs about an hour ago,” she told. “Said he had some books to organize. Reckon Madam Pince must be wanting his head on a silver platter for the amount that idiot brings up with him.”

“Christ, his side of the dorm is a mess,” Marlene said. “I don't know how he gets to his bed with the piles of books around it.”

Mary chuckled, “Yeah. I haven't been up there for a while but I remember it. Sirius’ side is also an utter hurricane, though.”

Marlene snorted, “Boys, really.” She then sighed, and gave Lily a pointed look, “Have you talked to him yet?”

Lily exhaled heavily, “No. I’m trying to think of a way to be subtle.”

“Talked to him about what?” Mary asked, a slight crease between her perfectly-designed eyebrows.

“Lily and I are trying to get those fools together, as you know,” Marlene started explaining. “Our new tact is for her to talk to Black and I talk to Remus, then we gather all the information and work from there. Care to join?”

Mary looked between the two girls as if they were freaks, and barked out a laugh, “Ha. As if.”

Marlene gave Lily a smug smirk, “Told you.”

She huffed out a laugh, shaking her head.

The portrait hole suddenly sprung open, revealing three boys with shit-eating grins plastered on their faces.

“Finally!” Marlene exclaimed, “I thought you wankers had forgotten.”

“Never,” James said as he went over to Lily, leaning down so he could give her a quick peck on the lips. “We just have other responsibilities as well.”

“Coming up with pranks is not a responsibility,” the blonde girl returned with faux petulance.

“But we’re here, aren't we?” Sirius said, his lips quirked up at the side, opening up his arms wide as if to prove he was truly there, flesh and bone.

James put his hand out for Lily to take it, and helped her to her feet. “Let’s go then?”

They all nodded, and the girls stood up.

“You’re going to our rehearsal?” Sirius asked Mary.

She shrugged, “Nothing better to do. Mia is busy, I'm only meeting her in about two hours, so.”

Marlene grabbed her bass guitar she had leaned against the back of the couch, and the group started making their way to exit the common room. Once in the corridor, Sirius slapped his forehead, “Shit, I forgot to get some parchments I need. You can go, I’ll catch up with you.”

The group looked between each other and shrugged, and Sirius went back into the room.

Lily let go of James’ hand, “I’ll wait for him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, of course. Meet you there.”

“Okay,” he said, and gave her another brief kiss and followed after the group.

Marlene turned around as she walked, and gave her two thumbs up. Lily gave her one back, smiling, and leaned against the stone wall, waiting for Sirius.

**-SIRIUS-**

Sirius climbed up the stairs quickly, not wanting to hold anyone up. He had new song ideas he wanted to start working on, so he didn't want to waste any time.

He reached the dorm’s door, but as he gripped the doorknob, he stopped. He brought his ear closer to the door.

_Taking it all the right way_

_Keeping it in the back_

_Taking it all the right way_

_Never no turning back, never need no_

_Never no turning back_

Bowie’s voice came out muffled to the corridor. Sirius grinned. Moony.

He opened the door with as much care as he could, not wanting to make any noise.

All around Remus’ bed there were books, different piles going from his own academic ones, his fictional ones, and the ones from the library, all sorted into different piles according to their genre. Complete nutter. 

He had his back to the door, but Sirius could see he held a cigarette loosely between his index and middle finger. He swayed his hips left and right, carelessly, as he walked around the room, picking a book and throwing it on one of the piles, then doing it with another, and another. 

Sirius leaned sideways against the doorframe, folding his arms as he watched him.

_Flying just a sweet place_

_Coming inside and safe_

_Flying just a sweet place_

_Never been known to fail, never been no_

_Never been known to fail_

Remus hummed along to Bowie’s voice, taking puffs of his cigarette and exhaling rings of smoke, filling up the room. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes as he did so, exposing his whole neck and letting his tawny hair fall back. So charming -- Sirius fought the urge not to sigh.

_Wishing you, wishing that sometimes (Sometimes)_

_Doing it, doing it right, till one time (One time)_

_Gets you when you're down (Nobody, nobody, do it again, get off)_

_Ahh, sometimes (Doing)_

_Wishing sometimes (Give it back)_

He looked so blithe. So airy. It wasn't always that Sirius saw him like this; and if he did it never lasted too long. He seemed even younger as he danced around the room, his lids heavy. Sirius almost laughed every time he turned to a direction the boy could've clearly seen there was _someone standing at the door,_ and still didn't see him.

_Taking with me (Sometimes)_

_Loving it, doing it (Right)_

_Till (Take it)_

_One time, gimme (Doing it)_

_Giving it (Giving it back)_

Remus took another pull of the cigarette, and continued to swish his hips in a way that if it were anyone else, Sirius probably would've found it weird, but when Remus did it was just so bloody attractive. All these years, had he never had noticed Remus dancing at parties before?

Of course he had -- _silly question_ \-- but he had never truly allowed himself to _notice_. To notice the way he was doing now. To see the way every time Remus ran a hand through his hair his shirt rose up a bit, revealing a line of soft, light golden freckled skin; a scar-free spot of his stomach. Or how the clouds of smoke washed over his body when he didn't bother to tilt his head up to exhale. And, when he did, his wavy strands of brown hair fell back, and how his Adam’s apple bobbed when-

“BLOODY HELL, PADFOOT!”

Sirius blinked, bringing his gaze up to meet Remus’ _eyes_ , and only then noticing the unconscious smile that had cracked on his face as he watched him.

“How long have you been standing there?!” He cried out, his cheeks a deep red hue.

“Long enough to admire your dancing skills,” he said, eyes twinkling. Bowie continued to echo through the room, and Sirius finally stepped inside, rocking his hips as he walked in Remus’ direction. “Come on, Moony,” he reached for his wrists, _“Taking it all the right way... Keeping it in the back...”_

“No,” Remus said with a stern voice, though he could hear the laugh behind it.

_“Taking it all the right way... Never no turning back...”_

“Shove off, you wanker!” 

“Dance with me, Moons!”

Remus freed himself from Sirius’ grab of his wrists and stepped back. His cheeks were still blushed with a dark scarlet tone; Sirius knew his must've been even worse. Remus’ lips twisted, suppressing a smile. Sirius beamed.

“I want the whole performance, one day. Choreography and all,” he smirked, making his way to his nightstand now and taking the parchments he had left there.

“In your dreams.”

He headed to the door, and before exiting the room, he turned around and gave him a mischievous smile, followed by a wink. “You don’t even know, Moonbeam.”

Sirius closed the door after him, and stood in the dim lit narrow corridor for a beat, grinning at himself. He breathed in deeply, trying to wash it off. Nope. Maniac smile was still there.

He descended the stairs and crossed the common room, climbing through the portrait hole.

“Christ,” Lily said as soon as he stepped into the hallway, taking him by surprise. “I thought you’d gotten lost.”

“Evans?” He frowned, starting to walk now, the redhead in tow. “Why didn't you go with them?”  


She shrugged, “Wanted to wait for you.”

He nodded slowly, finding it rather strange, but hey, always nice to have company, even if it’s just to walk to rehearsal, and Evans was a good one.

“What took you so long?”

“Hm?”

“What took you so long?” She repeated, “I thought you just needed to grab some parchments.”

“Oh,” he blinked. And then the fresh image of Moony dancing flooded back into his mind, and the silly grin seemed impossible to suppress. “Just, erm, y’know. Had a little chat with Rem.”

She gave him a nod. “Rem.”

He nodded back, a bit thrown off by her tone. She sounded almost... knowing.

“You two are close,” she said.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah? Only noticing it now?”

She chuckled, “Not what I meant.”

“What _did_ you mean?” He asked, carefully.

“Nothing, nothing,” she shook her head. “It’s just... I see you two when you are together, y’know. It’s different than when you are with James.”

He didn't quite know what to say, so he just nodded again. She couldn't possibly know... could she? Was he being so obvious? He was trying to be as subtle as possible about his... feelings. His behaviour sometimes did get the best of him, yes, and he couldn't really think before doing something, especially around Moony -- which was dangerous -- but he hadn't _done_ anything too... extreme. Right?

“He talks a lot about you when _we_ are together,” she spoke again. “He cares a lot about you.”

“I care a lot about him too.”

“I know. I know you do.” Lily was speaking with such easiness and casualty it startled him a bit. It was as if he had already talked to her about this Remus situation loads of times before, and she was just bringing it up again. He knew how smart she was; she had always been. But, really, had he been doing such a bad job?!

“Those presents you got him for his birthday were brilliant.”

_Oh, for fuck’s sake._ “Evans, what are you talking about?”

She shrugged a shoulder, “Nothing...”

“Evans.”

She turned her head to him, a smirk playing on her lips. “I just think you’re good for each other, you know? And,” she shrugged again, “I’m sure he thinks it, too.”

He blinked at her, and gave low noise of understanding. Though he wasn't understanding shit. What was she on about?

“Sometimes I feel like I wasted time,” she continued to talk after his silence. “With James, you see. I mean, deep down I think I’ve always had a thing for him, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. And when I finally did, it still took me a long time to do something about it. I think sometimes we feel like we have all the time in the world, but we don't, especially... especially in the situation our world is right now. We don't know about tomorrow -- it's a mystery. We need to hold onto things that aren't mysteries. Hold onto what we know. To what we feel. Not continue to waste time.”

Again, he didn't know what to say, which was saying something for someone like Sirius, who always felt like he had too many words for just one mouth. He stared at the ground ahead of them, in silence. When they finally reached the Room of Requirement and the door revealed itself, he exhaled heavily and gave her a smirk. “Truly poetic.”

**-MARY-**

“Black, I don’t know...”

“McKinnon, you can do it! You’re one of the most brilliant bassists I've ever met-”

“What others _have_ you met?!”

“You can do it, Marls,” Lily chimed in encouragingly from one of the poufs.

“It’s not...” She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily before continuing, “It’s not that I _can't_ do it. It’s that I can't do it well enough. I can't do its justice.”

James came closer to the girl, guitar hanging from his body, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You _can,_ McKinnon. We’ve all heard you play, in case you’ve forgotten. Ramble On is also not easy and you nail it every time.”

“It’s different...”

“Look,” Sirius stepped between James and her, grabbing fiercely at both of her biceps, “you’ll do it. You’ll do it ‘cause you can. If you want us to keep kissing your feet and banging on about you how capable you are, then I’m sorry, but I, at least, will not. Now get your head out of your arse. I like the song, and we’ll use it.”

The pair stared into each other’s burning eyes for a moment in silence. Mary always wondered how they did it; Marlene and Sirius had such an intimate way of communicating to one another, as if words were hardly ever needed. She also found it rather weird, as well -- she could count on her fingers the amount of times she had seen the two of them hug. Ever. Tough love had always been what worked between them, and that fact was clearly coming to surface once again as a smile bloomed in Marlene’s lips, that one that made her eyes crinkle, and Sirius grinned back at her.

“Right,” she breathed out. “Right. Right, okay, I’ll do it. I can do it.”

“You can,” he said, firmly. “Now get your fucking bass.”

Mary and Lily shared a look, both huffing out a laugh at the pure madness that was the lot of them. It had been a long time since Mary had last watched one of their rehearsals, and she had completely forgotten how good it was, how joyful. It was as if they trapped themselves inside of their own little bubble for a couple hours, forgetting about the horrid reality that was the world out there. Hours where they could just be kids having fun, and not worry about evil; hatred. She returned her gaze to her four other friends in the middle of the room, surrounded by their instruments. Peter, twirling his drumstick around his fingers as he waited for the others; Sirius, by his tripod, looking back at James as he told him a silly, surely unfunny joke, but that the two of them had found hilarious; Marlene, plugging back her bass guitar to the amplifier, the twinkle of excitement she always got when playing gleaming in her brown eyes. Mary smiled, feeling her heart warm with fondness and tenderness. So much love.

Sirius sang the opening lyrics to ‘The Chain’ by Fleetwood Mac, and her grin broadened even more. Christ, how much she loved that band. And Remus, the lucky bastard, had the new record. He always lent it to her whenever she wanted to have a listen, lovely boy he was, but he was surely not as big of a fan as she was.

It was hilarious, really, if you asked her. Mary had been the one who introduced the band to Sirius, who had loved it, but he would've never gone through such work to get her a brand new just released vinyl for her, even when they were dating. Of course, she would never expect him to; not even just for her, but for anyone. Studying at Hogwarts and keeping up with Muggle pop culture was a whole stress in itself, so getting a just released record was a whole mission no one was ever up for. Well, almost no one.

What Mary found funny was the blatant difference between the way Sirius treated Remus and the way he had treated her (or any other girl, for that matter). How he _bothered._ How he _cared._ He would go out of his way to get a simple smile from the other boy; he would do flips and kicks just to see him laugh. That was the difference. That had been the difference she had tried to ignore in the beginning of their relationship. It had always been Remus for Sirius, and Mary wasn't thick to not know it had always been Sirius for Remus, as well.

But it wasn't as if Mary had ever bothered with Sirius, too. They just never... clicked. Not in a romantic way, at least -- platonically they worked in perfect synchrony. Maybe that was what she had thought would happen when they got together; they were great friends, so much alike, what was there not to work? What could go wrong?

Nothing had gone wrong, specifically. It’s just that nothing had ever gone right. They simply didn't belong together, they both knew it all along. And now apart, back to how they should’ve always been, it was as clear as day.

It was evident now, too, that Mary had just been waiting for something. For someone. For the ray of warm sunshine to peak through her window and brighten her heart. Someone _she_ bothered to make happy, to receive that one unique, completely-melting smile she longed for whenever they were apart. Someone she would -- and did -- go on a whole bloody mission to get an impossible-to-find record. And someone who would do the same for her. And she knew, with such clarity, that she had found them. She had found her.

_“I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain, never break the chain...”_ Sirius sang into the microphone, silk-like voice of his. A few more chords from James’ guitar came from the movement of his fingers, and Sirius looked over to his right. “Come on, McKinnon...”

Marlene glanced up at him, a frown of worry and insecurity resting in her features. Sirius grinned at her, widely, that one grin that penetrated through you that only he could master, and suddenly her expression changed into a confident one, and she smiled back, closing her eyes as her fingertips worked the strings in an almost perfect replica of John McVie’s bass riff. It sent goosebumps down Mary’s entire body, and she was sure her friends had felt it too.

Mary knew nothing about music and musical terms, but Marlene played the bassline three times before James’ guitar joined, and then Peter’s drums, and the song transitioned into its second part. They all had grins that stretched from ear to ear plastered on their face, eyes filled with joy and pleasure. Sirius quickly grabbed the girl by the shoulders and dragged her to the microphone with him. She started laughing, tilting her head back as she still played, and Sirius chuckled with her.

_“Chain, keep us together,”_ she sang, surprisingly in tune, smiling.

_“Run in the shadow!”_ Sirius completed, each of them on one side of the microphone.

_“Chain, keep us together...”_

_“Runnin’ in the shadow!”_

Lily suddenly stood up and pulled Mary to her feet, and they danced with their hands laced together as the four others continued to play and sing.

Six mere teenagers, each completely lost in their world, but completely found on each other.

_“Run in the shadow...”_

They wrapped up the song, and they all slowed down, panting as if they had just run a bloody marathon. Lily and Mary grinned greatly at them, and clapped as they mockingly bowed like a famous rock band in a crowded stadium.

“I told you! I fucking told you!” Sirius exclaimed to Marlene, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. Mary joked to herself, _‘One more hug added to the tiniest list.’_

“Yeah, yeah, you told me,” she said through a laugh, her voice coming out muffled against his chest. “But it can be better, so calm your tits.”

Sirius freed her from the embrace, and James wasted no time in bringing her into his own, and Peter gave her a high-five from his stool.

“Okay, you nutters, you’re acting like I’ve just cured cancer or something...”

Sirius and James tilted their heads in confusion, “What?” They said in unison.

The girls and Peter looked between themselves before bursting into giggles.

“You purebloods, honestly...” Lily said.

They gave a last run-through one of Sirius’ new songs, and the rehearsal was done for the day, at last. They tidied up the room a bit at Lily’s request, and they made their way out of the room. James intertwined his fingers with Lily’s, putting an arm around her shoulders. Mary slid her arm around Sirius’ waist, grinning at him.

“Trying to win me back?” He teased as he wrapped his arm on her shoulders.

She poked out her tongue at him and gave his shin a playful kick.

“I wish Moony had been here,” James said. “Missed the party.”

“Oh, Moony is having a party of his own,” Sirius said. Mary caught the blush his cheeks had taken as she looked up at him, a grin playing on his lips, and she wasn't sure if it was voluntary.

She gave his slender waist a squeeze, and he looked down at her with a rather quizzical look, though the smile was still on his face. She winked at him, and he snorted, now giving her shoulders his own squeeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song remus danced to in the dorm is 'Right' by David Bowie. definitely one of my favorites by him


	26. Chapter 26: Cameras and Ballroom Dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this just hit 2k hits and i'm feeling like a whole new york times bestselling author lmao. jokes aside, thank you so much for reading!!!! i'm so very thankful for all your kudos, comments, and overall support!! they make me so ridiculously happy. sending lots of love <3 mwahh

**-LILY-**

By the end of April, the band had grown bigger than any of them had expected. Lily didn't even have to bother making posters to hang on the walls around the castle -- other students spared her from the work. Every where they went, someone would stop them to say how much they loved _Abaffiato_ ; how much they loved this song and that song. Even Lily was stopped once or twice, being known as their manager. “You’re Lily Evans, right? _Abaffiato_ ’s manager?” They would say. “Can you get them to play in my house’s party next weekend?”

Or even, “Lily? Lily Evans? You manage the coolest band in the world!”

When she told James, he beamed greatly.

“We’d be nothing without you, y’know,” he told her as they made their way down to breakfast.

She smiled, “I know. You lads would be lost without me.”

He smiled back, and gave her cheek a kiss that made her blush, their hands laced together.

They were the first ones of the group to arrive at the Great Hall. James had gone for an early run around the Dark Lake, the nutter, and she had woken up earlier than usual that day. She had gone down to the common room to catch up on her book, ‘Woman on the Edge of Time’ by Marge Piercy. James had arrived not even ten pages in.

He sat beside her for a while, asked her about the book; what it was about. She talked about it rather briefly, feeling sheepish. ‘He doesn't want to hear about a feminist romance,’ she joked to herself. ‘He is just trying to be nice.’

What took her by surprise was that he started asking actual questions, seeming genuinely interested in the plot. He even made his own remarks, gave his own opinions about how he thought it would end. He asked her if he could borrow it after she was done. Where had she found him?!

“How many pages until you finish that book?” He asked as they took their spot at the Gryffindor table.

“Around forty now, I reckon. You really want to read it?”

“Sure! It sounded brilliant!”

He reached for the orange juice jar and filled his goblet. He then went for the teapot, and filled her mug. She just watched him as he did so. His hair was still rather damp after the quick shower he had taken before going down to breakfast; she could already see the already dry strands spiking up. She smiled.

He looked up at her, quizzically, seeming surprised by her sudden grin. But then, he grinned back, and her stomach flipped. She wondered if it would ever stop doing that whenever he was around. Deep down, she hoped not.

It didn't take long for the rest of their friends to start arriving. First Mary and Marlene, then Remus, Sirius and Peter. Dorcas had sat at the Hufflepuff table that morning, and Mia with her own friends.

“Morning, lovebirds!” Sirius grinned, landing a firm kiss atop James’ head and settling beside him.

“Morning,” they said back.

Lily noticed Remus had taken his seat next to Sirius, and Marlene, who sat next to her, elbowed her ribs playfully. She snorted as she looked over at the girl, who winked at her. This Remus-and-Sirius situation had become their little inside joke now, and they were having more fun with it than actually doing anything about it.

Earlier in the week, Sirius had approached them as the two girls were making their way back to Gryffindor tower after spending some time at Dorcas’ dorm. Perhaps Lily had repeated that one experience of the afternoon of Remus’ birthday. Perhaps.

“Has any of you seen Moony?” He had asked.

Their eyes flickered at each other for a split second, and Lily looked down, stifling a laugh.

“Oh, he’s on a date,” Marlene had told him.

His eyes had bulged, “What?!”

“Date. D-A-T-E.”

“W-w-what do you-”

Lily couldn't take it anymore.

“He’s not on a date, Black,” she had told him, the bubble of laughter coming out as the words had left her lips. She could have practically felt Marlene’s eye roll of indignance, who clearly had wanted to keep going. “And we have not seen him.”

They were chatting freely, now, over breakfast (beans, toast, fried eggs, sausages, scones and all types of spreads).

“So. It’s Friday,” Mary said. “Plans for the weekend?”

The four band members glanced up at Lily in question, who shrugged. They had not scheduled any gigs for the weekend.

“I dunno, we-”

She was cut off by the flood of owls that invaded the hall. Letters and packages were being dropped at students’ plates. A box, wrapped in lavender coloured paper landed in front of Mary, a small note attached to it.

“Oh! It’s from mum!” She beamed. “ _‘Congratulations on passing you Apparition test. Here’s a gift for my honey. Love, mummy.’_ ”

“I didn't know she knew what Apparition was,” Marlene said as Mary started to tear the wrapping paper.

“Oh, I had to send her a _long_ letter explaining what it was. I still think she doesn't quite understand it.” Box unwrapped, she opened it, and leaped on her seat with excitement. “Oh my god, this madwoman! It’s a camera!”

They all leaned over the table to take a closer look. It was a Canon AE-1, accompanied by two packages of new film. Mary took the gadget out of the box, and placed one of the rolls inside. It looked heavy on her hand.

“Say cheese!” She turned to Remus, sitting beside her. He widened his eyes at her, but she didn't seem to notice his startle -- or if she did, she didn't care. She closed on eye and squinted the other into the little viewer on the camera. Sirius quickly leaned forward so he could appear on the picture behind Remus, grinning, and Mary snapped the photo.

She turned to Lily and Marlene then, across the table from her, and they smiled as she took a picture of the two of them.

Looking content, grinning from ear to ear as her eyes twinkled looking down at her gift, she finally set the camera aside on the table.

James smiled, “I guess I know what we’re doing tonight.”

Sirius at first had thought they were going to have a “photoshoot night”.

 _“Do I need to pick an outfit? Or better-_ some _outfits?” “MacDonald, can you do my hair?”_

Laughing, Marlene had told him to ‘calm his tits’ and explained it was just going to be a normal night with friends, music and Witches Brew -- and now Mary's new camera, overall something they were already very much familiar with. He frowned for a moment, seeming disappointed, which made her laugh even more.

But they still ended up dressing up a bit more than casually. Mary had dark makeup on, with a big eyeliner wing and dark brown eyeshadow paired with green shimmer. Marlene had makeup on, too -- not as much as Mary, but still applied a fair amount of dark ink to her eyelids. Lily had gone just a bit over the usual, which was already a natural look. They were dressed as if to a party rather than just a get-together with friends, but the three girls smiled at each other, satisfied, as they were all done and went down to the common room to meet the boys.

Music was already blasting through the room from James’ turntable, echoing the lyrics of ‘The Ballroom Blitz’ by Sweet.

_Oh it's been getting so hard_

_Living with the things you do to me_

_My dreams are getting so strange_

_I'd like to tell you everything I see_

_Oh, I see a man in the back as a matter of fact_

_His eyes was as red as the sun_

_And the girl in the corner that no one ignores_

_'Cause she thinks she's the passionate one_

James approached her as soon as she descended the stairs and stepped into the room.

“Wow, you... wow.”

She smiled at him as he eyed her all over, making her blush furiously. She wrapped her arms around his neck, his around her waist immediately, at this point an almost reflex, and brought their lips together in a hungry snog.

“Oh, get a room!” She heard Marlene say as she walked past them, and Lily grinned into the kiss.

James pulled back. “You look beautiful.”

She gave his lips a quick peck, and they tied their hands together and went to sit with their friends at the little spot by the fireplace they all loved so much.

On the coffee table, there were plates of sandwiches and chips, and four bottles of Witches Brew.

“How did you get all of this?” Marlene asked, looking at the liquor.

“Special little trick I like to call ‘charm,’” Sirius said with a sly smirk. “Rosmerta loves me.”

The common room was unnaturally empty for a Friday night, and when Lily asked why that was, James simply explained, “As soon as we turn on the record player the younger years know it’s their time to leave. And I heard there's a party at the Ravenclaw tower for all the seventh years, so I don't think we’ll be bothered tonight.”

They started drinking shortly after, and it didn't take long for the alcohol to sink into her system. It seemed to have the same effect on her friends, as well.

Sirius and Marlene were dancing together, drunk and happy, and Mary was flashing pictures all around the room at any given opportunity. When she pointed the camera to the pair, they both simultaneously put up their middle fingers to the lens, and Mary chuckled as she snapped the photo of the two friends. James and Lily still had their fingers intertwined, and he glided with her around the couches, dancing messily, and she tossed her head back with laughter every time he stepped on her feet.

As ‘In The Lap Of the Gods... Revisited’ came to an end, and Freddie Mercury’s voice ceased, the room went suddenly quiet. The vinyl had played its last track.

“What next?” Sirius asked to the room, glancing at the small pile of records the boys had brought down from their dorm.

They all shrugged.

“Oh!” James exclaimed brightly, “I know! Be right back.”

He gave Lily’s hand a squeeze before untying them, and ushered to climb up the stairs to their dorm room.

Marlene, Sirius and Mary were chatting together now, Sirius leaned against the back of the couch. Lily glanced around the room. Peter was sitting upside down on one of the armchairs, his head almost touching the carpet. She chuckled to herself, and turned her gaze another way. To the window.

He had been quiet the whole night -- the whole day, actually. He drank with them, tapped his fingers on his thighs to the beat of whatever music was playing, but he wasn't... there. He wasn't quite present. By the window with a cigarette between the lips, Remus sat in silence, gazing out into the dark night sky.

Lily swiftly made her way to the coffee table and filled two cups with Witches Brew (it wasn't her favorite, surely. Firewhisky was much more to her taste, but it was what they had for the night), and made her way to the boy’s direction.

“Hiya,” she said, holding out the cup for him.

He turned his head to her, and a slight crease formed between his eyebrows. She gave him a warm smile, and he took the cup. “Hi.”

She sat across from him on the little bay window seat, her back leaned against the glass; his against the stone wall, one leg folded up close to his chest, the other dangling down.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, softly.

“Nothing.”

“Rem. Love.”

He landed his eyes on hers, and they looked rueful. It made her chest ache.

He sighed, and his eyes flickered towards something -- someone -- across the room before returning to her.  


“I think it’s time, y’know. To give up.”

“On what?” She asked, though she knew what he was referring to.

He nodded shortly at the direction of what he was previously looking at, and she looked over her shoulder. By the corner of her eye, she could see the trio still talking, and Sirius laughing loudly.

“Rem...”

“I’m done with this, Lily. Truly. It’s... it’s pointless. It will never amount to nothing.”

“I don't think you understand...”

“I do,” he said, firmly. His honey eyes seemed to grow sadder with every word. “I do understand. And, quite frankly, I really, _really,_ wish I didn't.”

He took a gulp off his cup, and she analyzed his face a bit. Somehow, suddenly, he looked exhausted.

“You can't let this consume you, Remus.”

He tutted. “I’m not letting it consume me.”

“You’ve been quiet the whole night. And day. Don't think I haven't noticed.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but seemed to think better of it, and closed it again. She tilted her head to the side a bit, and a soft, sweet smile bloomed on her lips.

“Come on. Chug it,” she gestured to the cup in his hand.

He widened his eyes. “What?”

“Chug it. I’ll do it with you.” She took the cigarette from his fingers, took a pull, and stubbed it out on the window ledge. He blinked, looking caught off guard by her determined movements. A large grin took over her face, and she bumped their cups cups together, giving him a wink. “Cheers.”

Lily closed her eyes and downed the cup, feeling the burn of alcohol prickling down her throat. Cup empty, she gave a noise of satisfaction, of ceased thirst. She looked over at Remus the moment the boy removed the cup from his lips. She smiled greatly again.

She got up and stood practically over the boy, taking his head in both hands and shaking it viciously, like a rattle.

“Oi!” He called through a laugh once she let him go, taking his fingertips up to his forehead.

She shrugged, “Helps sinking in better.”

“Aha!” James appeared back in the room, holding out four records. All Bowie. “Straight from Padfoot’s treasured collection.”

“More like shrine,” Marlene teased, receiving a shove on the ribs from said boy.

James made his way to the record player, “We have here Young Americans, Aladdin Sane, Diamond Dogs and Pinups. What are we feeling, lads?”

In practical unison, they all requested Young Americans. James grinned, and turned to place the vinyl in. When Bowie’s voice filled in the room, Lily smiled at Remus, and grabbed his hand, making him stand up.

_They pulled in just behind the fridge_

_He lays her down, he frowns_

_Gee my life's a funny thing, am I still too young?_

“Mary!” She called, and the girl came in the instant. “Take a photo of us.”

“Lily...” He started.

“Shush,” she said to him, and then turned to the girl with a big smile. “Go, Mary.”

Lily wrapped both of her arms around his waist, “Smile, you wanker.” She propped herself higher on her tiptoes, kissing his cheeks for the picture. She could feel his smile.

Once Mary had taken the picture and left, she gave him a light nudge on the ribs.

“Did it hurt?” She teased, referring to the photo.

He chuckled, blinking heavily already.

The alcohol was really having its effect on her, as well, because a sudden wave of emotion and that drunk sort of tenderness washed over her, and she wrapped her arms around him again, tightly, burying her face on his chest.

“I love you, you idiot,” she said. “Even when you are an oblivious fucker and I have to fight the urge to punch you right in your face.”

Remus laughed loudly, and wrapped his arms around her, too. He kissed the top of her head. “Love you too, Lilyflower. Even when I know you want to punch me right in my face.”

**-REMUS-**

Remus was sure Mary had gone out of her two rolls of film in that very night. And if she hadn't, she certainly had been one picture away from it. She snapped photos of everything and everyone; James and Lily kissing; James and Lily dancing; Lily on James’ lap; James and Marlene drinking straight from the bottles; Peter laying drunkenly on the ground in a starfish position; the four Marauders in a hug; Sirius and James laying on top of each other on the couch; Sirius by himself, posing with every object at his reach; Sirius and Lily; Marlene and Lily; Sirius and him...

Yes, _Sirius and him._ He had actually allowed those pictures. Yes, it was more than one. From what he could remember, it had been four; a relatively normal one, where they just smiled at the camera from the couch they were sitting on (too closely together, Remus recalled); one where Remus had told him a joke over a cigarette, and Sirius grabbed on his shoulder to steady himself. Fucking Mary, showed up like a hawk in that very moment. Another one, where Sirius was practically towering over him as he tried to get Remus, who was back to sitting on the couch, to dance with him to ‘Right’. Remus had wanted to die. It had been the song Sirius had caught him dancing to back at their dorm. He hoped dearly that, for some reason, that one singular photo would be printed colorless -- that way his crimson cheeks wouldn't be eternalized in a piece of glossy paper.

And the other, that in Remus’ opinion was the worst one, was a picture of Sirius kissing his cheek. The reason behind it, he couldn't remember -- maybe it had been the alcohol, maybe it had been because whenever Sirius was around his brain would turn all fuzzy. Well, he’d never know.

And now he was once again back to sitting on the bloody couch. Sirius (who had a tie wrapped around his head, for some reason) and Mary were dancing to ‘Time’ (the turntable now played Bowie’s Aladdin Sane record -- Remus and Sirius’ favourite); James and Lily snogging hungrily on of the armchairs and Peter and Marlene both sat on the carpet. Peter looked green on the face -- poor chap had been the one who had the most to drink, and Marlene was bouncing her head drunkenly to the beat of the song.

_Breaking up is hard, but keeping dark is hateful_

_I had so many dreams, I had so many breakthroughs_

_But you, my love, were kind_

“I _knew_ there was a party going on down here!” A distinct voice suddenly called, and they all turned to look.

“Lovie!” Mary lunched herself into her girlfriend’s arms, tripping along the way.

Mia chuckled, arms around Mary’s waist, “Christ, how much have you had to drink?”

Mary didn't respond, and instead gave her a fierce kiss.

“Cheers for inviting me, fuckers,” Mia sneered once they pulled apart.

“Aw, Mia, you know we love you,” Sirius said.

“Dorcas didn't come too,” Marlene added.

“How come, Marls?” Lily asked the girl. “Forgot to ask.”

She shrugged and huffed out a laugh, “Wanted to stay in and study, the weirdo.”

Mary was whispering something in her girlfriend's ear, whose cheeks had taken a dark red hue. Mia gave her a smirk, and slid an arm around her waist.

“We’re going to bed, lads!” Mary announced.

“ _‘Bed,’_ ” Sirius teased. ‘Time’ transitioned into ‘The Prettiest Star’, and as if Sirius knew that was the song that always made Remus think about him, he slumped down on the spot beside him on the couch. Marvelous.

The two girls giggled, and they waved their goodbyes as they climbed up the staircase.

James and Lily resumed the snogging, and the four others stayed in silence as they enjoyed the song.

_Staying back in your memory_

_Are the movies in the past_

_How you moved is all it takes_

_To sing a song of when I loved_

_The prettiest star_

Peter stood up with difficulty, his legs trembling.

“Sorry, lads, but I have to go,” he said, hoarsely. “I don't think I’ll last too long before having to chuck up...”

He waved at them half-heartedly, his head down and tripping over his feet. After a moment, James let out a deep sigh.

“I reckon I should go take care of him. Godric knows if he actually managed to get to the toilet first.”

He gently slid from under Lily, and gave her another brief kiss before saying his good night and exiting the room.

Lily stood up, and Remus started to feel desperate.

“I’m off to bed, too, then. Marls?”

“Actually, I think I'm going for a spliff at the Astronomy Tower...” She said, standing up.

“Spliff? Can I come?” Lily asked hopefully.

“I only have one left. S’why I’m going up there. Don't have to share.”

Lily nodded sadly, and her eyes flickered towards the two boys.

Remus shot her a look of anguish. _‘Please, don't go... don't leave me alone with him...’_

She barely acknowledged it, and gave them both a smile. The two girls parted and left the room in opposite ways, and Remus and Sirius were met with pure silence but for David Bowie’s lyrics.

_One day though it might as well be someday_

_You and I will rise up all the way_

_All because of what you are_

Sirius rested his head on the top backseat of the couch, exposing his neck. Remus couldn't look. He _couldn't look._

“I love when we do these things,” he said after a long moment, halfway into ‘Let’s Spend the Night Together’.

“What things?”

“These little parties we have. Just us. I love the big ones we throw but... These are my favourites, by far.”

Remus nodded slowly. Sirius lolled his head to the side to face him, and gave him a smile that made his insides turn.

_They said we were too young_

_Our kind of love was no fun_

_But our love comes from above_

_Do it, let's make love_

“I loved those photos MacDonald took of us,” Sirius said, rather softly. “Wonder if she’ll let me have one of them once they're printed.”

“Good luck trying to fight with Prongs over it. He’ll want to frame it, surely,” Remus said.

“No. Those photos of _us._ Of you and me.”

Remus met his eyes, and they were twinkling with something he couldn't quite name. “Oh,” he managed out.

‘The Jean Genie’ then blasted through the room, and Remus desperately wanted something to do with his hands. He started tapping his fingers on his thigh to the beat of the song.

Sirius huffed out a laugh.

“What?” Remus asked.

The boy shrugged, shaking his head. “Nothing. Nothing _at all_ ,” he said, emphasising the T dramatically.

_He's so simple minded_

_He can't drive his module_

_He bites on the neon_

_And sleeps in a capsule_

_Loves to be loved_

_Loves to be loved_

Sirius was bouncing his head to the song. It wasn't quite a silence due to the music, but it felt like one. It felt like a torturing, enduring one.

“You’re awfully quiet today.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. Anything wrong?”

Remus shook his head, perhaps a bit too aggressively. “No. No. Nothing at all,” he said, mirroring Sirius’ previous tone as he repeated the same words.

It made him laugh.

_Jean Genie, lives on his back_

_The Jean Genie, loves chimney stacks_

_He's outrageous, he screams and he bawls_

_Jean Genie, let yourself go!_

“Oh, Moony Moon Moon, what am I going to do wit-”

He stopped talking at the instant Mike Garson soaring piano echoed through the room, and stood up at the second. ‘Lady Grinning Soul’.

He put out his hand. “Come on, dance with me.”

Remus widened his eyes, looking up at him. He snorted, “Ha. No.”

“Come on, Moony, you can't deny me a Bowie!”

“I’ve already denied you a Bowie,” he said, referring to the two times Sirius practically begged him to dance with him to ‘Right’.

“Exactly. You can't do it three times.” Sirius spoke hurriedly, surely not wanting to miss the song.

Remus snorted again, shaking his head. Sirius then grabbed his wrist and pulled him forcefully to his feet, their chests bumping together.

He gave him a wicked smile. Their noses were almost touching. “On your feet.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius placed his hand on the small of his back, the other laced with his.

“Hand on my shoulder.”

“Sirius-”

“Hand on my shoulder.”

Remus sighed, defeated. A smile was creeping into his lips, and he fought to suppress it as he obeyed Sirius’ request. _‘Okay. Let’s do this, then. It can't possibly kill me.’_

Sirius’ smile broadened as he did so, and he felt his heart skip a thousand beats.

_She'll come, she'll go_

Sirius guided him through the room, his pureblood manners coming to surface with his perfect ballroom dancing. Remus wanted to kill him.

Remus didn't remember ever being this close to him. He was agonisingly beautiful, it was almost ridiculous. His marble carved features; his cool grey eyes that at the same time were so warm it seemed against nature. His lips were pink and gleaming from drinking, his cheeks with heart-melting dimples as he smiled at Remus. Just at him, and only for him.

_Skin sweet with musky oil_

_The lady from another grinning soul_

Their chests were pressed together. Remus wondered if the rapid heartbeat was just his own or if for some unknown reason Sirius’ matched his too.

They twirled around as they waltzed, Sirius guiding him all the way. He stepped on the boy’s feet a couple of times, being his awkward self, but every time he shot him an apologetic look, Sirius’ smile broadened, and his legs felt like they were made of jelly.

_And when the clothes are strewn_

_Don't be afrai-ai-aid of the room_

_Touch the fullness of her breast_

_Feel the love of her caress_

_She will be your living end_

It hurt, in a way. Remus knew -- had always known -- that it would always be like this. They would dance around each other, quite literally, and stop there. How many moments had been broken? How many moments had they lost? How many times were they on the cusp of something, and then suddenly they weren't anymore?

And it would always be like this. It was pathetic, he knew. But it was true.

Sirius would be his living end.

_She'll come, she'll go_

_She'll lay belief on you_

_But she won't stake her life on you_

_How can life become her point of view?_

Remus couldn't help but laugh in spite of himself every time Sirius twirled him too hard, practically sending him flying across the room.

It was better than what he had imagined it to be, dancing with Sirius. It was such a silly thing -- just dancing. Friends dance with each other. But this was intimate. Remus knew it would be intimate, that's why he turned it down every time.

Being this close to each other, hand in hand. Sirius’ eyes didn't part from his not even for a split second, it was as if they were glued together, and it sobered him all up, as if he hadn't had a single drop of alcohol. The warm of his hand on his back was comforting, soft. Their hands fitted so perfectly together it bordered on annoying.

_And when the clothes are strewn_

_Don't be afrai-ai-aid of the room_

_Touch the fullness of her breast_

_Feel the love of her caress_

_She will be your living end_

“When I say go, you go.”

“What?!”

“I’ll hold your hand. Just spring apart, and then you whirl back in.”

“Sirius-”

“Go!”

He gave Remus a little push, and they sprung apart, arms stretched out as their hands still held each other.

Sirius grinned, “Now whirl back in.”

_She will be your living end_

_She will be your living end_

Remus did, half-heartedly, and Sirius’ arms wrapped around him as his back met the boy’s chest, his other hand meeting his free one. Sirius chuckled, and he chuckled, leaning forward.

And then he looked over his shoulder and met his eyes again, and the atmosphere changed.

_She will be your living end_

_She will be your living end_

They were frozen in place, still clutching together. Sirius’ feet weren't moving anymore, and so weren't Remus’, and their eyes bored into each other, utterly locked as Bowie’s voice faded away, and they were met with silence, the record coming to an end.

Remus teared apart.

He couldn't dare to meet Sirius’ eyes again, at least not for the rest of the night. He could feel the heat of his neck creeping up to his cheeks.

They were about two strides apart now, standing awkwardly in front of each other. In complete silence.

He looked down at his feet and scratched his head after what felt like too long of a moment.

“Thanks for the... erm,” he tried through a nervous laugh, rubbing his thighs for something to do with his hands, “for the dance, Pads... hope you’re happy now that I’ve finally-”

He briefly registered Sirius mumbling an _“Oh, fuck it”_ under his breath, and barely had time to look up as Sirius cupped his face with his two hands and crashed their lips together.

Remus responded almost immediately, parting his lips for Sirius to slide his tongue inside. He gripped on the boy’s forearms for a moment, then drawing his hands down to hold onto his waist.

It was as if no one else existed, as if nothing else mattered in the world except for the warmth and familiarity of their bodies together; of the feel of Sirius’ mouth against his.

Nothing had ever felt like this before. No kiss had ever been like this. Not even a mere touch. With so many words between them, with so much desire, desperation, time wasted. With so much passion.

He couldn't think, it was like his brain had suddenly stopped working, and all he could focus on was Sirius.

Sirius was kissing him.

It was deep, at first; hungry. But then it transitioned into sweet, soft, lovingly. Sirius had his fingers buried into Remus’ hair, now dragging them down to the base of his neck.

They teared apart slowly, pressing their foreheads together. Remus had his eyes closed, drinking from the moment, aware of the slight frown between his eyebrows. And when Sirius brought up his hand up to his cheeks again, running circles with his thumb, he felt like melting all over again.

Sirius pulled his head back a bit, and their eyes met once again. Remus gave him a small smile, and Sirius returned it for a moment before his expression changed, and he sprung apart completely, looking mortified.

“Rem, I’m... Oh my god, I’m...” He pressed his fingers to his lips, and Remus felt his stomach sink, “I’m so sorry, I... I shouldn't have done that...”  


“Sirius, no, it’s...” he took a step forward, meaning to complete the sentence as he did so, but stopped as Sirius also took a step back.

Sirius shook his head, and Remus probably just imagined his eyes were gleaming.

“I... I’m sorry, I... I shouldn't have...” He started turning away, “I’m sorry... I’m...”

And he left the room, climbing through the portrait hole.

**-MARLENE-**

The warm breeze of late April winded through Marlene. She had been up at the Astronomy tower for a while now, enjoying the peace and quiet. She was almost done with her joint now, a gift from Dorcas, and was starting to consider getting up to go to bed.

That was until someone suddenly sprung in, mumbling something inaudible under their breath.

She tutted as she stub the spliff out -- there was at least five more pulls, but it could be Filch, and she didn't want to get into even more trouble than she already would just by being up there at that hour.

The person turned around the corner. Sirius.

“Black?” She called, looking up at him, “What are you doing here?”

He paced back and forth, hands over his face, still muttering something. She stood up, worried now.

“Sirius, what happened?”

No answer.

“Sirius, look at me.”

No answer again, and she grabbed his wrists and pulled them down, revealing his face. His cheeks and lips were red, but his face was of utter horror.

“McKinnon, I just did something really bad,” he strangled out.

“To who?”

“Remus.”

“Did you two fight?”

He shook his head, “Worse.”

“Did you say something offensive?”

“Worse.”

“Did you hex him?”

He shook his head again, squeezing his eyes shut. “Worse.”

“Bloody hell, Sirius, did you fucking kill him?!”  


He looked up at her and met her eyes.

“I kissed him.”

She let go of his wrists instantly, and her mouth fell open.

“Oh,” she said, weakly. “Oh my god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D !!!!  
> my friends who know me probably had an idea of what would go down as soon as Lady Grinning Soul appeared -- my all time favorite David Bowie song, it was only natural for me to save it for a special moment such as this. i had this scene planned out for the LONGEST time, and i'm so excited to finally share it.  
> (and please, please, don’t kill me.....)


	27. Chapter 27: Idiots, Tossers and Pricks

**-SIRIUS-**

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Marlene soothed. “Here, sit. Breathe.”

Calm down.

_Calm down?!_

There was no way Sirius could simply _calm down._ What had be been thinking?!

Well, clearly, he hadn't been thinking at all.

It had been a trying couple of months. Being around Moony, talking to Moony, sharing a cigarette with Moony... Sometimes it felt like Sirius was just going to combust.

And then he found himself in the same situation he had already been before.

Remus was _right there._

His cheeks pink, lips forming a smile, amber eyes shining just for him. And any remains of critical thinking Sirius had left simply dissolved into thin air, and he didn't have time to stop himself before grasping the boy's face and pulling their lips together into the one thing he had not been able to stop thinking about for what felt like ages. He kissed Remus, and Remus kissed him back, as if he had been waiting for it, too.

It was all so perfect, a sappy cliché. They fitted together as if they were two puzzle pieces. It was perfect. _Too_ perfect.

And then Sirius met his eyes, and it all downed on him. What the fuck had he just done.

Just kissing Remus, as if it was nothing? As if he just _could?_

Everything would change now. Remus would know about his feelings, and would hit him with a simple ‘No, thanks, mate. Appreciate it, though.’

But he kissed him back...

No, no he couldn't have possibly. That would've been too perfect. And things never went perfectly for Sirius. Things were never just easy for him.

He surely had just imagined it. Remus Lupin had _not_ kissed Sirius Black back.

“Okay, tell me exactly what happened.”

And he did. He told Marlene everything he could remember, with every detail he could recall. By the time he had finished, he longed for a cigarette more than anything. Or perhaps Remus'lips against his again.

“Wait, so this was all _now?_ ” She asked, her tone harder than before.

He nodded. “Yes.”

“You kissed him _now?!_ ”

He nodded again.

“And you just left him standing there?!”

Another nod, and shame flooded through him as he saw her widening her eyes in his peripheral vision.

“You fucking idiot!” She gave him a hard punch on the arm, making him yelp. “I could kill you right now! How- How could you- Oh my god, Sirius!”

She continued to punch his arm. It didn't hurt, necessarily, but if she kept doing it continuously it would start to, at some point.

“Stop! Stop!” He cried out.

She backed away, breathing heavily.

“What the fuck is the matter with you?!” She asked, furiously.

“I- I don’t know, I freaked out! I couldn't think, I... He would've rejected me if I stayed there any longer.”

“You said he kissed you back!”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, blinking at her. “I... I think I imagined it...”

“Do you want _me_ to kiss you so you know what kissing someone back feels like?!” She said, and when he quirked an eyebrow, she shot him a death glare, “Don't even consider it.”

Sirius huffed, frustrated. They were sitting on the stone-cold floor now, back against the wall, and he rubbed his face with his palms.

“I can’t believe you,” Marlene complained, her tone incredulous and fed up. “Honestly, after all the work I had to put in...”

“What?” He dropped his hands from his face, looking over at her with wide, bemused eyes. “What do you mean ‘work’?”

She sighed, looking ahead. “I’ve been trying to get you two arseholes together since New Years-”

_“New Years?!”_

“Well, _yeah,_ ” she said as if it was obvious. “But that was when I actually did something about it. I already knew you liked him way before that...”

“What- what do you mean-”

She let out a deep exhaled, impatiently. “Remember James’ cousin? That Lizzy girl?”

He nodded, and she looked over at him at last, raising a pointed eyebrow.

“No...”

“Mhm.”

“You didn't...”

“Yes, yes I did,” she said, looking proud. “Pulled her aside and asked for a little favor, which later on became two but, she was actually quite happy to help -- didn't even ask for money or anything. She really is a Potter, after all... You would've definitely asked for something in return.”

He blinked, “Wh- two?”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “You weren't the only idiot who refused to admit their feelings for a certain someone. At first I just asked her to flirt with Mia, but then Remus arrived and I just thought,” she gave a nonchalant shrug, “ _‘why not?’_ ”

He gasped, “You cow! Don't you have a girlfriend to, I dunno, go make out with?”

“Yes, but in the meantime...” She smirked. “And it worked, didn't it? You and Mary were furious.”

Sirius shook his head, laughing in spite of himself. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Yeah, sure, _I’m_ the unbelievable one here...”

That took him back to what had led him up there in the first place, and he growled loudly, covering his face with hands again. “Fuck, what am I gonna do?”

“I don’t know, I never ran away after kissing the person I liked.”

When he gave another vexatious grunt, she sighed. “I think you should talk to him, for once.”

“I really don't want to be rejected, McKinnon. It doesn't suit me.”

“Oh please, if you're gonna be annoying get your arse somewhere else! I’m really not planning on going grey by my thirties.”

“But-”

“He likes you, you stupid git!” She snapped.

He uncovered his face at once, and something lit up inside of him. “What?”

Marlene huffed. “He likes you, if that wasn't obvious already. Lily told me.”

“And you didn't think about telling me?!”

“She would've killed me! And she didn't tell Remus that you like him, so I couldn't.”

“So Evans knows?!”

“Of course she knows! She’s known for the longest time. I barely had to tell her anything, just confirm her suspicions. You two are not that subtle, y’know.”

He blinked, agape, trying to process everything. Moony liked him?! As in ‘feels the same way’?!

“McKinnon, are you sure-”

“For fuck's sake, Sirius, he kissed you back! You two bloody _waltzed_ to _Bowie_! Pressed your foreheads together! That’s the queerest, most sappiest shit I’ve ever heard of, and I’m quite a lesbian myself. I can't believe you still have doubts about this.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just...” He said, defensively, “It’s hard to believe it...”

“Well, but you better, ‘cause it’s very much true,” she said, sternly, giving him a look. “Christ, I can't believe _I_ have to be the one who has to convince you that someone likes you. I love you, but I’m not the kind of friend for this. I’m not this patient, and you’re pushing my limits.”

He finally let himself laugh now, and she followed along, giving him a light nudge on the ribs.

“Thinking about telling James soon?” She asked after a moment of silence, her tone much softer and careful now.

Sirius sighed, and stared ahead. “I was considering it... But now I feel like I’ll have to tell him this Remus thing too and... I dunno. He’ll either think it’s absolutely brilliant or tell me to snap out of it -- he’s really protective over Moony,” he finished with an under-breath chuckle.

“I think the first option is much more likely,” she said, voice uncharacteristically sweet.

He squinted at her, a smile playing on his lips. “Whatcha being so nice for? Even told me you love me.”

Marlene gasped, giving him a hard shove, which made him laugh loudly. “Fucking prick. See, this is why I never save my kindness for you.”

He continued to laugh, and he could hear her giggles through his cackles. When he regained composure, she resumed, “But anyway. You don’t have to tell him the Remus thing immediately, y’know. Tell him that you’re queer, and when you feel ready, tell him the rest. I just think that, knowing how you and James are, he’d be upset if you didn't tell him.”

He exhaled sharply. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I know,” she said smugly.

**-REMUS-**

Remus was furious.

And utterly confused.

Mostly furious.

He would've been happy. Glad. Because, honestly, _finally._

He was confused to _why_ it had happened. Sirius kissed him. _Sirius._ All he had to do was... kiss back. All this time, their kiss, if it ever happened, went completely different inside his head. _He_ would've been the one to have kissed Sirius, recklessly, without thinking it through. Sirius would've pulled away; maybe laugh at him, maybe get mad. But in his imagination, Sirius was never the one who had initiated the kiss.

And he ran away. Left Remus alone, standing there.

He couldn't understand _what_ had happened. What had gone wrong. Had he done something? Had the kiss been bad? Had Sirius immediately regret it?

He couldn't remember anything going wrong. It had actually gone perfectly. So, so much better than he could've ever imagined.

If the kiss was bad then, well, for his part he couldn't know. He never had any complaints from anyone, though.

Maybe Sirius had just regretted it. As soon as he had looked at him, had realised it had been a mistake.

It hadn't been a mistake for Remus. Not even close. Not at first, at least.

But Sirius had made him see that, perhaps, it had been.

Maybe Sirius had been right to run off.

It would never work, anyway. Why bother lingering.

Remus had gone straight to bed. Though not straight to sleep.

He tossed and turned for hours, his heart never ceasing to thump rapidly against his chest. When he heard Sirius walking in the room, he could feel his pulse at his throat, his stomach sinking through the floor. He wanted to get up and punch him. Ask him what the bloody hell he was playing at. He wanted to kiss him all over again, and don't stop for hours.

But he did nothing. He stayed in bed, restless, looking up at the velvet drapes, waiting for the tiniest bit of tiredness to kick in so he could clung to it and get at least a bit of sleep. It took him forever, but eventually he drifted off.

He woke up to James’ whistling.

“Morning, gentlemen!” He chirped, and a loud indignant growl could be heard from behind Peter’s curtains.

“Oh don't be like that, Petey,” he said cheerfully, and Remus heard his drapes parting. “Come on, mate, we’ll be late for breakfast. You'll be good as new with some food in you.” The steps turned to his direction, and his curtains opened, James poking his head inside with a maniac grin on his face, “Wakey wakey, Moon-boy.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too.”

Remus sat up slowly, yawning and stretching.

“What the... Where’s Padfoot?”

“What?” Remus asked, suddenly wide awake.

“Padfoot,” James said, “he’s not in his bed. Did he ever come up last night, Moony?”

Remus swallowed. “Y-yeah. He did.”

“Hmph. Weird. Let me just,” James walked over to his nightstand, grabbing the map and murmuring the incantation. After a few beats, “Ha, he’s already at the Great Hall. That’s a first. And the girls are with him.” He put the parchment down and clapped his hands together merrily, “Alright, men. Up!”

Remus was glad, actually, that Sirius had gone down for breakfast before them. For one, he wouldn't have the chance to accidentally bump into him on his way to the loo. For another, that if maybe by the time they arrived, he would already be gone.

No such luck.

“Good morning, lads,” James grinned, placing a firm kiss atop Lily’s head and taking his spot next to her.

“Buggering Christ, Potter, can you keep your voice down?” Mary whined, head in her hands.

Remus took his seat strategically; as far away from Sirius as possible -- though it wasn't as far as he would fancy, still being able to see the boy perfectly fine. Sirius was sat next to Marlene, and was chatting casually with her until the three other boys walked in. Now, he was staring down at his plate, picking at his food.

He could feel Sirius’ eyes on him from time to time throughout the entirety of the meal, and sometimes even Marlene’s -- surely he had already told her everything. A few times, he heard an aggressive hissing between the two, though he couldn't make out any of the words.

That reminded him of something he ought to do. Lily.

Once they were all done with breakfast, Sirius and Marlene took the lead with leaving the hall; Sirius walking out hurriedly, Marlene trying to keep up. Mary went over to Mia, and Peter, James and Lily started standing up.

“Oi, Lily,” Remus called, getting to his feet. James and Lily looked back at him, hand in hand. “Can you, erm, wait a bit?”

She gave him a small smile with a nod, and unlaced her hand with James’ and the two boys exited the hall.

“What’s up?”

He shook his head, walking slowly to make sure no one was waiting behind. “Nothing.”

“Remus. I thought we’d’ve already gone through this ‘nothing is wrong’ thing.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before looking around at the mass of students surrounding them. He grabbed on her elbow and scurried them out of the hall, settling for an empty corner on the corridor.

“Ow!” She yanked her arm from his grasp. “What's the need for such aggress-”

“He’s not as straight as I thought,” he spit out, hurriedly.

Lily’s eyes bulged out, and her jaw fell open. “What?!”

He breathed in deeply, letting his eyes fall shut for a quick second. “He’s... not as. Straight. As I thought.”

“Remus...” She said, slowly, though he could see the glint of bright expectation in her eyes, “What’s that supposed to mean-”

“He kissed me. Last night.”

Lily immediately leaped, letting out a shriek and wrapping her arms around his neck. He chuckled, despite himself.

“Oh my god,” she teared apart, “Oh my god, Rem! Did you two talk?! Did he tell you how he feels?! Tell me everything!”

“That’s... that’s the thing. We didn't talk. He ran off.”

Lily’s face fell. “What?!”

And then he told her everything, detail by detail.

“That prick!” She hissed, angrily. “I can't believe him!”

Remus breathed out a humorless laugh, giving her a nod.

“So what now?”

“Well, I don't bloody know, I’m furious.”

“You have all the right to be! I’d be too.”

He sighed sharply. “Maybe he just regretted it...”

Lily gave him a light slap across the chest, “No such thing! I’m sure he didn't. Trust me.”

He analyzed her face for a bit. “You don't think...”

“Oh, I don't think. I _know._ ”

He went quiet, and rubbed his forehead. There was no way, was there? Someone like Sirius couldn't possibly feel the same. Someone like Sirius couldn't possibly fancy someone like Remus. It just seemed impossible. So much that it made him want to laugh.

Lily touched his arm. “Talk to him,” she said, softly.

**-JAMES-**

James and Peter had just entered the common room, discussing about whether they should use an exotic, explosive plant Sprout had showed Peter and his NEWT-levels class the previous week or just settle for the good old classic dungbombs for their next prank against the Slytherins. From what Peter had told, the plant wasn't toxic or anything of the sort, so they wouldn't have any trouble, but pinching it from the greenhouses would be a work they were not quite up for, being that the plant was also extremely loud if you didn't manage it correctly, so they would probably end up just settling for the dungbombs.

Marlene and Sirius were sitting at the couch, whispering feverishly. The girl had a stern look on her face, and Sirius was picking at his fingernails, uneasy.

They looked up at the two boys, and James gave them a warm smile, “Alright?”

Sirius gave a brief nod, his eyes missing the charming twinkle it always had. James tilted his head at him, frowning a bit. There was something wrong.

Marlene got to her feet, “Fancy a game of chess, Pete?”

Peter smiled, “Go on then.”

The boy headed to a table in the corner of the room, and Marlene gave Sirius’ shoulder a light squeeze before following after him.

Sirius was looking ahead at the fireplace, not meeting James’ eyes.

“Pads?”

The long haired boy looked up at him, his eyebrows drawn together.

“Everything alright, mate?”

Sirius nodded shortly, and got to his feet, approaching him. “Can we talk?” He said, quietly. “Upstairs.”

James saw fear in his eyes, and worry flooded through him, along with the same protective instinct he usually had regarding his friend. His brother. The instinct that took over him the previous summer in the middle of the night as Sirius knocked on his front door, scared and small.

“Of course.”

Once in their dorm, James sat on his bed. Sirius paced back and forth, biting at his nails anxiously.

“Sirius, what’s wrong? You’re worrying me. Did something happen?”

Sirius stopped, and widened his eyes at him for a moment. He softened his gaze by a tad bit, “It’s, uhm. Nothing is _wrong,_ exactly, erm. It’s just... I- I, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

Sirius stared at him, eyes startled, biting his lip. He opened his mouth a few times, but no word seemed to come out.

“Sirius, what’s going on-”

“It’s nothing, James, really...”

“You’re concerning me-”

“James-”

“Sirius-”

“I’m gay.”

Dead silence.

Sirius’s eyes burned into his, gleaming. He sighed with finality. “I’m gay,” he repeated, a considerable amount of his usual confidence returning to his voice, though his voice was still falling short. “That’s... that’s what I wanted to tell you.”

James just blinked, agape.

“Please, say something...”

He blinked again, and got to his feet, approaching the boy across the room.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me, then?” The beginnings of a smile creeped onto his lips.

Sirius gave a short nod, looking quizzical.

James barked out a happy laugh, and pulled the boy into one of his famous bone-crushing hugs, squeezing him tightly. Sirius didn't return the embrace immediately, like he usually did, and James could feel his hands shaking as they touched his back.

James pulled apart after a long moment, “Mate, that’s bloody brilliant!”

“Really?” Sirius breathed out.

“Yeah! I’m so happy for you!”

“S-so it doesn't change anything?”

“Pfft, are you joking?” He waved a hand dismissively, “Of course not, you tosspot! Why would it ever?”

“I- I dunno, I...”

“Are you hurting anyone?”

Sirius shook his head.

“Are you still Sirius?”

He nodded.

“Are you _happy?_ ”

He nodded again, more confidently.

James grinned, “So there you go. It doesn't change anything because there's nothing to be changed. As long as you're still Padfoot, you’ll always, and forever, be my brother. Nothing will ever change that.”

Sirius smile greatly, “Aw, you sappy git!”

The boy pulled him into his own hug this time, and James was only too pleased to return.

Once they teared apart, they smiled at each other like the two little kids they once were, and for a moment, it felt like they were them again.

“Oh, bugger!” James slapped his forehead.

Sirius widened his eyes, his smile washing away.

“We’re in disadvantage now!” He said, and Sirius tilted his head, confused. “In the friend group! It used to be half and half, you see. Now we have five queers, and only three straights.”

Sirius blinked at him, and James grinned from ear to ear as the other boy huffed out a laugh, giving his shoulder a hard shove. “Idiot.”

“Tosser.”

James’ humorous smile transitioned into a kind, warm one, and he looked at his friend with eyes full of fondness.

“I love you. That will never change.”

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully, and smiled back, “I love you too.”

James sighed contently. “So. Pete was telling me about this plant Sprout showed them-”

The door suddenly sprung open, and both boys turned their heads.

Remus stood by the doorway, the remains of what was a smile ceasing in his features, and his lips formed a straight line as his eyes barely met James’ and went straight to Sirius’.

“S-sorry, I just wanted to get my...”

He motioned to head to his side of the dorm, but Sirius stepped forward. He wasn't in his way whatsoever, but it made the boy stop in his tracks.

“Moony, uhm. Can we... talk?”

Remus swallowed, and after a few beats gave the briefest of nods. James would've probably missed it if he hadn't been paying close attention. Suddenly it felt like he was interrupting something.

He looked back at Sirius, who jerked his head slightly at the door. Leave.

It was his time to tell Moony, now.

“Right,” he said under his breath, and gave the two boys a smile before heading to the door.

He clapped his hand on Remus’ shoulder as he walked past him, and saw the boy wince at the strength of it.

“Big news, huh?” He whispered excitedly to him.

“Ha,” Remus snorted.

James quirked an eyebrow, but payed it no mind. As he turned around to leave, he gave Sirius a thumbs up for encouragement, remembering how nervous he was to tell him. Sirius just blinked.

Remus stepped further into the room, and James out, clicking the door shut after him.


End file.
